Chapter One:
"MATTHEW, WHERE IS MY BIKINI? KIKU CALLED AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO THE BEACH TOMORROW AND-"
"Mathieu, mon cher – do you know where my favourite thong is? I have a job interview coming up and I simply cannot wear this dress without it!"
"Matthew, would you be a dear and go to the store? Your bloody sister used all of the -"
"I DIDN'T USE UP ALL THE TAMPONS!"
"YES YOU DID – AND STOP YELLING!"
"BUT YOU'RE YELLING. JESUS, SIS, YOU'RE SUCH A HYPOCRITE."
"DON'T YOU DARE USE THAT TONE WITH ME, ALYSSA."
"Is it really necessary for you two to be yelling? You are giving me a headache!"
"Oh, sod off, Marianne – it's not like you're even doing any work around the house anyways."
"I don't think you realize it, but cooking for the entire house counts as working around the house! You are just jealous; you cannot cook nearly as well as I can."
"I can cook just as well, thank you very much!"
"Please, Elizabeth; do not insult me by lowering my cooking to your awful standards."
"Why you little—"
"I STILL CAN'T FIND MY BIKINI, MATTIE."
"WILL YOU STOP YELLING?"
"MAYBE IF YOU STOP, I'LL STOP."
"Honestly, Marianne, I have no idea where that girl gets her stubbornness from! Someone needs to discipline her!"
"Why don't you?"
"Because she never listens to me!"
"MATTIEEEEEE I STILL NEED MY BIIIKIIINIII I THOUGHT YOU DID THE LAUNDRY YESTERDAY!"
"MAYBE IF YOU DID THE LAUNDRY INSTEAD OF FORCING YOUR POOR BROTHER TO, YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THIS PREDICAMENT!"
"SCREW OFF, LIZ; I WASN'T EVEN TALKING TO YOU!"
"HOW DARE YOU USE THAT TONE WITH ME? MATTHEW, GET ME A COAT HANGER – I'M ABOUT TO DISCIPLINE YOUR SISTER THE WAY MOTHER USED TO DO IT!"
"THAT'S CHILD ABUSE – I'M CALLING CHILD SERVICES! YOU'RE NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO HIT ME 'CAUSE YOU AREN'T MOM!"
"ALYSSA E. KIRKLAND, DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT PHONE!"
"MATTIEEE WHERE'S MY BIKINI?"
"MATTHEW, WHERE ARE YOU?"
"MATTIE!"
Matthew Kirkland exchanged looks with his puppy, Kumajiro, as his sisters continued to scream his name.
"Think they'll find me?" he asked the dog. The puppy cocked his head to the side, as though he didn't know who Matthew was.
"MATTHEW KIRKLAND, PLEASE COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!" his older sister called out from downstairs.
"YEAH, MATTIE – COME ON!" his little sister, Alyssa, shrieked. It was funny how similar the two were like – though they'd never admit it.
"I'll give them five more minutes. Maybe they'll scream themselves hoarse," Matthew whispered to Kumajiro.
There were footsteps outside and Matthew froze as the door slid open. "Mathieu? What are you doing in here?" Marianne Bonnefoy, his older sister's girlfriend [though she would never call her that out loud], asked curiously, her eyes flickering towards the dirty pile of laundry Matthew was sitting on.
Matthew flushed, standing up. "Just looking for Kumajiro," Matthew lied quickly, swooping down and taking the puppy into his arms. Marianne moved away so Matthew could walk out of his closet and close its door, setting Kumajiro down so the puppy could run off and leap onto his bed to fall asleep.
"Oh really?" Marianne asked, her eyebrow raised. "You weren't doing anything else in there?" she asked, a mischievous glint in her eye.
"What? O-oh, no," Matthew said with a flush, realizing what the older girl was implying. "I was just looking for Kumajiro before he peed on my clothes – really," he added as Marianne smirked.
"Please, you're talking to the woman whose best friends are both boy, I know all the excuses. It's alright if you feel the need to look at pictures of naked women – though," she added, glancing at the place Matthew emerged from, "since you just came out of a closet I doubt it's pictures of women you were looking at..."
"I'm not gay!" Matthew protested, his cheeks now glowing red as Marianne laughed.
"Okay," she said, patting his head in an 'I think it's cute you're in denial still' sort of way.
"But I'm not!" Matthew protested, feeling the urge to slam his face into a wall repeatedly. Third time that day Marianne had questioned his sexuality. Really, was it so hard to believe he liked girls? Just because his underwear was pink [after an incident with Alyssa and the washing machine, hence the reason why Matthew was the main clothes washer of the house] and he still got mistaken for Alyssa [he blamed his long blonde hair that really was in need of a cut], didn't mean he was gay!
"Pity – Gilbert always thought you were cute," Marianne mused to herself.
"Wait...what?" Matthew asked, staring at her. Marianne blinked, looking flustered.
"Did I say that out loud? Whoops, silly me – you should go downstairs before your sister does something rash; you know she and Alyssa can't survive in a room alone together," Marianne covered up quickly, ushering Matthew toward the door. Matthew shrugged the older woman's arms off of him and went downstairs, already hearing his sisters yelling at each other from opposite ends of the living room.
"WHY CAN'T I GO TO THE BEACH? KIKU'S GOING TO BE THERE AND HE'S VERY RESPONSIBLE!" Alyssa roared, red in the face with anger.
Elizabeth Kirkland, their older sister [and technically their guardian now that Matthew and Alyssa no longer lived with their parents], was even redder in the face as her green eyes [that she had inherited from their father] flashed dangerously. Matthew decided it was best to intervene now before his older sister's face turned purple and her head exploded.
"THAT'S PRECISELY WHY – THERE WILL BE BOYS THERE AND I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE LETTING YOU WEAR BARELY ANYTHING AND—oh there you are, Matthew – took you long enough," Elizabeth said, calmly down considerably as Matthew entered the living room.
"Sorry, I was looking for Kumajiro," Matthew apologized meekly as Marianne floated in behind him, walking towards his older sister and putting her arms around the younger woman. Elizabeth flushed, trying to shake off Marianne's hands.
"Mattie, where's my bikini? I need it if I'm going to the beach tomorrow!" Alyssa exclaimed, rushing over to her older brother.
"You aren't going to the beach tomorrow," Elizabeth growled.
"Shh, Elizabeth, don't make your blood pressure rise," Marianne said soothingly, rubbing Elizabeth's arms.
"I already promised Kiku I'd go!" Alyssa protested.
"Well you'll just have to call back and tell him you can't go," Elizabeth replied coldly. Alyssa's jaw dropped open and Matthew sensed another fight brewing.
"That's not fair! Why can't I go?" Alyssa demanded angrily.
"I've already told you, Alyssa, I don't want you wearing a skimpy bikini in a public area where there will be boys!" Elizabeth exclaimed.
"But that's where you're supposed to wear bikinis! Honestly, sis, if it weren't for the fact you're dating Marianne I'd ask you how the hell you get laid, since you're such a freakin' prude!" Alyssa retorted angrily.
There was fire in Elizabeth's eyes and that was when Matthew knew it was his cue to step in.
"I'll go with Alyssa and make sure nothing happens to her," Matthew said quickly before their older sister could start yelling [and possibly throwing things; things tended to get broken very easily whenever there was an argument in the Kirkland household]. "No guy would try anything on Alyssa knowing her brother's there," he added, knowing fully well he was spouting out bullshit. As if any guy cared if Matthew was there to protect Alyssa; most of the time, they never even noticed the boy.
"Are you sure?" Elizabeth asked, the fire dying away quickly [honestly, was the girl bipolar? How could she go from calm to angry to calm again in under a second?] as she turned to back her younger brother.
Matthew shrugged. "It's not like I had anything to do tomorrow anyways," he said. Besides, Lars would probably be there and the two of them could spend the day checking out girls [they had it all very nicely sorted out; any older women were Matthew's, any younger girls were Lars' – neither of them wanted the girls their age] and smoking weed. It could prove to be a fun day.
Elizabeth took a deep breath in and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Fine," she said finally, making Alyssa squeal with excitement, "you can go – but I don't want you doing anything stupid and going off where Matthew can't see you. Mum and Dad didn't make me your legal guardian just so you could go gallivanting off and having dirty trysts with-"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Mattie, I can't find my bikini? Are you sure you washed it 'cause I checked my closet and-"
"It's in your underwear drawer with all your clean underwear," Matthew interrupted calmly, rolling his eyes as Alyssa ran off without even saying a thank you.
"Oh Mathieu, do you know where my—"
"In the basement on the table; I didn't fold your laundry yet," Matthew said, and he had good reason why he hadn't. Out of all the women who lived in the house, Marianne's clothes were the most awkward to deal with, most of them ranging from frilly pink underwear to lingerie to very revealing outfits. Matthew's ears turned pink just thinking of folding those clothes.
Marianne smiled. "Thank you, cher," she said, sauntering out of the living room.
Elizabeth let out an awkward cough, making Matthew glance back at her. "I have a paper due tomorrow and I was wondering if you could...well...if you could buy..."
"You want me to buy tampons?" Matthew asked, surprised at how easily he could say the word now. A few months ago, he wasn't even able to say the first syllable without turning bright red [much to the amusement of Alyssa and Marianne].
Elizabeth turned red, looking away from Matthew. "If it wouldn't be too much trouble; I-I would do it myself but..."
"It's alright, I'm fine with it," Matthew said.
Elizabeth let out a breath of air. "Thank you, Matthew...I really appreciate it," she said, still looking slightly pink.
"You're welcome," Matthew replied, grabbing his keys and walking out of the house before Elizabeth could make the situation even more awkward.
Outside, the sun was shining; birds were singing, angry drivers were blasting their horns, swearing at one another to move. Scary looking ghetto men played their dangerous sounding music as they drove by, the ground shaking from where they had past.
Matthew took in a deep breath. Ah yes, silence. Quite the contrast from his household.
Matthew hadn't always been the only boy in the household; once upon a time all three of them lived with their parents and many older brothers in a large house outside of the city. With such a large family, it wasn't a surprise to Matthew that he tended to blend in with the curtains, the louder children like Alyssa getting most of the attention. He didn't really mind much; it meant he was safe from his older brothers' bullying.
Elizabeth had moved out into the city a few years ago, citing she could not study for her university exams in a household akin to a zoo. Their parents, being fairly wealthy, bought her a little house to live in, that wasn't too far away from Alyssa's and Matthew's high school. Feeling like a change of scenery would be best for him, Matthew begged his parents to let him stay with Elizabeth; he being the only brother Elizabeth could tolerate for long period of time, Elizabeth agreed to take him in and so Matthew spent his sophomore year living happily in a quiet little house away from their noisy family.
And then Alyssa moved in a few months later, claiming she missed her favourite siblings and that their older brothers were overbearing and overprotective – something Alyssa didn't appreciate as she began her experimentation with boys. Again, with much begging, Elizabeth agreed to take care of Alyssa and the three of them lived happily. Not quietly, but happily.
And then Marianne moved in. That had been the biggest surprise of it all; Marianne had been a good friend of Matthew's ever since she used to babysit him and Alyssa when they were ten. Marianne and Elizabeth never liked each other – so the fact that they were dating was the biggest surprise of all – but both had a soft spot towards Matthew. She had moved into their little house at least two years ago and Matthew still hadn't heard his sister refer to the other [older] woman as her girlfriend. That didn't stop their nightly rumps, however, Matthew thought with a shudder. It was a surprise he and Alyssa still had their sanity.
As Matthew walked into the convenience store, the cold gust of air conditioned air hit him like godsend, cooling Matthew down from the summer heat immensely. He quickly grabbed a basket and took to shopping, slightly disturbed how he already knew where to find the feminine hygiene products.
Matthew walked down the aisle and looked around, on alert for anyone who could recognize him.
"There we go," he muttered to himself triumphantly, seizing the Always pack for Elizabeth and dropping it in the basket. He paused and then grabbed the box of tampons nearby; Alyssa and Marianne would appreciate that, judging from all the thongs they tended to wear [Matthew inwardly shuddered just thinking of it].
Grabbing himself a chocolate bar, Matthew set the packages down on the check-out line.
"Good evening, Matvey," Katyusha, Matthew's friend Ivan's [totally hot (but in a relationship so completely bounds – though technically she was always out of bounds due to the bro code and such)] older sister, greeted cheerfully.
"Hey Katy – didn't know you worked here," Matthew said in surprise.
Katyusha nodded. "I normally do the weekend shifts but Antonio is sick," she replied.
"Must be why the line's moving so fast," Matthew said casually and hoped he sounded remotely cool.
It was then that Katyusha noticed what Matthew was buying. Her face turned pink and she let out a giggle. "I didn't know you used these," she teased.
Crap; Matthew had forgotten about the pads and tampons. "They're for my sisters," he protested, turning pink.
Katyusha giggled again, accepting Matthew's money and handing him his bag. "Have a happy period – I mean, day," she teased, still giggling.
Matthew let out a fake laugh and took the bags, practically running out of the store, his face a dark red.
A/N: The Kink Meme request was: "Any member of the FACE family being the only male, and the rest women. Whether it be a 'parent' (England or France) or one of the North American's is up to anon, and them dealing with being the only male in the house/family. Throw in having to deal with a house full of estrogen, giving shotgun talks, prom night, having to buy lady products, frilly underwear all over the place, and other types of hilarity anon can come up with. Any pairings anon wishes to throw in is welcomed as long as FACE is still there. (England and France don't necessarily need to be in a romantic relationship even, anon could make them related in some way. This anon doesn't mind!) :"
It was originally supposed to be a small one-shot but then I started having insane loads of fun writing the universe and developing the relationships between the characters and BAM. It's at eight chapters right now. I've been writing this for a month; which is why my other stories haven't been updated 8D
Please review? If I get enough reviews, I'll post the next chapter tomorrow~