*More to come!* (This story is the perspective of Sam dealing with Mcnally's task force decision)

QUICK DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ROOKIE BLUE!

I was sitting there, my hands feeling the cold across the bar top. I was mentally beating myself up for how I chose to express myself. I was so damn tired of saying the wrong things, or saying the right things in the wrong time frame. I loved her. I loved her and from the looks of it, I'd lost her.

Andy Mcnally. That girl, that girl consumed me. And I hated it. I hated how weak she made me feel. But then somehow, I loved it more than any other feeling. Just thinking about her shy smile or her off sense of humor—these things made me go crazy. And as I downed my fourth shot of scotch, it became fairly evident I'd lost her. I just didn't want to admit it.

"Stop sulking, Swarek. It doesn't suit you." I recognized the voice. Ah, Peck.

"What can I say, it's been a long day." I flashed an unconvincing smile, then proceeded to raise my shot glass.

"One more glass over here!" I called. The bartender looked at me skeptically, but noticed Peck. That seemed to give him enough incentive to slide one over.

"Hey, have you seen Nick?" She asked.

"Nope."

"Where's Andy? I figured you two lovebirds would have made up by now." Peck said. My head lifted in optimism.

"Why? Did she mention something to you?" I couldn't hide my desperation. Lord, I was pathetic. Fucking alcohol.

"This is your punishment, Swarek. Fine rookies like us don't come around every day. Maybe Mcnally moved on…" Gail threw back a heavy loaded shot, exhaling loudly.

"You sound bitter, Peck." I couldn't be nice right now. Gail was right. Andy was too smart to actually want me. I gave her an out—inadvertently. New mantra: 'Sam you are an idiot.'

"I'm not bitter. Nick and I are doing great. But nice try." Peck shoved me lightly, although after all that alcohol, it felt like I'd fallen sideways.

"Why couldn't you just tell her how you felt from the beginning?" Peck asked.

"Good question."

"Well stop dwelling, Swarek! Let's stop worrying about our partners and just… get wasted!" Gail cheered. And just as I assumed the bartended was groaning, I was as well.

I was wasted. I suppose adding insult to injury wasn't the smartest option, but I actively didn't care. For someone who didn't care, I sure felt my eyes drifting towards the entrance of the Black Penny quite often.

"Where is she?" I murmured, laying my cheek against the bar. Faintly, I felt a pat on the back.

"Oh, Sammy. Drinking without me? That's just wrong, buddy." Oliver said. I smiled weakly. At least, if all else failed, I had Ollie.

"Peck, scoot down one. You're on my stool." Oliver said. It was as if Ollie actually had in his mind a reality where that stool was his. It was quite funny.

I could feel Gail's narrowing eyes without even glancing at her. She had the icy look down. I'd give her props for that.

"Sammy, buddy. Stop with the shots. You never know why she's not here. Maybe she had something come up." Ollie suggested.

But I knew Mcnally like the back of my hand. I knew she hated tardiness unless there was a good excuse. And she took commitments seriously. Then again, thinking back, she'd never actually agreed to meet me here. Right.

"Oliver, take back what you said earlier." I hadn't meant to snap, it just came out that way.

"What did I say?" He looked at me all accusatory.

"That I should have a radio show! I suck at advice! You gave me false hope, you… jerk!" Sober Sam would have cringed at my whining. Shit faced Sam just spoke with no filter.

"Ah. Right. Well I mean, Zoe and I had dessert together tonight. So I think you should keep your radio show. Just base it off my life now. The Ollie Shaw Show. Sounds pretty catchy, right?" Oliver seemed pleased with himself.

"I have never wanted this to be a Friday night so bad in my life." Gail chimed in.

"Me neither." I seconded the motion.

"Well too bad you drunkards. It's a Thursday. But hey, just one more shift to pull through and you can do this again tomorrow night. Although something tells me that you, Sammy, won't have an urge to after the hangover you face!' I could have sworn Oliver was cackling. Bastard.

I'd just ask Andy in the morning. There. I'd just bombard her and make her talk to me. I needed to show her just how much I cared for her. It wasn't too late! I refused to let it be!

And as I stumbled alongside Ollie as he opened up the door, I couldn't help but wonder if nights like these would be less sporadic and more routine. If so, I'd blown it. I was prepared for the worst. I always had been. Hell that was the story of my life! I guess being with Mcnally just made me hope more… being with her had me feeling alive. And as corny as it sounded, and I'd never admit this aloud…being with her,

I'd never been a better cop in my entire life.