Author's note: Hey everybody! I really hope you enjoy the first chapter of my re-imagining of the Shepard/Tali romance. I was always disappointed that there was never an option to romance Tali in ME:1, and I wanted to give my take on what it should've been like. I have plans to continue this project for, but I'm not sure the community will like it, so please let me know if you want more. I haven't written anything in a long time and it's my first time really writing a story at all. I'm open to any and all criticism or comments, but please keep it constructive. I wish you all the best and please enjoy!

He woke with a start, his elevated breathing taking even him by surprise. He felt his damp shirt sticking to his back.

Jesus, I don't even sweat this much in battle.

He swung his legs off his cot, put his head in his hands and took a minute to regain the usual calm and collected composure he was known for.

I really hope no one noticed.

He glanced around the collective bunk area and saw that no one else was around. He sighed in relief, it just wouldn't do for any of the crew to know their XO had nightmares. He had more reason than most, but to him that didn't excuse the weakness he felt every time he woke like that. He felt inadequate. Weak, like it was his fault he was seeing their faces all the time. As if he was the reason they were dead. Sometimes he thought it was, but he wouldn't tell anyone that.

No. I'm stronger than that.

The last thing he needed was another psyche eval, he was a professional. He couldn't lie to himself though, just when he thought the nightmares were starting to stop, they came back in full force it seemed. During his 30-year life span, John Shepard had done far more in his time working for the Alliance than most higher-ups did throughout their own lengthy careers. All the Alliance shrinks told him the same thing; he had survived hell. They said no one could go through what he went and come away unscathed, both mentally and physically. The scars on his body told him they were at least half right. Even his fight on Elysium during the Skyllian Blitz hadn't taken as much of a toll as Akuze had. Sure, he had lost people there too, but it paled in comparison to the sheer carnage he had witnessed on Akuze.

He took another minute to finish composing himself, listening to the breathing and snoring of the other sleeping crew. He had a job to do, starting with some breakfast. He glanced at his old, busted up watch. 05:47.

Perfect.

Sighing, he threw on his fatigues, and was in the kitchen eating in less than a minute. He was chatting with some of the marines and noticed Nihlus walking out of Captain Anderson's office. Some on the ship didn't like having a turian a board, but he didn't mind. He had a great respect for the turian military and Nihlus was a Spectre, which meant he was one of the best of the best. He respected him, but he wasn't fooled. He knew Nihlus wasn't just here for a ride, nor was he here just to oversee the beacon retrieval. He was here for something more. Shepard didn't know anything more than the rest of the crew did and as much as he hated being out of the loop, he knew Anderson must have his reasons and he respected them.

It didn't mean he couldn't be curious about it. He turned back to the marines.

"I'm going to go talk to the Captain," he said suddenly. He left his seat and looked back at Jenkins, "Remember Jenkins, if I come down for inspection later and you still haven't found that part you lost for your rifle, I'll use you in my recreation of William Tell," he said seriously. Jenkins audibly swallowed, while Shepard winked at the other marines, who were barely keeping a straight face. Satisfied with the result of his 'threat' the Commander proceeded to Anderson's office.

"Captian, sir," he saluted.

"At ease, Commander," Anderson smiled slightly.

"May I speak freely sir?"

"Of course, Shepard."

"I'd like to know what Nihlus is really doing here sir."

"Can't tell you that Commander."

"So, you admit he's here for more than just a pickup?"

Anderson smiled slightly from his desk. He was sharp. Not to mention one of the best damn soldiers the Alliance had to offer. The Captain was proud to have him as his XO.

"Do me a favor Commander, go make sure Joker isn't going through his entire repertoire of turian jokes while Nihlus is on the bridge. I'd hate to have to find a new pilot."

"You sure sir? We could get a pilot with less of an ego, maybe even one who doesn't talk all the time."

Anderson let out a hearty laugh, "It's tempting, but it'd be too much paperwork. Get to it Commander."

"Sir yes sir,' Shepard smiled as he saluted and made his way to the bridge.

The bridge was his favorite part of the Normandy, he loved looking out the viewports. He'd never admit it, but he even liked the pilot Jeff "Joker" Moreau. Shepard knew just how important wisecracking was for morale and Joker was good at it. The Commander liked to spend time at the cockpit joking around and just talking, but even Joker wasn't his usual witty self with Nihlus right behind him.

Thank God, he's smart enough to know that Nihlus isn't the joking kind.

He listened intently and took in the view as Joker brought them out of the relay on their way towards Eden Prime. Nihlus looked happy enough and left towards the comm room to meet with the Captain. Shepard stuck around a little longer to talk to Joker and Lieutenant Alenko, until the captain's voice came over the bridge's communicator asking the Commander to join him in the comm room.

"Aye, aye, Captain. Better brace yourself sir, I think Nihlus is headed your way," Joker warned.

"He's already here, Lieutenant."

Shepard smirked to himself. I guess I spoke too soon.

He left to the meeting; hoping to finally hear what the Spectre was really doing on board.

PS: I have another 3 chapters written, but I'm not quite satisfied with them yet. I'll most likely post them tonight. Check back then if you want more!