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Complicated and Dirty
I locked myself in darkness and was swallowed whole.
Day and night were nothing;
Hands gripped at me from every angle
Their cold dead fingers clawing away at my clothes and flesh.
Voices whispering, angry shouting
Horrible noises, even the silence is loud.
Tormented constantly,
My only salvation lay in the memory of you.
I got so that my eyes ached with the darkness…
I closed them to stare at your smiling face
Simple and clean.
I remember that I did it for you.
It' like time doesn't pass.
I can feel my hair growing;
Can feel the lengthening of every fingernail
Before I bite them off.
I remember you still
Small things; your hair… your eye colour
I've started to forget.
Others; your smell…your voice
Haunt me more vividly than memories.
Sometimes I think that you are here…
Sometimes in the clinging darkness
I remember that I love you.
I think I smile.
Time is like oozing liquid.
I wade through it at times fighting the night.
My mind is mostly blank.
My skin has ceased to crawl.
I wonder how I got here, where am I?
Maybe I was born here. In darkness.
I wonder what I look like.
Sometimes my mind echoes and hits me
With images. I wonder what they are…who.
This happens less and less.
Sometimes there is a boy…I hear his voice…
It makes my chest ache and I don't understand.
And a word, a name
I wake from sleep with the taste of it on my lips.
I wish my mind was silent.
I wish these images would fade.
I don't understand…
What is Sora?