It had taken courage to walk into her office and casually inquire her feelings towards him, then soften it with the offer of a nightcap. He knew it. She knew it. And she had turned him down flat.
She'd hardly even looked at him though he knew the emotions that swam deep in her chocolate eyes. He'd hardly even needed to hear her low tenor of barely shielded confusion and disappointment to know that even after all the tenacity and vigor he was willing to put forth to rectify the collapsed bridge between them, he was going to have to take no for an answer.
If he were a better, stronger man he might've left their interrupted conversation at just a failure, but God knew there wasn't power enough in all his bones to tear himself away from the undeniable, magnetic force of her beautiful face and soul. At this point, they'd spent far too many passionate nights, punctuated by rough, contentious days, together for him to simply give up. He knew her well, from the softest brush of her lips to the coarsest snare of her voice. He knew her when she was open, as gentle as silk, to when her edges were as sharp as razor blades.
No, this wasn't the first time she'd cast him that glare or denied the touch of his hand, but he'd be damned if it would be last.
Rafael took the subway across town, still wearing the same suit he'd worn the last time he'd seen her but a few hours ago. With the late hour he was all but alone, and that didn't bother him one bit.
He didn't try to distract himself from the swirling pit of dread in his stomach. Rather, he latched onto it, hoping that somewhere in the melancholy he could find the correct words to convince her that despite her moral outrage she could still forgive him. He paused, wondering if he would even say 'I'm sorry.' He wasn't sorry, and he'd never lied to her before.
When the subway stopped at his destination, he shoved his hands into his trench coat's pockets and marched out onto the platform. With his head down, he weaved through the small crowd waiting to board and headed up the stairs to the street. He'd navigated New York City long enough to hardly glance up. Even if he did, his vision was filled with her face.
He might've enjoyed the walk had his mind not been so heavy. Impatience churned through him with each passing minute right up until he reached her building.
He gazed up at the edifice, his eyes narrowing upon her window. He knew exactly which one it was, the view that it could offer.
He didn't necessarily doubt himself, but a part of him wondered if he should've let her sleep on it… taken no for an answer. But he was here now, and turning back would seem cowardly.
He jogged up the front steps and pushed himself through the motions of buzzing for her to allow him entry. Glumly, he imagined himself not even getting through the front door, and wondered if he had underestimated just how upset she truly was. He'd pushed the thought of failure to the back of his mind, telling himself that he possessed the eloquent words that would draw her back to him, make her realize that her anger needn't be nothing more than a short lived outburst.
He drew a deep breath as a long second passed, almost too long for him to imagine that she would answer. He'd just lifted his hand to ring again when the gate unlatched. He gazed down at the open door, then up towards her window. A flash of the curtains rustling let him know that she had spied him, pitifully grovelling on her doorstep.
Attempting to shake loose self doubt, he stepped forward through the gate and into the atrium. He knew the way upstairs far too well, and his feet unfailingly carried him through the door and up the stairs, all the way to her apartment.
He'd just reached the top of the stairs when the door opened.
He halted, panting from his jog up the stairs and from the shock of seeing her, austerly glaring at him from the threshold.
"I buzzed you in because I'd rather not have this conversation on the street." She said, stepping aside from the doorway.
"I'm sorry," He began, although he'd promised himself he wouldn't apologize so quickly.
"Just come in." She snapped, quickly, glancing up and down the hall.
He sighed and strode through the doorway, unbuttoning his coat quickly. When he turned back towards her, she was easing the door shut, her expression strained.
"Liv…" He began.
"What?" She asked, turning towards him, her brow furrowed. "You couldn't possibly have thought that I'd ever agree with perjury...Your idea of justice now, apparently."
He pursed his lips, drawing a breath. "I thought it was necessary."
"Necessary." She repeated, her tone dripping cynicism. "Your actions almost forced me to perjure myself, something I swore I'd never do again after Lewis."
He looked away, his conscience crushing him at the mention of the sadistic bastard. Lewis had been dead nearly two years, but the mention of his name was all that Rafael needed to remember exactly what he had put Olivia through.
"I told you when I was adopting Noah," She whispered, "that lying never works in my favor."
"I know, I know…" He held up his hands, pressing his eyes shut for a moment, "I know that…"
"You know it, and you blatantly ignored it in order to get a win under your belt." Her words were cutting, though he could sense some tenderness somewhere beneath.
"It wasn't just a win." He said, stepping closer to her, "Far too many lives had already been lost. Those men are hardly worthy of your respect and valor."
"Don't flatter me." She shook her head, "I will never agree with what you allowed to happen."
"And I will never be sorry." He whispered, impassioned.
"Then I'm not sure what else there is to say." She returned, her gaze watery despite her unwavering stance.
The silence hung between them for a moment, fragile and unpromising, but he wasn't ready to admit defeat. He wasn't prepared to walk away from her tonight, not again.
He stepped closer to her, touching her arms. When she didn't resist, her curled his fingers around her biceps, squeezing the soft flesh in a firm embrace. Her gaze flickered to him, sharp and glittering like broken glass.
"I don't expect you to understand an immigrant status… what it means…" He lowered his head, pulling her closer.
He heard her sigh softly, her hands lifting to touch his hips.
"No… I couldn't." She murmured.
"I was barely in school when someone first told me to go back to my own country." He sighed, lifting his head. "They called me names, pushed me down… One of them even threw a rock at me."
Her brows furrowed, her lips tightening. "I'm sorry, Rafael…"
"I didn't understand because I lived here my entire life." He said through clenched teeth, ignoring the sting of tears in his eyes. "I asked my mother and she told me that some people judge by the color skin or by the language that you speak, so you know what I did?"
"What?" She whispered, her voice trembling.
"I looked in the mirror and I knew that I could pass for one of them if I could just learn to speak like them… if I could be as smart as them… as well dressed as them…I shoved my heritage to the back of my mind in exchange for an Ivy League college and an Armani suit."
"You've nothing to be ashamed of, Rafael." She insisted, lifting a hand to touch his cheek.
"Maybe and maybe not." He returned, "What I'm saying is…. That family had the bravery to live their lives as proud, practicing Muslims and they suffered for it… In a country that promises freedom and happiness. They didn't deserve what happened to them, but those men… they would deserve any Fate I could give them in any possible way."
She glanced down, biting at her lower lip.
"I can't say I agree with what you did," She murmured, "but I think I understand."
"That's all I could ever ask of you." He breathed, pulling her closer.
He wound his arms around her waist as hers circled his neck and he pressed his face to her shoulder, breathing in her scent. Holding her this close, he wanted to memorize every single sensation that her body brought over him. He wanted to remember what each inch of her skin felt like, her softness, her curves, her strength.
He lifted his face to hers, their lips touching softly at first. She was tender to him, kissing him slowly and gently as if to heal the wounds that weren't his heart in two, but it only made him clutch her tighter. He groaned, slanting his mouth harder against her and lapping his tongue past the barrier of her teeth. She went slack against him, moaning sweetly as he infused passion amidst the hot, wet embrace of their mouths. He unleashed every single shred of pain and desire that had welled up inside him and laid it bare upon the altar of her tongue, knowing she'd take it from him.
He pushed her back against the door, hungrily dragging his mouth down her jaw and neck, sucking upon the length of her racing pulse. His hands sought down her body, grasping needily at the curve of her backside until she moaned raspily and her own fingers scraped over his shoulders.
"Oh…." She panted as he slid one hand up to yank her shirt tail from her slacks.
He dragged her shirt up her back, plunging his hand beneath to touch warm, bare flesh. His body tingled at the first touch of naked skin, and a need louder than he had anticipated pounded through him.
Perhaps it was the stress of the past few days or maybe it was the tension between them that had finally cracked, but he could feel himself giving way, crashing into ragged shards of desire and passion. His hands trembled with it, his mind screaming, body pulsing. He ached to touch her like a ravenous beast inside his chest.
He thrust against her, pushing her sharply against the door as his fingers gripped her harder beneath her ass and his fingers splayed across her back. A gasp jarred from her throat at the rough motions but her fingers scrambled over his shoulders, dragging him desperately closer. Her hips ground up against his, inciting fire to engulf his groin.
He growled low in desire and yanked her away from the door. He spun them back towards the living room and their weakened, trembling legs carried them stumbling towards the couch. Their hungry fingers grasped as clothing, tearing at buttons and zippers until they were both disheveled and panting.
Rafael slid down her body as they reached the corner of the couch, his fingers pushing beneath the waistband of her pants. He pulled them down sharply as she tumbled back onto the cushions, kicking the material away until he found himself kneeling between her thighs, his hands spreading over her sweet, olive flesh. He bent down, gathering her close, as he pressed his face to the warmth of her stomach. His fingers slipped beneath her, clutching her buttocks once more as she squirmed against him, begging him to touch her.
He breathed in the scent of her flesh, kissing her stomach wetly as he sank back on his heels. Her knees bent over his shoulders, holding him close as his mouth trailed down between her legs.
They were both panting loudly, anticipation holding them at the precipice of bursting desire. He wanted to listen to the sound of need just a little longer, but his reckless passion wouldn't allow him a moment's rest. His fingers itched to feel her, his tongue watering to taste her.
Urging her close, he pressed his mouth fully to her and she groaned above him, her hips arching up against his face. He dragged her back him, his tongue darting from his mouth to lick across her swollen, aching parts. She was already wet between her puffy folds and the taste of her sent a shaft of sharp, crazed need through his body. He wasn't sure he could endure this tender exchange because his body demanded so much more from him.
Sliding one hand from her ass, he slipped it between her legs, delving his fingers against her dripping core. She gasped, her legs tightening around him as pressed two fingers inside her slick, constricting passage. She sank back down upon his hand, released a trembling breath as he filled her, pressing the ache deeper inside of her.
"Rafi…" She panted, her voice emanating delirious and hazy with pleasure. "God, please… don't stop."
Lifting his head, he gazed up at her body, twisted and languishing across the cushions, held captive by the pleasures of his hand and mouth. Her arms were stretched above her head and her face was lined with erotic bliss, so evident in the way her lips parted and her eyes rolled back beneath fluttering lids.
Laying a kiss to her trembling stomach, he murmured, "Don't worry, mi amor…"
He watched her arch once more as he thrust his fingers into her, enjoying the rapid bursts of gasps and moans that spilled from her lips every time he dragged his fingers against her tender walls. He would've dragged it out for much longer just to watch her squirm upon his hand, but the rampant desire inside of him urged him to complete this faster, harder, quicker.
He knew that she could take these dark feelings and depressive thoughts from him with the simple delicacy of her body and tender whisper of her voice. He knew that she could take whatever he thrust upon her, and though his own weaknesses frightened him, he wasn't ashamed to fall into the strength of her arms.
He leaned in closer to her, pressing his forehead to her heaving chest as he rocked his fingers into her. Her legs were bent and spread across his chest, her feet dangling above their heads as her aching, open body took the deep, sharp thrusts over and over until the breadth of his fingers was hardly enough.
"Rafael…" She panted, her heavy lids dragging open so that she could gaze up at him with lustful, dark eyes.
The brown of them were both deep and shifting, flashing with all manners of spice and rum. God, the way the light could catch them, like amber stained glass beneath the sun. He'd never seen anything quite like her eyes, and oh they way they sucked him deep, he doubted he'd ever want another pair to catch him quite this way.
"What do you want?" He panted, huskily, though he didn't stop the motions of his hand.
"Oh …." She groaned as his fingers pressed into her, sharp and quick. "I want….you…"
"You have me." He rasped, pressing his lips to the sliver of her chest that had been revealed by hastily opened buttons.
"I want you in me.." She insisted in a moan, her fingers scraping up his back and neck, dragging through his hair, disturbing the perfect style.
He shuddered at her pleading words, his heart thundering even deeper because he knew he'd do anything for this beautiful creature in his arms. No matter what had happened before this moment, or even what would happened after it, the unflinching truth was that his love for her went beyond any earthly or spiritual force that dared to rise between them.
He didn't hesitate to follow her desires.
There would be time later to tease her and treat her. What they both wanted and needed right now was the deepest connection of their bodies, minds, and souls, and gratification was a simple aftermath, an inevitable conclusion. What he craved were the moments in between, when she was soft and sweet beneath him, wrapping him in the velvet embrace of her body… when he could look down into her eyes and see directly into the deepest part of her soul… when he was inside of her, a part of her being rather than some unworthy, pitiful onlooker.
He pushed up from the ground, trembling in his haste to rid himself of clothing. Engulfed in desire, he shoved the last of the damning physical barriers away and grabbed her legs. He pulled them all the way onto the couch and spread himself out over top of her, panting heavily as their bodies aligned. Her gaze flickered up at him, twin flames of desire as she curled her legs around his waist, pulling them close.
Breathing heavily, he pressed his forehead to neck, moaning at the soft, wet invitation of her body against his rigid, aching flesh. He laid there for a moment, overcome, before he finally lifted his eyes to gaze into her eyes.
"I love you…" He whispered, before leaning in, crushing their mouths together.
She moaned in response, and he could almost hear her voice echoing through his head as he shifted against her. Gripping her thigh, he entered her, everything within him quivering at the simple yet defining act. He felt choked with unmeasurable pleasure, both physically and emotionally, at the joining of their bodies, so much so that tears stung at the back of his eyes.
He dragged his mouth from hers, unable to continue with the illustrious skill he had before as the heat of her body enveloped him, transporting him to a new level of being that only existed here with her.
He felt her arms wind around him, pulling him close as his hips dragged raggedly against her. She didn't let go of him as he dug his knees into the couch and thrust into her, forcing a cry to spill from her throat. Her head tilted back, her neck stretching long before his eyes, and he latched his mouth to her pounding pulse, sucking sharply. He hoped the mark would linger long after this moment.
Her body clenching and twisting beneath him lulled him towards climax and the burn in his muscles pushed him to release, but he closed his eyes, pushed his first instincts to the back of his mind. He wanted them in here in the moment for as long as was possible. He wanted her to feel the fiery passion bursting from inside of him just like this, because this one certain union would only happen once. There'd be so many other times, but he wanted to savor this...he wanted to be savored.
They were both sweating, panting, and trembling by the time she arched beneath him. She grabbed onto his hand, her fingers wrenching tight around his as her wide eyes burst open before tumbling back as the pleasure swept her away. He watched her face flush with waves of pleasure, holding her tight and shoving deep into the ever tightening clench of her body. Her legs squeezed around him, holding him tight against her, dragging him into the whirlpool of climax after her. He resisted for what seemed like a long minute, although it was only mere second until he hunched over her.
"Yes, yes…" He heard her panting, excited, encouraging whispers before the buzz in his ears swelled into white noise.
His own fragmented cries broke from his lips and he dug his face into her chest, muffling each one so that he could only scream louder with the sheer force of the pleasure tearing through him. Her arms held him through each and every spasm until they were lying together, a weak mess of entwined limbs and spent flesh.
It was several long minutes before either of them could move. Olivia shifted first, petting the back of his head and lifting her head to kiss his crown.
"You know there's nothing that either of us could do that would change how I feel about you." She murmured.
"I wasn't sure when I walked up here." He replied with a chuckle though his voice was raw.
"I know I was upset." She continued, thoughtfully, "But I believe in who you are, Rafael."
Normally, tears were easy to escape. Emotion had always been easy for him to compartmentalize but when it came to her, the way he felt things were so visceral and startling that he didn't have a moment to arrange a box for each feeling she elicited from him.
"You don't have to say anything." She said, as if sensing his discomfort. "But I want you to know…. I believe in the strength and the courage you have to face what you do every day with a passion that astounds me."
"Liv…" He stopped her, attempting to laugh, but finding the mirthless emotion locked in his throat.
"I mean it." She insisted, her hand cupping his cheek and directing his eyes to her, "I know who you are, and you're the best person I know."
Hardly able to stand the adoration in her eyes, he avoided it with a kiss, pressing their mouths together heavily. She let him drag her away from the quiet conversation, although he imagined there was more she wanted to say, but for now, all he needed was the companionship of her body, and the quiet assurance of her arms. Maybe later he could find the words to say to let her know that her belief in him meant more than she could ever possibly know, but that the most courageous thing he'd ever done had nothing to do with his job, and everything to do with a pair of wide hazel eyes, and a heart more compassionate and loving than he'd ever known.