Bionicle Epics

Book ∞

Parody Number One

Disclaimer: The following story is a sneak peak at book two, but is supposed to resemble the scene from the great comedy "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," with the taunting Frenchman. If after reading the story, you couldn't have figured that out, having seen the movie, wow. Anyways, we don't own any blah blah blah see other stories for real disclaimer. Thanks.

Eat your hearts out you blood sucking lawyers.

Bolderak walked up to the Brotherhood of Makuta's fortress. He was in search of the legendary Spears of Artakha, a pair of indestructible spears of great power. The third power to be precise. Accompanying him were his fellow teammates. Ignacis, Vortondu, Erotha, Glaysonis and several Matoran aids. They reached the fortress and found it completely empty.

"Hello!" called Bolderak. At first there was no response. He called again.

"Hello!"

"Allo? Who iz eet?" called a small Matoran (this phrase seems rather unnecessary seeing as all Matoran are the same height. Small.)

"It is I, Toa Bolderak and my fellow Toa Alphata. We are on a quest for the Spear of Artakha. Who fortress is this?"

"This iz the fortress of my master, the spirit of the Makuta!"

"Tell your master that if he is willing to give us food and shelter for the night, he may join us on our quest!"

"Well I'll ask 'im, but I don't think he'll be very keen. You see, he's already got a pair."

"What?" asked Bolderak.

"They say they've already got one." Said Vortondu.

"I told them wee already got one." The Matoran whisper to his fellow guards, who were hiding just out of sight. The guards snickered, stiffening their laughs so as not to be heard.

"Are you sure he's got one?" Bolderak called.

"Oh yez, eet iz very nize."

"Ah, can we, come up and have a look?"

"Of coarse not! You are of the followers of the Mata Nui types-a."

"Well what are you then?" Vortondu asked.

"I am a Makutain, why do you think I 'ave dis outrageous act-cen-tah!"

"Well what are you doing on Artakha?" Vortondu asked.

"Mind your own business!" the Matoran snapped.

"Look if you do not surrender the spears, we will take this fortress by force!"

"You do not frighten us, you Toa Muaka-Gukkos! Oh go and boil your armor you silly Toa warrrrrrrrioroirororssssss! THPPT! THPTT! THHHHUUUUPPPPT!"

"What a strange Matoran." Vortondu commented.

"Now look here young fire-spitter..."

"I do not want talk to you no more! You Kohli-headed Rahi food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your so called Great Spirit was really a Nui-Rama, and your first Toa smelt of elderberries!"

"Is there someone else up there we can talk to?" Vortondu called.

"No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!"

"Now this is your last chance!" Bolderak yelled up towards the guard, "We've been more then reasonable and if you do not agree to our commands then..."

At this moment there was a great snapping noise, like the worlds largest rubber band breaking in two.

"Mata Nui!" cried Bolderak. A large Usaal crab came flying over the castle wall straight at the Toa.

"Screw the spears, lets get out of here!" called Erotha

"No, we must fight! Charge! Unity! Duty! Destiny! Hey where did you guys go?" Bolderak turned to see his fellow Toa dragging Glaysonis away from the fortress. He seethed his weapons and chased after them.

"Let me go, I'll tear them to pieces!" Glaysonis growled.

"No, no. We should execute a more stealthy approach." Bolderak mumbled.

"Brother, I have a plan." Erotha called out. A smile floated across Bolderak's face.

Later:

The wind whipped over the barren landscape as the Matoran stood guard on top of the Brotherhood's fortress. A recent failed attack on it had put the master of shadows on high alert. The Matoran sat atop the tallest tower, looking and listing for any sign of the Toa Alphata. Suddenly, there was a loud CRASH followed by the sounds of shouts and frightened Rahi. The guards stood tense in their positions waiting. A loud squeaking noise came from the foggy landscape. The Matoran strained his ears to try and locate the source of the noise.

It was out of nowhere when a large, wooden Archive Mole came rolling out onto the plane. The Matoran motioned for his men to go and receive it. The guards ran down and inspected the Mole. Finding nothing, they wheeled it back into the fortress.

"Now what exactly is the plan?" asked Bolderak to Erotha, who were standing some fifty feet from the fortress walls.

"Well in the dead of night, Ignacis, Glaysonis and I will leap out of the Mole and catch the Brotherhood members completely off-guard. Not only off-guard, but completely unarmed as well!" said Erotha.

"Who leaps out of the mole?" asked Ignacis.

"Ah, you, Glaysonis and I will leap….out of the mole… and we'll….Well, if we built a large, wooden Phase Dragon…"

There was another loud snapping noise and the Toa turned to see the wooden archive mole flying through the air towards them.

"RUN AWAY!" they cried, as they fled towards the island's heart, the laughs of Makuta guards echoing all the way there.