It was morning. Roger went outside to check the mail, all the while waddling along like a penguin.
"Oh, rats! It's not here yet," said Roger, slamming the lid to the mailbox. Then he went back inside. Stan was watching
TV as usual.
"Roger, can you go microwave some popcorn for me? And pour me some Virgils Root beer too while you're at it,
oh and can you get me a foot cushion?" asked Stan.
"Oh guawd, I'm not your custodian! Stop with the fillibuster already! You hear that? I feel completely fillibustered.
I get it, you want your pipe and your bowl and your fiddlers three too!"said Roger.
"Yeah, actually that would be nice. Oh, and a peanut butter sandwich, with the crusts removed, then dipped
in jello. Cherry jello" replied Stan.
"Yo Staneulinator, I'm an alien, you know what happens when I go near microwaves. And besides, I'm not doing too good.
My twenty one vintage wine cases of Priscilla's Perfect Presseco still haven't arrived yet. I wanna make Raspberry Sgcropino for
when I go on my big dinner date with myself" said Roger.
"You're going on a dinner date, with yourself?" asked Stan.
"Huh? What did I just say Stan? Am I drink?" asked Roger.
"I think you meant to ask if you're drunk, which clearly you are" replied Stan.
"Okay, well I'm gonna go pretend I'm a fire hydrant, then I'll be a parking meter. None of my personas have been
inanimate objects before, and I figure there's a start for everything" explained Roger.
Two minutes later...
Roger comes back into the room dressed as a parking meter.
"I'm Peter Parker, not to be confused with SpiderMan. Make me rich or face legal consequences" said Roger.
"Uhh, I don't think so. Say, Roger have you ever thought about going to the Grand Canyon?" asked Stan.
"Grand Canyon? You're changing the subject. Would you prefer me as a slender piece of filament?" asked Roger.
"No, Roger. I'm asking you a question! Have you ever thought about going to the Grand Canyon, yes or no?" asked Stan.
"Oh, you saw the junk mail. No I don't wanna go. But yeah there was some kind of brochure
or something for the Grand Canyon" replied Roger.
"There's a lot of things you can do there. You can shout from up above and have an argument with yourself, go
fishing for elusive and adorable trout, and you can even fly, I think!" said Stan.
"Let's go!" said Roger.
"Oh, I'm definately going to the Grand Canyon. But not with you. With Klaus" replied Stan.
"Klaus? But that doesn't even make for a good story are you out of your mind?" asked Roger.
"We're gonna go fishing!" said Stan.
"Don't you find that a bit ironic? Klaus IS a fish" replied Roger.
"I promised Klaus I'd take him to the Grand Canyon last year. He still thinks Germany is the most beautiful country in the world, and it is,
but so is America, and I'm gonna show him that America is the most beautiful country in the entire upper layer of Heaven" said
Stan.
Later...
"Look, Klaus, we're here!" said Stan.
"It's nothing like Aufkirchen" replied Klaus.
"Aufkirchen? That sounds like something you'd say accidentally after accidentally ingesting some sort of radioactive
tomato plant from another galaxy. Come on Klaus, look at all that riverline, and empty space, and the big gorgeous
rocks that girth the empty space. Almost makes you want to buy a tuna fish sandwich. Oh wait, you're a fish, yeah that was not right of me to say that" said Stan.
"There's one thing I like about America, Stan" said Klaus.
"What's thaT?" asked Stan.
"Betsy Ross. I want you to teleport me back in time so I can woo her" replied Klaus.
"Hmm, maybe in another episode" replied Stan.
Stan comes back home:
"Well, the company trip was a bit of a washout. But, Klaus did catch a largemouth bass, who then nearly ate him. He got away with incredible power and prestige" said Stan. Roger laughed.
"Haha, now that's a fishing story no one's likely to believe in this century" said Roger.
"Oh, I don't know. Boy, when Francine comes back from that spa trip in the Netherlands I can't wait to show
her my new rock collection" said Stan, placing a whole bunch of stones on the table.
"Ahh, rocks, the pinnacle of all things good about humanity" said Roger.
"True. All the glory of extractable sea salt, mud, and solidity! Rock solid, like my abs" said Stan. Klaus began devouring
all the rocks and spitting them out at Roger. Roger began steadily avoiding each one.
"Woah, woah, woah, watch it Gilligan. I have a LOT of alter egos, and not one of them is a professional dodge-ball player" explained Roger.
"Ooh, quartz!" said Klaus, quickly stopping his reflexes and preventing himself from using his fins to toss the crystal
towards Roger.
"Quartz? You're kidding me! Now suddenly I do want popcorn" said Roger.
There was a knock on the door. It was Francine.
"Francine, you're back!" said Stan.
"Yes, Stan, and you know where I want to go next?" asked Francine.
"No, where?" asked Stan.
"I have this unexplainable urge to take Klaus to the Grand Canyon" replied Francine.
"But that's what I just did! Oh well, we'll take him again. Heev and Staylee will have to be watched over by Roger
while we're gone" said Stan.
"Don't you mean Steve and Haylee?" asked Francine.
"Yes, of course, HeathCliff and Snakey. Molly Pitcher's lethal baseball mitt! What's my issue here, can anyone please tell me?" asked Stan.
"Let's just go to the Grand Canyon!" said Francine.
"Here's your stupid popcorn Stan you crazy beeyastard! If I'm gonna be a disturbingly attractive piece of light bulb filament, I need to lose
a couple pounds so I sure as hell am not eating this! You are!" said Roger, tossing Stan a bag of popcorn.
Later...at the Grand Canyon..two YEARS LATER?
"Stan, have we been gone for two whole years?" asked Francine.
"I think it had something to do with Roger, but I can't figure it out. Can you?" asked Stan, turning to the reader.
THE END