Disclaimer: The characters of Once Upon A Time do not belong to me. I saw 4x05 and HAD to write a reaction fic. So this is set during the porch scene, and Emma and Regina are discussing what Emma had done. It is a bit AU, and there are some actual lines said from the show that I used. It's Swan Queen, and it's Emma trying to get Regina to see why she did what she did. It's a reaction fic, and just a oneshot. I hope ya'll like! Read on!
A Thousand And One
By Julia
Regina stood on her porch, looking at Emma in surprise. When she saw Emma in the dreamcatcher, taking that poor girl's heart, and telling her to break Henry's, it had been a total shock. Now here Emma was, Regina supposed that she was there to apologize, but it's not like she could take it back or make it better. Henry was in total shock and he was angry at Emma. Not that Regina blamed him. She had barely been able to contain her shock. When she had opened the door to Emma, she hadn't been sure what to feel first. The other woman was making her crazy at the moment. It was…. loving the Dark One was a hard thing. Regina didn't know that she could ever stop loving Emma, but she was pretty angry with her right now.
"Emma, what the hell are you doing here?" She asked, heart pounding out of her chest. She had never thought that Emma would be the one to rip out hearts like that. She didn't know how she could ever see Emma like that. She was the Savior. Okay, she had been the Savior. Regina didn't know what she was going to do if Emma tried to justify her actions. Regina couldn't help but think of her mother, even if her mother had been acting under the impression that she was doing what she did to Daniel for Regina.
"Henry doesn't want to speak to you."
That was exactly what Emma had wanted to not hear, but she knew that she had been expecting it. She brushed a hand over her arm as she looked at the other woman. She had done this for her, taking on being the Dark One…. and after Camelot, she had embraced it. She hadn't expected to, but she hadn't exactly been expecting the feelings that she had for Regina to take hold like they had. She was… she was afraid to voice them out loud. But she had a feeling that Regina felt the same that she did.
"I am sure he doesn't….. but I want to see him." Emma said, a bit haltingly. She wasn't sure what to say that would convince Regina. She knew that the other woman was really angry, she could tell. She wasn't sure why, she wasn't sure that she knew why Henry was upset, but she knew he was. Emma folded her arms as she looked into the face of the beautiful woman that she was always going to love, no matter what she did. She had taken on this to save her. No matter what she had said to Hook. "Please, tell him I'm here." She requested.
"That's…. after what you did? Ripping out that poor girl's heart?" Regina asked, and before Emma could protest, she said, "I saw it in the dreamcatcher, and Henry was there. He saw it also. He is really angry with you, and I'm not sure that I blame him." Regina said, standing regally before Emma. She wasn't sure how to put into words what she felt. She didn't believe that Emma wanted to try and justify her actions.
Regina was quiet a moment as she tried to formulate words. It was undeniable, the connection to Cora, but she didn't know that she wanted to say that out loud. She didn't want to hurt Emma, even if she was very angry at her right now. "I can't believe that you would do that to Henry. After what you said about Cora doing that to me…. That's when you got the idea, isn't it?" Regina asked, watching Emma's face. She couldn't tell if there was any recognition.
Her eyes closed as she remembered finding the other dreamcatcher, and she hadn't been able to believe that Emma would say that about her mother doing what she had done to Regina and then turn around and do it to Henry. She knew that she wasn't supposed to remember, but she couldn't help herself from saying it out loud. From bringing it up. She had been so hurt, and she didn't want Emma to think that it was okay, hiding that memory from her. Regina had been exposed with Emma, she'd let her see a part of herself that she kept hidden from everyone. It hurt that Emma had taken that and exploited Henry with it.
"You got the idea and decided to do it, regardless of how I or Henry would feel if we ever found out. I can't believe it, Emma. I found another dreamcatcher. I saw what you did… that you saw my memories of what Cora had done to me. That hurts, Emma, and Henry kept insisting that he saw the good in you, and I was starting to. I trusted you to at least not hurt Henry, no matter what you might have done to me." Regina's breath caught then, and she was finding it hard to hide how much Emma had hurt her. Her voice was trembling, and she took a deep breath. "You aren't heading down the path to stop being the Dark One, Emma. You're heading towards being the Dark One permanently. I thought there was nothing you couldn't come back from, if you'd just tell us. Now I'm not so sure."
The words cut into Emma like a knife. Even if she wasn't sure that she didn't deserve them. Emma was sure that she did deserve them. She watched Regina's face, the other woman was struggling with her emotions. Emma was trying to find the words to say that would tell Regina why she had done it. Why she had felt like she'd had to do it. She'd been trying to save herself. She had known that if she'd gotten Merlin out of that tree, he could help her not be the Dark One anymore. When Regina's tear hadn't worked, it had cemented her plan. She hadn't been able to turn her back on it in the first place, she had had a suspicion that Regina's tear wouldn't work, and she hadn't wanted to take the chance. She had had to get Merlin out of that tree. So she had planned on hurting Henry the entire time, just in case Regina's tear wasn't enough. It had been a horrible thing to do, but it had been worth it. At least, to her.
Her voice was trembling as she replied. Only Regina could make her that scared. Only Regina could completely disarm her like this. "Regina…. I had to do it. It was the only way." She didn't want to voice out loud her exact reason for doing it, and she knew how much that made her the Dark One. Although she had taken everyone's memories on purpose, and she didn't want to let anything slip. Emma stared into the other woman's eyes, and she saw Regina. She no longer saw the Evil Queen. That woman had been there once. She no longer was. It was still strange to Emma to see Regina reflected in her eyes. To not see any trace of the woman she had once been.
"Regina, please believe that. Believe that there was no other choice for me. I had to do it. I had good reason." Her tone was pleading but firm.
"Good reason?" Regina snapped, setting her fierce brown eyed gaze on Emma. She took her in, her tone was full of shock. She didn't know what she was going to do if Emma truly was going to be the Dark One. She had experience with Dark Ones. She knew how they were. It was all secrets and manipulation. She wasn't sure that she would ever be able to tell you everything that Rumple had been thinking when he'd been the Dark One. It had supposedly all been for Baelfire, but that didn't mean that it ultimately would have fixed his relationship with his son.
Folding her arms tightly, Regina looked at Emma head on. "I can't help but make the connection to my mother." She told her, shaking her head. Dark hair shook around her shoulders. "I have experience with Dark Ones. It's all secrets and manipulation. You can try and justify your reasons to yourself, but that doesn't mean that they're right." She said, unable to keep her voice from trembling and sounding full of disappointment. She was feeling it in her whole body. Regina had really thought that Emma would be different. That she would be able to rise above doing the things that the Dark One did to get more power. "You hurt Henry. You hurt that poor girl. And for what? What was this good reason you claim to have?" Regina asked coldly.
That was something that Emma couldn't answer. She wanted to, she wanted to be able to let Regina into her plan, but she couldn't. She knew that Regina would try and talk her out of it. She had changed, and before this happened, Emma would have said for the better. Now that she was the Dark One, she wished that Regina was still the Evil Queen, so that they would be able to work together. She was working against her right now, and she knew it, however wrong it felt to her. They had been at odds before, but it didn't feel like this. It didn't feel like it would never be right again. Right now that's what it felt like. Like it would never be right between them again. Emma bit her lip, unable to keep herself from doing it, even if it was a throwback to the self she had been before she had been the Dark One. She kept insisting that she was just herself, that she was still at her core Emma Swan, the Savior, but if she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure that she was anymore.
"I can't tell you that, Regina. I want to, I want to be able to let you in, but I can't." Emma said, her voice faltering. She didn't know what to do to fix this, and it was starting to make her feel helpless. Emma hadn't felt that feeling since becoming the Dark One, and it was crippling. She was finding it hard not to cry right now, and she didn't want to show weakness in front of Regina right now. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. Her voice trembled as she replied, "I can't. I just… you have to trust me."
Laughing derisively, Regina said, "I did. I was starting to, but then this. I can't…. I can't trust you right now. You crushed Henry. He's your son, Emma. He's our son." Regina said, unable to keep her eyes from filling with tears. "Ms. Swan, I can't even begin to understand what you're doing right now, and I can't trust you. As much as I might want to." Regina ached to be able to touch Emma, to trust her. She felt so far away from the woman in front of her. She wished that it weren't true, but it was.
"I never thought that you would do that. That you would hurt Henry. I don't know what happened in Camelot, but what the hell did this to you? Made you think it was okay to hurt our son?" Regina asked, tears brushing her brown eyes at last, unable to keep them back. She didn't know what Emma would say in reply, but it was killing her, not knowing what happened in Camelot. She didn't expect Emma to tell her though. She knew that that was going to be something Emma would refuse to tell her, it was why she had take everyone's memories.
That broke something inside Emma when Regina said that. When she called her 'Ms. Swan'. When she said that she had never expected Emma to hurt Henry. She didn't know how to reply to that. It hadn't exactly…. She hadn't planned it from the beginning, but she hadn't been able to turn down the opportunity when it had presented itself. She supposed that was a byproduct of what she was now. "I can't tell you, Regina. I…. I just can't. But it was the only way to free Merlin." Oh shit. She hadn't meant to say that. She bit her lip.
"Merlin? Merlin… we freed Merlin in Camelot?" Regina asked, shock taking over her features. So why was Emma still the Dark One? What the hell had happened? She still didn't think that it was right, Emma hurting Henry like that, there was always another way, as Emma was always telling her. "Ms. Swan, there is always another way, as you have said to me a thousand and one times." She kept her gaze on Emma, but it slipped from her eyes. With her eyes full of tears, she couldn't keep looking into those green irises right now. It was too much.
"Don't do that. Don't call me Ms. Swan. We've been through too much, Regina. I did this to save you." Emma said, unable to keep her voice from trembling with hurt when she said it. Emma didn't know how she had gotten to this place, this version of herself, but here she was. She couldn't say that she would take her actions back. If she hadn't done this, Regina would be the Dark One. She had done what she had so that the other woman would still be Regina.
"I wish I could tell you what happened in Camelot. But I can't, Regina." Emma said, keeping her gaze on Regina, even though the raven haired beauty wasn't meeting her eyes anymore. She didn't know that she could ever tell her. Her mouth literally couldn't form the words, especially right now, when she was the cause of those tears in Regina's eyes, the ones dripping off her chin. A thumb reached out to brush one off.
When the other woman's thumb touched her, Regina jerked her chin back. "Don't touch me." She said sharply, even if her body was crying out for more. She wanted Emma to take her roughly, push her inside and kiss her till she couldn't breathe. She just couldn't say that out loud. Regina wiped the tears off her own cheeks, angry at herself for showing weakness right now. She didn't know what to do now, now that they had reached this point of the conversation.
"I used to think there was nothing you couldn't tell me, nothing I couldn't forgive." Regina said, her voice broken as she kept her gaze on her shoes. She couldn't bring herself to look at Emma right now, or she would break completely. Not that she wasn't broken completely right now. Regina took a deep, trembling breath. "You forgave me, you saw me as Regina, and not the Evil Queen. You were the first one to do that. I just… I want to forgive you, Emma. I just can't." Regina said, lifting her eyes then, meeting Emma's emerald gaze. Her heart broke into a thousand and one pieces as she did. The other woman's eyes were filled with tears, also.
Emma's eyes filled with tears as Regina said her next words. She hated the look in those brown eyes, the look of complete hurt and pain on Regina's face. She reached out hesitantly, and brushed more tears off Regina's chin. She didn't stop her this time, and Emma longed for her mouth to form the words, to tell her that she loved her, and that was why she had done this. Spurred on by the fact that Regina didn't push her away, she leaned out and brushed her lips lightly over Regina's, and then more firmly when Regina didn't push her away.
As the kiss deepened, Emma took Regina in her arms, pushing her against the door frame. She kissed her deeply, sucking on the other woman's tongue. Regina seemed to be in shock, and didn't push her away. Emma let her hands settle on Regina's hips, longing to slip them under the brunette's shirt and stroke the soft skin of her stomach. She didn't know how to stop this. She wanted to kiss her forever.
Finally, as Regina was trying to breathe, and felt the hard door frame against her back, she pulled back and pushed Emma away. "Don't!" She said, her voice broken and faltering. Regina's entire body was crying out for more, but she couldn't bring herself to let the other woman kiss her, and just think that that was going to make it all okay. It wasn't, no matter what she wanted to tell herself. This wasn't going to be okay until Emma had given up the dagger. Until she had let Regina in on her plan. For all Regina knew it was for world domination.
"I'm going inside right now. You get off my porch. You can't see Henry right now, and I can't look at you anymore." Regina said, and went inside, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against it, her heart pounding, and she sank to the floor, tears pouring down her cheek, wondering why Emma had kissed her. Why Emma was still insisting on keeping her in the dark. It felt wrong. It felt like the most wrong thing that had ever happened in Regina's entire life. Even more than when her mother had killed Daniel. That was a terrifying realization. What was happening?
When the door slammed shut, Emma's heart fell to her feet. She stood there a moment, staring at it, wondering if she should force her way in, but she didn't want that. She wanted Regina to accept her advances. She wanted Regina to let her in. Emma looked up at Henry's window, it was shut, and so were the curtains. There was really nothing she could do right now to fix this. She felt helpless. She hated that feeling.
Starting down the walk, Emma resolved to herself that she would get Regina back. No matter what she had to do, no matter what she had to become.
Author's note: XD. Omg that episode… there is no denying Swan Queen now, even if you don't ship it. I doubt that they'll actually make it canon, but you can't deny that there isn't love there. No matter what beards they may have, Emma and Regina love each other. That was a breakup scene, no doubt about it. Review if you like!