Notes: I've seen a lot of Bonnie stories, ranging from her secretly loving Kim to actually hating her. Personally, I could go either way, but for the sake of this story, it's hate. Not for the reason you might think, though.

I'm aware the title could have a connotation that's sexual in nature, but that wasn't my intention. Although I will admit this story was inspired by another where Bonnie and Tara do become lovers, but that's not really relevant here.

Warning: This story took an unexpected turn. At least one character considers suicide, though there are no gory details.

Summary: When Tara asks why Bonnie hates Kim Possible, she gets a very surprising answer.

Bonnie, From Behind

A Kim Possible Fanfic by

Nate Grey (XMAN0123-at-aol-dot-com)

Tara did not consider herself a dumb blonde. Admittedly, she was confused from time to time, but wasn't everyone? She'd met plenty of blondes that clearly WERE dumb, and while she could understand the stereotype, she didn't much care for it.

Aside from that, Bonnie had instilled way too much personal pride in her. Tara had mentioned dying her hair only once, and Bonnie had given her such a lecture on being proud of who she was that the idea had simply never occurred to her again.

She wished more people could see that side of Bonnie. No one ever did.

This, however, was largely Bonnie's fault, although Tara would never say so out loud. Bonnie was almost a completely different person in public. And that person was mean, obnoxious, and downright snippy.

Fortunately, Bonnie hadn't been that person when they'd first met. Well, she had, but she'd also been a whole lot nicer.

They first met at a summer cheerleading camp. Bonnie had been one of the best (along with Kim Possible, of course), and she'd known it, which made her a bit difficult to approach. Kim was much more friendly, and Tara had even spoken to her a few times. The conversations were pleasant enough, but Kim was never far from Ron Stoppable, who was unfortunately never far from his own mouth.

Tara suspected Ron would've been a great guy, if only he lacked that mouth. Because every time she got within ten feet of it, it had this tendency to open and say things that made Tara wish she didn't have ears. It was either a tired pickup line, or a thinly disguised "compliment" that would've made a lesser girl slap him silly. How Kim put up with it, she never could understand. But then, Ron never hit on Kim. Which was pretty odd, but anyway.

Tara was an okay cheerleader at the time. Good enough to get into the camp, but not enough to take home any trophies. So instead of making friends like she normally would've, she'd only worked her butt off. And she'd caught some attention, just not the kind she'd been hoping for.

One of the counselors had noticed her struggling, and he had pulled her aside to offer some one-on-one coaching. Eager to get better, Tara had accepted the invitation to join him in his cabin. She quickly discovered that he was less interested in improving her moves, and more interested in touching her. Then he'd implied that the only way she would get ahead was if she did him a few special favors. It was a slap in the face that made Tara realize he'd never really wanted to help her. Although the slap in the face that followed her refusal hurt a lot more. She'd struggled valiantly, but he'd overpowered her.

That was when Bonnie had kicked the door in, pulled the jerk off of her, and broken his nose. Twice, if her guess was right.

Ever since, Bonnie had been Tara's personal idol. And, somewhat reluctantly at first, Bonnie had taken Tara under her wing, turning her not only into a better cheerleader, but a more confident person overall. If anyone had tried to cop a feel now, it would've been Tara who broke his nose this time. She'd only do it once, since she was still too nice for Bonnie's tastes, but she could and would defend herself, and that was what really mattered.

As far as Tara was concerned, Bonnie was a hero. Bonnie didn't think so, but she took all the praise she could get, so she quickly got used to Tara following her everywhere. After all, it wasn't as if she had any real friends that truly liked her. All she had was people who liked being associated with her, or more accurately, her public image...and then, of course, there was Tara, who simply liked her.

Bonnie hadn't been sure what to make of that, at first. No one had ever really liked her before. Out of curiosity, she'd deliberately hurt Tara's feelings a few times, just to see if she'd react like everyone else. But Tara always forgave her, eventually, and went right back to following her around. She was kind of like a puppy, really. Tara craved Bonnie's attention and support, just like any good puppy would. She came running when Bonnie called, and they almost never disagreed on anything. Except Bonnie's treatment of Kim Possible.

Tara could completely understand why Bonnie didn't care for Ron. She was at a loss when it came to Bonnie's hatred of Kim, though. Maybe Kim wasn't the best judge of character, but was that really any reason to not like her? Tara didn't think so, and if Bonnie had simply not liked Kim, or not cared whether she existed or not, that would've been different. But Bonnie clearly hated Kim for some unknown reason or reasons that she would never go into.

Bonnie had refused to answer the first seventy-five times Tara had asked. Maybe the seventy-sixth time would be different.

Tara put down her lemonade and looked across the table. "Why do we hate Kim?"

Bonnie's eyes narrowed as she put down her own lemonade. "If you have to ask, then 'we' obviously don't. Only I do."

"So, why?" Tara asked with a shrug. "You never did say, exactly."

"You know I don't like to talk about Kim."

"But WHY?" Tara insisted. "She's not even really mean, unless you say something to her first. And you've always believed in revenge."

"Don't want to talk about it," Bonnie replied, standing up.

"C'mon, just give me a hint, Bonnie!" Tara pleaded as she followed her friend out of the mall's food court. "I'll figure it out on my own!"

"No," Bonnie said firmly, her voice little more than a growl.

"Please?" Tara tried, looking hopeful.

"NO."

Tara pouted. "I thought we were friends."

Bonnie stopped, sighing loudly. "We are."

"Then why won't you tell me?" When Bonnie didn't answer, she tried another approach. "Who else COULD you tell?" Tara was relieved to see that Bonnie was actually thinking it over.

"No one," Bonnie admitted slowly.

"So tell me! It's not good to keep stuff bottled up inside, Bonnie. Especially if you feel so strongly about it."

"Later," Bonnie said after a moment.

"When?" Tara asked.

"Later today. Now stop bugging me."

Tara beamed and slipped her arm through Bonnie's. "Consider yourself bug-free."

Bonnie scowled, but allowed Tara to lead her out of the mall and toward the bus stop.

Tara seemed perfectly content for a while. But after only five minutes, she turned to her friend and pointed out, "It's later."

"Not yet," Bonnie snapped. "Much later."

Tara pouted again, but Bonnie refused to be swayed a second time. "You're no fun when you're thinking about Kim."

"Well, I didn't bring her up," Bonnie replied testily.

"Sorry," Tara murmured.

But Bonnie wasn't listening anymore. She was staring off into the distance, where she could hear the faint sound of police siren, steadily growing louder...and closer. Something like strong desire flashed across her face, but she hid it before Tara could notice, shoving her trembling fists into her pockets.

By then, Tara had noticed the sirens, too. Crime in Middleton wasn't nonexistent, but it wasn't all that common to witness one, either. And there was always the chance that Kim might be involved, so when Tara saw that Bonnie was trembling slightly, she assumed her friend was thinking the same thing.

"Why don't we just walk home?" Tara suggested, taking Bonnie's arm. "Suddenly I don't feel like waiting on the bus."

Bonnie flashed her a quick, grateful smile as she stood up. "Sure."

They hadn't gotten far when there was a loud screeching noise behind them.

Tara looked over her shoulder to see a car zooming around the corner, followed immediately by several police cars. The getaway car had to be doing at least 70 miles per hour, and she was amazed it didn't seem to have hit anything yet. Tara turned to ask Bonnie what she thought the driver had done wrong, only to find that Bonnie was no longer beside her. She looked around quickly, concern for her friend foremost in her mind, and spotted Bonnie...standing in the middle of the street, very much in the car's way.

"BONNIE!" Tara screamed, starting forward to push her out of the way. She'd only just reached the curb when Bonnie stamped her foot. Instantly, Tara found herself landing painfully on her butt. It was almost as if Bonnie had made the ground shake, but that didn't make any sense.

Although it started to make a lot more sense, the way Bonnie was staring down the oncoming car without even a hint of fear.

The car made no move to avoid her, and if it had, maybe it would've gotten away. Instead, it plowed straight into Bonnie.

Tara covered her eyes, unable to watch. There was a horrible crashing sound, followed by two surprised shouts. And then someone was scooping Tara off of the ground and carrying her away. She opened her eyes to find herself in the arms of a slightly sweaty Bonnie.

"Bonnie?" she asked hesitantly.

Bonnie glanced down at her and kept running.

Tara slowly reached up and picked a small piece of metal out of Bonnie's hair. It was bent almost double.

"Remember when I said we'd talk later?" Bonnie said lightly.

Tara nodded slowly.

"Now we have a lot more to talk about."

Tara swallowed noisily and kept her mouth shut. Something told her Bonnie would be doing nearly all the talking in the near future.

Bonnie was searching for her keys with one hand when Tara finally spoke in a hushed tone.

"You could put me down now, if that would help."

Blinking, Bonnie realized that she was still balancing Tara's weight on one arm, and that it was probably freaking her friend out. She carefully placed Tara on her feet and quickly located her keys.

Neither of them said a word as they headed up to Bonnie's room.

Bonnie sat down on the bed, staring at the floor. She was only vaguely aware of Tara sitting next to her.

"So...how come you're not hurt?" Tara asked quietly. "That car did hit you, didn't it?"

"I am hurt," Bonnie whispered. "Just not as much as I should be."

"I don't understand."

Suppressing a sigh, Bonnie poked Tara's shoulder with her finger.

So Tara was a bit surprised when she was practically thrown off of the bed. "HEY!"

Bonnie grabbed Tara's flailing arms before she could hit the floor, and pulled her back to a sitting position on the bed. "I can increase the strength of virtually any part of my body. But I only have so much strength to spare. So if I focus it all on one point, like I did there, I could probably punch through a bank safe. But if I spread it out, like I did with the car, I can only absorb so much impact. It's kind of a dull ache now, but it'll be worse tomorrow, I think." She frowned. "Maybe I should've just punched it and taken my chances."

"Bonnie...how long have you been like this?" Tara asked softly.

"Remember that really weird thing where I was stuck to Kim? Ever since then. I think that freaky machine we were tied to did something to me. Either that, or it just triggered something that was already there."

"But I've never seen you do anything like that before."

"Because it's not something I do often," Bonnie replied. "It really wears me out. That, and I don't want to be seen using it."

"So that's why you were all twitchy before. And why you ran away."

"And why I HATE Kim Possible," Bonnie growled.

Tara blinked. "Why? You don't think she wanted this to happen to you?"

"It's not that." Bonnie clenched her fist. "She saves the world every other day, using nothing but gadgets and natural talent. And everyone calls her a hero. But if I was seen using my powers even once, they'd call me a freak and toss me in some government lab for study."

"But that's not fair!"

"No, it isn't." Bonnie closed her eyes. "So that's why I hate her. Because I ultimately envy the freedom she has to do whatever she wants. It's petty, I know, but it's so unfair that I can't sleep sometimes." She sighed heavily. "I could do so much, if I only had one day in her shoes...one hour, even."

Tara thought for a moment. "Wait. You didn't like Kim long before that happened."

Bonnie shrugged. "I just really didn't like her then. Now I hate her."

"So why not just tell her? If these powers bother you so much, maybe she knows someone that can turn you back to normal."

"Are you nuts? I'm not going to tell her! She'd probably try to get me thrown off the cheerleading squad, because she'd claim I was using my powers to be better than her!"

"That doesn't sound like something Kim would do. I think she'd feel too guilty, if you told her how you got them."

Bonnie shook her head. "No. Besides, I don't want to be rid of my powers. I just want a chance to use them, without having to be afraid. They come in handy sometimes."

Tara frowned. "So...you hate Kim because she doesn't have to be afraid?"

Bonnie nodded. "Could we not talk about this anymore? It's giving me a headache."

"But, Bonnie," Tara said, "don't you see? You're so much better and stronger than Kim is!"

"Of course I am," Bonnie muttered. "I'm about ten times stronger than her. Well, eight, since she's above average."

"That's not what I mean. Okay, picture this. Kim saves the world all the time, so she must be plenty strong, right?"

"...you had better be going somewhere with this, Tara."

"I am," Tara assured her. "As strong as Kim is, though, she doesn't have to hold back. You're eight times stronger than she is, and you never even show it. In my book, your restraint makes you even stronger than her. Because while you could do all the things she does and ignore all the consequences, you choose not to." She gently squeezed Bonnie's shoulders. "It's one thing to be strong enough to punch through a bank safe. But how much stronger do you have to be, knowing you could do it, and deciding you won't?"

"You're just trying to cheer me up. It doesn't change the fact that I should be the hero, not Kim."

"But you ARE a hero, Bonnie. You're my hero. You always have been, ever since you saved me. And you didn't even have powers then."

"But you and that jerk are the only ones that know," Bonnie pointed out.

"So? Who knows the real Bonnie better than me?" Tara asked with a grin. "If it means that much to you, I could make you a little cape."

Bonnie glared at her. "Very funny."

"I could put BB on it. For Bionic Bonnie!"

"Stop it, Tara."

"What? You might need a costume, if you ever have to use your strength in public."

"No. I don't want anyone to know there's a girl with superhuman strength in Middleton. They might make a lucky guess. Or worse, they might think it was Kim. That's the last thing I need."

"Well, you could always dress up like a guy."

"I'll just pretend you didn't say that, Tara."

"It would work! If they were looking for someone with Brick's build, they'd never think it was a cheerleader."

Bonnie stood up and stomped over to the window. "Kim doesn't have to dress up like a guy. I shouldn't, either."

"She doesn't have any powers, Bonnie."

"That we know of. With my luck, she can probably make lasers come out of her eyes."

Tara sighed. "Now you're just being silly. Which is better than you being depressed, I guess."

Bonnie scowled at the window. "Maybe I should just go out there and let myself get caught. Then I wouldn't have to worry about hiding anything."

Tara didn't say anything.

"I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. Not being the best, not being popular, and not being like Kim Possible. I'd be free from every sort of pressure, at least for a little while." Bonnie turned around to ask Tara what she thought, but the question never got asked.

Tara was staring at her in horror, tears flowing down her face.

"Tara?" Bonnie asked uncertainly.

"How could you even consider that?" Tara whispered. "You...you'd just leave forever, just like that? What about your family?" She choked down a sob. "What about ME?"

Bonnie flinched as if she'd been struck.

"Don't you even care how I'd feel if something that awful happened to you? Why do you think I tried to get you out of the street today?"

"I...I didn't mean..."

"Yes, you did!" Tara cried, standing up. "You meant every word, Bonnie! I wouldn't be this upset unless you did!" Tara looked away, wiping futilely at her face, even as the tears continued to leak through her fingers. "I don't know what hurts more. That you would do something like that without even thinking of how it would hurt me, or that you did think of me, but didn't think enough of my feelings to let them stop you."

"Tara, please," Bonnie pleaded. "You know that's not-"

"I only know what you just told me," Tara whispered. "That my friendship means nothing to you." She spun around and started for the door.

Bonnie grabbed her arm. "Tara, stop it! Don't leave like this!" But when Tara tried to pull away, Bonnie instinctively found her strength increasing as her fingers tightened around Tara's arm.

Tara gasped in pain and surprise as Bonnie's fingers dug into her arm.

That seemed to wake Bonnie up, because she instantly let go. "Tara...I'm sorry," she said softly.

"For what?" Tara demanded.

"For hurting you," Bonnie admitted.

"Bonnie, you don't get it. You hurt me every time you put someone down who doesn't deserve it. You hurt me when you act so mean, when I know deep down you're wonderful. And you hurt me whenever you talk about yourself like you don't matter at all." Tara looked at the red fingerprints on her arm. "But even this hurt less than what you just said to me. So I have to go. And if you ever cared about me, you'll let me. I can't be around you when you're like this. Not anymore."

Bonnie bit her lip as Tara quickly left the room. She sank down on the floor and drew her knees up to her chest. A memory kept running through her head, of a time when she'd told Tara, without thinking, that she had no real friends. Worst of all, after what she'd done to Tara, Bonnie was starting to think that maybe she'd been right.

Kim was not in the habit of watching Bonnie for any reason, other than suspected treachery and the occasional cheer drill. Every now and then, she had to grudgingly admit that Bonnie was a damn good cheerleader, if nothing else.

Today, though, Bonnie was way off, and Kim resisted the strong urge to call her on it. Something was clearly wrong with her, to the point where Bonnie had to know she was screwing up. She didn't need it pointed out to her, especially not by someone she loathed.

So Kim kept her mouth shut, more out of pity than anything else. Had it been any other girl on the team, she would've gone over, told her what she was doing wrong, and offered suggestions on how to correct it, all while still being polite and not shoving her authority down her throat. Kim was responsible for the whole team, after all, and that included Bonnie. But this was partially why she was civil to the other girls, so she could trick one of them into dealing with Bonnie.

Tara was the obvious choice, since she and Bonnie were usually joined at the hip. But Kim soon noticed that Tara was upset, too, although she hadn't let it worsen her performance like Bonnie had. She'd even paired up with another girl for the drills, which was odd, to say the least. Something was really, really wrong with this picture.

Kim waited until after practice had ended before she approached Tara in the locker room.

Tara was seated on a bench, putting her cheerleading outfit into her bag. She saw Kim coming, and quickly brushed at her face before giving Kim her full attention.

Kim could tell right away that Tara had been crying. "Tara, is everything...?" She trailed off and started again. "Is there anything I can do?"

Tara opened her mouth, and then shut it, shaking her head.

"Did something happen between you and Bonnie?"

Tara squeezed her eyes shut in an obvious yes.

Kim hesitantly sat down beside her. "Look, I know we don't exactly run in the same circles or anything, but if you need to talk about this..."

"Can I ask you a really weird question?" Tara asked.

"Sure," Kim replied.

"Can you shoot lasers from your eyes?"

Kim stared at her. "...no."

Tara sniffled and rubbed at her eyes. "I made the mistake of asking Bonnie why she hated you again."

Kim gaped at her, but only for a few seconds. "I'm sorry."

"It's not even really your fault," Tara said, shaking her head. "At least, I don't think so. The real problem is between me and Bonnie."

"Maybe you shouldn't mention me anymore?" Kim hazarded.

Tara offered a sort of choked laugh. "I guess not."

"Would it be too personal if I asked what happened?"

"If I was Bonnie, I'd say definitely. But I'm not her, so..." Tara swallowed noisily. "She told me that she envied you for different reasons, and that was why she hated you. Then she started sounding like she...like she wanted to end it all."

The color drained out of Kim's face. "What?"

"I got really upset, of course. I guess she realized what she'd said then. But it was too late. Just the thought that she would consider doing it...it was like saying she never cared that I cared about her."

Kim couldn't think of any way to respond.

"She'll be so pissed that I told you," Tara laughed nervously. "Maybe I'm jealous of you, too."

"Why?" Kim asked, surprised.

"Bonnie swears she hates talking about you, but she spends so much time trying to get you. If she focused on me that much, maybe I wouldn't be here telling you all of this. Maybe then she'd know how much I..." Tara closed her eyes and stood up.

"Tara?" Kim asked in alarm.

"I need to find Bonnie, before she does something stupid." With that, Tara hurried out of the locker room.

Kim sat there for a long time afterwards, staring at the forgotten bag on the floor. Finally, she picked it up, put in Tara's locker, and closed the door. She had only taken two steps when Bonnie's voice rang out.

"You handled that pretty well, Possible."

Kim didn't turn to face her, afraid of what she'd see. Part of her still didn't want to pity Bonnie, even after what she'd heard. "How am I supposed to react to something like that?"

"I'm amazed you're not jumping for joy."

Kim gritted her teeth. "I bet it's things like that that make Tara wish she didn't care about you." When there was no reply, she turned to see Bonnie glaring at her. "Bonnie, I don't know what your problem is, and I don't care. Whatever it is, it's hurting Tara, and she doesn't deserve it."

"So you're going to protect her from me? Is that what you're saying? Anything to be the hero, huh, Kimmie?"

"It's got nothing to do with being a hero, and everything to do with being human, Bonnie. You're not supposed to hurt the people that care about you. Or were you doing your makeup when they taught that?"

"You shut up, Possible! You don't know the first thing about me!"

"You're right, Bonnie," Kim admitted. "But from what I hear, these days you're only interested in the last thing about you."

"She shouldn't have told you that."

"But she did," Kim pointed out. "Maybe she was asking me to stop you?"

"You think you could, if I really wanted to do that? What could you possibly say to me?"

"Plenty. I could ask you what you think Tara would do, if she was the one to find you first."

Bonnie blinked. She hadn't considered that.

"I can take a guess," Kim continued. "Based on what I've seen, Tara idolizes you. If she doesn't want to be like you, then she just wants to be with you. And if you were to do that, Bonnie, there's only one way she could follow you." She lowered her voice. "Do you really care so little for Tara that you'd let her end it, too? Even I thought better of you than that. I think Tara used to, as well."

Bonnie closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. When she looked again, Kim was gone.

Tara had gone to Bueno Naco half-hoping Kim would follow her. If Bonnie was in a really rotten mood, she might go after Kim just to try and embarrass her in public.

So far, there was no Kim, although she'd spotted Ron and his little rat (who she secretly thought of as remarkably clean) at their usual booth. Tara had chosen an out of the way booth, as she didn't really feel like running into anyone but Bonnie just then. Unable to think of anything else, she'd ordered two lemonades, but couldn't bring herself to drink either one.

Roughly ten minutes later, two strong arms slid around her in a tight embrace.

"I won't let you leave me, Tara."

Tara could hardly believe that Bonnie would resort to a public display of affection, let alone that she'd even showed up.

"Leave you? Bonnie, what are you-"

"You're my best friend," Bonnie interrupted firmly. "My only friend. The only friend I ever really needed. And I don't care if you hate me forever, but I'm not letting you go."

"Where is this coming from?" Tara asked uncertainly.

"Does it matter, so long as it's true?"

"But...you were mad. I saw you. So why?"

Bonnie shook her head. "I just figured out what was really important to me. That's all."

"But what's all this talk about me leaving you?"

"You were going to, weren't you?" Bonnie asked fearfully.

Tara shook her head. "Not really. At least, I hadn't planned on it. I just needed some time to be mad at you, if that makes any sense."

"It does, but you sounded so serious."

"Well, I was serious. I don't ever want to hear you talk like that again, Bonnie. You really scared me. I thought you were the one leaving."

"I won't," Bonnie whispered, hugging her tighter. "I need you too much."

"Then you should say so more often," Tara replied. "I'll promise not to leave you, if you promise me the same thing."

Bonnie nodded. "I swear I didn't mean to make you worry, Tara."

"I know you didn't," Tara said softly, laying her head against Bonnie's. "But we can put that behind us now."

"Is...this a bad time?"

Bonnie looked up to see Kim Possible standing in front of their booth. A look of pure irritation on her face, Bonnie opened her mouth, but Tara slapped a hand over it.

"What is it, Kim?" Tara asked.

"Um, you left your bag after practice, so I put it in your locker."

"Oh. Thanks!" Tara flashed her a sweet smile. "I was just telling Bonnie what a good listener you are, and how you convinced me to have a serious talk with her. Right, Bonnie?"

Kim didn't look as if she believed that one bit, especially with the angry look on Bonnie's face. She was glad that Bonnie was keeping her mouth shut for once, if only involuntarily. "Oh, I'm sure Bonnie knows all about my mad listening skills," Kim said.

Tara looked puzzled, and Bonnie looked embarrassed, then grateful, and finally furious again.

"I'll just leave you two alone to talk, then," Kim murmured, backing away with a friendly wave.

"Thanks again, Kim!" Tara called out before releasing Bonnie.

"I still hate her," Bonnie snapped.

"Sure you do," Tara said soothingly, with just a hint of disbelief. "Now drink your lemonade."

The End.