Michonne looked around to see if anyone was around before she turned the corner to go to the infirmary. It was dark outside and she was sure everyone who was supposed to be on watch wouldn t be near there but she had to be sure. The coast was clear so she rushed to the door. Once she walked in, she went straight to the shelf that held the just the thing she needed: pregnancy tests. The only reason why she knew they were there was because she heard Maggie mention that they had a whole shelf full of them. Michonne grabbed one and shoved it in her coat pocket. She walked out of the infirmary.
On her way home, Michonne became more nervous. The thoughts came crashing into her mind. She wasn't even sure if she was pregnant, but her period was late very late. They were sometimes late, so usually she wasn't alarmed. But this time, she was so late she was sure it had been two months since she had one. She didn t know if it was because of stress; the war against Negan definitely wasn't helping. They had to watch their backs and they barely got a second of rest. The group had to scavenge more and more supplies and it wasn't easy. Weapons and ammo were getting harder to find. Hell, they were even running out of food. None of what they were going through was easy. It was getting harder and harder to survive every day.
When Michonne walked home, she walked to the bathroom. She turned the water on and splashed it on her face. She grabbed a towel and wiped her face off as she tried to steady her breathing.
She hadn t told Rick about any of it. He had been out on a run with Aaron to try to find more ammo and food for over a week. At first, she was sure it was stress and she didn t think there was any reason to bring it up. But after Rick left to go on the run, she had done a lot of thinking. Maybe it wasn t stress maybe it was because she was pregnant.
Michonne placed her hands on her stomach. What if she was pregnant? Would they be able to handle it? Would they be able to give them some sort of life?
They were managing well with Carl and Judith. Rick and Michonne did everything they could to make sure they had what they needed. Things weren't always under the best circumstances and they couldn't keep them away from death no matter how hard they tried, but Rick and Michonne would always make sure they were headed in the right direction. They wanted them to grow up and be good people They wanted Carl and Judith to be the one bright light shining in the cruelty and darkness of the world.
Michonne couldn t stop herself from thinking about all the things that could go wrong.
She had already lost one child.
Andre Anthony.
She couldn't bear the thought of losing another child.
Michonne grabbed the pregnancy test from her pocket and stared at it in her hands. She tried to decide what she was going to do. She could easily take the test and if it was negative, she wouldn't even have to mention it to Rick. Or she would take the test and if it was positive, she would curse herself for not waiting on Rick.
The third option was the best one: she would wait until Rick got home and she would talk to him about it and then take it. After all, he had a right to know either way. She decided to go with that one.
Michonne put the test back in her pocket and went to check on Judith and Carl in their rooms. They were both sound asleep so she went back to her room. She took her jacket and shoes off before lying down on the bed.
She pulled the blanket up to cover herself and after a few minutes, she drifted off to sleep.
TWDTWDTWDTWDTWDTWDTWD
Michonne was woken up by the weight of the other side of the bed going down. She heard Rick say "oh" as he laid down. She smiled when he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.
"Hey," she whispered.
"Did I wake you?" Rick asked her after he kissed her head again.
Michonne rolled over and smiled. "It's okay. I'm glad you're back."
She had worried about him the whole time he was gone.
Rick lowered his head and kissed her. "Me too."
"Did you find what you needed?" Michonne asked. She hoped they did because they were running very low on supplies.
Rick sighed. "Yeah. We got enough for now. Next time, we have to go further out."
Rick kissed her again before he laid on his side, facing her. Michonne rolled on her side so that she was facing him.
Rick grabbed her hand and kissed it before he held it close to his chest. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh.
He was so glad to be home. He missed Michonne every second while he was out on the run. Being away from her felt so strange and he didn't like it. He was truly home in her arms.
Michonne knew Rick was exhausted but she needed to talk to him. She didn't want to put it off any longer.
"Rick?"
"Hmm?'
"I need to talk to you about something," she whispered.
"What is it?" Rick asked, his eyes still closed.
"I might be..." She trailed off. "Pregnant. I went to the infirmary and got the test but I didn't take it. I wanted you to be here."
He opened his eyes and looked at her. He appreciated the fact that she waited to talk to him about it. Michonne had no idea how much it meant to him.
He placed a hand on her cheek. "Go take the test and I'll be right outside the bathroom, okay?"
Michonne nodded and they both got up. She grabbed the pregnancy test and they walked to the bathroom.
Michonne glanced at him one last time before she closed the bathroom door.
Rick stood out in the hallway and sighed. He kind of hoped that she was. It would be the best damn news he had heard in awhile. The thought of adding onto the family made Rick happy.
Michonne closed her eyes and slowly counted to thirty in her head. After she got to thirty, she opened her eyes and looked at the stick. So many emotions hit her as she saw the result.
It was negative.
"Rick," she called out, and a few seconds later, he opened the door.
"It's negative," she told him, her voice breaking.
She didn't know what to feel. She thought she would feel relieved, but all she felt was sadness.
Michonne could see Rick's expression change into sadness.
She threw the stick away and washed her hands.
She walked back to their room and Rick followed closely behind her. He shut the door while she walked over to the bed and sit down.
Rick rushed over to her and dropped to his knees when he saw her crying.
"What's wrong?" he whispered as he stopped a tear with his thumb.
Michonne shrugged while she looked at him. "I don't know, Rick, she managed to get out through the tears. "It's not that I don't want to have kids. I want this life.. I want all of this with you. I just can't stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I m just scared."
Rick placed both of his hands on her cheeks. "I was scared for a long time, thinking about all the bad things, but I m tired, Michonne. I m tired of being scared. I m tired of not being able to live. I know this isn't much of a life we re living, but I just want to move forward. I want to have something.. I want to grow with you and having a baby would make me so happy."
Rick grabbed one of her hands. "You're worried about what could happen in the future Believe me, I am too, but I will do everything I can to keep all of us and a baby safe."
Michonne felt much better after talking to Rick. She was so glad she waited to talk to him instead of keeping it all to herself. He made everything so much better.
Rick was right. She was tired of life and everything around them knocking them down. She wanted a brighter future, and as long as she was with Rick, Carl, and Judith her family, she knew that everything would be okay. They would handle whatever came their way.. together.
Michonne cupped his cheek with her hand. "We'll try. We'll try to have a baby."
"Is that what you really want?" Rick asked. "I just want you to be happy."
That's all he really wanted. He would do anything to make her happy. She deserved happiness and more. If he could, he would give her the whole world.
Michonne nodded. "Yes, that's what I want."
She was sure of it.
Rick kissed her forehead and they both laid down. He wrapped her arms around her.
"Good night," Michonne said.
"Night," Rick answered. "I love you."
"I love you too," Michonne answered.