Note: So this is one of a few stories I wrote a couple of years ago, and I'm now reviving. Before I couldn't separate this out into chapter to upload (it refused to paste into another document) but I've got it sorted now. So here goes...

THE SMALL GREEN PEOPLE

The story of how the gang met each other, and also the Small Green People.

It reveals (somewhere along the line) why Howard lived in a shed at the zoo, where Vince got his fashion sense, and also the reasons behind Naboo's constant being-stoned-ness.

DISCLAIMER: The Zooniverse, Howard, Vince, Naboo, Bollo and indeed any characters, and all other stuff related to the Boosh, are not my creations. They belong to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.

The Small Green People, if you are interested, belong to no-one but themselves and it cost me a fortune bribing them to appear in this story.

Anyway, here is the story…

Chapter 1- Past and presents.

Naboo blew the dust off the magic box and prised open the lid. Inside was a collection of equally dusty trinkets. A coloured feather, some loose gemstones, a pendant shaped like an eagle, a bunch of black ribbons all tied together, a green silk bag just the right size to fit in the palm of one's hand, a bundle of silvery twigs, a small bottle of something dark and thick. Naboo rooted through all these until he found what he was looking for: a small scroll.

His shaman CV. He'd need it if he wanted to get a job in the zoo. He had seen it being built in the crystal ball, but didn't know how soon.

The rain lashed against the windows of the café. Howard sighed, and put down the rag and the bottle of disinfectant on the table. He stared out the rain-washed glass at the street outside. Somewhere out there was his dream. That was why he had come to London in the first place, when he was sixteen, to pursue his dream. And here he was, now eighteen years old, scrubbing tables for a living. Before that he had been a bin-man. Before that a jazz musician. They were his happiest days. He had played jazz for a living. Of course, he had had to give up because he wasn't making any money, but still…

"Moon, you're not being paid to stare out the windows all f*****g day!" the voice of the café owner interrupted his reminiscences. Howard sighed, and returned to his scrubbing. Pointless really, as no customers had been in at all today.

Behind him, unnoticed, a Small Green Person sat on the shelf next to the ketchup, smothering her giggles.

It could have been the snarling that woke him, or the shouting. But the moment he was awake, he knew something was wrong. He jumped out of his bed and ran to the window. People in white coats were walking purposefully towards the house.

"Brian!" he called. He was scared. Then he remembered that Brian had left early that morning, before he was awake.

The shouting was getting louder now. He saw that Jahooli was in front of the men, snarling at them. But the men shot him with a dart. He went all weird, and lay down.

Alone, scared, the boy began to think. They had come for him. He had known they would one day. What could he do? Run away. He opened the window and prepared to climb out, unnoticed. But too late. They had seen him.

They began to run. In no time at all they were at the door, and had knocked it down. Bus tickets swirled in the air like blossom.

He backed against the wall, crying out.

"It's all right son," said one of them. He turned to the others. "Boy needs some antibiotics and fast. Flu, malnutrition, wouldn't be surprised if he had bloody rabies an' all."
He struggled, but two of them were holding him down while a third prepared a needle. He leered over him, his shadow covering the wall.

"Hold still now, and this won't hurt at all."

He couldn't move, could only yell as the needle pierced him. Over his own cries he heard one of them say: "Take him back. He needs to be dealt with. And make sure he never comes back here again."

He was being dragged away from his home, out of the forest. He fought to stay conscious. Lashed out.

"Dear dear, we can't have that." said the voice. A heavy hand hit the side of his head, again and again, and the laughter rang in his ears, mingled with his terrified cries…

This time it was his own scream that woke him up, and he awoke for real. He lay there in the darkness, breathing heavily. Letting the tears flow, letting the silence echo around him.

The tiny figure flew down and landed on his pillow. She whispered words of comfort to him, but Vince could not hear them.

The bell tinkled, and the door opened. Howard looked up. A very short man had just entered, bringing with him a large puddle. He sat down and ordered a coffee. He wore a turban and a blue gown. Howard stared at him. Once the waitress had gone, the man looked at Howard and beckoned him over.

"Howard Moon?"

"How do you know my name?"

" I know everything," replied the Shaman." Naboo, by the way."

"Howard," said Howard, and immediately felt very foolish.

"Have you heard that they're going to build a zoo?" asked Naboo.

"No." replied Howard.

"Well I do. I know everything. Anyway, you need to make sure you get a job there. It's important."

"Why?" asked Howard.

"I don't know," replied Naboo, and disappeared.

The waitress came over with the coffee.

"Where the hell's he gone?" she demanded of Howard.

"I don't know," said Howard, slightly dazed by what had just happened.

"But I bet he does," he added under his breath.

The Small Green people flew to a safe spot- a chimney, to be precise, and held council. They were doing their best, following these three different people. But they hadn't managed to bring them all together yet. They needed to redouble their efforts. After a brief discussion, two of them left to find Naboo. They had a vision to give him.

Naboo was gazing at his crystal ball, but not seeing anything. Probably something to do with the magic mushroom soup he'd had for dinner.

He was just about to give up when strange symbols appeared in the smoke. He read them. "A present from the Small Green People."

Intrigued, he reached into the crystal ball in his mind, and pulled out the gift. It was a vision. He slotted it into his vision player, so he could watch it in better quality. Then he sat back and watched it. There was a man, and a boy, and lots of animals. The man and the boy and the animals were all connected, and the Small Green People were bringing them together.

Hmmm.

In the café, Howard had finished scrubbing the tables and was now mopping the floor. He had had just about enough of this, but he'd heard a rumour that morning that the zoo was beginning to be built. As soon as his shift ended, he'd go and have a look.

The Small Green Person crouched in a cup on the table nodded her head encouragingly. This was better. Now time to give him the present…

Howard picked up his coat as his shift ended, and left. He didn't feel the gift materialize in his pocket.

While this was going on, the rest of the Small Green People were still on the chimney. The chimney happened to be of a children's home. The children's home happened to have children in it. In particular it housed a boy by the name of Vince.

Vince was in his attic bedroom. They had given him an attic bedroom away from the other kids, so he didn't disturb them. They thought he was mad, knowing that he had lived in the forest before he came here and had fits all the time.

He had just finished one of his fits now, a particularly violent one during which he had shouted incoherently and lashed out at the helpers as they tried to restrain him. In his mind he had been reliving, again, the moment they stole him from his home. The helpers had given up trying to calm him down, and had locked his door. Now he was slumped against the wall, tears choking him, neither asleep nor wake. Drained of energy, trapped in his own head.

There was a whistling sound, like wind was coming down the chimney. Cold air filled the already chilly room. Vince shrank into a tighter ball. He sensed that someone was there. It was one of them again, and they were going to stick a needle in him, or ask him questions, or bring him food. He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to talk. He wanted to go home.

There was a cough. Vince looked up. A tiny man was standing in front of him. He had shoulder-length black hair with a turban perched on top. He wore a blue embroidered robe, and was bare-foot.

"Are you Vince?" he asked.

"How do you know my name?" demanded Vince. "Who are you, anyway?"

Naboo saw how thin and ill the kid looked, and how suspicious his tone was.

"I'm Naboo, that's who." he replied. "And I know your name because I know everything."

"You're one of them, aren't you?" cried Vince. "I told them, I'm not mad! I won't let you give me those injections. You can't touch me."

With what seemed to be a tremendous effort he heaved himself up, and backed away, groping for the door-knob. But the door was still locked. He tugged desperately at it, but he was exhausted from his fit and collapsed on the floor, coughing and retching, shuddering, and then going still. Naboo knelt down and rolled him over. He was deathly white, and his lips were as blue as his eyes.

"I'm not one of them," whispered Naboo. "I'm going to help you."

Reluctantly, Vince looked into Naboo's eyes.

"Have you ever seen a Small Green Person?" he asked.

"A what?"

"Look." Naboo pointed up. One of the Small Green People had flown down the chimney, to see if her charge was alright.

"I've seen them in my dreams," Vince said doubtfully. "They whisper to me."

"They're real." said Naboo. "They bring people together, as destiny says. That's how they survive. They are bringing together me and you and someone else. When they give you presents, you are able to see them properly."

"Presents?"

"You'll be getting yours as soon as I go," said Naboo. "Now listen carefully.

I can't promise when I'll be able to get you out of here, but I'll be returning soon. Go to school, act normal. The nightmares will still come, but now you can talk to the Small Green People they can protect you better. How old are you?"
"Eight." said Vince.

"Then it's been six months since you left the forest. You can talk to animals, right?"

He nodded, wondering where this was going.

"Then go to the zoo."

With that, Naboo vanished. At that exact moment, the Small Green Person gave him his gift.

Vince stared at the spot where Naboo wasn't anymore. He could feel the present seeping into his blood, warming him. A shaman had come to visit him. That was just…

He decided that he just had to get one of those robes, they looked so cool.

So there you are. They have all received their gifts. Naboo got a vision, Vince got fashion sense, and Howard got a something. We'll find out what it is in the next chapter. Or the one after. Or the one after that maybe. Or the one after that…

So what do you think people? Is it worth reviving?

Review please.

Note: The bold, italic, underlined writing like this is what I'm adding in the present, all other is the notes of myself from two years ago, which I am leaving because they may end up being helpful.