AUTHOR: trista groulx (dustytiger)
SPOILERS: Reaping Havoc, and before
DISCLAIMER: i don't own DLM, or any of the charcters, they belong to their creator, as well as the actors and actresses who bring them to life, please don't sue i'm an unemployed bum, even if you hold me by the ankles and shake me no money will fall out, i'm just boring them, and will return them with few wear and tear marks!
RATING: PG, deals with death ('ya think)
THANKS: must put a thank you to the for posting transcripts, that helped me to write this story acturatly, link here, http: SUMMARY: A free spirit can only be caged so long as it is not mourning it's lost liberties. Betty is one of those free spirts.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: this story is based around the events transcribe in the above link, i am not one to plagerise so very few parts have been directly quotes. the episode was how George saw it, this is how betty saw it, from her POV it can be a tad philosical but such is the subject matter. this is a stand alone peice, no sequals, prequals or otherwise, so don't ask just, please tell me what you think. this is just what i think could have gone on in betty's head, dreamed up from the first sentance of the summary which i thought of in the bath! laugh i hope i did some justice, it's not a quote, but is probably influenced by the early works of karl marx
I could see it so clearly, the most beautiful cliff I had ever seen, the jump I knew would change my life. I wanted to run right to it, but something I could not see was holding me back. I simply could not escape the invisible force. I was finally able to take a step, and I knew I'd finally be able to make the jump! The jump that would lead me to where no other jump would lead me. The jump that would be my real end, not the one I got. I knew that jump had been my destiny, I had seen it every night in my dreams, but I was finally going to do it.
BUZZ!
My eyes flew open, to the sound of my alarm. It had been another dream, the same dream I had had every night of my life, and also of my afterlife. I knew that this afterlife, this grim reaper business was not my destiny, whatever it was that laid at the end of that jump. I knew that if I ever had the chance to make that leap, nothing in the world would be able to stop me.
I got out of bed, and headed to Der Waffle Haus, as I did every morning, to meet with my fellow reapers. I hoped Roxy would not be there, our personalities clashed too much, and she could bring me down. She was one of the few people who could bring me down, she was just so, rough, that's the best word I can think of. I'm sure she was a great person, but we were just too different to get along.
I wouldn't have minded seeing Mason, when he was around I could really be my fun loving self, and his recklessness tended to compliment my need to be carefree.
I loved going there every morning, cause the food was good, and the atmosphere was better. When I was with the group I could really be myself, it was the only time I didn't have to think about the dreams, or jumping. I could just be my silly self. When I got there that morning, only Rube was there.
I liked Rube enough, I just wanted him to show his soft side a little more often. I knew had one, deep down inside, he just liked to hide it. He liked being the scary boss man, and he was good at acting the role. I knew that he was softy, and I really noticed that when George was around.
George was the new girl, and I do mean girl she's only eighteen and she's got to be a reaper till some decides she's filled her quota. She seems like a good kid, she's just got some angst issues, like most teenagers these days. I didn't understand it myself, sure there was bad in the world, but it was so much easier to just focus on the good. When I got there I only Rube, I was a little disappointed.
"Hi!" I said enthusiastically.
"Morning," he replied.
Rube's responses never really changed, he liked us to think he was a very angry man. I wondered if his death had anything to do with why he liked everyone to think he was so bitter. Maybe it did all have to do with his role as the leader of the group, but there was something big bothering him, and I knew that none of us would never really know.
He guarded his secrets and his real emotions very well. He was a nice enough guy when he wanted to be, he was just very negative, just like everyone in the group tended to be. He handed me my post it. I didn't really want to get comfortable. He was in a very negative mood, and trying to talk to him would be like making friends with a bear.
"I want you to show George your style tonight," he informed me.
"Oh, all right," I replied. "This is right near here, I'll invite her for supper with me!"
"I'm sure she'd like that."
I could tell Rube did not want any company. He didn't even want the conversation he had already engaged in. "I think I'm going to go enjoy this beautiful day!"
I left, leaving him with his thoughts, and me with my own. My thoughts quickly drifted back to the new girl, George, who Rube wanted me to show a few tricks to. She was so young when she died, and became a reaper. I did feel genuinely sorry for her, she never really had a chance to live before she was forced into the world of the undead.
I was glad that I was a little older then she had been when I got assigned the job. At least I knew what life was about before I had to be surrounded by death. George didn't know herself when she was alive, and now she was being forced to design a new self. I always knew how I was, and I never changed that definition much.
I knew that she was riddled with regrets about her life, and that's why she simply could not let go of her family, not matter how much Rube objected. I, myself thought Rube was being a little crazy with it. I knew he had his reasons. I guess it would not be the best thing if the family found out that their daughter wasn't really dead, just on a different plain of existence.
I didn't have any regrets about my death, other then being forced to become a reaper. Everything did happen for a reason. I had been my time to try something new then, and my real time to see what lays beyond will be when I see the jump of my dreams. I knew that no matter what I'll know it when I see it, and I'll will make that leap.
I wanted to try and become friends with George, to show her that you don't have to be a ball of rage to be undead, or a grim reaper. You could be filled with happy thoughts and not all the bitter things that everyone else seemed to carry with them. I decided to go to a park not far from where I was living then I had lived in many places since I had died. I always liked the park though, it was nice, and I was able to really think there. I didn't have a blanket so I decided it would be a better idea to find a bench to sit on. I found one that was under a tree so I would not get too much sun. Everything smelled fresh and clean, it was one of those few perfect weather days.
I always hated the stereotypes of death, and the grim reaper. Everything was always so black and sad. I didn't much like the colour black being associated with all things death. Especially grim reapers in black robes holding sickles. It was just far from the truth, it really made everything seem that much worse.
It didn't have to be sad either, people saw it all wrong. Every end is just a new beginning, couldn't death be that too? People just had this fixation on mourning the loss in their lives instead of the possible gain to the loved one who has been allowed passage to a new phase. I guess it's hard to celebrate the unknown though, especially when all you know was having them in your life.
Just because someone stopped existing on the plain of existence we all know doesn't mean it all had to stop. Just look at me, I've done just fine since I died all those years ago. George would probably be a better subject to study on that matter, and her family too.. She is filled with so much anger over losing her life, that she cannot see she has gotten something so many people wish for, eternal youth. Sure it wasn't really fair that an eighteen year old had to be snuffed out and dragged into the world of the undead.
However, when you looked on the bright side she was going to be eighteen till the end of time! There were songs written about wanting that. Happy thoughts, simple as that. People have been looking for that kind of payoff since the beginning of time. It wasn't the best way to get it, but she had it. Be happy with what you've go instead of being upset about what you've lost.
Her family is obviously in mourning over her death, but if they would just open their eyes they would see that she is really not all that far away. She didn't die she just has a different role to play in life, or more accurately in death. If people weren't so fixed in their definitions of life and death, then maybe George and her family could be a kind of family again. I guess it wouldn't be the very best thing for George. But, that's just the way fate works, I suppose.
When I think about it, that was why I was always ready to jump when I was, alive The jumping, the falling, and the landing did not scare me. It was just something that I enjoyed and I went out of my way to do so. I did get hurt a few times, and knew I could even die, but wasn't afraid of life, nor death. That's the trick, not just not fearing death, but also not fearing life. Most people just were not ready to think like that.
Even after taking what many saw as my very last jump, I'm still jumping. They may not see it, but I am still doing it, and it's real. Admittedly, I don't have as much time for it as I used to. Which is really not much fun cause I finally heal quick from the jumps, but those are the breaks.
My job forced me to do a lot things I didn't like to do, but I didn't have a choice in the matter. I could never get a day job like Roxy and George, it would just clip my wings further. I was already fighting hard against the restraints I already felt around my wings.
I would have liked to have a proper house that I made payments on every month, a car I didn't have to worry about getting stopped driving, and getting stuff legitimately, but I needed all the freedom I could have. I was free spirit, and I was already beginning to feel too caged in.
Even when I say that a jump will be my last one, I know that it won't be. I am going to find the jump I dream about, and I'm going to go for it, nothing can stop me! I'm sure that even when I jump that one it won't be my final jump. Even though I'm not sure what lies after that leap, I'm not scared. I just keep thinking happy thoughts. They say to make what you fear, so I try to fear as little as possible. I needed to teach more people that lesson.
"Excuse me?" I heard a male voice say.
"Hi!" I exclaimed happily. "How can I help you?"
"I don't usually do this but," he paused. "Can I bring you-" He stopped again. "My name is Jackson, and I'd really like to have a cup of coffee with you."
"That's really nice of you Jackson, I'm Betty. I don't drink coffee, but a tea would be great!"
"Really?"
"Sure, but can I take your picture please?"
"Never mind." He walked away quickly.
People could be so funny sometimes, I guess he thought I was some kind of freak for wanting his picture. I just wanted it for my collection.
The guy that I had to reap that night with George watching, so she could see my style, was an odd one too. He thought we were both hookers. Can you imagine, thinking two innocent enough looking people being hookers? Besides what kind of hooker would be chatting it up in a restaurant with a John, honestly?
Some people just don't get things very quickly, and Chuck, was defiantly one of them, it took him forever to realize that he was, in fact dead, and were there to help him to his final destination.
George could one of those people, who didn't pick up on things very quickly. Maybe it had something to do with her age too, she had not seen as much as some people I had. I wasn't sure that she knew why I wanted to be her friend.
After explaining to George why I took Polaroids of people right before they died, I felt the need to look through a few of my sacks. When I got home I started to go through them all. I never realized just how many I had. Most, but not all of them, were of the souls I had reaped, since instant cameras had been invented of course. Some were of people that I had come across, and felt the need to categorize.
At the bottom of many of the sacks, were the names and most noticeable physical characteristic about each person I had reaped before I got my cameras. They too were in the same sacks, at the very bottom somewhere.
I decided that I was going to give George some of the sacks, to help her understand what it meant to be a reaper. Maybe if she saw even just a cross section of the people I had reaped. Maybe then she would understand that the job didn't have to make you jaded. There was always something good to think about.
After deciding which sacks I wanted to get rid of, and removing all my notes, I decided it was much past my bedtime. I could never understand why everyone else complained about not sleeping. I didn't think it was any different from when I had been alive. I just laid in my bed, got comfy, thought happy thoughts, and nature did the rest.
Even though I knew that I'd have the same dream, as I did every night, I didn't dwell on it. I made a note to myself as I fell asleep to tell George that you can sleep a lot better if you just focus on the good stuff that had happened that day, instead of all the bad stuff.
Again, I was at the cliff, it was so beautiful. It was like nothing I had ever seen, even though I saw it every night. I had looked so many times to see where in the world it was, and I never seemed to able to find a picture that was right. There were lots of places that the jump could be, but I knew I'd find it one day. That night the dream was a little different, I felt like it was a person who was trying to keep me from the jump. Most of the time I saw myself standing there, looking scared.
Even though I knew that fear had never crossed my mind as to why not to do a jump, that's what my dream had always shown before. I looked closely, and I was looking behind me, at someone, but I couldn't see who. I started toward the jump, and was almost there, I could almost feel the air around me, but before I took that final plunge, I woke up. I turned over and was back asleep in a few seconds, but the dream did not return, and I didn't remember any others that night.
The next morning I was determined to show George that I did want to be her friend. I even drove her home, and even offered to drive her to work. But she said that she'd be all right to go herself. I thought that it was as good a time as any to give her the sacks, which I had put into my car that morning.
She looked surprised when I returned to her door with a bunch of sacks. I lied and told her that I didn't have room for the photos anymore. I hated parting with them, but I hope that they'd help her somehow. I made a mental note of her lunch time, and I thought I'd take a break from shopping to meet the two of them for lunch.
I always liked shopping, it was very relaxing. I've always liked pretty things, which are sometimes hard to get when you have limited income. I was never the type to have a job, I always found someone to buy me what I wanted and needed. It worked for me, so I just kept doing it. Sometimes I'd have to resort to stealing, and I had learned a lot of tricks. I had never been caught, and I wasn't about to start.
My first rule was never to bring Mason, he was a bumbling idiot, and had been with him one time when he was caught. That was more then enough for me, and much too close for comfort He was good at drawing attention to himself, and I needed to keep that to a minimum, that was how I worked, we were just too different to scheme together, even if it could have meant a better booty.
What I found worked best was to dress up a little, look a little classier then the store you were shopping at. Sales people didn't tend to bother with you at all. I would be lucky to get a simple greeting, and that's what I wanted. They would simply assumed that you had wondered in by mistake, and would soon leave.
I would find what I wanted, and walk out at about the same time as someone else. Since the sales people hadn't even noticed me in the store, they assumed that the other person was in the wrong. By the time their bags were checked I was long gone, and the people in the store were apologizing for their machine being too sensitive. It was just that easy.
After getting to George's work, I realized that it was not a nice lunch date we'd all be going on, but rather a reap. I was glad I had gone though, because it was not an easy reap, for anyone, so the new kid would have been lost. It was at a family reunion. I was very disappointed when I discovered that the light bulb in my stomach had been wrong about who the victim would be. I was usually right on with those.
We had all been very off, and the poor man who did die, didn't get taken in time to have no damage. George had to get back to work, and his light show was being slow. I felt for the man, and decided I'd try to cheer him. I tried to make the situation positive, but when you have to meet your maker with a face which has just been deformed with a canoe it was hard to think of exactly what to say.
The reason he didn't want to go was that he wanted his sister to know that he'd be all right. Rube told him that he couldn't do anything to help, but I know that big softie did something for him, I'm just not sure exactly what.
After he saw his lights, I decided to go home. I was a little surprised that I myself didn't have a post it that day, but I wasn't much bothered. I liked a day off now and then to do my own thing. I was just about to read a book when my phone rang.
"Betty?" I heard a voice ask at the other end.
"Hi, yes, it's me," I replied.
"It's George, I was wondering if you wanted to go on my reap with me?"
"I'd love to, any reason?"
"It's a bar, I don't really want to go to a bar myself. Besides even though Millie's ID says she's twenty one I certainly don't look it. So I'm thinking if I have someone a little older with me they my not question it so much."
"Good thinking! I'm going to bring you a couple of more sacks, so I'll swing by and pick you up." "Sound great!"
Click. She had hung up the phone, I'd have to teach her a thing or two about manners. I looked at my sacks, not wanting to give the last few up, but something told me I should give her the rest. I loaded them into my car, and went to her place. I knew that she really didn't have the room for all that stuff, but she seemed to have done a good job at finding room for what I had already given her.
When we got to the bar no one even asked us for any kind of ID, which suited us both just fine. We each got a drink, and took to finding who it was who was going to die. It wasn't as hard as her earlier reap. There was a party, unfortunately the birthday boy would find another landmark would happen on that day.
I didn't like the idea of someone dying with all of his friend and family there to witness his demise. It was a little depressing, when you really thought about it. I couldn't even imagine having to actually witness someone I cared about dieing. Dieing didn't bother me so much as how it happened, and in our division most deaths were not pretty extreme, and messy. It was life or death that bothered me it was the process of dieing, so I always looked away at the moment they were meant to go through that transition.
While we were talking I said something that made me think. I had told George that I didn't like to stay in one place for very long, and it was true. I knew I had been doing this much too long, but I hoped my last reap would come soon. I needed to fill my quota before I got to make my final jump.
I had always been a free spirit, and it surprised me that I had been able to stay put that long. I guess at first being undead was quiet the adventure. But it was starting to get boring, and I could feel that I was getting cabin fever. I wanted, even needed to do something to really change things up. My free spirit had been caged much too long, and I was really starting to miss a lot of the freedoms I had when I was alive.
Maybe it was the changes in the dream that had made me really think about what I really wanted. I wanted to take that leap and see where it took me. If only I could find that cliff, I needed to see what laid behind it.
I took his picture to add to what was starting to become George's collection. I never looked when the person died, I didn't like blood and guts. I was fine with them alive, I was fine with them dead, it was them dieing that I could not deal with. That night I had so much more on my mind, I simply was not paying enough attention to care how exactly it happened. My mind was fixated on the cliff, I could not get it out my head. Normally when I was with other people, and out, I didn't think as much about it. I was carrying on a conversation with George, while my mind only had one track.
I wanted to tell her about it, but for some reason I just couldn't make myself explain it. no one knew about my reoccurring dream, it was just something I did not want to share with anyone. That cliff, and those dreams were my secrets, and I simply could not trust anyone else with what I thought about the cliff.
I had to find out where the jump was, I needed to make that leap. I knew that once I saw it nothing would stop me. If I could just take that leap, I knew that I would feel like myself again, and this funk I was starting to fall into would just go away. If I could just make that jump I knew that I'd be happy with my life and afterlife, finally, and maybe permanently. If only I could find it to make the jump.
I snapped back to reality when we left the bar. I was never sure how long it would take before a soul got it's light show. This one, however would be different from all the others I had seen. When it reveled itself, I could not believe my eyes THAT was my jump. So people really were not that different, some people actually shared the same light show. I knew that what I saw should have been mine all those years ago. I could hardly believe it, but I had a tough choice, my dream jump, my destiny or my new friend.
"The cliffs of Dover," I heard him say.
"The best thing about cliffs is jumping," urged him.
He said something else, but I didn't hear it. All I could think of was that I finally got to see my jump, and I'd have to stay behind with my new friend. Of course what were the chances that I'd be able to go Ireland and jump from the real cliffs of Dover? Did they even still look like that? Were they even still there? I simply did not know, the answers to those questions, and I didn't have time to find out the truth.
I know I said something else to him, but it was a blur, my mind was elsewhere. My body was on auto pilot, while my mind was fixated on the cliff, and my future.
That was the jump I had dreamed of all my life, I simply could not let it go. I couldn't take the chance that if I saw it again that it not be just right. At that moment it was perfect, it was everything I dreamed it would be I had to take the leap, even if it meant that I lost one of the best friends I could ever have.
The jump was my destiny. I ran over to George, and asked her to take my picture, she did. I decided to give her my ring to show her that I was her friend. Giving her everything that had meant anything to me had to show that to her. But as much as we both needed a good friend, there was simply something that was bigger then me that I had to attend to. I had to really free my spirit once and for all.
I took a few steps, before I knew it I was standing next to him. He took the jump first. I then looked behind me, at George, she looked so sad, so helpless standing there, knowing that this was against the rules, but not being able to stop me. I wished I had time to explain in all to her. But there was no time, I had to do it then, or let it go, possibly forever. I could not take the chance of losing that forever, so I had to leave her with more questions she would never have answers to.
Would it be better to just wait, and go to Ireland and see the cliffs of Dover for real? No, I told myself. She's going to be just fine without me, better maybe, I reasoned. I could not let my destiny pass me by, I had to jump then or I may lose the chance forever. I took the jump, my final leap, my destiny.
"Happy thoughts!" I whispered to myself, as I fell. I loved the feeling of the air around me as I feel, it was the one time I was free, finally free.
the end end notes: yeah, i know it doesn't really answer many questions, but that would take away from the integrity of the show. we can only speculate what comes next, and the show makes us think about it, instead of telling us what is so. this is a stand alone piece, obviously, so please don't ask for more, there is nothing else here, i'll keep trying to write DLM fic, it's just a huge challange for me, and my likes to focus her energies else where... you're done the first "r" now will you take the time to do the second?