Disclaimer: I don't own any of this.

Salads Are Smart

By Diana Moon Glampers

Chapter 1

Oh, A Salad. How Intelligent.

Hello. My name's Freddy, and I'm a student at The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. My mutant power is the ability to talk to plants and strengthening them. Yeah, I know it might sound kinda lame next to some of the others on campus. My geology teacher can make volcanos come from the ground and I hear the headmaster can read people's minds. Still, talking to plants isn't a bad power. My best friend's a plant, actually. His name is Intelligent Salad.

I met Intelligent Salad years ago, back when I first discovered my powers. I was going to eat him for dinner one night, until he started talking to me, claiming to be my guide in life. He convinced me not to slather him in vinaigrette and eat him, so I kept him around. You'd think that a salad would wilt, die, and get gross after a few years, but Intelligent Salad told me that I can also strengthen plants, which I used to keep him alive all these years. I still sometimes joke about covering him in cheese and croutons, but I'd never do that to him.

I don't have a lot of friends. There is one guy I know, Enrique, but he can be a jerk sometimes. I have a couple of classes with him. There's also this girl named Lauren that I never talk to. I don't think I can. I never was the most outgoing of guys. Lauren isn't even that good-looking, I just can't talk to girls. Still, I think about her sometimes and…

"Freddy, who are you talking to?"

It was Intelligent Salad.

"…No one." I said.

"Well, you'd better get moving. You'll be late for art class."

I had art class with Mr. Rasputin. He's a full-fledged member of The X-Men and has beaten up his share of bad guys, but you wouldn't know it from talking to him. He's the kindest, gentlest teacher on campus.

…

I entered Mr. Rasputin's class, a couple of minutes late.

"You shouldn't have stopped to get a drink. They have sinks in the art room, you know." Intelligent Salad said.

I gave him a glare. Intelligent Salad laughed.

"You know you aren't scaring anyone when you look at me that way, right?" He said.

I set him down next to me at my easel.

I'd been painting a landscape. It was a lot of work, took me about a week to get where I was and I only had about a third of the canvas complete.

"Maybe you'd go faster if you'd get to class on time?" Intelligent Salad said.

"You are insufferable, you know that?" I replied.

I dipped my brush into some nice brown paint for trees until Mr. Rasputin came up to me.

"Fredrick, you're here!"

He seemed pretty excited to see me. I wonder why?

"So, how have you been doing? Is your landscape good?" Mr. Rasputin said.

I looked around and noticed other students. They had their paintings for the most part, finished. That was when I noticed something: It was grading day. Crap.

"It's doing fine. I'm working on some trees by the meadow and…"

"Oh! This place looks wonderful. I want to relax here someday. You know?" Mr. Rasputin said.

He inspected my painting and turned to me again.

"Fredrick, I will not lie. You are a great painter, but you need to work on finishing your projects."

"I know, I know. It's just that I have a lot going on and…"

"Art isn't just about expression, you know. It's also hard work. If I have learned anything in my life, it is that hard work will get you everywhere. So, will you work harder?" He said.

"Yes, Mr. Rasputin."

"Good. Thank you, Fredrick. I need to go, now. There are other students that I must grade."

Mr. Rasputin left. What was my grade? He didn't tell me.

"He didn't tell you because it was dreadful." Intelligent Salad said.

I groaned.

"You're probably right."

I picked up my paintbrush and got right back to my landscape.