The nightmares never stopped coming.
Nya opened her eyes and silently gasped for air. She felt sticky all over. Their room was too humid; too warm. Her husband had curled his fingers into her shirt. He wasn't going to let go, she knew. It was one of those nights.
Those nights were sometimes mild, when she'd wake up to find his hands clinging to the blankets and his breathing heavier than normal, and all she needed to do was take his hands in hers and whisper I'm still here until he calmed down.
Those nights were sometimes awful, when he clutched her to him so tightly she couldn't breathe and murmured I wish, I wish, I wish into her hair, when she sometimes had to wake him and hold him as he sobbed. Those nights made her angry; angry at all those stupid pirates and at the universe for refusing to just let them be happy.
Then there were nights like tonight, when he was fine as long as he held her. On those nights she lay awake until morning, listening to his breaths and stroking his hair.
On those nights, she always remembered their first.
It had been the night of their wedding. Too tired to do much after the reception, they'd gone to bed right away.
Jay was out in minutes. Nya, however, found herself wide awake. She occupied herself by staring at her wedding ring as it glinted in the moonlight that shone through the hotel windows. Then her husband had rolled over in his sleep and latched himself to her, pulling her close to his chest.
She lay very still, unsure of what to do. They hadn't cuddled much in the years before they got married, though Jay made it no secret that cuddling was something he enjoyed. Nya had known they would get a lot more physical now that they were wed and yet there was something about this hug that didn't seem right.
She placed her left hand over his and closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of his wedding band beneath her fingers. She found it hard to sleep that night.
Their second night together, it happened again.
Nya had almost fallen asleep when she felt him pull her toward him and bury his face in her shoulder. His breathing sounded ragged, but she lay still and he calmed down.
Her arm fell asleep. Nya, trying to ignore the worry beginning to crawl up her spine, did not.
The third night it happened, she tried to act. She gently detangled his arms from hers and eased herself away from him.
It had only been a small distance, but the instant she left his grasp, Jay awoke, sitting upright.
Nya stared at him. He stared back, his face shiny with sweat.
"Jay," she croaked, sitting up.
"I'm sorry I woke you," he said. "Go back to sleep."
"You didn't wake me," she told him. "I was already awake. Are you okay?"
He nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Why were you up?"
She didn't want to tell him that he had been keeping her awake, even if it was partly true. "I was worried," she confessed.
Jay turned to face her, drawing his knees up to his chest. "What about?"
Nya searched his face. He looked exhausted, as though he'd been sleeping less than her, though she knew he'd slept when she didn't. "You," she finally answered.
He gave her a tired smile. "You have no reason to be worried about me."
"I think I do," she said. "Have you been having nightmares?"
His smile disappeared and he sighed. "Yes," he admitted. "I thought they would go away. I guess I was wrong."
She didn't have to ask what his nightmares were about. She'd had them before, about flying ships and pirates and a wedding dress she hadn't wanted to wear.
His had to be much worse, full of giant spiders and four-armed genies and death, so much death that Nya wouldn't be surprised if he never wanted to sleep again.
"I get them too," she whispered to him. "I had one the night before our wedding. The dress was hanging on my bedroom door and it reminded me too much of the last one I had to wear."
He rubbed his hands over his face, winding his fingers into his hair. "It reminded me of that too," he said. "The last time you wore a dress like that…" He took a deep breath. "You went to sleep and you almost didn't wake up."
Jay was staring over her shoulder at where her wedding dress hung on the bathroom door. Nya scooted over, blocking the dress from his line of sight.
"Look at me," she demanded.
He focused on her again.
"I'm gonna burn the dress," she said.
"Okay," he whispered.
"And then it'll be gone."
"Okay."
"But I'll still be here. Okay? I'm never going to leave you."
"Okay."
Then she pulled him close and laid down with his head over her heart, running her fingers through his hair until his breaths evened out and they both fell asleep.
Kai had been happy to burn the dress for them, but it hadn't stopped the nightmares; hadn't stopped those nights from happening like it happened tonight, years after the gown went up in flames.
Nya stared at the ceiling as she stroked Jay's head. Sometimes, when the worst of those nights tormented them, they went for days without sleep. They hit Jay harder than they hit her. She hated it.
Her wedding ring snagged a lock of Jay's hair and she stopped moving her fingers.
Even if the nightmares tortured them for another ten years, she would never regret her decision to marry him. The very idea of what these nights would be like if they were apart made Nya feel sick.
"I wish," Jay breathed, so softly that she almost missed it.
Slowly, tenderly, she tugged her wedding band free from his hair and kissed the top of his head.
His fingers loosened their grasp on her pajamas, but she didn't let him go.