Disclaimer : I don't own Gakuen alice, but, I wish...
Genres : Romance, Drama. NxM
Odd romance
Title : I Love you more than my own Life
Summary : Even thought he was so far, even though she didn't even know if he was alive or not, her love never ended and her wishes were the same for one whole year : To see him.
The moon shone in all its light and beauty. The leaves of the trees seemed even more beautiful when the moon touched them lightly with her light. Bird song can be heard in the night, songs of birds with a delicate tone. The weather was a bit cold. It was late and everyone was almost asleep. Around the Academy, no sound would have awakened the students who were all very sleepy. All, except one.
She was alone in the middle of a forest that seemed to be the northern forest. She looked straight ahead and seemed to be waiting for someone. Her eyes looked empty and lifeless, like the eyes of someone without a soul. Not a single tear flowed from her eyes, but you could tell she was trying to suppress her feeling.
She thought of her past, where the sweet innocence and fairy tales were everyone dream. Where anything could make her happy, when everything was enough to surprise her, she was amazed to little thing : soap bubbles, a rainbow, Santa Claus ... When you grow up, it was increasingly difficult to find the path that brings us back to those magical moments, these moments of joy.
"At midnight, it will be one year," she thoughts, mournfully blowing. "One year that we didn't see each other, a year since my heart bleeds for you. "
She gazed at the moon, but soon her thoughts turned again to this unique person.
Natsume Hyuuga.
He haunts her day and night, hour and minute, and second even. He never left her thoughts, and it made her even sadder.
Flash back, One year ago
We were in class, some were listening, other sending short messages, some were sleeping and the few students left were listening carefully to every word the teacher was saying. But someone was missing.
Natsume Hyuuga.
It was regular for the other, he was often absent, nobody was worried and nobody cared. At least, almost. Two people cared enough for him. Natsume never cut class without notifying his friends. Or at least one person. Ruka, Natsume's best friend, looked at his neighbor and asked her quietly if she know anything about this. She shook her head and both looked at each other thinking the same thing at the same time and the same person.
"Where is he?"
At the end of the class, a student stood up and started to run toward a tree, a tree like the others, but which for her has so much meaning. This tree kept the memories she has with this particular person, with this unique and irreplaceable person.
Natsume Hyuuga.
She found with relief that he was indeed there. She timidly approached him and sat beside him. He turned and stared at her with his deep red eyes, and Mikan found herself observing him, She would always let her eyes roam around the classroom, but it would always land on him in the end, taking in every detail of his face, from the way his messy black hair fell to the way his deep red eyes would soften when he thought no one was looking. His eyes had always amazed her; she had never seen anyone with such eyes before. Such beautiful eyes...But today, she find a glimmer in the depths of his two intense pupils but she couldn't found out what it was.
Hurt? Despair? Agony? Or maybe, just maybe, fear
She didn't understand his silent sentence.
"Is that true?"He snapped suddenly.
"Wha-what?" She replied.
"You ... You've really encouraged her?"
"I... I don't understand..."
"Permy (Sumire), 'your friend' did you really encouraged her to confess her 'love' for me?"
"I... Yes... " she replied, ashamed. She wanted to refuse to help her, but she couldn't. Her love for him would have been too obvious and it would have hurt Sumire.
"Hn."
He continued to watch her and then he raised his hand and stroked her cheek, Mikan could feel her heart thumping against her ribcage and then he stood up and walked away in the shadow of the northern forest.
"We'll meet again." He said before disappearing into the darkness.
End of flash back
She never, ever thought that she could not see him again. Every day she looked out of the window wishing he was here unconsciously, every day she went to the famous Sakura tree. Where it all began and where everything ended.
She regretted so much not to have confessed what she felt for him. If only she had known he would not return. If only ...
While thinking of the past, this time she couldn't hold back tears that seemed to burn her eyes. Yes it's true, she would love to say he was everything to her, that she would never forget him, she loves him as a him, not his look or fame, that she thinks of him day and night. To tell him that without him, she's nothing, and that all the moments she spent with him are wonderful, he's the only one she love so much. She wanted to tell him that he carries her into a wonderful world and makes it better; he brings a smile to life and makes her believe in the future. Tell him that with him everything is different; everything is magical, just like a dream, that it was he who taught her to love more than she had ever loved. Tell him how perfect he is. Tell him that her only desire is to make him happy and that her only fear is losing him. All that she wanted to tell him.
Can we describe love by words...? Can her feelings be described by words? No, surely not. Her feelings are far too intense, too strong, too deep and beautiful. Her heart can't even stand it.
"Don't think that one day my heart forget you ... It may stop beating, but not love you," She said to nobody in particular "I miss you greatly. I think my tears will never cease to flow; my throat will never cease to dry when I think of you... You're so close and yet so far. I don't know where you are today, yet I hope that you heard me. "
Her pain became more and more scale, injuring her heart.
Under the shadow of the night, nobody could see a lonely boy who had lit a fire in the palm of his hand as if to see the darkness in which he lives. The clouds form a crowd together as if they were trying to block all light to illuminate the darkness in which he is consumed. It quickly started to rain and raindrops began to fall on the young boy whose fire had been extinguished because of the humidity. He was upset, but did not move so far, the rain flowing down his face.
"One year, eh? An eternity... yes" He whispered, looking down.
One year, he was gone for one year, away from her, from the other... One year that his heart ache because of his feelings for her, he missed her dearly, her warmth, her smiles... He didn't want to leave, no, he never wanted to leave the place he occupied beside her. But this damn academy had not decided on its plans.
Flash back one year ago
Natsume Hyuuga, Alias Black Cat or Kuro Neko, was running again from the devil, the devil that normal people would have called" Persona a heartless, sadistic and hateful man. This person was in "The list of people to kill by NH," and in the first place.
"Natsume, stop running away, you know very well that it's futile... "
Maybe it was futile, but never would he stop. It was much too risky.
"You can't get away, give up, I will explain what is your new mission..."
New mission? I just finished one!
"If you don't stop immediately, I'll say it to the administration and believe me... They will not be happy..."
Punish me, I don't give a damn!
"Or a new recruit would be nice... The little kitten for example?"
No!
"Oh ... You quickly changed your mind, Kuro Neko," said Persona smirking. "Well, your mission will be long, perilous and dangerous. But that, you know it right? You have one hour to gather the necessary. "
End of Flash back
"Mikan..." He thought.
He uttered one word between two bitter sighs; he wanted to live like everyone else, without having to do those missions that kill him a little every day, without having to kill so many people, without having to make these horrible and painful tasks that led him away from his light, from her. He wanted to keep living without having to get away from her, it was as if the fate was against him. Life was unfair and he knew it, for worse, not the better.
He then remembered his little brunette. Her soft hazel eyes and her long brown hair tied in two pigtails. A beautiful smile which, whenever he laid his eyes on melted the ice that he had worked so hard for to build, she always acted so optimistic. He smiled at the thought of her childish underwear. And see her wear that made him laugh. This girl has pierced all his defenses, all the darkness in which he lived. He loved that girl. She was always kind to him. Him. The guy who was cruel to her since the first day he met her. The guy who made her life hard. He smiled, while his bangs covered his eyes as the rain made it even more wet and cold.
"Natsume!" called a female voice.
"That voice is so sweet and intoxicating... I missed this annoying voice" thought Natsume.
He heard footsteps splashing in puddles near him. He turned his head to see the brunette who occupied his mind, his thoughts and his heart. He was surprised at first to see her, especially at this time and in rainy weather, she knelt beside him. Gently, he put a flick on his forehead and looked at her for the first time in a year with an annoyed look on his face.
"Oi, what are you doing here?"
"Natsume!" said Mikan pouting. "I saw the fire lit and... I immediately knew it was you so I came, but I did not know it was going to rain." And even if I had known... I Wouldn't have stopped looking for you so far. She thought.
"Baka," he said softly. He pulled her into an embrace, knowing that it was cold. Her body was fragile and can easily fall ill.
"Achooo!" Mikan sneezed.
"There, now you got a cold! Idiot!" Natsume growled.
"Hehehe" laughed Mikan nervously. "Ne ... Where were you, Natsume? Was it because of me?" She asked in a voice almost inaudible.
"...It was not because of you..."
"You... I missed you so much..."
"Hn... " Me too. he thought.
"Ne... Natsume?
"I'm sorry and... And... I... I love you! and since the beginning... I... You know, I helped Sumire because I didn't want others to find out about my feelings... If I had known you were going to-"
She couldn't finish her sentence, which was halted by a kiss, a contact between two mouths. A Contact between her and her love she believed lost.
His lips were cold and there was a bitter taste of blood mixed with chocolate. A forbidden taste, a small gesture that she wanted to be reality many times. And today, her illusions, her dreams, her fantasies became realities... This kiss was defended, yet it was their dream, their sole torment and their only hope. The brunette shuddered in contact with the hot hand of Natsume when he took hers to intertwine their fingers, as her heart keep beating furiously. She couldn't help it, her tears fall on its own and yet, she didn't mind it, they were tears of happiness. Love and passion mingled with their tender kiss, a budding romance, almost impossible... except for their hearts and it suited them perfectly.
Missing their breath, they broke away reluctantly and hugged each other in an embrace that neither of them dared to break. And that no one could break.
"Mikan... "
He just said one word. One. Yet he revealed so much, so much affection, so much love... All this, Mikan understood it. She did not need him to say "I love you too," His kiss and that one word proved to her everything he feels for her.
Natsume smiled, knowing she would not see his expression. He kissed her forehead gently and he pulled her gently on his lap. Mikan blushed a little and snuggled against his chest leaning upon him as a soft pillow. A gentle smile formed on her face before her eyes shut and fell asleep. Somehow it stopped raining and the sun was now nearly out.
He was no longer afraid to walk in the darkness. Mikan changed his life forever and he is so grateful. As long as she was waiting on the other side of the road, he could walk on it every day.
The distance has not diminished their feelings; rather it made them stronger, more beautiful and more intense.
Knowing that we have no hope doesn't mean that we have to stop waiting.
"Tsssk it's so obvious. You have this soft spot in his heart, his eyes soften every time he looks at you, and he gives you this gentle warmth that I cannot have. He thinks about you all day, every day. People think of him as unsociable and cold, but no, he is just in love, in love with a girl that he was prohibited to be with her, he was punished I don't know how many times and yet he always comes back to you, it's so obvious, Mikan, especially for someone like me who looks constantly at him. He loves you enough to die. Mikan " Said Sumire the day she confessed her feelings to Natsume.
"She is my sun,
That illuminates my days, The spark that makes my darkness disappear.
She took possession of my heart,
I was warmed up, I was overwhelmed with happiness,
she came to my heart so easily,
To never get out. Natsume H. "
"Saying 'I love you'
is never enough.
I need more,
Much more,
You must surely ask I what.
Well it's simple,
I just want you. Mikan S. "
"Frankly,
there is no exact definition of Love
each people has his own,
For me,
I find that Love is a set of feelings that lead to the destruction of the heart.
So destroyed that it becomes a dust,
A puzzle.
And, when we try to pick up the pieces
It often leads to his/her face,
The face that never left our thoughts,
Our dreams,
And this is where we realize that Love is bullshit that we don't regret having felt it.
We don't regret having met this someone even though it hurt us.
Love cannot be controlled, Love doesn't have time and it may be fleeting as it maybe eternal. Miimàh-chan "