To Those Left Behind
I didn't allow myself the luxury of a smile when he finally opened his eyes again. I couldn't suppress the overwhelming relief I felt to see those azure orbs yet again, but this was only the beginning. I carefully removed my glasses and set them on a nearby table, rubbing my temples wearily.
I knew what he would say before his mouth opened.
"They're gone, Your Majesty."
"Yuki," he began to correct me. "You know--"
"I know. It's been less than a day since you reminded me, Touya." I pinched the bridge of my nose for a moment, and then replaced my glasses and my smile. We had been friends for a very long time and when it was just the two of us he wanted to be treated as an equal. I was his only true friend. The only other person who called him by his name now was the Princess, his sister. Just the two of us, since--
"I collapsed after the enemy soldiers left, so I know they're gone. You didn't have to tell me that." He smiled weakly, trying to reassure me.
The smile I had just had now faltered.
"About Sakura though--when that brat carried her out, she was hurt right? Did you see to her already? Is she okay?"
"That's what I was trying to tell you. They're gone. Sakura and Syaoran are both gone." My shoulders drooped wearily; I was too exhausted for this, but it was too important not to say.
He sat up suddenly, fists clenched and eyes blazing. "I'm going to kill him! Where did they go, I'll--"
I gently placed a hand on his shoulder and he waited, searching my face. "I must take responsibility for this. I sent them both to another world."
The hurt and betrayal on his face nearly killed me. "Yuki? Why?"
"She is hurt beyond my abilities to help," I informed him slowly, reluctantly. It wasn't an easy admission to make, that there was nothing I could do. Touya trusted me, had faith in my abilities, and I couldn't help but feel that I had let him down. "It was all I could do to entrust her safety to him."
He stared at me darkly, scowling at the thought, but I knew he was more worried than angry. I've known him for so long now, I know every expression he makes, and I know the truth behind the faces. "How is this possible? What happened?"
I recounted the events I saw within Syaoran's mind. I relived it from his perspective, watching the symbol on the floor begin to glow, seeing those wings sprout on her back as her eyes grew strangely blank. I felt Syaoran's helplessness as he reached for her but could not touch her. A barrier had been erected; holding her prisoner as a mysterious figure from another plane robbed her of those wings...her memories, her mind, her sense of self and destiny.
"Destiny," I repeated softly, frowning. "These events have the feel of fate to them, though I can't imagine how that could be. I can't see what will happen, or when they will return."
Touya pounded a fist on the bedside, glaring. "You mean you don't know if they'll return, don't you? I know that look in your eyes by now. Dammit! Why did this have to happen now, to her? Yuki, she--" He broke off, looking lost and helpless. His face fell and his gaze dropped to the bed he still lay on. "She's all I have left." His voice broke on the last word, and he turned his face away from me so I would not see his pain.
I sat still myself, waiting for him to pull together. "I know, Touya. I would have gone myself, I would have gone anywhere and done anything to save her, but I had to stay here and save you." I shook my head when he turned to look at me. "Sometimes I forget my place, and I think of the princess as my own sister. I think I can almost imagine how it is for you. Maybe I'm deluding myself," my voice grew softer as I spoke, until it failed me altogether. I had no family. I could not remember having anyone, ever, except for my teachers and my best friend. I was so lucky to be taken in by this family, royalty or not. I took a deep breath, raising my eyes to meet his once again. "I wouldn't have been able to save her though. Syaoran has a chance that no one else has."
"But...him! The brat offspring of an outsider archeologist! How could he do something you can't? I trust you, Yuki. I don't trust him." He punctuated this outburst by crossing his arms over his chest, looking for all the world like a petulant child not getting his way.
It was a side of the king that only I ever saw, and I found it strangely endearing. Maybe it was because he trusted me enough to be himself around me. I did what I always did when he grumbled about his sister and all the things she did that drove him crazy. I laughed gently, diffusing the situation with a smile. "Touya, when they return he'll have saved her life. That makes him more than just a brat, wouldn't you think?"
"He's not good enough for her."
"He'll have gone through hell and back for her. I can't think of a better test of his worthiness."
He fell back on his bed again, draping an arm over his eyes. "We'll see." He frowned deeply, the expression becoming more and more etched on his face. "I wasn't ready for this today. No matter what happens, I have lost her and I wasn't ready. I don't have a choice though, do I? Life goes on. I have a kingdom to run, I have people depending on me, and I can't even take the time to mourn. Again."
I almost reached out to him. I almost comforted him. Instead I stood and started to walk away. "You'll need rest tonight. The poison has been driven from you, but you still need some time to heal. Everything can wait 'till the morning."
"Yuki." His voice was now deep and commanding, the voice he used for official matters. I stopped in my tracks and waited, but did not turn around.
I heard it in his thoughts. He did not want to be alone. He did not want to be left behind. Why couldn't I stay by his side? He needed someone, he needed to be saved from the memories of the loss of his mother, then his father, and now his sister. He had nothing left of his family, so why couldn't I just stay.
He couldn't say it out loud. I paused for a heartbeat more, wavering on a blade's edge of doubt before I turned around to face him again. "I'm very tired after using so much magic today. Good night, your Majesty," I bowed. I couldn't stay. There were too many reasons for me to leave, and as long as he could not bring himself to ask I would have the resolve to do what was right.
Decisions. Doubt. Duty. I walked away into the shadows of night, entertaining thoughts best left behind.
Some day Touya would take a princess and turn her into his queen. He would no longer need a best friend, and I would slip into the roll of mere advisor. No matter how I dreamed, I was not his family. Sakura was not my little sister. There were too many things between us standing in the way of...of what? What did I want?
I groaned, again rubbing my fingers over my weary face, massaging the pressure points in hopes of somehow ridding myself of the feelings that had taken hold today. So many disasters. I spent too much of the day terrified, wishing for a way to turn back the clock and make it all not happen. That was not my magic though. That would be forever beyond me.
Had I done the right thing by sending them to the Witch of Dimension? Her prices were steep and wishes she granted were sometimes tricky. Oh, she was fair, but sometimes...sometimes....
I hoped Syaoran's heart was pure enough for this. He would need strength and courage, and most of all he would need his will. He could not fail. "Please let me have done the right thing."
Ah, the doubts we voice only when no one else can hear. I closed myself in my room, collapsing on the bed in utter exhaustion. Touya had been cut and had been splattered with the blood of his enemies, and some of that blood had been smeared on my robes. I could not be bothered to change though. All I could do is lay there in the dark and hope that my dreams would bring me peace. I doubted that they would though.
The Witch of Dimension. My thoughts drifted to those things, of how she was a nexus for so many strange events and worlds. So many things were possible. So many alternate universes were opened to her. Did I exist in other worlds? Did Touya? Maybe in some world we were normal people, free of duty and obligation. Maybe somewhere we went to school together and could (I blushed) be closer than friends. It was a tantalizing thought. No kingdom. No responsibility. Just the two of us, normal and best friends.
Those are the thoughts that lulled me to my troubled sleep.
~~~~~@~~~~~
Author's Note: So far this is a oneshot, but it has potential for more. ~shrugs~ After reading chapter two though, I needed more of Touya and Yukito! We'll see how I'm inspired after I read more of the series.
I hope you enjoyed this, my first Tsubasa fanfic. I'm sure there will be more, so see you next time!