Note: The following is a sort of humorous reimagining of Jam's storyline in GGX2. Think of it like a weird fourth storyline branch (kind of, sort of).

Disclaimer: I don't own Guilty Gear or any of its characters.

Ch. 1 Firestarter

There it sat, in between a donut shop and a strip club, what the owner frequently considered to be the greatest restaurant in the world. Customer abundance was a priority as several tables lined the windows and littered the floor. In addition, several round seats were provided at the counter should any customers run out of places to sit which never happened but you never know...

Jam along with her small staff couldn't help but admire the establishment that stood before them despite the failed attempts to gain funding in the past. The aforementioned staff included the bespectacled Lan who was the only male of the group, twins Yuumi and Fuumi who both sported medium lengthed hair and wore purple and red aprons respectively, Kei the only Japanese amongst the group who had long hair with a white headband and wore a sailor outfit, and the eight year old Sheri who had orange hair in pigtails and wasn't so much an employee as she was a helper which no one thought to question.

"Isn't she a beauty?" Jam asked no one in particular.

"It looks the same like it does any other day of the week," one girl answered.

"What's wrong, Kei?" Jam asked.

"I was hoping I'd relax this summer not get a job!" the Japanese girl complained.

"Look, just because our parents are friends and they made you come here doesn't mean we can't be friends!" Jam said, beaming. "I would have asked my cousin but she works at Interpol."

"Lucky me," Kei groaned.

Jam's eyes widened as she pointed down the street. "Hurry, the customers are coming! Take your places!" she ordered.

The head chef and the rest of the staff went into the kitchen while Kei hopped over the counter and put on an apron as a man in a brown business suit walked up.

"Welcome to Kuradoberi's Dish and Dine," Kei recited in a mechanical tone. "If you want nothing but the best then we have it because all the other restaurants are crap!" she said agressively.

The man raised an eyebrow at Kei's comment as he looked over the menu. "I uh...I guess I'll take a hot bun," he said.

"Is that it?" Kei asked.

"Um...yes," he said in an unsure tone.

"Damn, you're cheap. ONE HOT BUUUUUUUUUUN!!" Kei screamed towards the kitchen, startling the customer.

Sheri arrived from the kitchen with a bun in hand. "Here's one that's been pre-made!" she said sweetly.

"Thanks, Sheri," Kei replied as she wrapped it into a napkin. "That'll be five yen," she told the customer.

The man payed but looked at Kei strangely. "Um...you didn't have to wrap it up, I was going to eat it here," he said.

Kei immediately shot a glare that would make the dead tremble, causing the man to back away fearfully.

"I'll just...sit somewhere..." he said while backing towards the end of the counter.

Another customer entered the restaurant in the form of a twelve year old girl whose hair was tied in a ponytail.

"Welcome to Kuradoberi's Dish and Dine, we make nothing but the best."

The girl stared at the menu in a state of awe. "There's so many choices!" she exclaimed. "This is...gonna...be...tough...How are the egg rolls?!" she asked suddenly.

"What part of 'we make nothing but the best' did you not understand?" Kei asked.

"Then I'll take TWO!" the twelve year old replied holding up two fingers.

"TWO EGG ROLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSS!!" Kei screamed toward the kitchen.

On cue, Sheri arrived with two egg rolls in hand. "Here's two that have been pre-made!" she said.

Kei wrapped the rolls in a napkin and revealed the price, "Five yen!"

The customer from earlier stopped eating and looked up. "I pay five yen for a hot bun while she pays the same thing and gets two egg rolls?! he asked incredulously. "What a rip-off!"

As if she possessed superhuman hearing and speed, Jam was immediately at the counter eyeing the customer. "D...did I hear s...someone say r...RIP-OFF?!" she asked with a twitch in her eye.

"N...NO!" the man replied nervously. "I...I said take off! I was just leaving!" The customer was already out the door.

"Good! That's what I thought he said," Jam mumbled as she regained her composure and went back into the kitchen.

Damn, that's a scary bitch! Kei thought and laughed to herself.

Jam was immediately back at the counter. "OH MY GOSH!!" she exclaimed.

"WHAT?! YOU READ MY MIND?!" Kei asked fearfully.

The Japanese girl received a strange look that made her sweat but her fears were put at ease when the lead chef started laughing.

"You're so nutty!" Jam giggled. "Listen, I almost forgot that today's my grandmother's birthday!"

"The big one double-o, huh?" Kei asked.

"She's seventy."

Kei fell silent but forced a smile to lighten the mood.

"I'm going to go take her a plate. YOU keep an eye on things while I"m gone," Jam instructed.

"Yay."

"And try smiling more often, I don't want you scaring away the customers."

Kei muttered something to herself once Jam left the room but was interrupted by another customer.

"Excuse me?" a boy asked.

"Jam's place, what the hell do you want?!" Kei 'greeted.'

In the kitchen, Jam put various food on a plate and wrapped it in tin foil. She exited the side of the restaurant and looked both ways down the street before taking off to her right. She passed five houses before coming to an intersection and took a left. Jam stopped at another intersection and again took a left. Having passed five more houses, she stopped at the gate to her grandmother's and took a few moments to catch her breath. Jam would have loved to have driven a bicycle but unfortunately she never learned, nor did she think about buying one when funding her restaurant.

Jam pushed the gate open and walked up to the door. As she knocked, a familiar voice answered.

"No carolers! If anyone starts singing, I'll turn on the hose!"

"Grandma, it's me!" Jam responded. "And we're in the month of June!"

An elderly woman opened the door dressed in an apron and sported a hairstyle that answered the mystery of why Jam wore her own hair the way she did.

"Hmm...you're what's-her-name..." the old woman wondered.

"JAM!"

"Oh...of course, dear!" Grandma replied.

"I brought you a plate!" Jam said.

"Oh...thank you, dear!"

"How's grandpa?" Jam asked.

"One moment." The elder Kuradoberi walked over to the couch where an old man's leg was hanging off the side. She poked him with a broom prompting a loud snore before walking back over to Jam. "He's STILL ALIVE!" Grandma stated incredulously. "Won't you come in?"

"Um I can't, I'm working right now," Jam replied. "But I'll come by later!"

"Yes I'm SURE you will, that's what EVERYONE says! Then, next thing you know I'm spending my evenings alone with this sleeping chump!"

"I'll come by!" Jam repeated. "Bye, Grand..." The door slammed shut, cutting Jam off. "...ma. Oh well, back to work!"

The chef retraced her steps back to the restaurant when five houses away she noticed smoke.

"I wonder what unlucky sap caught their place on fire?" Jam wondered.

Four houses away.

"It's gotta be that filthy strip club!"

Three houses away.

"It's the donut shop, right?" Jam suddenly became fearful. Please don't let it be what I think it is! The chef stopped in front of the restaurant and her eyes widened in terror at the sight of the building in flames. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jam screamed as she fell to her knees.

The staff exited the building covered in ashes as Jam continued staring in disbelief.

"What happened?!" the lead chef asked.

"We heard this explosion outside..." Yuumi began.

"...and then POOF!!" Fuumi completed.

"We have to salvage as much as we can!" Jam stated.

"Uh...you DO see the building in flames, right?" Lan asked.

"SHUT UP AND DO IT!!"

Everyone found themselves pushed back inside against his or her will and resorted to grabbing random objects before exiting...yet again. Jam tearily stared at the inferno while her staff tried to comfort her.

"Look on the bright side, Miss Kuradoberi," Sheri said. "At least we're okay and the building's still intact!"

The structure suddenly collapsed sending Jam into further disarray. Kei simply found the whole thing amusing as munched on a hot bun.

Jam looked up and noticed someone whose face was obstructed by the smoke who wore an unusual white uniform and wielded a sword. "Hey you!" she called out.

The figure ran through the flames and Jam gave chase running around to the right side of the building to see a blonde man in a white uniform who happened to have a sword, standing amongst a small crowd of people watching the sight.

"You!" Jam said pointing. "You burnt down my restaurant!"

"What?" the man asked.

"Don't stand there acting innocent! I saw you standing in the flames!" Jam pointed out.

The man looked at Jam strangely. "Wouldn't my uniform be ruined?" he asked.

Jam awkwardly looked around as people began shaking their heads at her accusation. Feeling a tinge of anger, she maintained herself. "Shut up!" Jam snapped. "Let's go!"

The chef unleashed her ryujin kick attack prompting the man to roll out of the way. Standing on one leg, Jam fired off a rapid series of kicks that the man struggled to evade. Few found their mark and Jam threw a hard spinning kick that the individual crossed his arms to block only to be knocked down due to the force. The chef kicked the sword into the air, caught it, and pointed it at the suspect in triumph.

"I win!" Jam exclaimed but felt her heart sink when the man pulled out a badge. "Ooooohh..."

"May I have my sword back, miss?" he asked.

Jam nervously complied as the officer stood up and wiped himself off.

"My name is Ky Kiske," he said. "I'm stationed in France but I came here with my unit to transport a criminal when I noticed the smoke."

"Um...s...sorry, officer," Jam said embarassingly. "But thanks for your concern!"

"It's no problem," Ky replied with a smile. "This is the local police's jurisdiction but I'll ask around to see if anyone knows anything."

"That would be great!"

After several minutes passed, Jam rejoined her co-workers with a lovestruck look on her face.

"What's with you?" Kei asked.

"NOTHING!" Jam snapped. "Listen up everyone, someone burnt down my restaurant and we're gonna find out who did it! Ask around to see what the locals know and then we'll meet up at Sheri's place later!"

"Right!" the twins said simultaneously.

Kei looked up and noticed a mysterious figure with glowing eyes on top of a building. "Um, I think that's the guy," she said. "Whoops, now he's gone."

"Kei, quit hallucinating!" Jam said at which the girl rolled her eyes.

With a mission to accomplish, everyone put their hands together and split up while Kei chucked her apron into the flames. "Time to work on my tan!" she said, whistling on her way towards the beach.