A/N: Drunken Merry and Pippin compete for Ivy Bolger's attentions. Stupid little story, I was bored. Why is her name Ivy, you ask? I shrug at the question. I have no idea.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. Sad, isn't it?
"Another ale!" Pippin cried, downing his mug and holding it in the air. Merry screamed something, unknown to all the hobbits in the pub, and threw his mug in the air only to have it crashing down on his head. He looked around, dazed, as Pippin laughed at him.
Ivy Bolger shook her head of dark brown curls. "Will you two never grow up?" She asked them, smiling. She was a serene little thing, taking pleasure in normal hobbit things, particularly in gardening and eating.
Merry looked at her, one eye closed and the other open. "Never, Madam!" He shouted with a flourish, attempting to bow and hitting his head on the table. Pippin continued laughing, getting out of his seat, still holding his empty mug.
Ivy grinned at Merry as he howled, holding his head where a goose-egg bruise could now be seen. Pippin set down his mug and said, with a mock serious face, "Better call the Doctor, Merry. Or else put ale on it!" This of course made no sense whatsoever. Ivy looked at him curiously, brown eyes questioning.
Nearby, Frodo Baggins sat laughing with a few friends and Samwise Gamgee admired Rosie Cotton from a distance. "Look at you two. Drunk as ever. Wonder who will be taking you home this time?" Ivy laughed. Mostly, whenever these two Hobbits got drunk, somebody took them to Bag End, where Bilbo let them stay only because they were friends(and Pippin a distant relation) of Frodo's.
Promptly, Merry fell down and hit his head(on the opposite side) again, on the same table. Pippin shouted the same nonsense verse and Ivy laughed at them both.
Frodo came over then, and looked down at the two of them. "Seems you have some admirer's, Ivy," he said, smiling. Ivy rolled her eyes at the notion and looked at Pippin, and then Merry(who by this time had been deposited in a chair) both completely drunk.
"I doubt they have any idea of what is going on, Frodo. They shall be staying at Bag End..again." This roused the laughter of several nearby who had been watching the spectacle.
Merry was now downing another ale and Pippin looking around him curiously, as if everything he saw was bright purple.
The next morning saw a beautiful dawn, and after breakfast(and second breakfast) Ivy was out working in her garden. Merry and Pippin walked by, talking in low voices. Their drunken state the night before had not seemed to affect them at all. "Hello, lads! How are you this morning?" Ivy called, waving at them.
Unknown to our poor little Hobbit friend, once she had left the night before, Merry and Pippin had called war over her, each declaring to win her over in the end. This ranked at least in the Top 10 stupidest and most ridiculous things Merry and Pippin had ever decided on, but you must remember they were drunk.
Pippin rushed to gather a few flowers as Merry went up to her and presented a rosy red apple to her. "Much obliged, Mr. Brandybuck," Ivy said with a smile. Unruly Pippin came dashing up them, pushing Merry into a rosebush. He held forth a crumpled boquet of daisies.
Ivy looked at him curiously, but accepted the flowers, thanking him. Seeing her go back to her gardening, both Hobbits left, hurling insults at each other under their breath as they went on their way.
A/N: Just a silly little thing I decided to write. You might see more of it if I get bored. It does depend, however..