Mirrored

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or any of the characters there within.

Azula sat forward in the plush chair before her vanity, pulling an elegantly hand-carved dragon brush through her long brown hair, her amber eyes dully watching the repetitive motions of her mirror image. She had dressed down to her silken night robes, the red with gold trimmings robe was her favorite, and her preferred twigs of incense were branched together and burning to release their calming fragrance of lavender in slender, winding columns of smoke.

The princess' soft hair had long since been ridden of knots and gnarls, but still she brushed and smoothed, utterly lost in the mesmerizing action as her eyes flickered up to meet her reflection's eyes in the massive mirror, betraying the true burning anger oppressed there.

She had been betrayed.

She had known this confrontation would be probable, if not inevitable; she had been so sure they would have been under her control, like a pair of obedient dogs that would obey the yank of the leash. She didn't want to think of them as animals she frightened to obey her, they were her friends. And yet, the betrayal happened at perhaps the most foolish moment, the most crucial time to exact the most shame and anger. When ever had the princess fallen in battle, completely eradicated of her bending powers, and before a crowd no less—to have to be picked up off the ground by lowly guards like an injured infant? But even her being struck down stung less than her shattered trust. Heat swelled in Azula's chest as she relived those embarrassing moments of ultimate betrayal, to be deceived by those she had called friends.

Mai. Azula had always known in the back of her mind that should Zuko choose to defect again from the Fire Nation, that Mai's loyalties would follow him. Azula had tried to keep the couple together, for she had been assured that victory was already in her grasp, and Mai would have kept Zuko's attentions while simultaneously making Mai happy. The two would keep one another occupied which left her free to play the rest of her pieces on the Pi Sho board. But again, her idiotic brother had run off and, just as Azula had always secretly feared, Mai's loyalty followed. Bringing them together may have been her biggest fallacy, for instead of keeping Mai subservient at her heels in thanks for reuniting her with Zuko, the girl had instead grown in independence.

The governor's daughter would not have stood a chance against Azula in the fight, but then the girl Azula had believed to have no spine to stand against her was suddenly jabbing practiced fingers into crucial points and the pent up energy of chi was immobilizing. Azula fell. And she fell hard.

Ty Lee, the docile aristocrat's child that had joined the circus, without a mind for anything that wasn't pink and fluffy had directly assaulted her crown princess. Ty Lee, the mercilessly compliant to other's whims even if they did not suit her own, the amenable girl that went along with any plan, the girl that feared and upheld Azula—was not the same girl that had attacked the princess. Her chi-blocking attack was decisive, accurate and…a shock. Azula had always believed that Ty Lee would never dare use that illicit attack against her. Never. The acrobatic girl had been whipped and beaten into obedience, how disillusioned she was.

The princess had been expecting the betrayal the instant Zuko defected, but for all the consequences in the world—Mai chose Zuko over her. And Ty Lee to Mai. Why? Did their childhood mean nothing? All their days laughing and playing together in school? Azula had fostered Mai's infatuation with her brother, sacrificed her time and effort so they could be together again. Azula had wanted to punish the girl for being so grossly ungrateful, when Ty Lee turned on her too. Azula could still feel the acrobat's finger's striking her limbs and back with deadly force, a far cry from the days Ty Lee's gentle hands used to brush and style the princess' hair under the shade of a tree.

Azula was shocked by their choice. The severance of their friendship in that moment did not go without its hurt. They had been companions since childhood and all of that had been thrown into the fire. She swore she would wholly trust her companions after testing their loyalties only once. Her self-assured faith in them had condemned her.

I no longer have friends.

She thought fiercely. Friends could not be trusted.

Shortly after the episode, she had been called to have a conference with her father. The Fire Lord was a very hot-tempered man, a distinguishing trait Azula had inherited from him, and the princess was upbraided for her failure to capture her brother. Words of reproach were difficult for her when she was so accustomed to her father's praise, but she could not but tremble bowed before him as he charged her yet again to capture her unruly brother. She did not tremble in fear or shame, but with forcibly controlled hatred. She was no minion. She was crown princess and she had already proven herself capable of her brother's willing return to the Fire Nation. She wanted to scream the injustice of it all. Time and again she had accepted her father's assignments and risen above and beyond the call of duty. He had not expected her to conquer Ba Sing Se, but she claimed the Earth Kingdom city in his name, for his honor more than her own. The glorious return with insurmountable gifts of promise and honor were overshadowed by the transformation in Zuko and his deliberate choice to leave the Fire Nation.

So she departed again to track down her brother as her father wished. Her rage in that moment was insatiable. Zuko, the brother she had given so much had joined forces with the Avatar. She had given him so much and he too had turned his back on her. She was going to destroy him for betraying her. It was she who had helped restore his honor, she who had forgone the honor of defeating the Avatar to credit her brother's valiant return to his home and country. It was she who had rekindled the flames of a childhood love, who had brought him back together with Mai. All this she did without so much as a thank you, instead, she was treated to suspicious looks of plotting and scheming against him. She had struggled to give him back his happiness and still he turned a blind eye. The torment of the sacrifices she had made for him, her silent way of showing her affection, were rejected. She would reject him.

But she had failed.

Azula returned home, disheveled, tired and empty-handed. Again.

All of her triumphant feats of victory upon her last return were sullied; marred by this newest failure. She had a magnificent story to relay her father of surviving the fall from the war balloon, but her father had been unimpressed. He had left her behind. Her father would move ahead with her ideas to set the Earth Kingdom ablaze. Perhaps this was punishment for her unusual string of failures? And though he had appointed her ruler in his stead, she craved his approval for her decisions. No one stood by her to agree with her motives, no one to congratulate her on a job well done. It was lonely at the top.

She wished Zuko could be here to witness her crowning; she may have lost nearly everything where her brother was concerned—he had love, friends surrounding him…people he could entrust his life to—but she veritably owned the nation. Surely that still kept her a step above him. And her skills as firebender still superseded his. Yes, that was right. She was still much better than her brother. She wasn't weak like he was; always needing their mother to clean his cuts, to pat his head for being her perfect gentlemen…to walk the corridors with and sit beside the pond feeding the turtleducks. She didn't need her mother, she had never needed her mother. Azula had always had her father's love and devotion, except…he had left her behind during the final siege.

Both of her parents had left her.

Her brother too.

Her family was gone.

Azula suddenly felt cold inside. Who was going to attend her crowning?

With the coronation only hours away, Azula felt a sudden surge of displeasure.

No one would be there for her celebration; she had banished all of her servants, her hard won Dai Lee, the Imperial Guard.

None of them could be trusted!

Everyone had it in for her. Now that she had finally come into power, she realized how many enemies she had. A young female Fire Lord, no longer under the watchful protection of her father, would make a prime target for any other who wished to seize the throne. Well, she certainly wouldn't allow that to happen. She did not need her father's presence for security, she was very capable of running the country on her own. The history books would name her the greatest Fire Lord there ever was. She didn't need a useless crowd of people to attend her coronation; she would have the People's esteem, their respect…their love. Those who did not come willingly would have fear as a constant companion.

Nothing and no one would defy her.

Azula.

The princess froze. That sounded suspiciously like—

NO! She would not be haunted by ghosts of the past. She did not need the spirit that called to her, did not need the woman that had abandoned her as a child. The mother that never was.

Her mother had betrayed her.

The brush in Azula's hand stopped moving.

A cold, dark void was opening within the princess as realization dawned on her.

She had no one to trust anymore, she was…alone.

Her friends that she had shared her childhood with were estranged from her, her brother had defied his nation and his family and now fought with a cause against them, her father was moving forward without her at his side to conquer the world. She was no longer summoned for war meetings to occupy her time, she had been cut off from any news of the world, she had been a prisoner of her throne room; untrusting of the guards that had been posted at her door. The last meal that had been delivered to her by deathly silent servants felt like eons ago, she was starving and fatigued, but unable to sleep. She had no idea of the time or what went on in the outside. She was an exhausted princess that had nothing to do but brush and brush at her hair to pass the waking hours.

But at that moment she had set the brush on the vanity, a limp hand still clung nostalgically to its handle, already missing the rhythmic, entrancing motions that numbed thought; her arm aching dully in the back of her mind.

Everyone had betrayed and abandoned her. Her friends. Her family.

She was alone in this world.

Utterly alone.

No, darling. You are never alone.

Azula's head snapped up.

She looked sharply left, then right. Her room was empty except for her. Her breath came in short, sharp bursts as she studied her mirror image again. A haggard girl with wild eyes stared back. The voice was a distant memory, but unforgettable.

Mother.

The room was silent again. Azula sat, unwilling to admit she had been made uncomfortable by a voice that had sounded so real and so close, it had only been in her imagination. Yes, it was just her imagination playing tricks on her. She exhaled her rising fear in a controlled breath and stood, reaching for her red ribbon. The princess had always had servants to do her hair, but she had banished them. Well, she wasn't so helpless that she couldn't brush and pin up her own hair. She didn't need anyone to do her hair. This was a simple enough task that did not require assistance from anyone. The princess pulled her hair back tightly and wound the ribbon around the fold of hair, but even this simplest of tasks came to ruin; her finger was tangled and tugged the tie loose, making the bun ineffectual. The unsuccessful attempt snapped something within her.

Frustration welled up within her to match her fury. Azula ripped her tangled fingers from the ribbon and grunted in annoyance. She would not be defeated by something so stupid. She would soon rule a kingdom and have loyal subjects that obeyed her every word, and this defiance would end where it started!

"All right, hair." Azula savagely yanked at her bangs, causing the roots to scream in pain; good she was hurting them. Her free hand shot out to snatch the golden shears on her vanity. "Prepare to face your doom!" She caught the strands between the sharpened knives and snapped the handles shut. The hair screamed in unison with the metallic scrape of the shear legs closing together and the severed tresses floated silently to her feet, where they belonged. Azula grinned at her reflection's skewed bangs as they hung sadly over her forehead. A victory well deserved.

What a shame.

The grin on Azula's face slowly deteriorated, her golden eyes sliding to look over her reflections shoulder.

You always had such beautiful hair.

But the girl did not scream in terror at the spirit image that appeared over her shoulder. They were well acquainted. Azula was not surprised to find the woman there; this was not the first time the woman had had something cruel to say.

"What are you doing here?"

I wouldn't want to miss my own daughter's coronation.

The princess' face screwed up into facetious scorn. She knew when she was being mocked.

"Don't pretend to act proud." She shot the accusation at the image and threw the shears sharply back onto the vanity. Her eyes drew away from meeting the woman's and the unavoidable truth. The voice of the girl that spoke again was soft, unwilling to speak the reality of what had always been but subversively hoping to cause hurt for the one who had spearheaded that existence. "I know what you really think of me. You think I'm a monster."

I think you're confused.

Azula's gaze slipped back to her mirror image and some small part of her cried out in disgust for this slip in control, at what she had become. That same part of her was repulsed by the reflection she saw there with dark circles beneath once proud eyes and the uneven bangs falling untidily over them. This was not who she truly was…But the voice was small and drowned by paranoid shadows of deceit and betrayal. Yes. This person she saw was her beneath the shell. A little girl who had been hurt and betrayed and had no one left to turn to.

You've always used fear to control people. Like your friends Mai and Ty Lee.

The scene at the Boiling Rock ran over again through her mind and it hurt. She had trusted her friends…how could they have betrayed her? Azula closed her eyes tightly, wishing to block the voice of the woman from reaching her ears, but she had never been successful in ignoring the woman in the past—now was no different.

"Well what other choice did I have?" She spun to face the specter standing there, but not quite meeting the others eyes. "Trust is for fools. Fear is the only reliable way."

The truth was a double edged sword that she and her mother precariously balanced on, but if Azula pushed, the resulting force would send them both over their respective edges. Azula had terrorized others as a child, hoping to somehow get her mother's attention, perhaps for the wrong reasons, but attention was recognition. For all her brilliance and cunning, her mother was never impressed. So Azula could only inflict fear into those she wanted to admire her, for fear had its own powers of persuasion. The girl had thought fear would keep her mother close to her always, for she had to be kept a close watch on; fear was her ally, not the hammer that drove them apart. Her mother had feared her; had feared and hated her.

"Even you fear me."

She grasped at the table, her only reliable support for her knees were quaking and untrustworthy, and looked up, finally meeting her mother in the eyes, her weaknesses bared, but for this one strength she had been led to believe her long life through.

Fear me.

No.

Azula knew exactly what her mother was going to say next. But the words would only cause great pain and suffering because they were not real. Those words would be a lie. And oh, how she wanted so desperately to believe them, there was no truth to them. Emotions were exploding in quick succession of one another within the princess; hate that her mother would harm her so deliberately, fear for the moment she spoke those words, yearning to hear them spoken nonetheless.

Staggered under the mental attack, Azula was completely unprepared for it when it came.

I love you, Azula.

If her emotions had been running high before, they were positively spinning so quickly now that the heat from their friction set her body ablaze. The girl was choking as her heart tightened and beat wildly against her ribcage, her throat closed, light exploded behind her eyes. She hurt. This pain was so deeply entrenched that it could not be eradicated for any amount of breathing or mantra. The agonizing energy had to be released some other way…

Azula's hand searched for something, anything to arm herself. Her fingers closed on her brush head.

I do.

Don't lie to me. You've never meant it. You loved Dad and Zuko, but you never loved me. You left me alone. You left me ALONE!

Azula's eyes shot open, her vision blurred by the surge of tears, as she whipped around to face the woman with a reflection but no substance and she hurled the weapon with all of her might. The shattering cry of the mirror was deafening as great slabs of glass cracked and fell to the ground, splintering further into numerous pieces of sharp points and jagged edges. The fragments reflected distorted portions of a disheveled princess breathing hard and clutching at her heart with a clawed hand; golden eyes wild.

She had destroyed her mother, her tormentor.

But this did not bring her joy.

She had so yearned to believe this time; believe her mother when she confessed her love.

"Don't lie…" The girl's voice quivered, small and helpless in her taut throat.

Azula sank to her knees, her muscle spasms rocked her body and she lost control of even her ability to stay upright. She collapsed, shards of mirror that had held her mother's image pierced her skin, but she curled up in them; the remnants of her broken memories. The tears that came were real and genuine to match the racking sobs that she did not quite have the breath for.

Don't lie.

I. Loved. This scene. Sure, Azula had already been on a downward spiral before then, but this insult to injury when her mother appeared was beautiful and tragic. The ultimate manifest of madness while still sane. I loved it.

I'll admit, I wasn't very happy with Azula's conslusion in the finale--she was a brilliant, fierce, firebending prodigy, no fool in matters of war and manipulation, but she was lost in love and affection. I think, if Azula could have expressed herself better, she would have been a passionately loving person. But then who is to blame? No motherly image growing up (and when mama was around, she wasn't entirely attentive towards her daughter), father who treated her like a trophy, brother was her closest playmate growing up, but even he didn't like to be around her. Blood is thicker than water? Her friends retaliated on her. Azula really didn't get any closure; she broke down and that was her ending. Even Daddy Ozai got a jail visit! But happily, happily, I sought out the discussion boards and had her break down put into perspective. In short, I watched the finale wrong. And with a clearer understanding, I've truly come to love Azula's deep and sympathetic character--probably one of the most multi-faceted characters out there. I love 'er!

I've always loved writing stories with crumbling sanity in them, I'm not sure why, it's fascinating. The mind is a beautiful and dangerous thing. And it's so much fun to write when that person is right on the precipice. Azula was right there in front of that mirror.

I hope I didn't jump around too much in this story, I had a lot to cover in that minute long scene...and I had to rewrite it from the original idea (before I saw the finale). I knew in my gut that when the family abandonded Azula, including her father at some point in some form, that this would push her to an unhappy place. And in the commercial--I knew Azula broke the mirror because her mother said: "I love you." That was in my original plotline! But YES! I hope this flowed all right, I figured Azula's mind was a little everywhere at that moment before pin pointing on a single being. The entire beginning of the tragedy.

Anywho, I hope all who read enjoyed and will please leave me a review! Thanks!

Blackfire 18