A/N: Ok, I want to rant so much about Strawberries and Cream, (Who would have thought I'd ever agree with Red John? Not me! But as he was saying 'I am not worth ruining your life over,' I was right there with him. Too bad it didn't work out, but…) But, I can't help but think that Lisbon must have known what was going on. I mean, with the shift (no matter how slight) in his voice, and his sudden hanging up…So I thought, 'What if, instead of standing there like she did, she went to the mall? And what if he was really forced to choose? How would it have worked out?' And this…happened.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mentalist. You see, I am writing an AU story. That generally implies that I am not happy with how things worked out on the show, and I want to fix it on fan fiction, which if I owned the show, I wouldn't have to do! :-)

I know something is off from the moment he hangs up on me. His voice shifted right before, and I know that he wouldn't hang up on me so suddenly without a good reason. But what would be important enough…no.

I know that the person I talked to on the phone was Red John-no doubt. And right after I told Jane what he said, he hung up-

As I realize that my fears were right, I can only think of one thing-Get to Red John before Jane kills him.

But I can't drive very fast-my conscious won't let me.

I glance over at Van Pelt. It would be cruel of me, I know. But at this point, what choice do I have? I've seen her drive before, and I know she can do it.

"Madeline, you've got things here, right?" When she nods I quickly tell Grace, "You're driving! Get to the mall now, no matter how fast you have to go!"

I do feel guilty when she looks at me, tears and hurt in her eyes, and whispers, "Boss…"

I want to feel worse, but there simply isn't time. "No time to explain, it's to save Jane."

Just what I need to say to get her moving. And it's true, in a way. We're going there to save Jane from himself.

We run to the car faster than I think I have ever run before.

Possible scenarios are rushing through my head as I put my seatbelt on, and Grace drives off as fast as she can. Scenarios like: Jane killing Red John, Red John killing Jane, Red John escaping and Jane going back into his dark little hole…

I realize briefly that I'm not even doubting my theory that it's Red John. I wonder why that is.

I realize that it's because I can't- If I'm right, any doubt at all could be fatal- to Jane, to Red John, or even to an innocent bystander. And if there's one thing I've learned while working with Jane, it's that when you have such a strong hunch, follow it hard and fast. I've gotten in trouble a few times because of this idea of his, but it comes in handy now.

At some point, it occurs to me that I never told Grace where to go, and yet she seems to know. I guess she thinks, like I do, that there's nowhere Jane could have gone in such a short time

We reach the mall in record time. I don't think I've ever even seen Jane drive that fast.

We walk inside, and I see a man standing in front of Jane. I'm surprised that Jane doesn't notice me, but then again, the man was holding his gaze in such a way that I think if it was me, I wouldn't notice a polar bear walk into the mall.

"Fair enough," the man says. His voice sounds childish, in a way. My heart is pounding. I knew we'd reach this point someday, and yet, even after six years, it seems too soon.

The man continues, "Your wife was very clean."

As I had known deep down, this was Red John. And Jane's anger was so clear in his eyes that I knew there was no way he would choose me. Why would he? He doesn't even know I'm there.

"She smelled like coal-tire soap and lavender."

Honestly, I don't blame Jane all of the sudden. I have the urge to kill this man as well.

"Your daughter smelled like sweat, and strawberries and cream. I suspect some kind of kids' shampoo, I don't know."

Jane is shaken to the core; I can see it in his eyes. He looks almost faint. Again, I don't blame him. I'm ready to faint myself.

Red John turns to go.

Jane calls, "Please, wait." It sounds like he's begging. I never thought I would hear Patrick Jane begging, and frankly, I never wanted to. But I am.

Red John does stop, and Jane starts to walk toward him.

I found I gun in his attic a few months ago, and I know what comes next if I don't do something.

Grace nudges me and mouths, "Do we move in now?"

I'm about to say yes when Jane's eyes meet mine. He knows I'm here. Well, this changes things. "No," I mouth in reply.

xxx

I must say, I am shocked to see Lisbon walk into the mall. I expected that she would still be at Hightower's, cleaning up the mess there.

But she's here. I don't look at her again. I don't want her to know I know she's here.

And I don't want to have to look her in the eyes when I do what I have to.

Red John is talking about how my wife smelled. I really can't believe he thinks he has that right. After all of the pain he's caused me, after everything he's done, he has no right to talk about his victims so calmly. Especially not my wife.

Now, he's talking about my child the same way! Like they're nothing. Like they're his…playthings, to talk of as he likes. I don't think so.

I feel faint now. I can't even think, I'm so mad. I can barely see straight, and I feel cold. Really cold, like I'm in a freezer. I know it's in my mind, but it's not helping matters, especially when Red John turns to go. Suddenly, I move my hand inside my pocket, and I feel the gun there.

And I remember. I remember my plan to kill Red John with said gun, and I see how easy it would be. "Please, wait." The words almost felt involuntary.

He pauses, and I have it all perfect as I walk up to him. Then I do the dumbest thing I have ever done since I talked about Red John on TV- I look at her. It was out of habit-Whenever I'm planning to do some 'iffy' scheme, (Not the ones I know are against the rules, the ones I'm not quite sure about,) I would look at her for permission. Now, out of habit, I glance at her. Our eyes meet; I can't believe the pain in her eyes. But what really surprises me is when she looks at Grace and mouths 'No.' I'm guessing Grace wanted to know if they were going to try and stop me, but I can't imagine why Lisbon would say-

No. Suddenly, it hits me like a ton of bricks. She wouldn't. But it's crystal-clear- She is.

She's making me choose. She's making me decide which is more important: Red John or her.

You see, I had planned carefully, so that Lisbon would be with me, and I could honestly try to kill Red John, but she would stop me anytime in the case. She said she would be in control when that time came, and honestly, I wanted her to be. I wanted her to stop me from doing something stupid, just like she always does. It wasn't part of my plan to be alone with Red John, so while I mostly felt surprise when she showed up at the mall, I also felt relief. But now, she's not giving me that out. If I try to kill Red John, I will succeed. But I will have to look her in the eyes right afterwards.

I can't decide. Not so fast…

I look back at Red John. I have to buy some time to decide. Because honestly, I don't know how.

I ask him the first thing that comes to mind, which happens to be: "Why didn't you just kill Kristina? Why did you go through the trouble of hypnotizing her into thinking she was dead? There was really no point."

He smirks at me, that nasty, condescending smile, and replies, "Well, Patrick, I know how you love a puzzle, and how much it frustrates you when you can't. I couldn't resist."

He couldn't resist? I can barely breathe again, my anger is so strong.

He still thinks I am so weak, a child that can't hurt him, really. It would be so easy to show him that I'm not…My fingers curl around the gun.

Then, my thoughts return to her.

She has feelings for me. The whole office knows that. I tease her about it all of the time, hoping she'll get irritated enough to stop those feelings, but it doesn't work, which in my experience, means she's in love with me. I don't know if that's true or not, but I know how much it will hurt her if I shoot.

But if I don't, I will never get the justice I deserve.

I need more time. "And Rebecca? Why kill her? She'd never rat on you."

He chuckles. "I don't leave room for error. That's why you never caught me."

Well I have you now. And it would be so easy…

I make the mistake of looking back into her eyes.

They're so expressive, always have been. And right now, they are full of equal parts fear and stubbornness. She knows how to make it easy for me, but she needs to know who's more important-her or Red John-no matter the answer.

The fear tells me she thinks she already knows.

She has no idea, really. She doesn't know how much she means to me, how important she is, how much I know she's done for me…I have to show her.

But the only way to do that is to not kill Red John. To not gain justice. Can I do that?

I don't know. "Why didn't you kill Rosalind?"

He seems as puzzled as I am by this question. "I suppose we all need something completely beautiful in our lives, don't we Patrick? She was that for me. Just as Agent Lisbon is that to you."

For a moment I wonder if he knows she's there, but he doesn't say anything more about it, so I know he doesn't. He would taunt me more if he did.

The surprise in her eyes is clear. She really has no idea…

His brow furrows in mock-thoughtfulness. "You know, I feel kind of bad for not getting to her sooner. You and I both know she was getting between us, and I don't like that, but I simply couldn't get around to killing her. Or maybe I just didn't have the heart."

I don't hesitate to respond to that one. "You don't have a heart."

He winces dramatically, as if I have just wounded him, and replies, "Cold. Really, I don't know how you can say that, seeing as I'm still alive…"

I am literally about to fix that little nuisance, when something rings in my mind. He doesn't have the heart to kill her; at least, he says he didn't. And here I am…I'm not actually about to kill her, but I know it'll feel like a bullet in her heart if I shoot.

I am even considering being worse to her than he was.

Well, when I think of it like that, I know what I have to do.

I say calmly, "You do realize I can kill you right now?"

I hate the look of defeat in Lisbon's eyes, but it has to be this way.

He responds, actually surprising me, "Yes."

I smile, and while I wouldn't exactly say I'm happy, my smile is less fake than it has been for so long…"If only there weren't people so much more important."

He blinks, trying to figure out what I mean.

I have never seen Lisbon move as fast as she does then. She tackles him before even I really see it coming.

However, when I hear a gunshot, and the next thing I know, Grace is laying on the ground, I see Lisbon pause.

I see the shooter running away, but that's not really important. I return my attention to Grace, who seems to have just been shot in the leg.

Before I know what happened, Red John has rolled over and Lisbon is pinned to the ground. He pulls out a knife. I don't even think before pulling out my gun and shooting.

Really, I don't. The next thing I know, Red John is on the ground dead, and Lisbon is out form under him.

She meets my eyes, and I see more fear and confusion than I have ever seen on Teresa Ann Lisbon.

I have plenty of emotions I need to deal with, but right now, she comes first.

I need to distract her, if only for a second. I need to see her smile.

I glance around, and my eyes land on the very shaken waitress. I know exactly how to get Lisbon to smile. I ask, hating the shakiness in my voice, "Could I get the check, please?"

She runs off as fast as she can. Lisbon actually smiles a full-blown smile, much to my surprise. Then, she looks back at the body on the floor, and she looks shaken again, but for just a moment, we were perfectly ok. And that was nice.

I see someone watching calling 9-1-1, so I decisively tell Lisbon to call Rigsby and Cho. I know she does, though I barely hear her. This all feels too surreal.

I watch as they arrive, along with the ambulance.

I watch as Rigsby and Grace do the best hug they can, given her circumstance.

I watch her apologize to him. I'm not sure what for, but it doesn't really matter.

I look over at Lisbon, and our eyes meet.

I don't know what will happen next. I don't know if I stay at the CBI, or if I leave.

I don't know exactly what my future holds, but I hope it holds Lisbon. And the look in her eyes tells me she hopes the same.

A/N: I do not know if I shall be doing a sequel to this or not. I really don't. Probably not, but who knows?

Still, reviews would be awesome. Really awesome. :-)