A/N: I do not own Soul Eater or any of its affiliated characters.

Please enjoy~

Was it strange to think about boobs to this extent? Did other people think like this? It wasn't completely obscure, right? True, it hadn't entered Kidd's mind until recently that they were much more than yet another obstacle standing in the way of him achieving absolute perfection.

Everywhere he looked; boobs, but most of them noticeably differentiating in size. And not only to the other boobs around them. As in, pairs of boobs were not the same size. As in one boob on a girl could be bigger than the other boob-

"Kidd," Liz said, breaking Kidd out of his concentration and giving him an annoyed look. "Stop staring at my boobs. It's the fourth time I've had to say this to you this week."

"Can't you get some sort of padding in your bra to make them even," he pleaded quietly, not able to take his eyes off of them. "They're just…they're just so…wrong."

"If my nails weren't currently drying I'd have half a mind to punch you until your face is 'wrong'," she seethed, veins ticking over her forehead. "Get out. Go do something. Enjoy the fact that we have some time to chill at home. Go get a book. Go play with Patty. Dear God, do SOMETHING besides sit there and critique my body."

And so he did. Kidd walked past his other manically laughing weapon in the hallway, busy finger painting a giraffe over a couple sheets of construction paper. He hurried onward to avoid vomiting at the sight. Too many curved lines, splatters and disregard for keeping the paint on the paper.

Kidd had been lucky growing up. His father had spared him the stork story and the awkward metaphor of birds and bees to explain how the mating process worked. Questions of boobs were also answered truthfully; babies are born, and they eat by sucking milk from them. Which also disturbed Kidd. Had his mother's breasts been symmetrical? Did she feed him with one breast more than the other? Was he a product of one breast instead of two? This would explain so much…

He moved up the steps of Shibusen, ignoring the usual muttering and pointing from transfer students and blushes from girls. He didn't bother looking at their breasts. The rest of them was already messed up enough. One girl had a side pony tail. Another wore her shirt partly untucked.

It was sickening. The only thing keeping him from tackling them and fixing their appearance was the memory of that one time a few years back when his father had the talk with him about sexual harassment. Another No Details Spared lecture.

The air of the library was soothing for the nerves, at least. Despite what he thought about dust and the general disdain he had for most things that aged, books were different. When open, they were very much symmetrical. And when he resisted counting the amount of words on each page, they were enjoyable to read.

Boobs…I just don't understand…

Death The Kidd was not above eventually finding a mate. He actually took it very seriously. Part of his job would be to eventually produce an heir of some sort (or 'grand-pup' as his father embarrassingly referred to it…).

Was it so wrong to try to find someone at least willing to comply with the laws of nature and keep things even and beautiful? Was someone on his level of clean that much to ask for?

No son of mine…will be fed with different sized breasts.

It was a declaration of war. War on what nature considered natural. There had to be breasts, perfect breasts, out there somewhere-

Kidd rounded the corner of a large book shelf and felt himself collide with someone else. He looked startled and spluttered an apology as he scrambled to help the girl now sprawled on the floor surrounded by books. She pushed her bangs out of the way and glared at him before blinking in surprise.

"Kidd-kun?"

Jacqueline. That was her name, right?

"Please pardon my distractedness," Kidd murmured, the meaning of the sentence gaining a different dimension now that he was getting a good look at her.

Leggings pulled up to the same height. Uniform's not sloppy. Skirt horizontal to the ground and at a reasonable length...

"It's not a problem," she assured him, tucking her hair behind an ear and leaning down to pick up her things. He decided to forgive her for only using one ear since her hair looked kept…

"Here, let me," he offered, picking up a notebook that had fallen open. Her eyes widened when he blinked at the sketch on the open page.

"I…I draw a lot," she said quietly, taking it from his hands. He smiled.

"You're very good."

"Thanks."

They stood in silence for a moment.

Eyes evenly spaced on the face with no outstanding eyelashes. Mouth doesn't look accustomed to smirking or changing facials a lot. Bangs are in order. Eyebrows are plucked with no out of place hairs. Bonus points: No jewelry to ruin the image…

"Kidd-kun?"

"Hm?"

She looked at him strangely and blinked. "Are…you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No, not at all…I…"

Just a glance…

It was too hard to tell under her uniform since he didn't dare let his eyes linger, but they looked acceptable. And to his trained eye, that was enough for now.

"I uh…was looking for a book."

"Uh-huh," she said, searching his face. "I suppose that's generally what people come to the library for."

Ouch. His face burned with humiliation.

"Yeah."

More silence.

"Um…I guess I'll see you around?" she offered, trying to squeeze around him and go back to whatever she had been doing. He nodded and moved aside for her.

He watched her go, awe struck at the fact that he finally got to initiate the last phase of his observations on a female specimen: and her ass passed.

Perhaps one of the more plain girls within Shibusen's walls had just become one of the most beautiful things Kidd had ever had the privilege of ogling.

Did he know when he might get to talk to her again under less awkward circumstances? No. But whatever it took, he was going to figure out a stage two for this…plan?

Yeah. He'd just go with that.

Review if you're so inclined~