Summary: In which Castle answers questions about his marriages, Johanna Beckett is remembered, and a dance is shared. Spoilers for 4x11.

Author's Note: This is just a little something I came up with after seeing a post on Tumblr that mentioned that Ryan's wedding is on the anniversary of Johanna Beckett's death (to whoever posted that, this is for you). I'm sure it's much fluffier than what's actually going to happen, but since it's still 3 weeks till that episode, I'm sure we could all use some fluffy goodness :)

Disclaimer: Despite my best efforts, I still lay no claim to Castle and its characters.

Revelations

Chapter 1

"Kate?"

She looked up, startled, and found herself staring into a familiar pair of blue eyes. Concerned blue eyes.

"Hey," she offered awkwardly, suddenly realizing that she had been zoning out for the past few minutes.

"Are you okay?"

She relaxed into the back of her chair and shook her head almost imperceptibly, clearing her mind of the haze of memories and focusing on the present. He was aware of the fact that she still would not meet his eyes, though. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

Castle looked less than convinced but opted not to press further. He knew that Kate would talk when she was ready. She always did. Besides, he had another plan at the moment, one that would hopefully remove the saddened look from her eyes.

"Dance with me."

His hand appeared in her line of vision and Kate hesitated only briefly before grasping it and allowing him to help her to her feet. He was her wedding date, after all. And she did want to dance with him, although he would never know how badly.

Castle led her onto the dance floor by the tips of her fingers and when they reached an open space, he wasted no time in pulling her to him, one hand on her waist, their others linked off to the side. Kate tentatively rested a hand on his shoulder as they moved to the beat; it was not quite a slow dance, for which Kate was thankful. Slow dancing with Castle might push her over the edge right now.

All around them, the room was decorated with white strands of lights, casting a soft hue over everyone in attendance. The tables had been pushed aside and though a few people were still sitting and talking, by now, most had joined the newlyweds on the dance floor.

Castle and Kate moved together naturally, his eyes never leaving her face, while she attempted to look anywhere but at him. He looked incredibly handsome in his black suit, his hair flopping over his forehead as it normally did. But the merriment associated with weddings and seeing his good friend so happy was putting an added glow in his features, making him look even more attractive than he normally was. She was pretty sure he had caught her staring at him more than once, but now that he was so close to her, she found herself almost nervous to make eye contact.

While he admired her, not for the first time tonight, taking in the soft curls of her hair, her grayish-green dress that brought out the jade flecks in her eyes, Kate's gaze remained fixed intently on a point over his shoulder and it was not until she spoke softly that he understood what had so profoundly caught her attention.

"They look so happy," she murmured.

"Hmm?" Castle asked softly, his breath playing over her cheek. How did his face end up so close to hers?

"Ryan and Jenny."

He turned them slightly so he could follow her line of sight. "They do," he answered, his voice laced with melancholy.

With his eyes fixed on the newlyweds, Kate finally forced herself to look at him. She was surprised to see a slightly forlorn expression on his face and before she could stop herself, she was asking a question she had no right to ask.

"Was that how you felt?"

Castle snapped his gaze back to her. "What?"

She blinked but did not look away. "At your weddings. Was that how you felt?"

Oh. Well that was a question he was certainly not expecting. Granted, it was exactly what he had been thinking about, but he was used to pulling the mind-reading trick on Kate, not the other way around.

"Yes and no."

Kate cocked her head curiously.

"I was happy," Castle elaborated. "But I wasn't getting married for the right reasons. And in retrospect, I wasn't nearly as happy as I should have been on my wedding day."

"Why not?" She probably had no right to ask that, either, but for some reason, her sense of appropriateness was lacking today.

"It wasn't right," he replied with a sigh. "I loved Meredith but I was never in love with her, and I thought I could love Gina, but I was still too hurt from the first time around."

"From your first divorce?"

"From the way it ended." There was a pause and Kate debated pressing for more information, but from the way his body stiffened against hers, she was not sure the 'why' would be a question he would want to answer. "She cheated on me," he said eventually, his eyes cast downward in shame.

"Castle..."

He shook his head, still not meeting her eyes.

"It happened. It's in the past."

Kate wanted to smack herself for bringing this up. "But still, I shouldn't have asked. I had no right."

"Kate." Castle stopped her with a firm tone. "We're partners. You can tell me anything and you can ask me anything."

"I know, but this wasn't the right time."

She felt him shrug. "Weddings bring out the introspective side of people."

Kate could not disagree with that statement.

"Would you do it again?" she asked after a minute.

"Get married?"

She nodded, surprised to feel nervous butterflies in her stomach in anticipation of his answer. It was not like it was a big deal, right? Kate almost rolled her eyes at the voice in her head. Of course it was a big deal. She may not be ready to admit it aloud, but the fact that Castle could be her 'one' was crossing her mind with increasing frequency lately.

Castle pulled their twined hands in so they were resting on his chest, her palm directly over his heart. "With the right person, yes. I just wish it hadn't taken two failed attempts for me to realize what I was looking for."

"Hmmm."

They fell into silence for a while, and as the music switched to a slower melody, Castle pulled her closer, his hand wrapping almost all the way around the small of her back. Hers tentatively slid to his neck, her fingers fiddling with his collar. They were dancing nearly cheek-to-cheek now, their joined hands trapped between their chests, and the feeling of his body, so warm and solid against hers was becoming overwhelming. Every breath was filled with his scent, beneath her right hand she could feel the beat of his heart. It was intimate moments like this that she had been craving more and more lately. Moments where it was just them and their feelings were pure and real and nothing else mattered.

You could have this, Kate, all the time, she reminded herself. Except she was not ready yet. Physically she was. Emotionally she was. But mentally she was not, not until her mother's case was put to rest and she could overcome this wall and simply let go, follow her heart and not her head.

Her mother. Kate had known today was going to be difficult, not only because she was Castle's wedding date but also because it was January ninth. The one day of the year she usually reserved for sitting at home wrapped up in blankets and allowing her emotions to completely engulf her. But this; the merriment, the love, the joy, the families...Kate was fighting to keep it together, to not let everyone see that she had been fighting tears all day.

"Thirteen years," she murmured suddenly.

Castle pulled back enough to look her in the eye. "What?"

"My mom died thirteen years ago, today."

His arm tightened around her. "Kate..."

She brushed her fingers against the skin of his neck ever so lightly. "No, it's fine, it's just...hard."

"To be here where everything is so happy?" Castle ventured, taking his turn at pressing a previously unspoken topic.

She shook her head. "To be at a wedding. I always imagined my mom would be there for me, you know, to help pick out my wedding dress and plan everything. And being here, especially today, reminds me that that will never happen."

"She may not be there in person, Kate, but she'll be there in spirit. And she'll be there in you, like she is every day."

Kate blinked and looked away but Castle was faster, dropping her hand and cupping her chin, bringing her eyes back to his.

She tried to pull away. "Castle..."

He held firm. "Kate, it's okay." He reached up with his thumb to gently brush away a tear. "It's okay to cry."

Before he could say any more, she buried her face in his neck. Her other arm came up to wrap around his neck, joining the one already at the back of his collar. Castle could feel her tears drip onto his skin and it broke his heart to know that her pain ran so deeply. And that there was nothing he could ever do to take it away from her. This was one burden that, while he hoped he could someday shoulder part of it, he knew he would never truly understand what she had been through.

Castle hugged her tightly as they continued to sway to the music, his other hand finding its way into her hair. He ran his fingers through her curls, gently massaging her scalp, and after a couple minutes, he felt her relax into his embrace.

"Let it out, Kate," he said softly, placing a kiss in her hair. "I've got you."

He hoped she understood the layers to that statement, but if not, now was not the time to dwell on it.

"I wish you could have met her," she said softly, her shaky breaths caressing his ear as she fought to regain control. "She would have loved you."

He hugged her tighter. "If she was anything like you, I'm sure I would have loved her, too."

Kate's breath caught. Did he really? Did he just basically say that he loved her? She had heard him say it before, of course, but hearing it now, when she was not dying, and when they were wrapped up in each other's arms, was so much different somehow. So much more real and powerful.

In the background, the song came to an end, the music fading out. Lanie and Esposito, and even Ryan and Jenny, had stopped dancing, their eyes fixed on Castle and Kate, but the pair was oblivious to the world. Her head was pillowed on his neck, his was buried in her hair, and they stood there, still swaying to the music that was no longer playing, completely consumed by the emotions that were flowing between them.

At long last, Kate lifted her head, met his gaze, surprised to find his eyes shimmering as well. Her mascara was slightly smeared, her eyes slightly red, but the tender smile on her face spoke of gratitude and, dare he say it, love.

"Thank you," she said softly as they disentangled, though they did not completely break the physical connection between them. "So much."

"Anything, Kate. You know that."

She stepped the rest of the way out of his arms. "I need to go freshen up," she wiped at the mascara smudges by way of explanation. "Save me a dance later, okay?"

"Just one?" he asked, a mock pout on his face.

She smiled slightly and stepped forward to pat his cheek. "Give me a few minutes and then I'm all yours for the rest of the night."

"The..." he gulped, "the rest of the night as in...?" Castle could not even manage to finish the sentence.

Kate leaned in and brushed a whisper of a kiss against his cheek.

"I'll be right back, Rick."

Thoughts?