I've been writing this since before the end of series 2, but never really got round to posting it. There are 3 chapters in all, not many spoilers, except for Reset but you really should have seen it by now. The song is a Welsh hymn and I will post the lyrics once the story's finished. 'T' Rated for language mostly. Thankyou to GossipGirl17 for Beta-ing for me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood, it belongs to Russell and the BBC. God knows what would happen if I owned it.
Closest to Heaven
"Dad?" Lily asked while attempting to put on mascara and talk at the same time.
"Yeah?" Owen replied absent-mindedly.
"What are you looking at?"
"What d'you mean?"
"I've been standing here for five minutes and your eyes haven't moved. What are you looking at?"
"Nothing, it's just… you look so beautiful."
"Aw thanks Dad."
"Just like… never mind." Owen said, trailing off before he got to the end of the sentence. Talking about her always brought a lump to his throat and he was in danger of crying if he carried on.
"Like Mum?" Lily finished for him.
"Yeah. Just like Mum." He swallowed, clearing the lump and suppressing the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.
"I wish I could have known her." Lily said quietly.
"So do I." He paused. "Anyway, you have a party to go to. Now don't drink too much, don't get in a car with anyone who's been drinking – get a taxi home and don't make a drunken fool of yourself. I don't want a repeat of last time when -"
"Dad!" Lily interrupted, jokingly slapping him on the arm. "Stop nagging, I'll be fine."
"Ok, see you later. Take care." Owen kissed her goodbye and watched as she elegantly strode down the drive, tossing her long dark hair over her shoulder like she used to. Lily waved him goodbye, the silver bracelets clinking on her wrist, before climbing into the car. Owen watched as it disappeared round the corner and reluctantly closed the front door – he hated Lily being out of his sight, even if she was seventeen.
"Look at this one, god I look awful!" Gwen cringed.
"No you don't," Owen paused. "Not as bad as in this one!" He laughed as Gwen playfully slapped him round the head.
"I can't believe it's been a year already. It only seems like yesterday that I was walking down the aisle and Mum was moaning because I wasn't marrying a nice welsh boy. And then there was the incident with the champagne and the retcon. I still haven't properly forgiven Jack for that. And then 6 months later Lily came along," she yawned "and neither of us have had a proper night's sleep since." She laughed. "You know we still need to get a tree." Owen rolled his eyes at her. "What? We have to have a tree, it's Christmas!" Owen wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. He looked down at her and stared into her beautiful brown eyes. They were almost hypnotic, he was instantly drawn to them the moment he first met her. They stayed in that position for a moment or two, so close they were almost touching.
"I don't care about trees and presents, as long as I spend Christmas with you."
"Aww, so you can be romantic!" Gwen teased. Owen rested his forehead on Gwen's and was about to kiss her when the sound of a crying baby interrupted them.
"For god's sake." Owen sighed. "Will you go?"
"Me? I went last time, it's your turn." She replied indignantly.
"Isn't. I got up three times last night."
"I never heard her crying last night."
"Because you were asleep!" Owen retorted.
"Fine." Gwen surrendered. "I'll go." She broke away from him and walked into the bedroom whilst Owen smiled in triumph. He reached for the TV remote, but swore when he heard the incessant ringing of his mobile phone. He cursed again when he saw the caller ID on the screen.
"What?"
"Hello to you to."
"What d'you want Jack?"
"Funny, Tosh sounded pleased to hear from me."
"If you're trying to soften me up for something, it's not working very well." Owen replied tiredly.
"I need you to come in."
"I really hope for your sake that you're joking." Hearing the silence on the other end of the phone, he continued, "No Jack. No way. You said we had the night off. I don't care what's happened. I'm not coming in, and neither is Gwen. You can't expect us to drop everything when you say so - some of us actually have lives you know."
--
Gwen leaned down into the cot and picked up the crying child. She rubbed her back, singing the welsh lullaby that she'd been sung as a child.
"Calon lân yn llawn daioni, Tecach yw na'r lili dlos: Dim ond calon-" Gwen looked up and saw Owen leaning against the doorframe, smiling. "What?"
"Nothing. What's that song?"
"Calon Lân. My mum used to sing it to me when I was a baby, and her mum before that." Gwen rubbed Lily's back and turned to face Owen. "Who was on the phone?"
"Jack. He wants us to go in." Owen said guiltily.
"Well I hope you told him where to go. There's no way either of us are going in tonight. Whatever it is can wait until the morning."
"Well that's what I said, but he said it can't wait." Owen sighed. "I'll call the baby sitter. Hopefully she can get here soon."
"Jack sodding Harkness! You can tell he's never had kids." Gwen exclaimed.
"I wouldn't be surprised if he revealed otherwise one day."
It didn't take long to deal with the Mayfly and shut down the plant. The team were just packing their equipment into the SUV when Copley strode out of the building with a gun pointing at them.
"Did you really think I was just going to let you walk away? Let you destroy everything I've worked for."
"Come on professor. Don't do this; it'll only make things much worse." Gwen negotiated. "Shooting one of us won't help your situation."
"I was helping people. My research could have saved millions. And now thanks to you all those years of work have been wasted."
"You were killing people. There was no way we could leave knowing how much harm you were causing."
The bang that echoed around the shadowy car park rung in Owen's ears, and for a moment time seemed to run in slow motion. Almost immediately though, Owen rushed forward in time to catch Gwen as she fell to the floor. As if on autopilot, his medical training kicked in and he reached into his bag to get out a shot of morphine. Once he'd injected the liquid into her arm, he placed a sterile pad over the rapidly growing crimson stain on her abdomen.
"Gwen? Gwen can you hear me darlin'? Come on sweetheart talk to me. Come on, don't close your eyes. Talk to me Gwen. Gwen?" He stroked her head and silently prayed that she would be ok.
--
The voice seemed far away, as if she was underwater. She tried to sit up, but there were hands easing her back down. Gentle hands. She looked up and saw Owen looking back down at her. The pain was gradually getting worse and her eyelids were drooping.
"Owen?" She whispered.
"Hey. That's it baby, stay awake for me ok."
"Owen. Promise me something." It was getting harder and harder for her to keep her eyes from closing. Owen took hold of her hands and squeezed them tightly.
"Anything."
"Promise that you'll look after Lily for me."
"Don't talk like that. Don't you dare talk like that. You're gonna be fine, Gwen."
"Owen. You know that… I might not make it. Just please promise."
"I promise." Although he didn't want to think about it, he knew that it didn't look good, the colour was draining rapidly from Gwen's face and the blood was spreading dangerously quickly. He couldn't stop the tears anymore. They rolled uncontrollably down his cheeks as he gripped Gwen's hand. He watched as her eyes slowly began to close and her breathing became even shallower. "Gwen?" He cursed softly as he noticed her chest was no longer rising and falling. "Gwen, come on don't give up now. Gwen? Gwen!" He shook her shoulders gently, but she didn't respond. "Gwen? Come on baby don't leave me now. Gwen?" His voice was barely a whisper. He daren't believe that she was gone. He scooped her up in his arms and rocked back and forth, shaking from the sobs that racked his small frame.
He'd hardly believed it was true – everyone was carrying on around him as normal, offering their support but not making him feel any better. When it came to the funeral though, it suddenly seemed all too real.
The rain had been falling all day, and showed no sign of stopping. Typical welsh weather. He smiled slightly as he remembered when he'd moved to Cardiff and had his first experience of 'Welsh rain'. The ground was sodden beneath his feet. The raindrops cascaded down his cheeks, it was impossible to tell where the rain ended and the tears began. He was alone now so he made no effort to suppress them. He stared at the fresh grave, covered in flowers. He'd insisted on lilies because they were Gwen's favourite. His message on the bouquet was simple:
Gwen,
Always in our hearts
Owen & Lily x
"Owen?" Ianto stood behind him and gently placed his hand on his shoulder. "We should go."
"I can't leave her. I don't want her to be alone."
"Owen, it's freezing. You can't stay out here; you'll catch your death-" he cursed under his breath as he realised how insensitive that must have must have sounded. "Sorry."
Owen carried on as if he hadn't heard what Ianto had said. "I can't go. If I say goodbye now, then that's forever. She'll be gone… and I can't be without her."
"She's not in there Owen. That's just a shell. She's really inside you, and Lily. You wouldn't be saying goodbye, not really." Ianto comforted. "Let's get you inside."
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