Author's note: Hi everyone! This is my first fanfiction ever! I was inspired and I just wanted to share with all you veterans what was in the inner works of my head! I absolutely love Dean and I thought I might do him some justice. He has been going through hell (figuratively) and I wanted to share my take on it all. P.S. Love, Love Lisa and Ben!

Any and all criticism is appreciate! Please, Please, Please don't be shy to hit that review button at the bottom either ;) Thanks much love, Alisha! Miss love14

Disclaimer: I do not own anything nor do I wish to step on any toes! So enjoy!

Living the life that I live, it was foolish of me to think that I could lead an "apple-pie" life. My job is to HUNT and KILL all the things that go bump in the night. I tried to tell her. To think that it would be a good idea to come to see her. To say good-bye; while I was in transition from that GOD damn vampire!

As I stood by our bed and watched as she whipped her tiered filled eyes. All I could think about was the smell of her blood calling to me. She was so beautiful.

"Ah hey I wasn't expecting to see you for a couple of days." She reached over to the bed side table to turn on the lamp. I had the urge to shield my eyes from the penetrating light. But I winced instead.

"Yeah I ah I wanted to see you." I said as I was walking towards her to sit on the foot of the bed.

"What's up?" Still squinting from the light illuminating from the lamp I gave her a sideways glance. "Are you ok?"

"Listen…" Lisa moved to sit closer to me, alarmed at the gruff tone in my voice.

"What's going on?"

"It doesn't matter." I looked at her. "But I need you to know, you and Ben…" and at that moment she knew that before he finished his sentence this was a Dean Winchester good-bye. As I looked away to finish my sentence I said "Just ah, thanks." I turned to look her in the eyes so she knew that I meant every word. "Ok for everything." I needed her to hear the conviction in my voice.

Lisa pulled the cover from her legs and slides her body closer to mine.

"Dean you're scaring me."

It wasn't bad enough that I had the balls to show up. She had to look.. Well there were no words to describe my "Jumby Girl" tonight. The smell of her had me feeling like that whiny ass, excuse of a vampire Edward friggin' Cullen. I abruptly stood up and walked.

"Oh God I'm Pattinson!"

"What?" she asked confused. I took a breathe and turned to look at her. " Nothing I-I-I got to go."

I knew when I said that she was going to try and stop me. Ask all the questions that NEEDED to be answered. She throw the bed spread from her legs and jumped to a standing postion and walked towards me.

"No. No you can't just show up here like this and then…"

"Believe me I wish it was different." This is me grasping at straws.

"Yeah. Just stop, and explain to me what is going on out there!"I knew she was upset I didn't blame her I always seem to be doing this to her. Telling her something cryptic and then saying that I have to leave before it gets to serious. This time was different. I could hear my heart beating a mile a minute. I could feel the blood rushing through her veins. It was deafening. I was grimacing at this point.

"Lis I can't want to bring this crap home to you." In that moment with her looking at me with those big brown eyes I knew that at that moment this was a bad idea.

"You're talking about you're work?" If only it were that simple.

"I'm talking about my life…it's ugly and it's violent. And I am going to die soon!" I didn't know how else to explain this to her. I don't think that I have ever been more vulnerable with a women then I was when I was with her. To see her the questions building behind her eyes I knew that I didn't have enough time.

"Just tell me." Her voice was shivering with fear and her eyes… her eyes. She grabbed hold of my arms and demanded an answer. "Just tell me what the hell is going on." Her eyes roamed my face. I was staring back at her but all I could hear was the pounding of her heart and I was trying to my cool but it slipped.

I took hold of her arms and backed her into the nearest wall to us. As I did this I heard her gasp. I could see the confusion in her eyes. She was breathing heavily and I could feel the heat of it on my cheek. I knew she was thinking I was going to kiss her. Not the way I would have had it not been for this damned vampire shit that consuming me. I couldn't bear the idea of hurting.

As I pulled away from Lisa, I could feel this piercing pain come from my mouth. Then the fangs came out and I gasped.

"Dean?"

"I got to go." This time there was no room for discussion. I wasn't risking it. I pulled our bedroom door open and walked into the hallway. Shielding my mouth with the arm shelve of my jacket, I could hear Ben's feet shuffling in his room. As I walked toward his room I prayed to God himself to not let him open his door. Do you think He would listen? Hell no! Just as I was approaching his door, Ben opened it and the light coming from his room spilled into the hallway. Blinding me; He was rubbing the sleep from his eyes, disorientated. Then he realized it was me.

"Dean?" He had the biggest smile on his face.

"Ben just stay there!" Do you think that this one time that I ask this kid to do something he would do it? No. He continued to walk towards me.

"I thought I heard you…" I had to push him away from me and as I heard his little body make contact with the wall I stumbled against the wall closest to me and I saw Lisa standing in the door way horrified. Had it not been for this I never would have laid a hand on Ben. Putting my arm to my mouth again, I began to run down the hall.

That was the moment I knew that things were going to be different. I was never going to have the right words to say to explain to her how sorry I was for this. I just hoped I didn't royally screw everything up.

I'm a Winchester.

What the HELL was I thinking?

Thank you so much for reading! No worries I have more up my shelve. This has officially become my baby :)