Resurrection
Author's note: I have been squeeing ever since last night!! Thank you thank you Russel T. Davies, you amazing amazing man! I couldn't resist welcoming Rose back with a slightly pointless fic. Title inspired by Rose's line in "Army of Ghosts" – "This is the story of how I died". Please review
Resurrection
The change happens so subtly that it's a few moments before she notices it's happened. One moment she is in the middle of a busy London street, surrounded by chattering people, the next she is in the same street, but everything, everything has changed. It's the smells that really let her know she's home- petrol fumes, and spices, and a hint of rain in the air. There's only one place in all the multiverse that smells quite like that.
She begins to walk around, taking it in slowly, she feels almost drunk on the sheer familiar thrill of it. She wants to touch everything, but doesn't quite dare to. There is a part of her that believes that if she tries to touch anything her hand will pass straight through it. Another part of her wants nothing better than a portion of chips, thick wedges with real potato in them, covered in vinegar and salt and tomato ketchup. You can't get chips like that in the other place. It's the thing she misses most, well, after him of course.
She has imagined going back a thousand times, visualised a hundred different scenarios. All of them have one thing in common- the Doctor. Sometimes they run into each others arms the way they have so many times before and he spins her round and round laughing. Other times they just stand smiling half shyly at each other, a thousand things passing unspoken between them. Other times he kisses her, passionately, a great, sweeping, Gone-with-the-wind, film-star kiss, the she way always dreamed he would when they were travelling together. He is always unfailingly pleased to see her.
Now that she is here however, now that finding him again might actually be possible, she is not so sure. She finds she is afraid of meeting him. What if he has found a new companion and moved on happily? What if he is angry with her for being gone so long? Or- worst of all- what if it has been a thousand years for him and he doesn't even remember who she is anymore? What if she were to find him, go up to him, only to be greeted with a blank stare? That is a scenario she has never imagined. What if he has regenerated again since she last saw him- how is she to find him if he has a different face? A thousand terrifying doubts fill her mind. Losing him once killed her. She doesn't know if can bear to die all over again.
It's obvious from the way people are standing in little groups, huddled together, talking excitedly- half frightened, half amazed, that something has happened. A man grabs her arm, staring at her with his eyes wide. "Did you see 'em?" he asks breathlessly, "Did you see 'em floating up to that ship- a real live UFO!" She laughs, it seems like things are as mad as ever here then. And something else makes her want to dance as it hits her. He could see her, he could touch her, which means that this is not just a dream, and she is actually home. The joy of being more than a ghost or a phantom in this universe which is her own, and yet not quite her own anymore, is overwhelming. Spontaneously she bends down quickly and puts her palms flat against the pavement. It feels hard, and cold and wet against her skin, oh she could kiss it! She gets up slowly, feeling like she has just performed a kind of religious observance.
She has been wandering for only a minute or two when she finds herself at the back of a crowd of people. Carefully she makes her way to the front of the crowd, trying to see what's so interesting. And then, as she reaches the yellow police tape blocking the road she sees it, the TARDIS, the blue police box, that she knows every inch of, better than she knows her own hand. A woman standing next to her is saying something, something she doesn't hear, that isn't important, because there, like a sign, is the TARDIS, waiting for her, as if she's never been away. She should have known he'd be here. If there's just been a major extra-terrestrial event he's bound to have been involved in some way.
She has the strongest urge to run headlong at the TARDIS and back into the mad, strange, fantastic life with the Doctor that she has missed so much since she had it ripped away from her without warning all that time ago. But just as strong is the fear, the fear that she wont be wanted anymore. She has responsibilities to consider as well. She has a life in the other place. She can't just go, not again. More than that, she can already feel her connection to this reality weakening, things are slipping out of focus, and the sound keeps shifting in volume and buzzing, like a radio with interference.
So she turns around and walks away, her heart twisting inside her, like a cloth that you wring to get the last of the water out of it. Before she has taken many steps the world has changed around her once again. Everything is the same, and yet, so so different. There are zepplins in the sky again, and she knows she is back where she started.
Later though, when the almost unbearable pain of being close enough to touch and yet not quite making that extra leap has subsided somewhat, she is able to feel quietly elated. She knows now that it is possible to go back, to be truly there, even if it is only for a short time. People saw and spoke to her, and she could touch things. Next time it would be for longer, she would be able to make a difference. Next time she would find him, speak to him. She tells Jackie, Mickey and Pete all about it. Her voice growing steadily more excited and animated as she does so. For the first time in years she is beginning to feel, at least a little, alive.
THE END.