HEELLOOO! Hey, sorry I haven't been writing in a while! My H.O.A. fanfic is coming soon! My class was just assigned a Civil War and a Tom Sawyer project, so I've been busy!

I DO NOT OWN LES MIS.

Yes I do.

No.

I'm kidding.

"No! Please!"

"Eponine! They're leaving!"

Marius pushed my wailing arms away almost angrily, a gesture that made my heart break a little farther. What was I doing loving someone like him? I just wanted to stop, to get him out of my head. But it doesn't work that way. You can't choose. Who knows better than I? My whole life I've wasted, the whole thing, chasing after him like some maniac. He doesn't want you like that, Eponine. Leave him alone. He's your best friend, not your lover. But no one can seem to understand. I love him. I love him so much. My heart aches and throbs whenever I'm around him. I can't stop now. He is what I've devoted my time, love, and life to. Too bad they just bounce right back and hit me in the face. If only he knew. Maybe he does know, I taunted myself. Maybe he's trying to send you a message.

I grabbed his arm again, more firmly this time. He would not leave. I wouldn't let him leave.

"Eponine!" Even in an exasperated voice, hearing my name come from his lips sent pleasant tingles throughout my whole body.

"You can't. You'll die."

He stared at me heroically with his warm, light eyes.

"Maybe I will, Eponine. But if I do, it will be because I am fighting for my country, and that is how I wish to die."

My mind raced as he began to turn around again, trying to escape.

"Then let me come with you. I want to fight for my country, too." He ignored me and turned around completely, walking away, but I grabbed his arm and wheeled him around.

"I'm serious."

He studied my face with a trace of amusement in his, which completely aggravated me. Why couldn't I go and fight as well? What's wrong with a female taking a stand?

"What?" I demanded, voice harsh and indignant. I surprised myself I little, but I made sure none of it showed on my face.

Marius gave a little start and I immediately regretted what I said and the tone of my voice. How could I do that? What if this is the last time a saw him and he felt- argh! Dumb love. It prevents you from taking charge and changes you into a ditzy, fumbling, idiot who loses their dignity and sense of, well, sense, whenever you're around them.

"I'm sorry, it's just…" I trailed off. What was I about to say? Sorry, Marius, it's just that I'm in love with you and I don't want you to die.

"Never mind." I muttered, turning to go. Fine. Who cared if he died fighting? It was for the country's sake, after all. Who cared?

I did. As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone cared more. Not even his beloved Cosette.

"Eponine!"

I could feel tears stinging in my eyes. Stupid tears. My scratched boots clacked on the cobblestone where the troops were lining up to go. I passed a puddle; it had rained the night before. (I should know; I was sitting outside on someone's threshold to escape it.) I stared at my ugly self. Dark hair, tangled into a mess of what was supposed to be a braid, dark green eyes. Not pretty eyes, but eyes the color of sewer water, mulch, toads. Dirt smeared all over my face, my clothes, everything on my person. A face warped by years of tiring work and hate towards too many people to name, including myself, to be ugly and aged.

The tears spilled over my cheeks as I looked down at myself, and they rippled the water with my horrible reflection in it. I angrily swiped at them, but they kept coming. I started to run, face down as I passed the troops, so they couldn't see me cry. They would probably think I was a boy, what so many people mistook me for, and seeing me cry would deepen their interest.

Suddenly I collided with someone, a troop probably. We crashed to the ground in an aching heap.

"Monsieur! Bon Monsieur! Excusez- moi!"

My face flushed at the idea of me, a wretched, unofficial street dog, knocking down a troop, fancy and in uniform (which I probably ruined)! Tears were still present on my face, although they had stopped falling.

His reply from underneath a scrambling me was clearly audible, so there could be no mistake:

"Pas besoin pour cela, 'Ponine!"

No need for that? Any sensible troop would shove me off and give me a tongue lashing, at least, about dangerous street slugs hanging around officials, and how I would owe him one- hundred francs for a new uniform. And besides, he had called me "'Ponine!" Only one man did that.

"Marius!" I gasped. At first my heart flooded with joy and relief, but that all died as I realized that this was even worse. He saw me as an obstacle, nothing more. And here I was getting in his way yet again. He probably hated me even more now.

I pushed myself off of him and helped him to sit up. As our hands made contact, my stomach tightened and my heart flew in my chest.

I started to push myself up.

"Sorry. I'll leave now." I said, keeping the emotion from my voice.

But his gentle grasp found my hand, and he guided me back to the ground. He was touching me, and I hadn't touched him first!

"'Ponine," (God, I love when he calls me that) "why are you crying?"

I was in the process of thinking up a reason (after all, there was no denying the fact I was, that would be an obvious lie) when I just bubbled over everything that was wrong. Even if he didn't love me, he was still my best friend, and I had a feeling he would listen to me.

"I don't want you to leave, Marius, and I just know you are going to be shot or killed or something bad. Please let me come with you! And I thought I had a chance but I saw myself in the puddle and I realized how ugly I really am!" Tears started dripping down my cheeks again, and my nose felt runny. Troops passing by started staring, but Marius just looked at me, so I didn't look at them. "And now I don't blame you for not taking me; no one would ever want to be seen with such a wretched, ugly creature. Nobody loves me, and that's okay with me, now that I know for sure." I was sobbing now.

I was looking down, so it surprised me when Marius gently held my face and forced me to look at him. His beautiful eyes were shining with sadness and… love? Not love love, but friendship love.

"Eponine."

I looked at him sadly. He removed one hand and wiped my tears away with it. before placing it back on my cheek.

"You are beautiful, 'Ponine. Beautiful."

My heart soared and my breathing became fast, but still, I couldn't believe him.

"No, I'm not." I argued, hating myself and loving him.

"I wouldn't kiss someone who's ugly."

"So what?" I sniffed curiously.

What did that have to do with our conversation? Was that relevant in any way?

Suddenly he held my shoulders and pulled me close to him, and then his lips were pressed against mine sweetly, and I could feel him holding me to him as the kiss moved rhythmically, still on the ground. I had never kissed anyone before, and my dreams of him being my first were coming true right before my eyes, literally. So I sat there dumbly, trying to copy his movements and occasionally opening my eyes. I felt lifeless; I think my heart exploded the minute his lips came into close proximity with mine. He broke away as I was getting the idea of how you're supposed to do it.

He stood up and offered a hand to me. I was dazed, in shock, but I managed to get up with his help.

"I'm sorry if I made things strange between us." He told me. "You're my best friend, 'Ponine, and I just had to make you stop crying! You really are beautiful. Now stay here; you'll be hurt." I shook my head "yes" mildly.

"Oh, and 'Ponine, if you see Cosette," I was snapped back into reality at her name. "can you tell her Marius says 'I love you'?"

There. That was it. The closest he'd ever come to saying "I love you" to me. He loved me as a friend, nothing more. But still I smiled as I watched his back disappear into the crowd of troops. I put a gloved hand to my lips, touching them tenderly as if his kiss would fly away into the wind if I didn't secure it.

"I love you." I told him, even though he was no longer in my sight.

I had taken about ten steps before reality hit me like a lightning bolt. I had to go after him! That whole scene back there, maybe it had had other purposes as well as comforting me! Maybe he just wanted to put me into a lovey- dovey trance so he could get away! At first that thought hurt me, but then I realized that he didn't want me to go because I might be injured.

Sorry, Marius. I thought. And I followed the path he had taken into the crowd.