No Need for Tenchis! - Chapter 1
[Warning: This is a Tenchi fanfic inspired by the new anime "Seven of Seven". That means this is going to be very, very weird. This fanfic uses characters copyrighted by AIC, Pioneer, etc. so please don't sue me. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.]
It was just another typical Monday morning in the Masaki household. Tenchi yawned and cautiously opened the door to his bedroom--fortunately it was way too early for Ryoko to be awake and out to attack him. He sighed and walked across the hall to the bathroom, popping half a container of aspirin and washing it down with a glass of water. Yesterday had been a typical migraine-inducing day--first, he'd been picking carrots all day, but then Ryo-Ohki had eaten them all. Next Mihoshi had washed lights with darks and turned all his underwear pink. After lunch, Ryoko and Ayeka had turned the hillside into a Superfund site with a battle over whose turn it was to clean the bathroom. Mid-afternoon, when Tenchi was trying to do his homework, Washu had opened a portal to another dimension and he'd wound up lost on an alien planet for an hour, until Washu snatched him back to Earth right before a monster with six heads was about to make him into an appetizer. After dinner, Kiyone had gotten completely plastered with Ryoko, cornered him and spent what felt like a thousand years telling him every stupid thing Mihoshi had done that day. Then just when he'd been thinking at least Sasami was normal, he'd found she'd covered his toothbrush in superglue as a practical joke.
"I'm doomed," Tenchi thought, as a million Ryoko, Ayeka, Kiyone, etc. fanboys wished they could strangle his indecisive ass for thinking his situation was anything but a dream come true. He took a shower, put on his school uniform, and went downstairs to see what was for breakfast. Something smelled really good--Sasami was cooking again, and Tenchi had to admit while his Dad's cooking was OK, Sasami could probably beat the hell out of any Iron Chef. Well, except maybe for Sakai-san.
"Tenchi!" Washu's voice called from behind him, just as he was turning towards the kitchen. Tenchi looked behind him apprehensively, half expecting to see Washu-chan in her dreaded nurses' uniform, but he breathed a sigh of relief as she looked normal.
"Yes, Washu-chan?" Tenchi asked.
"Hmmm," Washu said, studying his face. "You look tired--being indecisive isn't good for your health, you know. It just causes stress."
"Maybe I'm just stressed from the six-headed monster that almost ate me yesterday," Tenchi replied.
"You're such a joker, Tenchi," Washu replied, laughing. "But seriously, I'm almost finished with an invention that will solve all your problems forever," she said, winking at him. "I'm such a genius!" she said, leaning her head back and sounding like she could have given Jinnai lessons on maniacal laughter.
"Um...I'll go see what's for breakfast," Tenchi said.
"Sure," Washu replied. "I'll be right there," she added, ducking back into her lab and closing the door. Tenchi wondered what the hell her new invention was. In any case, he doubted it would solve as many problems as it created.
Five minutes later, Tenchi was eating breakfast with Sasami and Washu, when events were put in motion to make his life infinitely more difficult.
"Tenchi," Washu asked. "Can you microwave this for me?" she asked, holding out a bowl of rice. "It got a little cold."
"Um...sure," Tenchi replied, finishing his glass of juice.
"Gomen, Washu-san," Sasami said, looking chagrined.
"No, it's not your fault, I shouldn't have taken too much and let it get cold," Washu said, as Tenchi picked up the bowl and went back to the kitchen, looking puzzled.
"I swear," Tenchi said to himself as he walked into the kitchen and put the bowl of rice in the new microwave, "Washu must think I'm her lab assistant or something." He punched the button for one minute, then froze--the microwave was not just new, but--really different. It sounded like a 747 was going to land on his head as the machine shot to full power with a screaming whine. "Aaaa!" Tenchi yelled, jumping back, but he stopped as the lights froze him, somehow taking away his ability to move. The lights were coming from the microwave and they were mesmerizing, in all the colors of the Japanese rainbow--red, peach, yellow, pale green, forest green, blue, and violet. Tenchi felt a strange prickling sensation come over him, his vision blurred, the room seemed to sway sickeningly under his feet--and then a moment later, the kitchen snapped back to normal. The microwave-that-wasn't beeped and the door opened, revealing Washu's rice, charred to a crisp. That was the last thing on Tenchi's mind. The first was the other six people in the kitchen with him.
Tenchi looked around, and saw six other Tenchis, all identical to him except the top buttons of their uniforms were a different color. Tenchi's jaw dropped, and most of the other Tenchi's jaws dropped with his.
"Who the hell are all of you?" the Tenchi with a red button asked.
"GYYAAAHHH!" Tenchi yelled, running out of the kitchen back into the dining room. "W-W-W-W," he stammered, staring at Washu and pointing back to the kitchen. Washu smiled.
"You forgot my rice," she said.
"WASHU NO BAKA!" Tenchi yelled. "There are...are...what kind of microw--"
"Yo," Red Tenchi said, stepping into the kitchen and waving to the original Tenchi. "Are you going to hog all the food for yourself, or share it with the rest of us?"
"Two Tenchis?" Sasami said, dropping her chopsticks in shock.
"Hmmm..." Purple Tenchi said, walking into the dining room after red. "It seems your experiment was successful, Washu-san."
"W...w...experiment?" Tenchi asked.
"You must be the smart one," Washu said to Purple Tenchi. "If you want, I can show you how I did it in my lab."
"You'd probably just try to take advantage of me--if you wish, we can discuss it here," Purple Tenchi replied.
"Damn, you're too smart," Washu muttered.
"Hey!" Yellow Tenchi said. "Hi, Sasami-chan, I'm Tenchi," he said, reaching out and shaking Sasami's hand. "This all looks really good--mind if I have some?" he asked, sitting down next to her.
"Um...sure," Sasami said, sweatdropping.
"Won't we be late for class?" Pale Green Tenchi said nervously, glancing at his watch.
"Don't worry about it, there's plenty of time. Hi, Sasami-chan," Peach Tenchi said, walking out of the kitchen and sitting down at the table with the rest of them.
"Washu!" the original Tenchi said, sweatdropping. "You have to change them back!"
"Well," Washu said. "Actually, I haven't quite gotten around to building the machine to do that yet."
"WHAT?" Tenchi cried, pulling on his hair. "There can't be SEVEN of me! You have to fix this! How long before you can build the machine!"
"Well, there's designing it, getting parts, and all that...plus, I've got a lot of other projects I'm working on. Maybe in a year or--"
"Washu-chan!" Tenchi yelled.
"Don't worry, I'll fix it," Washu said, smiling. "It was an accident, I totally forgot I left that machine in the kitchen."
"Who..who are they all anyway? What did your experiment do?" Tenchi demanded.
"I believe it created six different aspects of your personality," Purple Tenchi said, as he poured himself some tea. "It's pretty clever actually--if we were all combined we would have the exact same personality as you."
"And the really brilliant part," Washu said with a grin. "Is no matter what they wear, your duplicates will always have an article of clothing change to a specific color, so you can tell them apart easily. Sometimes my genius even amazes myself."
"Don't hog all the tea, chief," Red Tenchi said to Purple. Purple Tenchi frowned and passed him the teapot.
"They don't act like me at all!" Tenchi said.
"Yeah, we're not as wishy-washy," Red Tenchi said, downing his tea in one shot. Tenchi wondered for a moment if it was possible to kick his own ass. Then he looked at his watch.
"I'm late--Washu, fix this while I'm gone!" Tenchi said.
"Don't worry," Red Tenchi said with a leer. "I'll watch the girls for you." Tenchi sweatdropped. He could just picture Ryoko, or any of the girls for that matter, and how they'd react if he suddenly showed romantic interest. Tenchi could just picture all the girls pregnant, or calling him to help them change the diapers of all his bastard children, children he wouldn't have even had any fun making.
"On second thought," Tenchi said. "All of you...er...all of you who are me better come with me."
[To be continued...the next time I get bored at work. C&C is welcome, my email's "b68030@netscape.net"--hope you enjoyed it... -Brian]
[Warning: This is a Tenchi fanfic inspired by the new anime "Seven of Seven". That means this is going to be very, very weird. This fanfic uses characters copyrighted by AIC, Pioneer, etc. so please don't sue me. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.]
It was just another typical Monday morning in the Masaki household. Tenchi yawned and cautiously opened the door to his bedroom--fortunately it was way too early for Ryoko to be awake and out to attack him. He sighed and walked across the hall to the bathroom, popping half a container of aspirin and washing it down with a glass of water. Yesterday had been a typical migraine-inducing day--first, he'd been picking carrots all day, but then Ryo-Ohki had eaten them all. Next Mihoshi had washed lights with darks and turned all his underwear pink. After lunch, Ryoko and Ayeka had turned the hillside into a Superfund site with a battle over whose turn it was to clean the bathroom. Mid-afternoon, when Tenchi was trying to do his homework, Washu had opened a portal to another dimension and he'd wound up lost on an alien planet for an hour, until Washu snatched him back to Earth right before a monster with six heads was about to make him into an appetizer. After dinner, Kiyone had gotten completely plastered with Ryoko, cornered him and spent what felt like a thousand years telling him every stupid thing Mihoshi had done that day. Then just when he'd been thinking at least Sasami was normal, he'd found she'd covered his toothbrush in superglue as a practical joke.
"I'm doomed," Tenchi thought, as a million Ryoko, Ayeka, Kiyone, etc. fanboys wished they could strangle his indecisive ass for thinking his situation was anything but a dream come true. He took a shower, put on his school uniform, and went downstairs to see what was for breakfast. Something smelled really good--Sasami was cooking again, and Tenchi had to admit while his Dad's cooking was OK, Sasami could probably beat the hell out of any Iron Chef. Well, except maybe for Sakai-san.
"Tenchi!" Washu's voice called from behind him, just as he was turning towards the kitchen. Tenchi looked behind him apprehensively, half expecting to see Washu-chan in her dreaded nurses' uniform, but he breathed a sigh of relief as she looked normal.
"Yes, Washu-chan?" Tenchi asked.
"Hmmm," Washu said, studying his face. "You look tired--being indecisive isn't good for your health, you know. It just causes stress."
"Maybe I'm just stressed from the six-headed monster that almost ate me yesterday," Tenchi replied.
"You're such a joker, Tenchi," Washu replied, laughing. "But seriously, I'm almost finished with an invention that will solve all your problems forever," she said, winking at him. "I'm such a genius!" she said, leaning her head back and sounding like she could have given Jinnai lessons on maniacal laughter.
"Um...I'll go see what's for breakfast," Tenchi said.
"Sure," Washu replied. "I'll be right there," she added, ducking back into her lab and closing the door. Tenchi wondered what the hell her new invention was. In any case, he doubted it would solve as many problems as it created.
Five minutes later, Tenchi was eating breakfast with Sasami and Washu, when events were put in motion to make his life infinitely more difficult.
"Tenchi," Washu asked. "Can you microwave this for me?" she asked, holding out a bowl of rice. "It got a little cold."
"Um...sure," Tenchi replied, finishing his glass of juice.
"Gomen, Washu-san," Sasami said, looking chagrined.
"No, it's not your fault, I shouldn't have taken too much and let it get cold," Washu said, as Tenchi picked up the bowl and went back to the kitchen, looking puzzled.
"I swear," Tenchi said to himself as he walked into the kitchen and put the bowl of rice in the new microwave, "Washu must think I'm her lab assistant or something." He punched the button for one minute, then froze--the microwave was not just new, but--really different. It sounded like a 747 was going to land on his head as the machine shot to full power with a screaming whine. "Aaaa!" Tenchi yelled, jumping back, but he stopped as the lights froze him, somehow taking away his ability to move. The lights were coming from the microwave and they were mesmerizing, in all the colors of the Japanese rainbow--red, peach, yellow, pale green, forest green, blue, and violet. Tenchi felt a strange prickling sensation come over him, his vision blurred, the room seemed to sway sickeningly under his feet--and then a moment later, the kitchen snapped back to normal. The microwave-that-wasn't beeped and the door opened, revealing Washu's rice, charred to a crisp. That was the last thing on Tenchi's mind. The first was the other six people in the kitchen with him.
Tenchi looked around, and saw six other Tenchis, all identical to him except the top buttons of their uniforms were a different color. Tenchi's jaw dropped, and most of the other Tenchi's jaws dropped with his.
"Who the hell are all of you?" the Tenchi with a red button asked.
"GYYAAAHHH!" Tenchi yelled, running out of the kitchen back into the dining room. "W-W-W-W," he stammered, staring at Washu and pointing back to the kitchen. Washu smiled.
"You forgot my rice," she said.
"WASHU NO BAKA!" Tenchi yelled. "There are...are...what kind of microw--"
"Yo," Red Tenchi said, stepping into the kitchen and waving to the original Tenchi. "Are you going to hog all the food for yourself, or share it with the rest of us?"
"Two Tenchis?" Sasami said, dropping her chopsticks in shock.
"Hmmm..." Purple Tenchi said, walking into the dining room after red. "It seems your experiment was successful, Washu-san."
"W...w...experiment?" Tenchi asked.
"You must be the smart one," Washu said to Purple Tenchi. "If you want, I can show you how I did it in my lab."
"You'd probably just try to take advantage of me--if you wish, we can discuss it here," Purple Tenchi replied.
"Damn, you're too smart," Washu muttered.
"Hey!" Yellow Tenchi said. "Hi, Sasami-chan, I'm Tenchi," he said, reaching out and shaking Sasami's hand. "This all looks really good--mind if I have some?" he asked, sitting down next to her.
"Um...sure," Sasami said, sweatdropping.
"Won't we be late for class?" Pale Green Tenchi said nervously, glancing at his watch.
"Don't worry about it, there's plenty of time. Hi, Sasami-chan," Peach Tenchi said, walking out of the kitchen and sitting down at the table with the rest of them.
"Washu!" the original Tenchi said, sweatdropping. "You have to change them back!"
"Well," Washu said. "Actually, I haven't quite gotten around to building the machine to do that yet."
"WHAT?" Tenchi cried, pulling on his hair. "There can't be SEVEN of me! You have to fix this! How long before you can build the machine!"
"Well, there's designing it, getting parts, and all that...plus, I've got a lot of other projects I'm working on. Maybe in a year or--"
"Washu-chan!" Tenchi yelled.
"Don't worry, I'll fix it," Washu said, smiling. "It was an accident, I totally forgot I left that machine in the kitchen."
"Who..who are they all anyway? What did your experiment do?" Tenchi demanded.
"I believe it created six different aspects of your personality," Purple Tenchi said, as he poured himself some tea. "It's pretty clever actually--if we were all combined we would have the exact same personality as you."
"And the really brilliant part," Washu said with a grin. "Is no matter what they wear, your duplicates will always have an article of clothing change to a specific color, so you can tell them apart easily. Sometimes my genius even amazes myself."
"Don't hog all the tea, chief," Red Tenchi said to Purple. Purple Tenchi frowned and passed him the teapot.
"They don't act like me at all!" Tenchi said.
"Yeah, we're not as wishy-washy," Red Tenchi said, downing his tea in one shot. Tenchi wondered for a moment if it was possible to kick his own ass. Then he looked at his watch.
"I'm late--Washu, fix this while I'm gone!" Tenchi said.
"Don't worry," Red Tenchi said with a leer. "I'll watch the girls for you." Tenchi sweatdropped. He could just picture Ryoko, or any of the girls for that matter, and how they'd react if he suddenly showed romantic interest. Tenchi could just picture all the girls pregnant, or calling him to help them change the diapers of all his bastard children, children he wouldn't have even had any fun making.
"On second thought," Tenchi said. "All of you...er...all of you who are me better come with me."
[To be continued...the next time I get bored at work. C&C is welcome, my email's "b68030@netscape.net"--hope you enjoyed it... -Brian]