Rick stood in the doorway of his son's room with a worried expression on his face. He hadn't woken up yet and Denise wasn't sure when he would actually wake up. She told Rick that it was all a waiting game. No one even knew how extensive his injuries were. No one would know until he woke up that is.. if he was ever going to. It had been two weeks already.
And that s what worried Rick the most the one thing that weighed down on his mind. What if he would never wake up again? There were so many what ifs that Rick honestly didn't know the answer to and he was going insane thinking about them. That's all Rick ever did.. Think. He was sure that it was going to kill him.
But Rick HAD to believe Carl would wake up. He had to.
Rick walked quietly down the steps and found Michonne on the couch. He plopped down beside of her.
Ever since Carl got shot, they would both sit on the couch at night worried about him. They both stayed up just in case Carl woke up or something happened. They were both on edge. Hell, everyone was.
Every night Rick and Michonne would sit on the couch and talk to pass the time. Some nights they cracked jokes, other nights, their conversations were more meaningful. They talked about their pasts and what they were before. They both basically knew everything about each other, except Michonne left out one thing. She didn t tell him she had a son. She wasn't quite sure how to tell him, but she knew she would have to tell him eventually.
And during these little talks, Michonne realized that she felt something for Rick. She questioned it before, but she was pretty sure what she felt was real. But she didn t know if Rick felt the same. She definitely wasn't going to ask because that could quickly mess everything up.
She looked over at Rick and could tell he was tired. He ran his hand down his face and sighed.
"He hasn't woke up yet," Rick whispered softly. "I'm getting worried."
"He will wake up," Michonne said, her voice sure. "We just have to give him time. I know you're worried, but everything will be okay."
Of course Michonne was worried, but she had to believe he would wake up. She had to believe for herself and for Rick because she had to be the one to convince him that everything would be okay. After all, she was the only person he listened to.
Rick looked at Michonne and relaxed a little. He didn't know how to explain it, but he always felt better when she was around. In that moment, he felt so good even though he was worried to death about Carl. She always did something to him that made him forget all his worries. She made him happy she made him smile.
God, Rick loved their little conversations on the couch every night. That s the one thing he looked forward to. Talking to Michonne was so easy. She wasn't like everyone else. She didn't judge him didn't look at him like he was some kind of monster. She looked past all the things he had done.
Michonne. His best friend. The person who saved his ass more times than he could count. The person who would talk him out of doing insane things. The person who loved his children and took care of them like they were her own. The person who was still with him after EVERYTHING.
Rick picked up the baby monitor and looked at his daughter sleeping. A smile formed on his face when he saw her roll over.
Michonne laughed a little. "She's cute," she said as she moved closer to Rick and relaxed. Their elbows were touching and Rick glanced over at her before he directed his attention back to the monitor.
Rick's smile grew wider. "She is," he agreed. She was getting so big. She was already crawling and Rick knew before long, she would be walking. She was growing up so fast and Rick wished he could give her more. She didn't know what normal was. Carl on the other hand, knew a little about what the world was like before. But for Judith, all she would ever know was walkers and death. She would grow up and not know what it was like before and Rick wished that he could change that. He wished he could change everything for his children, but that was the thing. He couldn't. He wasn't in control of that.
Rick let out a big sigh and Michonne glanced over at him. She already knew something was wrong with him.
"What's wrong?" She asked him, with concern in her voice.
Rick's lips turned up in a little smile. "How do you know there s something wrong?"
"I know you pretty well," Rick, Michonne told him, "Whenever you sigh like that, I know something's bothering you, so just tell me. Maybe I can help."
Rick stared straight ahead. She did know him well. He was sure that she knew him better than he knew himself.
"It's all my fault," Rick whispered as he looked over at her.
Michonne's eyebrows rose. "What exactly are you talking about?"
"It's my fault he got shot. I could have done something differently. I could have-" He tried to go on, but Michonne interrupted him. He directed his attention to the wall.
Michonne turned toward him and Rick looked away. "Hey, look at me," she said, demanding him to look at her. Rick turned and looked at her. "That was not your fault and I'm not going to sit here and let you blame yourself, so stop."
She was serious. She wasn't going to let him think it was his fault because it wasn't. He already blamed himself for so much and his son getting shot wasn't one thing he could help.
"It should have been me," Rick whispered softly. "That should be me laying up there."
"Hey!" Michonne whispered angrily. "Stop. It shouldn't have happened to Carl and you don't deserve that either." No one deserved that.
Michonne would never wish that on anyone. She couldn't actually believe Rick wished that on himself. Of course Michonne would have taken it all away from Carl if she could, but she wouldn't have wanted Rick to be in that position either.
She looked at Rick and he look defeated, tired. He looked like he wanted to say so much more. Michonne looked over at him. She knew it would be better if he got everything out at one time instead of just holding it in. Holding things in just did more harm than good. Michonne knew that. She held in things for so long and didn't talk to anyone about any of the things that bothered her. She knew Rick held in so much. She just wanted to be there for him and let him talk about things. Michonne just wanted to help him. She wanted him to be okay.
"What else is bothering you?" Michonne whispered as she looked over at him.
Rick sighed and moved around on the couch. "I'm okay," he lied. He didn't want to bother her with his problems. His problems were for him and him only and he didn't want to involve her in them, especially when she had her own.
"Are you, Rick?" Michonne questioned. "Are you really okay? Because I don't think you are."
Rick avoided her gaze and Michonne definitely knew he was lying. He sighed again and Michonne looked over and rose her eyebrows.
"You're a bad liar," Michonne pointed out to him. "You can try to lie, but you know that doesn't work with me. Tell me what's on your mind."
Michonne was the only person he couldn't lie to. She'd see right through his bullshit every single time.
"Tell me," Michonne said again and Rick smiled a little bit more. She wasn't quite sure why he was smiling.
Rick smiled because he realized something. Well, it wasn't exactly realizing, it was remembering.
Michonne cared. She genuinely wanted to help him.
"I just.." he began, "I wish I could change things for Carl and Judith. I wish they didn't have to live like this."
"You're doing the best you can. I know you re trying," Michonne told him.
Rick let out a laugh, one that wasn't meant to be humorous. "I don't even know what I'm doing."
"Rick.." Michonne started to say, but he cut her off.
"They need someone better," Rick said sadly. He thought it was true. He definitely didn't think he was the perfect role model. He didn't even want to be considered as one. He wasn't good. He had done bad things and he knew he was the last person his children should look up to.
"No," Michonne said, her voice fierce, "They need you."
"I'm not good enough," Rick said as he looked across the room at the wall. "I'm not a good father. I've done bad things."
"Well, they don't care,' Michonne told him. "They still love you. And you've done these things to keep them alive. You protect them, you keep them safe. You keep them fed and you even make sure they re warm at night. So, don t sit here and say you re not a good father because YOU are."
Michonne hated when Rick looked down on himself. She hated when he thought he wasn't good enough. He was good. Actually, he was GREAT, but would he ever see it? No. He never would. All he would ever see when he looked in the mirror was a bad man. And Michonne would always try to convince him that he wasn't bad.
He wasn't a bad man.
He was a great man that Michonne had grown to.. Never mind. Michonne WASN'T going to think about that.
But she did. She really did.
She was in love with Rick Grimes.
She had ran away from those feelings for too long.
Rick rested his head against the couch and looked over at Michonne. "Thank you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you for being here. I never really say how much I appreciate it, but I do. A lot."
Rick's blue eyes looked into her brown ones. He could get lost in her eyes. He always found himself staring into them.
Michonne smiled, which resulted in Rick smiling. God, he loved her smile. To be quite honest, he loved everything about her. She was perfect.
"You don't have to thank me," Michonne told him. "I love being here. I'll always be here for Carl and Judith . And I ll always be here for you."
Always.
Rick let the words play over in his mind. He felt his heart flutter. He couldn't help but be surprised and Michonne noticed. Before he could say anything, she started to speak.
"You seem surprised," Michonne pointed out.
Rick avoided her eyes for a second and looked back at her. "I'm not. It s just.. I don t know..." He trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say.
She had already told him that she was there for him once. Of course he believed it, but he was always surprised because after everything, she was still right by his side. She had never did one thing wrong, but Rick? He did so many terrible things and he hadn't always been there for Michonne like she had for him and that had been recently.
Two words: Jessie Anderson. Rick knew he was an idiot for chasing after her. He knew, he just couldn't stop. She reminded him of simpler times the way things used to be and somewhere in Rick s mind, he thought he could go back. But he couldn't.. Of course he couldn't. Going back was never an option. Moving forward was the only answer.
He should have been moving forward with Michonne, but he decided to be an idiot and just run away from her.
And after everything, even after the part where Rick knew he had hurt Michonne when he ran to Jessie, she still stood by him. That's what surprised him the most. She was there when he didn't even deserve her.
Michonne moved around on the couch and looked at Rick. "I'm not going anywhere. When I said I'm still with you, I mean it. I ll always be here."
She patted his arm and rested her hand on top of it. Rick looked down at her hand and then stared into her eyes. She smiled and he HAD to smile back.
And that was when Rick realized something. He wasn't going to keep denying his feelings for her. He wasn't going to try to convince himself that he didn't feel anything for her because that was bullshit. He had felt something for her for a long time, he just ran away from those feelings. He wasn't going to do that anymore. It was official well it had been for a long time, but of course Rick was well, Rick and he was stubborn.
He was in love with Michonne.
But was she in love with him? That was a different story. Rick wasn't quite sure about her feelings.
They stared at each other for a few minutes without talking until they heard Judith's whimpers over the baby monitor.
Rick cleared his throat. "I should go make sure she's okay."He started to get up, but Michonne put her hand on his shoulder.
"I can do it," Michonne said with a small smile.
"Are you sure?" He asked as he glanced at her hand on his shoulder. She quickly removed her hand and stood up.
"Yeah, it's no problem at all," she told him. "I'll be back."
Rick nodded and relaxed on the couch as he watched her walk away. He'd be lying if he said he didn't stare at her backside.
Michonne quickly made her way up the steps and walked to Judith's room. The baby girl sat up and let out a cry.
"Shh. It's okay," Michonne said softly as she picked up the small child. "I've got you."
Judith cried a little bit more before she calm down. Michonne rubbed her back and slowly walked back and forth across the room.
Michonne began to softly hum to Judith. She wasn't humming a particular song, she just made up her own song.
Judith rested her head on her shoulder and Michonne smiled. She kissed the top of her head and continued to hum.
TWDTWDTWDTWDTWD
Rick sat on the couch and picked up the baby monitor. He watched Michonne rush in and picked up his daughter.
He smiled. She was so good with his children. She was a natural. Michonne loved his children as much as he did and it honestly warmed his heart.
Rick continued to watch and started to smile wide when he heard her hum. This made him wonder if she could sing or not. Hell, she could do everything else, so it wouldn t surprise him if she could sing. She was so good at everything.
TWDTWDTWDTWD
As Michonne walked back and forth, her thoughts took her to a different time, a different place.
Andre.
She had done the same thing with Andre. He'd cry and she d hum to him. He'd rest his head on her shoulder and he'd fall asleep. Just like Judith.
Michonne smiled a sad smile. She missed him so much. She missed his laugh, smile, and the way he said mama . She missed the way he hugged her. She missed holding his hand when they walked beside each other. She missed the way he got so excited about little things.
She missed everything.
She missed her Andre Anthony.
Michonne tried to imagine what it would be like if he got to meet Judith and Carl. She smiled a little. He would have been accepted just like they accepted her. Andre was that kid. He could get along with anyone.
Michonne imagined Carl teaching Andre to read with comic books.
She imagined Andre helping her out with Judith. He would do anything to keep her from crying. He d make funny faces to make her laugh.
And Rick? Michonne KNEW he would accept him. She could see him holding Andre and kissing his forehead just like he did with Judith.
She knew he would love him.
Everyone would.
But he was never coming back. Ever. If only she could change things.
Michonne shook her head to get rid of the thoughts. Judith was sound asleep. She walked over to her crib and kissed Judith's head before she laid her down.
Michonne stood there and grabbed Judith s small hand. She rubbed tiny circles on it for a few seconds before she let go. She walked out of the room and left the door cracked.
Michonne felt tears going down her face as she walked to Carl's room to check on him. She peeked inside and he was in his usual state: sleeping. She walked in and covered him up. She knew he wasn't cold, but it just made her feel better. She didn't want his body to get cold.
She left his door cracked and made her way down the steps. She ran her hand over her face to wipe the remaining tears away. She composed herself before she went and sat down beside Rick.
Rick noticed there was something off about her.
"Are you okay?" He questioned.
Michonne quickly nodded. Yeah, I'm okay. She smiled a little.
Rick nodded and decided not to question her anymore. If she wanted to talk about it, she would. And if it was something that was bothering her, she would eventually tell him.
"I'm here if you want to talk about anything," Rick told her with a small smile.
"I know. Thank you," she told him.
"You don't have to thank me," Rick said, using the same words she had used earlier.
She wanted to tell him so bad. She wanted to, but she just couldn't form the right words. Michonne didn't know how to even begin.
So, she didn t say a word. She just sat there.
Rick decided to break the silence. "Can you sing? I heard you humming. Are you a good singer?"
Michonne laughed a little. "Me? No. Humming is the best I can do."
"Are you sure about that?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I m pretty sure."
Rick stared into her eyes. You should sing for me sometime.
Michonne stared back, noticing that he had parted his lips and licked them. She started to breathe heavily but stopped herself. She hoped he didn't notice her breathing.
Michonne smiled. "That's not gonna happen."
"Why not?" Rick questioned.
"It's not good. That's why," she said as a matter-of-fact.
I'll be the judge of that when you sing for me," Rick shot back.
"What makes you think I'll sing for you? I never even sang in front of my parents."
Rick laughed a little. "I have my ways."
"Show me them," Michonne wanted to say that so bad but just decided it was best to keep it to herself.
Michonne had one question: was Rick Grimes flirting with her? If he was, she liked it.
Rick smiled and said "You'll sing for me one day" before she could say anything.
"Keep dreaming, Grimes," she told him and he smiled wide.
"I will," He said with a big grin on his face.
"How was your day?" Rick asked, changing the subject.
Michonne shook her head and Rick quickly became confused.
"What's wrong?" He asked her.
She smiled and looked over at him. "That's usually the first thing you ask me."
"Well, it slipped my mind this time," he said as he looked at her.
"It was good,' she told him. "How about you?"
"It was okay," he said, "Did you do anything interesting?"
"Besides watch, not really, except I went over to Glenn and Maggie's and took a look at the baby's room. Then, I talked to Maggie for awhile."
"Tell me about it," Rick told her.
"Are you really sure you want to hear about it? It really wasn't that interesting."
"Unless you want to hear about my day, which let me tell you, was way less interesting than yours."
"What'd you do?" She asked.
"I hammered nails into the wall all day and took out a few walkers. That's it, so tell me about your day. I enjoy hearing you talk."
Michonne s expression turned into one of surprise. She couldn't believe he actually enjoyed listening to her talk. She talked about things that no one would find interesting, no one but Rick. He always listened to her. It didn't matter if she was talking about plans for the town or just talking about the food that Judith ate in the mornings. And she honestly loved that so much.
"Really?" Michonne asked.
"Yeah," I do, Rick responded. He loved her voice and he loved to see her smile when she was really interested in whatever she was talking about.
Michonne smiled. She started to talk about how she talked to Maggie about the baby and gave her a few tips. She also informed Rick that they were naming the baby Hershel Jr. if it was a boy. That made Rick smile.
After Michonne talked about her day, they started to talk about other things. Of course Michonne did most of the talking.
They talked for hours. Finally, Michonne relaxed against the couch and placed her feet on the table.
"I think I'm just going to stay here for the night," Michonne told him.
"Are you sure? You should go lay down," Rick told her.
"I want to stay here."
"Do you want me to move so you can lay down?" Rick questioned.
Michonne shook her head. "No. It's okay."
Rick nodded. "Then, I'll just stay here if that's okay with you."
"Of course," Michonne smiled.
Rick relaxed and stared at the wall across the room. "I probably won't go to sleep, but good night."
"Good night."
Michonne closed her eyes to relax a little. She wasn't even sure if she would fall asleep.
TWDTWDTWDTWDTWD
Rick dozed off a little but his eyes flew open when he felt Michonne rest against him. He looked at her and could tell she was still asleep. He wasn't going to wake her up. She looked comfortable and he was too. He just wrapped his arm around her. After that, he fell asleep.
TWDTWDTWDTWDTWD
Michonne woke up and she was in the most comfortable position she had been in for a while until she realized where she was. She was on Rick's lap. His arms were wrapped around her. Michonne didn't even know how she got there. Her head was right at his neck. She only had to move an inch or so to kiss his neck. She had to fight the urge.
She sat up and Rick was wide awake and staring straight into her eyes. They were so close Michonne could feel his breath on her lips.
"Good morning," Rick whispered softly as his eyes traveled down her face and focused on her lips before they moved up and looked at her in the eyes.
"Good morning," She whispered back. "Sorry. I don't know how I got here."
"It's no problem at all," Rick told her. His arms were still wrapped around her and Michonne was sure his grip tightened.
He stared at her lips and then she stared at his. She wanted him to kiss her.
What Michonne didn't know was that he wanted to kiss her too.
Neither of them moved, they just stared at each other.
Rick wanted to tell her how he felt. He was going to try. "Michonne," he whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Michonne," he repeated again, "I- "He stopped talking when he heard "Dad!" from up the stairs.
"Oh my god, Carl," Rick said excitedly as his lips began to form into a smile.
Michonne kissed his cheek and thanked him for basically being his bed for the night before she got off his lap.
They both walked quickly up the steps to find Carl lying in his bed. He was trying to sit up but Michonne rushed over to him.
"Not so fast kiddo," she told him. "Lay back down."
Carl laid back down.
She looked at Rick and he was so happy that his son was awake. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him and he did the same. They stayed like that for a few seconds.
Michonne wondered what Rick was going to say to her. She NEEDED to know, but she would ask about that later. Right now, his son was awake and they both had to make sure he was okay.