Deeply Disturbing
In a dark apartment of a dark planet known as Earth resided
a dark-haired man who wanted to know if there was life after
modeling. There was his time, long ago. He had it all:
friends, money, good looks, and hot girls. Then his friend
died in a freak gasoline fight accident and his good looks
were ruined by third-degree burns. The girls left him, and he
soon found that money alone wasn't enough to keep him so busy
he didn't have to think about anything. Money isn't really
all that great until you use it to buy cereal.
Derek Zoolander (the ex-male model of the previous
paragraph) was trying to think of a word. Every few seconds
he punched his couch. It didn't really help, but it made him
feel better. Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by loud
noises in the alley. He walked out on his fire escape and
stared in awe at the scene below. "They're breakdance
fighting!" he gasped. It was Keanu Reeves and Ben Stiller.
Eventually Derek figured out they were fighting over who got
to play his role, but it was dark by then, so he couldn't
tell if they were still down there. "Why not Tom Cruse?" he
mumbled and retreated into his rabbit-hole.
That night, Derek had a bad dream. He was surrounded by men
with dark glasses and disturbing hairdos. In fact, it was
almost as if there were poodles on their heads. Derek asked
them "What do you want of me?" One of them leaned close to
Derek's face, so close Derek could smell his breath. "You
should brush and floss," Derek said. "Dental care is
important for a good self-image." The figure leaned closer,
menacingly.
"Derek," it said, "We need your help."
In a dark apartment of a dark planet known as Earth resided
a dark-haired man who wanted to know if there was life after
modeling. There was his time, long ago. He had it all:
friends, money, good looks, and hot girls. Then his friend
died in a freak gasoline fight accident and his good looks
were ruined by third-degree burns. The girls left him, and he
soon found that money alone wasn't enough to keep him so busy
he didn't have to think about anything. Money isn't really
all that great until you use it to buy cereal.
Derek Zoolander (the ex-male model of the previous
paragraph) was trying to think of a word. Every few seconds
he punched his couch. It didn't really help, but it made him
feel better. Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by loud
noises in the alley. He walked out on his fire escape and
stared in awe at the scene below. "They're breakdance
fighting!" he gasped. It was Keanu Reeves and Ben Stiller.
Eventually Derek figured out they were fighting over who got
to play his role, but it was dark by then, so he couldn't
tell if they were still down there. "Why not Tom Cruse?" he
mumbled and retreated into his rabbit-hole.
That night, Derek had a bad dream. He was surrounded by men
with dark glasses and disturbing hairdos. In fact, it was
almost as if there were poodles on their heads. Derek asked
them "What do you want of me?" One of them leaned close to
Derek's face, so close Derek could smell his breath. "You
should brush and floss," Derek said. "Dental care is
important for a good self-image." The figure leaned closer,
menacingly.
"Derek," it said, "We need your help."