Red warmth
By Inugami
Edward Elric POV
Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist characters belong to their respective authors and those who had bought the franchise license. This is written only for fun, I don't earn any money despite I need it.
A POV based in my own experiences with Self Injury. If this will trigger you, please don't read it. I was in that situation once, and always disregarded warnings like this… And always ended cutting myself.
Too angst. I think I like to make Ed suffer, snif!
--
I see the multiple scars covering my body. Big ones, small ones, apparent or imperceptible ones. And some of them were made by me.
Since mom died, I had injured myself as a way to exteriorize my feelings.
It's different when someone other hurts me in a fight. Yeah, after all these aggressions you become almost insensible to pain, although you feel it, you learn to endure it. But when I injure myself, feels so different. Generally, the injuries from others are charged with the hatred of your opponent, unlike this other pain, which is certainly a way to free, drop by drop, the anguish gathered in my heart.
Maybe I like it because it feels warm…
The warmth of the crimson liquid evokes an embrace.
Mom was always loving with Al and me. That made me addict to the warmth of love. Addict to the sweetness of the cozy affection, like a mother's embrace, or the one from a brother.
Because I also miss Al's warmth.
And just due to the blood seal which binds his soul to the cold armor, I wouldn't have a reason to live.
Maybe that's another reason why I love the contact with the blood. With my blood. The blood which was able to rescue my beloved brother from the hands of the death. Because in that moment it was the only way to make him back, I would have given more for him, but at least I kept his soul. And at the same time I kept the only valuable one who I had.
The searching for the Philosopher's Stone had become an awful experience, as it were a punishment for breaking one of the main rules of the use of Alchemy and for having played God. But nothing will stop me until I could be able to recover my brother's body, just to embrace him again as when we were children.
To hear again his heartbeat.
To make him feel again the power of life by himself.
That's the driving desire which makes me act in this way. Because I want to feel that I am still a human despite my cold automails. Despite I had made things I am not proud of. Despite being a military dog. Despite those times in which the circumstances make me thing I don't have a heart.
That's why I let my blood run. Just to know I am still alive.
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Ending talk: I think I wrote this POV drabble due to the memories that came to me when I read some old entries on my blog and adding them to the fact I watched FMA complete again, including the OVAs. Somehow both things mixed in my mind and the idea of a self-injurer Ed popped out of my mind. I dunno.
I hope I will not injure myself again.