Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror lookin' back at you
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you
Maureen stood by her locker, fussing with her hair and make-up for what seemed like the millionth time that day. Mark stood by, waiting to walk to Spanish with her.
"Mo, you look fine! Cane we go? C'mon, we're gonna be late"
"Ugh, one sec, Marky! My hair will not cooperate! My eyeliner's already coming off too! Grr…oh well. I guess I'll just have to deal with it later," Maureen rolled her eyes as she grabbed her black leather purse off the floor. She grabbed her Spanish books and shoved them into the bag, then slammed her locker and followed Mark to Spanish class.
"So, be honest – do you think I look truly awful today? I kinda just threw my hair in a ponytail this morning and did my make-up in all of two minutes."
"Maureen, you look great! Not that that's unusual," Mark reassured.
"Don't play that game! I know how horrible I must look!" she protested. "Then again, I can't say I ever really look all that great."
"What the hell are you talking about? I'd say you're pretty good-looking," he told her.
"Haha, funny. Seriously – like look at Mimi – now she's the gorgeous one! I couldn't look like that in a million years! Oh well, I'll stop dumping all my problems on you now. I'm sure you don't really care," Maureen said. They'd just arrived at the entrance to their classroom. The two sat down, waiting for the bell. There was a short, yet awkward silence in the seconds leading up to the pealing of the bell. The announcements began and the entire class stood absent-mindedly for the Pledge, as they did every morning and then proceeded to pay no attention to the overhead announcements. That was another typical occurrence. Maureen was quickly attempting to finish the bookwork she'd neglected to do the night before, while Mark sat at his desk, deep in thought.
He couldn't help thinking about Mo and how she'd been acting lately. He'd notice that she wasn't her usual self – that confident girl who didn't give a damn what other people thought of her. It seemed like there was something going on, and she was making every effort to hide that. It was like she was constantly doubting herself, and staring in mirrors all the time, fixing her hair, make-up, or something of that nature. Mark couldn't understand where the sudden self-consciousness had come from. She was a pretty great girl: she was beautiful, outgoing, witty, and talented, smart, and, once you really got to know her, caring. That's what most people thought of her. It seemed as though she was the only one who didn't…with those thought, Mark was interrupted by the teacher, who was beginning class. Whatever was going on with Mo, well, he'd figure it out later.
Hold on baby you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go, and no one knows
That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone
After an incredibly long day, Maureen's mom was waiting to pick her up. She climbed into the front seat and threw her things on the floor.
"Hey Mom, may I?" Maureen asked as she prepared to change the radio.
"Have at it," her mom shrugged. Maureen hit the button of her favorite station, and smiled when the new Lady Gaga song came on.
"So how was your day?" Mrs. Johnson asked.
"Pretty good, I guess. I finally got a decent grade on my Algebra test today!" she smiled. "Oh, and I shockingly aced my Spanish test too."
"Good job honey! Do you have any homework tonight?"
"Eh, a little. You think you could take me to the gym a little later though? I really need to work out," Maureen told her mom.
"Sure. Why don't you get your homework done and then I'll take you. Sound good?"
"Yeah, fine."
* * *
After a night of going from one chore to another, Maureen finally went to her room to get ready for bed around eleven.
She started to think about her issues at school; mainly those bitches April and Alexi, who'd decided to diss Maureen to the point that she was obsessive over it. They'd been good friends to her for a little over a year, and suddenly they'd pulled a curveball – they stopped asking Maureen to hang out with them and they were secretly talking about her behind her back all the time. They just didn't know she knew about that. Then they really did it – April told Maureen to her face that she was a bitchy slut, that nobody truly liked her, that she had no real friends.
Maureen was constantly trying to convince herself that the two were just being plain mean and that they were possibly jealous of her, but that wasn't easy. Lately, she felt as though she had to prove something; that everything had to be perfect in her life. For a while, those girls had even managed to convince Maureen her true friends didn't like her! They'd broken her – she just couldn't handle it anymore. She threw herself on her bed and started crying her eyes out, and then proceeded to turn her radio up incredibly loud, hoping no one would hear her. Her parents didn't need to know – they thought that Maureen was one of the most headstrong, independent, and strongest girls ever. She'd been through a lot in her sixteen years and her parents had seen her come out on top every time. From what her parents knew, she didn't take crap from anyone. This time, she wasn't so sure that would be the case. Here she was, letting these catty remarks get to her. She cried for a while longer before telling herself that she needed to get some sleep.
Since everything went down, Maureen had become very good at hiding her emotions. Every day she plastered on a big fake smile, tossed out a few fake laughs throughout the day then worked hard at things like her musical audition and vocal lessons, making people think she was perfectly happy – even if she was borderline miserable. She was shocked no one had noticed her pain behind the smiles and laughs that she tied herself together with. Not even her best, closest friends. Of course, this wasn't to say that every smile was a façade, though lately more and more were becoming that way. She tried to muster a smile before hunkering into bed, but it just wasn't coming. Only more tears fell. It felt like her whole life was currently being tied together with her feigned smiles, but now everything was beginning to come undone.
I guess it's true that love is all you wanted
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket
But it leaves you out like a penny in the rain
And it's not his price to pay, it's not his price to pay
"C'mon Kyle, let's go! I'm gonna be late if you don't move a little faster!" Maureen barked at the boy whose locker she was standing by.
"Babe, don't worry! The walk to history's not that long. We'll be ok," Kyle told her.
"Alright, I'll chill," Maureen rolled her eyes. "So, what time do you want to go see that movie on Saturday?"
"Um, don't know. Doesn't matter, I've got nowhere to be," he told her.
"How about a night show, say sevenish?"
"Ah, what the hell? Seven it is," Kyle smiled.
"Yay!" Maureen squealed happily. She threw her arms around Kyle's neck. She pecked a little kiss on his cheek before locking her fingers between his and leading him off to history. Maureen was so glad she'd met Kyle at the musical auditions. They'd only been going out a few days, but they were the perfect couple already! Maureen couldn't have been happier, at least she thought.
After history let out, Maureen kissed Kyle good-bye and headed to her locker to pick up her books for her next class. While she was there, Mark snuck up behind her.
"Boo," Mark said as he covered Maureen's eyes. "Guess who?"
"Hmmm…Marky, is that you?" Maureen laughed.
"Yup, it's me. So who was that you were just smooching with?" Mark asked.
"Oh, that was Kyle. He's the most amazing guy I've ever dated!" Maureen smiled.
"You're already dating the guy?" he inquired, visibly shocked.
"Mhmm! Now I know you always tell me how you think I'm always going out with someone different, but I really think that Kyle's someone I'm going to stick with for a while," Maureen smiled. Mark gave her a skeptical look.
"What? I've never felt this way before! Doesn't that mean something?"
"Well, how do you know it's a good different?" Mark wondered.
"Trust me, Mark – it's good. Why are you being this way?"
"I've heard things about Kyle…like so many other guys you've dated…" Mark mumbled.
"Yeah, yeah, so I've dated some crappy guys. Kyle isn't one of them though. You'll see."
* * *
Saturday night came; it felt like it took forever to arrive, at least in Maureen's mind. She spent a good hour getting ready that night, and she had planned to meet Kyle at the theater. Her mom dropped her off after she'd talked to Kyle, who'd called to say he was on his way. When she arrived, Maureen sat in the lobby, not wanting to buy her ticket until she was with Kyle. Fifteen minutes passed; a half an hour; an hour; an hour and a half…Maureen had called Kyle three times, no answer. She laid out on the bench she had been sitting on, wondering how much longer she should wait around – then it dawned on her that she had no way to get home. Her parents went out and Kyle was supposed to be her ride home. Well…maybe she could…no…thoughts were racing though her head. Just as she was pondering who to call, she remembered Mark was working at the mall today, which just happened to be right down the street from the theater. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she found Mark's number.
"Maureen? Hey, what's going on?" Mark asked.
"Kyle ditched me at the theater…do you think you could come and give me a ride home?"
"Well, I'm done with work in about ten minutes, and then I'll get over there as soon as I can. Will that be alright?"
"Oh my God, Mark, you're amazing! Thanks so much! I'll see you in a little bit then."
"Yep, I'll be there. Talk to you then." With that, Mark hung up. Maureen smiled, thanking God for decent guys like Mark.
Hold on, baby you're losing it
Water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go, and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone
Mark's beat up 1980s Honda pulled up in fro of the theater about twenty minutes later. He shot Maureen a quick text to let her know he was there. Maureen smiled when she pulled out her phone, seeing who her latest message was from. She loved having friends like Mark – always there when you needed him, he wasn't judgmental, and he definitely wouldn't say "I told you so" when she did something stupid.
"Hi Mark. Oh man, thanks so much for coming to help me out!" Maureen exclaimed as he climbed into the passenger's seat.
"No problem. So what exactly happened? If you don't mind me asking, that is."
"Um, well…long story short: Kyle stood me up."
"What an ass," Mark rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, you were right about him I guess," Maureen sighed in defeat. "I swear I'll listen to you the next time you tell me a guy is bad news. Sorry I didn't listen before."
"Ah, that's ok. We never want to believe the worst of people we care about."
"Mhmm," Maureen agreed.
"You ok? You seem quiet," Mark observed.
"Mhmm, just a little pissed – I did just get stood up after all! Plus, I've had an exhausting week," she shrugged.
"Ok then…" Mark trailed off as he realized Maureen wasn't going to tell him what was going on. There was an awkward silence, though Mark attempted to break it shortly after it started.
"So, how do you think your audition went the other day?" Mark asked.
"Ok I guess…you did pretty good, even though I had to coax you into it. And Mimi did really well too. However, I think I kinda bombed mine."
"Maureen, you have a great voice. Plus, just getting up there and singing is an accomplishment in itself."
"Sure…wait, if you were at auditions, why are you asking how they were? Something's up," Maureen was onto Mark's intentions by now.
"Oh, I was just wondering how you think you did, is all."
"Right…seriously Mark, you can tell me."
"Ok, fine Maureen. I'll come right our and ask – what's going on with you lately? You are not the Maureen we all know and love."
"Nothing's up!" Maureen snapped defensively.
"Mo…"
"Mark! Stop prying!" she demanded. With that, Mark turned his car into the parking lot of a restaurant near the mall and parked in a spot in front of the building.
"What the hell?!" Maureen screamed.
"We're not leaving until you tell me what's going on."
"Fine, you wanna be this way; I guess I have to tell you. Quite frankly, I'd like to get home. Some bitches said some shit – can we go now?"
"Whole story…" Mark coaxed.
"Alright, alright. So April and Alexi – you know how the three of us used to be pretty good friends? Well, a couple months ago, I realized that they never called me or asked me to get together anymore. We talked about it and they promised we'd all hang out at some point in the near future. Then, out of no where, Alexi and April both have reasons why they can't go to the mall on the day we'd been planning. Turns out that they were both at the mall without me. Then came the worst part –"Maureen's voice started to crack. "They were talking behind my back, saying really nasty stuff. They had no clue I knew about that though.
"Then one day, outta the blue, April tells me to my face that she thought I was an ugly, wannabe slut, and that everyone hated me, even you guys…I tried to ignore them, though I couldn't help but think that they were right; maybe I am all those things," Maureen was bawling by now.
"Oh my God, Mo. You know those girls are just jealous of you! You're way better than they are!" He stretched over towards Maureen and put his arms around her.
"Shhh, you're fine. You know that you're beautiful, and I'm not just saying that – you really truly are. Inside and out. You're one of the coolest people I've ever met. You're smart talented, hilarious, and really fun to hang out with. Don't let those bitches make you think otherwise." Mark held her for a few minutes longer, before she pulled away.
"Oh my God, it feels so good to get that off my chest! Did you really mean it?"
"Mean what?"
"What you said."
"Every word."
"You're so sweet! Thanks so much Mark," she smiled as she grabbed his hand. "I guess we should probably get out of this parking lot and get home, huh?"
"Yeah, probably not a bad idea," Mark shrugged. He started the car and continued the drive home. Again, silence, though this time it wasn't awkward. Mark got that Maureen needed some time after pouring all her emotions out to him – she needed time with her thoughts. That left Mark with his thoughts too. He suddenly began to realize why he cared so much about what had been going on with Maureen and why he noticed the changes in her more than anyone else: he liked her. Not just as a friend either. Should he tell her? It seemed like a bad time, but he wasn't sure if he'd get the courage to tell her at another time – this was possibly a now or never thing. After careful consideration, he came up with a great plan.
"Can we turn the radio on?" Maureen finally spoke up.
"Sure," Mark turned the radio to the local hits station. A song the both more or less liked came on, and when they both started singing, the mood in the car really lightened up.
After about ten minutes more, Mark pulled in front of the Johnsons' house.
"Well, thanks for the ride Mark. You're a total life saver," Maureen smiled as she grabbed her purse off the floor.
"Here, let me walk you to the door," Mark offered.
"Oh, ok," Maureen agreed, caught off guard. The two walked up to the front porch. They both just stood in silence for a minute.
"Well, thanks again. I guess I'd better head in," Maureen said as she pulled out her key.
"Maureen! Wait, I have something to tell you," Mark stopped her.
"Ok, I'm listening," she said.
"Alright, this timing may be horrible, I know, but I've been thinking a lot lately about you and me and how I feel about you. I've come to see that I like you – as more than a friend. Maureen, I don't know about you, but I'd really like to give 'us' a try, if you know what I mean…"
"Oh, Mark…"
"You know what? I never should have brought this up," Mark sighed in defeat as he prepared to head back to his car.
"Wait…you're right, the timing should be horrible, considering, but honestly, this turns out to be pretty good timing. I think I need a person like you in my life. A boy like you in my life," she smiled.
"Really?" Mark was surprised.
"Yeah, seriously," Maureen convinced him.
"Cool! So do you want to get together tomorrow?"
"Sure. We should go sledding or something like that," Maureen suggested. "It would be fun. You just better be there when you say you'll be."
"Promise you I'll be there. In fact, I wouldn't miss it for the world," Mark assured her.
"Great! Well, I'd better head in. My parents will be back soon, and it's freezing out here."
"Yeah, I should probably get home too. My mom'll start freaking out any minute now."
"'Kay, well I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Yep, I'll call you."
"Cool. Bye!" Maureen smiled as she pecked Mark on the cheek. Mark started to blush, and then grinned ear-to-ear.
"Bye, Mo," Mark called as he walked to his car. He drove off after he saw Maureen let herself into the house. She saw Mark had been right – that her different feelings with Kyle were not the good different like she thought. Now what she felt with Mark that night, that was the perfect kind of different.