Authors Notes: I listened to this song, and Jack Off Jill in general, obsessively while writing this… Something about them just makes me want to write… Well enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't X-men: evolution, unfortunately, nor do I own the song 'Strawberry Gashes' by Jack Off Jill.
Strawberry Gashes
Turn her over a candle is lit, I see through her, blow it out and save all her ashes for me
It was just after all the fuss with Remy LeBeau that Rogue noticed her, really noticed her. Stoic protector, so strong and graceful. Laura. X23. Laura Kinney. You could be forgiven for thinking the girl had no emotions at all. But Rogue knew different, she felt the full intensity of her glance threatening to rip her fragile soul apart. Those eyes, endless pools of emerald emotion. Yet not a touch on Laura's true depth. Rogue wanted to drown in those eyes, get lost in the pain, the rage, the guilt and the completely selfless love.
Curse me sold her, the poison that runs its course through her
Jealousy, that's what Rogue gave her. Looking back it became easier to see, the useless irony of hindsight. If she'd only have looked closer then instead of mentally gushing about that thieving, lying, cheating man whore. Then she could have stopped the unnecessary pain, the simmering ache of the green-eyed monsters wraith. The affliction of that poisonous emotion. Laura's inner conflict with her subconscious, the self-doubt and loathing. The conclusion that she was completely unworthy of human affection, undeserving of any of life's joys. The sun's rays not meant to warm her unblemished skin. Love not meant to help repair her fractured heart. Friendship not meant to cleanse her tainted and disjointed soul.
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over
Only when she first saw her drawing the claret liquid from her flawless skin did Rogue truly begin to appreciate the extent of the damage mans science had inflicted on her dear friend, her protector, her Laura. Only when she saw the crimson trickling from their angry 'X's' down her forearm did the inner lacerations make themselves blindingly apparent. Her glazed eyes threatening to release a never-ending cascade of tears down her rosy cheeks finally betraying her projection of strength leaving in it's wake the true form of her frailty.
Watch me fault her you're living like a disaster
Rogue was careful to observe her after that time, the mask the younger girl wore once made of stone and seemly impenetrable having been transmorphed into the most delicate opaque glass. Any detectable sign of weakness Rogue noted and confronted her with. Poking yet more holes in her crumbling façade hoping the frail girl within would finally be able to breath once more. That perhaps one day she could discard her monstrous pretence and reveal the true her to the world.
She said kill me faster with strawberry gashes all over
But nothing seemed to go as Rogue intended. Her ideas of help simply magnifying the self-abhorrence her comrade held inside. The disgust threatening to ooze out she felt she had no choice but to scratch away the hate. To slash away the sin. To slice away the undeserving tissue in hopes that the new layer would be slightly less repulsive. To hack away the impurity in hopes that the replacement would stay clean longer than the last. To carve away the festering disease ridden flesh in hopes the new mask will be strong enough for her to defend the one who held her worthless fragmented heart.
Called her over and asked her if she was improving she said, "feels fine" it's wonderful wonderful here
Rogue found herself spending more and more time with the resident near mute assassin, hoping that showing she cared would have the desired effect. It was always the same; Rogue would talk, Laura would listen, Rogue would hope then ask her about the state of the mine-ridden mental playground of her mind. Laura would tell her she felt fine. She was at Xavier's now; everything had to be wonderful, she had to be wonderful. She was allowed to slip, only so far, as to feign the learning curve everyone else seemed to develop.
Hex me told her I dreamt of a devil that knew her
It was supposed to be just a standard mission, a simple recruiting of a new student. Then HYDRA's real monstrosity made her presence known, Kimura. Standing beside Laura she saw, she saw the simmering embers destructive hate and the near uncontrollable rage Laura held for that woman. A simple touch was all it took. Then Rogue saw, she saw so much, her angels beaten and broken at the hands of that beast, the beast now inside her head. All under her skin and crawling planting seeds of hate in her psyche… Then it fades; her screams became whispers and her face a shadow among shadows. In the wake she felt her heart ache, her soul itchy, her mind want to do anything, everything in her power to repair her. Her Laura…
I lay quiet waiting for her voice to say, "Some things you lose and some things you just give away"
Rouge sought to show her, to drown her in so much unfaltering love and acceptance. She hoped to save her, to heal the intricate labyrinth of salted wounds and bitter betrayals that littered her soul. Those throbbing wounds that her mutation left untouched. She longed to soothe the aching, to strip away the yards of burning rage, to show her the Laura she could be if only she let herself be interlaced with all Rogue had to offer. If only for a moment, just one simple second she could be made to see her truth worth then all her efforts were not for nought. Laura remained blind to it, she'd given too much, had too much torn from her, she could never be like them. She could never be worthy. She could never be enough for Rogue.
Scold me failed her if only I'd held on tighter to her
Nothing seemed to matter; it all fell far too short. Just when Rogue thought she might truly touch her soul Laura pushed her back. She pushed her so far and so hard Rogue thought she might never get up again. Laura ran. She couldn't let Rogue taint herself with her essence. She couldn't be responsible for destroying yet another hideously beautiful human being. She couldn't let herself be healed when the ones she'd maimed never would be. She was beyond redemption. She deserved no such honour as Rogue's trust, or love, or heart. No matter how she craved it she was too afflicted to let her grace touch her.
Watch me lose her it's almost like losing myself
Rogue felt her slipping, falling away from her. She tried, she pushed, she screamed and pleaded so hard. Still she slipped, the rope being torn from her incapable hands leaving shameful burns in its place. The very stitching that held her weathered soul together being unravelled more and more with every inch further away she felt Laura fall. Shattered hearts tearing through broken souls and cutting rotting minds to ribbons. China skin bleeding septic red wine for it's missing piece. The glue faltering under the mantel of macabre aching. Her souls lover unknowingly decimating them both with her self-despising. Rogue would have called to Laura to save her but they had slipped too far down the ladder of oblivion.
She said kill me faster with strawberry gashes all over me
Rogue found blood dribbling from a gash in her thigh like raspberry juice. She wanted to understand, she wanted to share this thing Laura had, she wanted to feel. Feel something trailing across her uncaressable skin, the razor stronger than any lovers touch leaving behind lines of cherry imperfection. She held them proud, she bore the scars her love could not. All the while feeding her own need to just be. They shared a knowing glance, they could eviscerate themselves together. Drifting into the shadows of nothing completely content with their strawberry gashes, if only for a moment.