This is my first AoT story. Someone gave me the idea for a one-shot and I ran with it... and decided it was going to end up way too long. :p So it'll have about four chapters, probably.

This is kind of a spoof and kind of not. It's weird. I don't know what to say about it really, except that there's a reason it's rated M, so don't read if you're likely to be squicked. Also, don't take it too seriously. I don't hard-core ship any of the pairings that will appear in the story.

I weighed the options and went with the Jaeger spelling for Eren rather than Yeager though I've seen both spellings various places.

Takes place shortly after Eren is put in custody of the Survey Corps. Hope you like it.

Chapter One: Jaeger

Levi was just about to go to bed when someone knocked on his door. Who would it be this time? At least they had caught him before he'd gone to sleep...

Levi opened the door a crack. Jaeger. Sooner than expected, but inevitable. He opened the door wider. "Shouldn't you be in your manacles by now?"

Unconsciously, Eren's hand went to his opposite wrist. "I asked permission to see you before I turn in. They said they're not waiting around more than a few minutes, though. So... if I don't hurry back, I'll have to chain myself up. Heh."

Levi's face remained inscrutable, but he mentally cringed at Eren's nervous laugh. "If this takes too long, I'll put you in your cage myself. What did you want?"

"Well, I..." Eren looked around uncomfortably.

With a minute sigh, Levi stepped back and gestured for Eren to come inside.

"Thanks." Eren cleared his throat. "It's just that... in light of my being able to turn into a titan..."

"What about it?" Levi closed the door and put a pot of water on the stove. If he had to listen to emotional drivel, he might as well have some tea.

"I know everyone's saying I might be our best chance to beat the titans. But I feel like I have so little control over what I do. I don't really remember being a titan at all. And..."

"I know all that. What's your point?"

Eren was clearly frustrated now, whether because of Levi's impatience or his own failure to convey the relevant information, he couldn't tell. "I don't want to hurt anyone," he said urgently. "And I don't want anyone dying for me."

"Noble sentiments," Levi said flatly, selecting a low-caffeine tea and rummaging for his infuser. "What measures do you suggest we take to prevent those things from happening?"

"I... I don't know..."

"It's a war. We're going to lose people. Now, we can go on losing them as we have been, making no progress and weakening our military for no apparent gain, or we can lose them in the process of developing better strategy that will do good in the long run. Which sounds better?"

He looked up and saw that Eren's face was flushed and his eyes were bright as if he were about to start crying.

"So, that's it?" Eren asked, and his tight voice confirmed the brightness of his eyes. "We just have to take our losses with a more cheerful attitude because it might do some good someday?"

There were bubbles on the bottom of the pot. It wasn't boiling yet, but it was probably hot enough. Levi set out a pair of teacups and put his infuser into one of them, not bothering with a teapot. "I suppose you can be pessimistic about them either way. A loss is a loss, whether you gain ground in the process or not." He carefully lifted the pot of water and slowly poured it over the tea infuser.

"Don't bother making tea for me, sir... I - I shouldn't have come." He turned away.

Levi took a smooth step toward him and caught hold of the strap at the shoulder of his jacket. The water in the pot sloshed but did not spill. "Eren. As a captain, I can't show favoritism to any of my soldiers."

Eren swallowed. "I understand that, sir."

"I have to look at our game plan as a whole and place each man where I know he will do the most good. If I start building my strategy around whoever I want to protect the most, we don't stand a chance."

"I know."

He let go of Eren's jacket since he didn't seem to be moving at the moment and went back to serving the tea. "That said... just because I can't have favorites, that doesn't mean I don't care about each of you individually... yourself included."

His eyes were on the browning tea water, but he could hear Eren's breathing change. Just enough to tell him he'd gotten through, and that Eren was surprised.

"I... I knew you thought of us as lives and not... tools. But I think I still misjudged you a bit. And I'm sorry."

"I'm used to it." Levi held out a cup to the chagrined young man.

Eren took the cup and drank from it mechanically, jumping a little when the heat touched his mouth.

"Careful."

"Mm."

They drank in silence and Levi watched the wheels turning in Eren's head. Maybe this was all he needed. He'd be able to go to sleep and trust that he could take one day at a time. Then again, the longer they stood there together, the less relaxed Eren seemed. Things would likely go the other way, then.

When Eren handed his empty cup back, he said, "I know why you can't get too friendly with any of us, why you can't have favorites... but there's nothing in the regulations against my having a favorite officer, is there?"

"Tch." Levi wasn't caught off guard often. He'd been prepared for something emotional, but this was a little more extreme than he'd expected. "No..." he said slowly. "But I wouldn't go around talking about it."

Eren smiled. His face had turned a little pink. "No, sir." He glanced up, peeking through his bangs as if afraid of being reprimanded.

If I wait for him, this will take all night, Levi thought. He was getting sleepy. Time to move things along. He set the cups aside and pulled Eren against his shoulder. "Thank you."

His breathing had changed again; this time Eren was the one caught off guard. "Uh..." Another moment of embarrassment-produced heat... then Eren put his arms around Levi. "I... I think we all care about you too, Captain. In our own way."

Great. More emotional crap. Levi took a breath to calm himself. Go along with it. In fact... play it up. The sooner this is over, the sooner I can sleep. "That's good to know," he said evenly. Then, grimacing, he added, "Sometimes it feels like I'm alone out there."

That did the trick. Eren tightened his grip by a hundred percent. He had shoved his face against Levi's neck, and Levi could feel something cool that could only be tears.

God, this kid is weepy. But Levi knew the tears were on his behalf, so he held his tongue. He stroked Eren's hair and laid a kiss on his head. At least he smells fairly clean. That's a point in his favor.

Eren was sliding his hands up Levi's back - not seductively - more timidly, as if still unsure that he wouldn't be knocked on the floor at any moment. "Captain," he whispered, "may I... um..." The heat was radiating off him strong enough to heat a barracks in winter. "Would it be all right..."

At this rate, he'd never get it out. It was humiliating how much Levi had to help him along, make him feel like the stronger person. "I couldn't ask you," he said, forcing his voice to take on a much weaker tone than usual. "I'm your superior."

"Of course, but... I just want to show you..." He was obviously having trouble, but his sincerity beat out his embarrassment at last. "Now that I understand how you care about each of us, can't I show you how I care about you?"

Levi wanted to gag on the melodrama. There had to be a way to rein that in without completely derailing... and now he was mixing metaphors in his thoughts. How tedious. "Eren, how old are you?"

"I'm seventeen."

That was a relief. Seventeen-year-olds were considered adults. Even fifteen-year-olds, if they were living independently, were considered old enough to make adult decisions for themselves. Levi pulled Eren toward the door and they broke apart, Levi keeping a light hold on Eren's wrist. "You're sure about this?"

"Yes, sir."

With his free hand, Levi bolted the door. Then he turned back and pressed his mouth against Eren's.

As before, Eren seemed surprised but adjusted before long, putting his arms around Levi again and returning the kiss.

Levi could taste the slight bitterness of tea on Eren's lips and he slipped his tongue between them, searching for more.

Eren gasped. It was clear he'd never had someone else's tongue in his mouth before. It took a few moments before he tried to do anything about it.

Levi tried to be patient in this learning-by-immersion lesson in French kissing, but at the same time he began guiding Eren back toward the bed. No sense in wasting time.

The pupil was finally beginning to get the hang of things when the teacher pulled away from him.

"Everything okay?" Levi asked.

Eren nodded, avoiding direct eye contact.

Levi pulled the lapels of Eren's jacket to the sides and he shrugged out of it. When Levi began tugging Eren's shirt up, the latter took the hint and pulled it off on his own while Levi quickly and expertly unfastened the buttons of his own shirt. He tugged off the cravat he had untied earlier and draped it over the foot of the bed beside his shirt. Eren merely dropped his shirt on top of his jacket and stood awkwardly waiting for whatever came next.

Levi didn't keep him waiting long. He pulled him back into the kiss as if they had never left off, this time running his hands over Eren's bare shoulders and chest, working under and around the key that constantly hung from its chain around Eren's neck. In spite of his incarceration, Eren had clearly kept up on his training. Every inch of him was toned.

Eren was gasping at every opportunity now, and it was getting obnoxious. Time to give his mouth a rest. Levi dragged his lips over Eren's face to his neck, causing the younger man to produce a little involuntary sound.

"Shh." As Levi's mouth kept busy at Eren's throat, his hand wandered down to his waist. He slid his fingers over Eren's hip before tucking them under the layers of fabric and working his way over his pelvis.

More noises, but stifled.

"That's it," Levi whispered. One of Eren's hands was clinging to his shoulder as if the action would keep the incriminating sounds from escaping. His other hand had found Levi's chest, and the captain relished the contact. He wouldn't bother telling Eren that he liked it. They would never do this again; it wouldn't be worth the investment.

He pulled his hand up long enough to unfasten Eren's trousers; then it was on the way down again. Further... There it is. Average size. Hard as a titan's skull.

Eren couldn't keep back a whimper at that point, but it was a quiet one.

Levi turned Eren and expertly tipped him onto the bed so only his lower legs were left hanging off the edge. He kept an arm around Eren's neck as he worked, ready to smother the loudest exclamations with new kisses.

"Don't hold back," Levi whispered in his ear. "I want you to come for me."

It wasn't long before Eren complied. The hand on Levi's chest clenched, leaving long, red scratches across one pectoral. Levi stiffened at the pain, but the corner of his mouth twitched. What a pleasant surprise. Eren's other arm was still tight around him, though it was shaking now.

Levi moved away from Eren's mouth and kissed his forehead. "Good man," he said softly. "Catch your breath." He got up and went to rinse his hand at his wash stand. Eren's breathing had settled a bit by the time he came back with a cup of water.

"Thanks," Eren said, taking the cup with a rather shaky hand and gulping down the water. "I... I'm sorry..."

"Don't worry; we're not done yet."

He seemed to perk up at that. He really did want to give more than get. The kid was one in a million - pity he was a subordinate.

Levi got out a handkerchief. "Here, clean yourself up."

"Thanks." Eren did as he was told and then stared at the piece of cloth in his hand, at a loss for what to do with it.

"Keep it. I have a spare."

"Okay." Eren folded it up and shoved it into his back pocket.

Levi sat on the edge of the bed and removed his boots. "Get out of the rest of your clothes."

"Um..."

"You trust me, don't you?"

"Y-yes, sir." Eren pulled off one of his boots.

Levi paused and gripped Eren's shoulder. "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

Eren nodded.

Levi got up and turned his lamp down in hopes of making Eren less self-conscious. He finished undressing and moved his clothes to a chair, folding them neatly. By the time he padded back to the bed, Eren was waiting with only the edge of Levi's sheet covering his lap. He had even taken the key from around his neck and set it aside.

"Ready to go on?"

"Yes, sir."

"Eren... you can call me Levi."

"Okay."

Levi nudged Eren back until his head rested on the pillow. He pulled the sheet aside as he slipped one leg between Eren's. "Still okay?"

"Mhm."

He leaned forward, causing Eren to shiver when his bangs brushed against his skin. He pressed his mouth to Eren's chest, letting his groin come to rest against his hip, his thigh pressing hard between Eren's legs.

Eren let out a ragged breath. His wide eyes stared at Levi in wonder.

Levi propped himself up a bit. "Sure it's all right?" he asked.

"Yeah..." Eren worked an arm up between Levi's and touched the red scratches across Levi's chest. "Did I do that?"

"Mhm." Levi dug his hands under Eren's shoulders.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

Gently but firmly, Levi pulled Eren to the side until they had rolled completely over together, leaving Eren lying on top of his captain. "Now you can decide how much it's okay to move." He worked his hips slowly, thrusting his crotch against Eren's hip.

Eren was making an involuntary squeak now and then, but he got the hang of the movement quickly. When he responded, Levi could tell that Eren was focused far more on gratifying him than he was on coming again, himself.

Levi, meanwhile, focused entirely on getting off as quickly as possible. When Eren kissed him, he forced his tongue into Eren's mouth and gave no quarter until the kid came up for air. Then he guided Eren's hands to his chest and silently encouraged him to move against him harder and faster.

Eren got the message and rolled his hips forward, intensifying Levi's pleasure. He was hard again and pressing into Levi's leg with every thrust, but it wasn't his own climax he was pushing for. He braced himself with one hand and moved the other over Levi's chest, lingering at his nipples before starting over again.

He was close. Levi concentrated on that rhythmic pressure and the electrifying pleasure that trailed after the long fingers working their way over his chest. All this from his subordinate who hadn't dared to touch him before tonight. It was so perfect. He pulled Eren's head down to his chest and whispered his name.

Eren kissed Levi's chest with reverence and whispered back, "I love you, Levi."

There was no question that he meant it sincerely, though not romantically. Levi caressed him and thrust upward one last time. All the air seemed to leave his lungs at once and not attempt to return until he was coming down from his orgasm. You did it, kid. Now we can die content.

Eren didn't stop thrusting until he came for the second time and collapsed, his face smothered against Levi's neck. Levi's fingers continued to stroke his nape and hair.

"Thank you," Levi said breathlessly.

Still out of breath himself, Eren just gave him a tight squeeze in response.

Levi closed his eyes and focused on breathing, lifting Eren with each breath, feeling the weight of his subordinate more as a comfort than a burden. My soldier.

Finally they were both cool again, and Levi nudged Eren off himself. "Take your time cleaning up, but then you need to get dressed and back to your quarters."

"Yes, sir."

A few minutes later they were dressed and ready to go.

"We can't talk about this, even to each other, ever again," Levi said, hand ready to throw back the bolt on his door.

"I know," Eren said. "I understand."

"All right." He led Eren outside, past the dark, quiet barracks, down under the mess hall where Eren's cell stood abandoned. "Tch. No one even stayed around to guard you. I'll send someone out."

"Okay." Eren went inside and retrieved his manacles, holding them out for Levi to fasten over his wrists.

Levi put the chains in place and gave Eren's hand a quick caress before breaking contact. "Thank you," he said, meeting Eren's eyes one last time.

Eren looked away. "It was my honor, sir."

Levi closed the cell door, turned away and walked to the stairs without looking back.

There's part one. You think you know where this is going, but you're wrong. xD hahahahaha