"It has been said, 'Time heals all wounds'. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone."

-Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Doctor Spencer Reid sat in his car, running his hands through his hair, feeling the tears stick to his face. He couldn't breathe and he lost all sense of where he was. He had gotten home from the funeral and laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. The next thing he knew he was halfway across town, sitting in his car with the windows down, wondering what he was going to do next. He had debated many times to actually go up to the door and knock, but he stayed in his car for an hour and a half until he finally found his way to the front steps. He slowly reached his hand up and felt it land limply against the oak.

Several seconds went by and Spencer reached his hand to knock again, but it cracked open before he had the chance. A flash of blonde hair and blue eyes passed before Spencer and his eyes took in the familiarity of his friend. The door was held open for him and he shuffled inside, greeted by the smell of a homemade dinner and the sight of a well-kept living room. He heard the door close behind him and turned to embrace his old coworker.

"Spence, I wasn't expecting you here."

Spencer held JJ in a tight, warm hug for several more seconds before bursting into tears and giving all of his weight to his friend to hold onto. JJ led Spencer to the couch and kept her hand on his back as he continued to cry. The two of them sat there, in a tangled ball until Spencer finally got his breath under control. JJ stood to get tea for the both of them and they sat in silence, JJ drinking her tea slowly, Spencer merely pondering the cup and the beverage steaming inside.

"Spence, I'm sorry, but what are you doing here?"

Spencer looked up at his friend, and again ran his hands through his hair.

"I thought it was obvious," he muttered. "I carried my friend's coffin earlier today. I put a flower on her tombstone. I worked with her for four years and I just stood by as she was taken from me. I can leave if you want me to."

He stood up to go, but JJ's gentle hand on his arm stopped him.

"I'm sorry, Spencer. I should have known. It's been a shock to all of us. Please, stay as long as you want."

Hours passed as the two of them sat on the cream coloured couch just inches from each other. At times, Spencer would break out crying and JJ would place a comforting hand on his arm or shoulder. The silence in the house was unbearable and even though Spencer trusted JJ, he didn't feel comforted or in any way better. He just felt tired and hungry. He couldn't get the image of the coffin being lowered into the ground out of his mind. He still felt the smooth texture of his friend's coffin on his hands. He could feel the wind on his face and the tears running down his cheeks. He shook his head and ran out the front door, slamming it behind him.

He feel to his knees on the grass outside the house, bawling into his hands, his entire body shaking, his cries being forced from his lungs by a force Spencer had never felt before. JJ was right behind him after a few seconds, trying to comfort him with sweet words and comforting touches. He didn't want any of it. He pulled away from her like an angry child and kept on crying. Jennifer allowed him to sit there, heaving deeply into his hands, standing a few feet away.

After many minutes, Spencer fell to his hands and began dry-heaving. He convulsed violently, his convulsions interrupted by loud shrieks of grief. Jennifer stood back, watching her friend fall apart, and finally began to cry herself. She kept her tears quiet and to herself, not wanting to show her sadness to Spencer, who was suddenly quiet. Jennifer wiped the tears from her eyes, and moved closer to her friend, who was now laying on the ground, silent.

"Spencer? Spencer, are you alright?" Several more seconds passed before she put her hands on his shoulders. "Spencer Reid, can you hear me?"

He inhaled violently and began hyperventilating until his breathing was shakily under control. He turned toward JJ and pulled her into his lap, holding on to her fragile body until he was able to control himself. They sat there on the grass, the two of them together, feeling each other's pain and sorrow, neither one daring to speak.

Spencer slowly stood, resting his hands on JJ's shoulders as she stood with him. They embraced one more time, and then they turned in opposite directions. Reid climbed slowly back into his car and watched his friend step back into her house, closing the door behind her, never once turning back. He turned the engine over, and slowly drove away, leaving his soul on the lawn of his best friend's house.

Stepping back into his small apartment, Spencer felt another wave of overwhelming grief. Something seemed off, like something was missing. He knew what it was: Emily. She had never been to his house, and the two of them had never gone anywhere together alone after work. She had come to watch him play chess with some of the other geniuses at the park before, but that didn't count as them 'hanging out' together. He had told Emily his secrets, how his head had been hurting, how he always felt confused. She hadn't told him anything. Did that make him a bad friend, or a bad person? Did she not trust him enough to tell him about Doyle? Why didn't she tell him?

He pulled his phone from his pocket and remembered one of the last conversations the two of them had had together. He was asking her out to see a Russian movie, something only the two of them would enjoy. He smiled at the memory, enjoying the fact that only he and Emily would have been able to understand the movie and take it at face value. His smile was soon washed away because that feeling of guilt had come back. Even though it had been Morgan who was the last one who had seen or spoken to Emily before she was carted off in an ambulance, Spencer still felt like he should have been able to do something to help her.

The stars and moon were lighting up the sky when Spencer sat down on his little deck. He liked to look up at the stars when he was confused. He took comfort in the fact that even something as vast and crazy and confusing as the heavens could converge to make patterns in the sky. He sat in his chair outside in the pleasant weather, looking up at the stars, feeling all together sad, happy, and guilty, wondering what happened next. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to wonder for much longer. He was soon asleep, his arms crossed over his chest, his head toward the sky, his thoughts on the stars, his heart yearning for Emily.