Relighting The Fire
I wake up screaming Prim's name covered in sweat and tears, my breath coming out in short gasps, shoulders heaving. It's only been a few months since the Rebellion ended, since I hung up my Mockingjay suit, since I had last kissed Peeta and since he had last said "Always" to me. It's all my fault that My Little Duck is dead, I was the one who couldn't stop my stubborn self from picking out the berries in the first games, blowing out the force field in the Quell and everything after that follows during the War. If little Primrose had been standing just a few metres closer to me, she would still be here and I would have someone to guide me through the dark whilst Peeta is in the Capitol. I shudder at the name, I hate the Capitol. With a passion. Even though Snow is dead, I can't bring myself to forgive them, after all for years on end they just sat back in their luxurious homes, eating rich expensive foods and betting with one another on which poor tribute would die first. So, I hate them.
I take deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. It doesn't work, I end up sobbing. Curling in on myself, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs, I bury my head in my knees, sobs racking my body. Prim was too good for this world, everyone who died was so selfless, they died protecting their country, they died with their head held high. I respect each and every one of them for that. To Prim, who died helping people, my heart twists when I think of the last look she gave me. Shock, hurt, pride, love, helplessness. The last one makes a new wave of tears come because Prim, just like anyone else, was only a piece in Snow's sick and cruel games. He had planned the bombs, I should've known.
Finnick, he risked his life to save mine. When I first met him at the Quell, he gave me a sugar cube, I thought he was stupid and one of the Capitol people, the one who got everything he asked for, had girls falling at his feet begging for his love. However, when I got to know him I saw someone completely different, different from the man on camera. I got to know the real Finnick Odair. How he loved a mad girl and didn't care what anyone thought, how he was selfless enough to risk everything so the people of Panem could be safe.
How would Annie's baby grow up? With no father? Because of me? Because, that was entirely my fault, Finnnick saved me when he tackled the lizard mutt and I could of saved him! I could've turned around to pull him out of the tunnels. But I didn't. How different would Annie's life be if Finnick were alive? She would have nightmares, he too and they would both get through them together, Annie wouldn't have to worry about her baby growing up with no father and she wouldn't have to go through it alone.
And Peeta, I almost scream when I think of the broken look he gave me when he was rescued from the Capitol, he looked terrified, he was ready to kill me. There and then, why did Haymitch have to pull him off of me? Why aren't I dead I should be, with all the deaths I've caused. I could be with Prim, nobody would miss me. Nobody here even likes me, they don't see me as The Mockingjay who saved the country, they see me as the selfish girl from District 12 who killed thousands of people so her little sister wouldn't be reaped into the games, but she died anyway so all that was for nothing.
I don't know which one I agree with, I was The Mockingjay, I was the girl on fire. Now, I'm the broken girl with no family left since I don't think Mom would ever forgive me. I killed her daughter, she's probably fell back into depression in District 2. Is it bad I don't feel guilty? I sigh, I am selfish. Who says that? Who says that they're glad they aren't near their mother who is probably in a deep depression because I killed her daughter. Realisation dawns on me.
I killed my little duck...
Sorry it's so short, other chapter will be much longer but I have home work :(
Please Review, it encourages me to write and It makes me happy!
I hope you enjoyed it!
I love you all 3
~Daretodream4444