Pairing: Adam Lambert and Tommy Joe Ratliff.

I don't own either of them. Only in my dreams.

...

Man, did I love this. Being on stage. Performing in front of people. Being able to take aspects of my personality and exaggerate them for the stage. Being able to put on a show in Hair and Wicked was an amazing experience, and then American Idol came along. Now look at me, I was singing my own songs on stage, dressed in the most amazingly glam outfits, with screaming fans and my own dancers and band behind me. There's no rush like this. As I sang For Your Entertainment, the crowd sang along, all of them fixated on me. This feeling was amazing, that I can please them so much just by being who I am! For Your Entertainment finished, and Down The Rabbit Hole began. This song was one of my favourites, being one of the songs that I wrote. The music took hold of me and I lost myself in the lyrics. I could feel the energy of the crowd as the first chorus ended and Tommy stepped forward to do his bass solo, screaming girls reaching out to him. Still moving with the music, I observed.

He really was something, his nimble fingers creating wonderful bass lines that stirred something in my stomach. There was just something enticing about this little blonde bass player of mine that I couldn't put my finger on, and when we we're on stage together you couldn't deny that we had obvious chemistry. Yet according to him, he was straight, so of course I'd never act on this strange pull I felt towards him. Tommy finished his little solo and looked over at me from across the stage, a little smile on his black lipstick-coated lips. Oh man those lips… stop it Adam, he's straight. No. I wasn't going to let myself carry on thinking like that about Tommy. He's STRAIGHT, for crying out loud! He was just heartbreak waiting to happen if I went down this path. I'd just keep my lust for him to the stage and call it fanservice, the way I always do.

The second verse started up and I was happy, I always loved this part. Tommy made his way over to the centre of the stage to join me, fuck, did he have any idea how seductive he was? iNO, Adam. He. Is. Straight./i I draped my arm across his slender frame, stroking up his chest as I sang "it starts in his bass…" and the fans went crazy at the first hint of what they all knew was to come during Fever. Tommy leaned into my side as my arm went around him and as the song progressed into the chorus again, he again looked up at me, his chocolate brown eyes penetrating me, and he smirked. It was all just a fun game to him, a sexual roleplay "just for the fans" that was for their entertainment. The show continued and as I sang Ring Of Fire I pushed Tommy to the back of my mind and tried to concentrate on the performance. I looked out over the crowd, checking them out the way I always did, noticing as I did so that there were a bunch of cute boys down the front. Sweet of my fans, to push all the gay boys forward for me, though annoyingly they all had black hair. For some reason lately I'd found myself only attracted to blondes. Ring Of Fire finished, and we all knew what was next. Fever. I stood up at the top of the steps as the familiar music started and I grinned, forgetting everything but the music and letting nothing but the lyrics run through my mind. I swung my hips and strutted down the stairs.

"There he goes, my baby walks so slow…" I put my arm around Tommy… "Sexual!" We both flicked our heads… "tic tac toe, yeah I know we both know it isn't time…" I gently held Tommy's face in my fingers, looked into his eyes as he looked up from his bass and he winked at me. That was too much. Not even bothering to finish the verse, I just crushed my lips to his, the fans' screaming barely registering in my ears. He seemed taken aback at the sudden kiss, sooner than he thought it was going to be, but he didn't pull away. He must've been used to this by now, though for me every time we did this on stage, it filled me with as much adrenaline and sexual fire as it had that first time on the AMAs.

I slipped my tongue past his slightly open lips and into his mouth, my tongue dancing with his and exploring his mouth. Tommy finally started to respond properly, moving his lips against mine, and I heard the tiniest hint of a moan escape him, making my pants slightly tighter as a result. The kiss seemed to go on for a wonderfully long time, in slow motion it seemed, until finally it registered in my mind that it was time to get back to the song. I reluctantly pulled away, looking at Tommy, expecting to see those beautiful eyes staring back at me, telling me he'd felt what we'd just had, but my heart sank seeing he was immediately focused on his bass again.

What was I thinking? I'd just imagined that beautiful sound coming from him, it was obvious he didn't feel the same as me. Logic caught up with me and filled me with disappointment. Of course it was just fanservice to him, he was fucking STRAIGHT, and there was no denying that. I'd even seen him kissing girls after shows a few times, and he'd laughed with me often enough about the reaction our kissing got from the fans. So he went along with it, it was for the stage. And as far as he knew that was all it was to me too. And that was how it would stay, I convinced myself. I tried to forget about Tommy for the rest of the show, and I managed to have a good time and perform like I usually did. The rest of the show passed by in a blur, and as we walked off the stage for the final time after the encore, I had a smile on my face.

"Great show tonight everyone!" I grinned, highfive-ing the dancers and sharing a man-hug with Monte. I looked around at everyone and I was just filled with love. This was what I loved doing, and I had the best people living my dream with me. Then I realized, Tommy wasn't there. I wondered for a moment where he'd be, then shrugged.

"Well I dunno about you guys, but I think I'm gonna go relax for a while. You guys go do whatever it is you straight people do in your free time, apart from you Sasha!" we all laughed, and went our separate ways for the night.

I opened the door to my room and flicked on the lights.

"Hey Adam." I gasped and turned around so fast I almost fell over, my heart racing. I don't like being surprised like that.

"Holy shit Tommy, you made me almost jump outta my skin! Don't do that!" He laughed at my reaction and the shock wore off. "Not that I don't love you scaring the hell outta me in the middle of the night or anything, but what are you doing in my room?"

Tommy's eyes stopped wandering my room and looked straight into mine. "I want to talk to you." Oh crap, I knew where this was going. He was gonna say I'd gone a little too far on stage tonight, and he didn't want me kissing him any more.

"It's about what happened in Fever, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kiss you without warning like that. The lyrics of the song just kind of took over in my mind. It won't happen again." I was surprised at his expression as he took in what I was saying. It was one I couldn't quite read. "That is what you wanted to say to me, right? That I shouldn't have done that, it was too much?"

Tommy stepped closer to me. "Yes, it was too much." I dropped my gaze. "Too much for me to handle."

"I'm so sorry Tommy, I shouldn't just keep assuming you're okay with this, you being straight-"

"Shut up Adam. It was too much for me to handle, knowing it means nothing to you. You assume I'm okay with it, and you're right. I'm completely fine with it. Unless you didn't realize today on stage, I LIKE it. You're right when you assume I have no problem with you kissing me. But you're wrong when you assume I'm straight. Yeah, I like girls. But I also like you, and the way you kiss me, it kills me knowing it's all just fanservice. I was fine with it up until now, but there's something you do to me that feels unlike anything else, and on stage tonight you almost drove me over the edge. You can't just carry on using me like this when I know it means nothing to you."

He turned to leave, and I just stood there in shock. I grabbed his wrist before he could walk away, and I didn't bother with words. I pulled him towards me and kissed him shortly and sweetly before drawing away.

"Tommy, I thought it was you who it meant nothing to. You are so much more to me than just fanservice! You're my glitterbaby. You are beautiful and today I was sure for a second that you were kissing back with the same feelings! Then you looked away and I convinced myself it was nothing to you. I can't even explain to you what I'm feeling right now."

Tommy looked into my eyes again. "Then show me."

This time when I kissed him there was no holding back for either of us. It was a battle for dominance as our lips clashed and our tongues fought, me winning and my tongue proceeding to slide in and out of his mouth as I buried one of my hands in his hair, the other hand moving from his wrist to his hips, pulling him closer to me. I felt his hand on my neck, holding my face to his, and I was only too happy to carry on kissing him. I was in disbelief, I was kissing Tommy and we weren't on stage.

"You're so beautiful Tommy," I whispered as I moved my lips to the base of his neck, just feeling his soft skin against them. He made a noise of pleasure deep in his throat, and I smiled, leaning my head against his chest to hear. "You're purring! You really are a kitty, aren't you?"

"Maybe. But I'm your kitty now." He pushed me away from his chest so he could look at me and he smiled. I realized something.

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"You need to smile more."

He laughed again (and he has such a heartwarming laugh), "if you like it so much then maybe I will."

I just took the smaller man in my arms and hugged him, feeling like the grin on my face was one that from now on would never leave.