Pain
What is pain you might ask? To each its own I guess. The worst pain is loving someone who you know will never love you back. It hurts more than any possible way of dying. Believe me. Of course I know a lot of pain, my dad is a poor piece of shit and a alcoholic so he to beat me up a lot as a kid. Yea that hurt but those scars healed. When you cut your arm with a rusty nail to just feel something, that hurts. It also heals. Yea I will admit it, im in love with my best friend Stan Marsh. Yea it hurts cause he is in love with Craig Tucker. Craig Tucker, being the asshole he is, doesn't even see it. No he and Tweek Tweak make out and do their thing because they can, because they know Tweek is one mental breakdown from the mental institute. I think Stan prays for this. I think that is the only thing that keeps me alive.
Pain? Pain differs from person to person as I told you above. I love Stan Marsh but he doesn't understand. He doesn't even know. This pain cuts deeper than any knife. Bleeds more than it would if they tore all my flesh off. It will never heal, it will bleed until I finally die because I know he isnt mine, because the pain isnt helping anymore, its causing me to self destruct.
Pain? Pain is hearing him blather on about how hot Craig Tucker is but all your thinking is how much you love Stan and how much you want him to be blathering on about you.
Pain is watching him cry because Craig was sucking face with Tweek.
Pain is watching him cry over someone who isnt you.
Pain is the coldness you begin to feel siege your heart when you realize you have lost. When you realize there is no way you can win.
Pain are the nights you spend crying over the boy you lost to some douche bag scum.
Pain is coming back to reality and watching the Tweek boy finally get taken away like he should have been so many years ago, and all you get from this is that you have no hope. And you can only ask why?
Pain is listening to Stan plan his the moves he wants to make on Craig Tucker. Listening pretending he is talking about you but you know he isnt.
Pain is watching Craig willingly accept the offer and seeing how happy it makes Stan. You sit there and wish you make him that happy but you realize you have not only lost but you are no longer part of the picture. He has Craig now. So why would he need you?
Pain is having to listen to how well the date went and how well the relationship is going.
Pain is watching your friend get happier each and every day while you would rather die than continue live on like this, watching him have less and less time for you giving it all to him. Watching the phone sit motionless for days, weeks until you finally run into him.
Pain is listening to him say they are in love. When all you want to do is grab his shoulders and kiss him. All you want to yell is NO I LOVE YOU!. But yet you sit there, being a good friend, and you listen to him. You listen for what seems like years before he has to go meet the chosen one.
Pain is waiting to hear from him. Just waiting for him to reply to your texts and calls but he never does. You cant find him, you have no idea where he and Tucker took off to. No one does.
Pain is getting a call from the cops saying the love of your life was killed by his boyfriends crazt ex-boyfriend Tweek. He is dead. And you want to be too. Because you know if you had said something, anything. He wouldn't be dead.
Pain is not being able to die. Trying each and everyday, but you wake up every morning. In the same empty apartment. People don't even remember but they don't care when you die either. No funeral, or anything. No Kenny McCormick doesn't matter to anyone, or that's how it would seem.
That is real pain.
Going through life without love.
It hurt more than anything.
I can assure you.
Because when Stan Marsh left this world without a goodbye, he left without giving my heart back.
And life without a heart is pain.
When he left without saying goodbye he took my soul.
And life without a soul makes life so much harder to go through.
Pain is watching Craig Tucker walk around town now. Doing his own thing, almost as if Stan never happened.
Yea pain, pain was my life.