A/N: So while under fire by ideas, this one managed to hit me-and it's actually OC-free! XD Lukas and Rossa were mentioned in the original, but they got dropped, so in the end we are left with some young heartbreak. Anyway, as always, thanks to Chibi for proofreading and potential readers, hope everyone likes it! ...And might I suggest you listen to Angela Aki's song "Kiss Me Goodbye" with this if you can? I found it while writing this, and it goes really well-even gets featured towards the end. :) Anyway, here's the fic-enjoy!
Disclaimer: This time, everything but the story idea belongs to Hiroyuki Asada and Angela Aki. Tegami Bachi belongs to Asada while "Kiss Me Goodbye" is the amazing Angela Aki!
It was a letter that Aria Link wished that she had never received. Sometimes the unknown was better than the known, especially when the known consisted of the fact the no one knew if the man you loved was alive, let alone where he was. It hadn't helped that the letter had been handed to her by a somber-faced Lloyd after he called her up to the office, accompanied by a feather-soft "You might want to sit down. I'm sorry, Aria…" before he silently turned and walked outside, leaving her in the office by herself to figure out what he meant. The letter was a small thing, printed on official-looking, thick paper as white as the snow in the northern regions and the tops of mountains and smoother than anything she had ever felt before. It was bad, between Lloyd's actions and the way the paper seemed so innocent, she could tell-it was going to be that bad even before she started to read the paper. It only got worse from there.
"Gauche Suede has been absent without leave from the Capital Beehive in Akatsuki. He has failed to appear at his disciplinary hearing, and furthermore…"
Why, Gauche? Why did you have to push yourself? Aria asked herself as she read the now obvious dismissal notice. All Sylvette wanted was for her brother to come home every day…now look what you've done to her…
"He appears to have abandoned his registered domicile, and his current whereabouts are unknown. A. G. Internal Affairs deems the he is no longer of sound mind, having lost all reason and competence."
Look at what you've done to me. Why did you have to push yourself so hard when everyone wanted you to stay right here? WHY? For the first time since he left, Aria lets the tears overflow. She grips the paper so tightly that her knuckles are white and her hands shake so badly that one strong twitch the wrong way might rip the paper in half. If it would have made the words less true, she would have ripped it to shreds in seconds and waited for Gauche to come back; but it would do no good, it would not make the words less true, and therefore it was no real help to tear the paper up. She could not read any more, the tears made reading the notice to its conclusion impossible, but she knew what the rest would say, it didn't matter. The rest would conclude that he had been dismissed from his position in the capital and that anything for him would be sent to Sylvette's once more, his crossing pass would no longer get him anywhere, etcetera…
Sylvette…who would tell her, and when? This letter was addressed to Lloyd; did that mean that Sylvette had gotten the same letter? She was just a little girl and he was her brother, how would Sylvette ever be able to read this letter if Aria couldn't? At this thought, Aria stood, then stopped herself and sat back down, shaking her head. No, not tonight. She would go see Sylvette tomorrow-let her have one more night of peace and relative happiness. She promised herself that she would go to Sylvette about it tomorrow, but for now…
Aria stood up from the desk once more and this time she walked out of the office. Lloyd, still grim-faced, was propped up against a wall just outside the door. When she tried to hand the letter back to him, he simply shook his head and gently pushed the trembling hand clutching the letter back towards her until it was left pressed against her chest. "Keep it. You're crying, you probably didn't finish reading it, and even then, you care about him more than me. Again Aria, I'm sorry." He sounded sincere and flashed her one of those reassuring smiles that tried to convince her that everything would be alright in the end; however Aria wasn't ready to agree with that.
"Are you sure? Don't you…? I don't know, need it for something? I mean, yeah, I'm crying and I didn't read it to the end, but I don't need to. I got the point—he's gone and probably won't…be coming…back. If that's true, then what's left to care about, what's the point?" It was hard for her to speak, she just barely got past saying that he might not come back. By the time she got to asking what the point was, Aria's voice had hardened but the tears were back with renewed force and racing down her cheeks, hot and betraying. Lloyd said nothing even as she cursed and rubbed at them furiously, muttering "stupid, stupid Gauche, stupid me, stupid Akatsuki Beehive, stupid, stupid, stupid…"
"There are plenty of reasons to keep caring, Aria. What if he does come back, and even if he doesn't, don't you still care about Sylvette? She's going to need someone to help her through this, and no one else knew him as well as you did, Aria. Besides, if you close yourself off, then you'll only be hurting yourself and maybe even Sylvette and I really think you two will need each other most. As for the letter, I'm quite sure you can keep it. For me it's just another piece of paper to add to the piles already scattered across my desk and a reminder of another good Bee lost…" His eyes flickered to the open door of his office, face darkening. "When they're about someone you care about, those notices can be important; the last thing of them or concerning them you'll ever touch or receive of them…"
"Lloyd?" She spoke his name softly and brought his attention to her once more, blinking as he did so.
"Keep the letter, Aria, and go home. Grieve, mourn, do whatever to let your feelings out, but don't treat it like nothing's happened. It's something you'll regret later if you don't. Trust me." He rested a hand on her shoulder, smiling half-heartedly and his eyes full of sadness. "Do for him what I didn't do for…" He pauses, shakes his head and sighs. "Go home Aria. Just go home."
Go home Aria. Just go home. It sounds like he's been defeated, broken. Aria frowned—what was he going on about?
"I…sorry, yes, Lloyd. I'll see you tomorrow." She mumbles, turning and walking away from him, down the empty hall. She was somehow almost relived by the fact the Beehive was basically deserted, there would be no one to see her tears or how she walked on trembling legs, clutching the slip of paper in a hand that shook like an earthquake rocked through it.
The night air was like a slap to the face, bitingly cold and slamming into her with a sharp gust that cut through Aria and made her tear-stained cheeks burn. In response, she hunches over, trying to hide in her coat and scarf and take comfort in their familiarity and warmth. She jams the shaking hand holding the letter that she never wanted to receive in her coat pocket as she headed home. The street felt too solid under her boots as she walked on, the lights inside the houses were too bright, the sky in it's permanent half-light almost appeared to be a new, more vivid shade of blue while the stars splattered across it burned with a suddenly blinding light. Is this how you are supposed to feel when someone close to you dies? Was it supposed to be this cold brush with reality that was supposed to make you hold the things you held dear to you closer? Aria wondered bitterly, noting that the only things she really held dear to her know were her family, her dingo, and Sylvette, and something told her that Sylvette would stay independent. Honestly, Aria wished that she could be anywhere but there one the street headed home, there, and a few other places, but she had no real choice-she had to go home.
The inside of her house was warm and an enormous dog greeted her at the door, tail wagging slowly. "Hey, Bolt." She sighs, rubbing the dog's head and scratching his ears absently. Bolt seemed to sense his Bee's sadness and whines, nudging her hand with his nose to her hand. "I'm sorry; I'm just a bit upset. Found out Gauche probably won't ever be coming back, so you'll have to forgive me, Bolt; I'm just not in the mood to play." Bolt gave another whine and this time he bumps his head against her leg. At this, Aria laughs and pats his side. "Hey, silly, that doesn't mean I'm not gonna feed you!"
She steps around her dingo and makes a gesture towards the kitchen, snapping as she does, causing the big dog to make a mad scramble towards the kitchen. Aria follows with a soft laugh, quickly putting down food for Bolt, but makes nothing for herself—after everything has upset her today, she just isn't hungry. "'Night, Bolt." She murmurs before heading down the hall to her bedroom, not bothering to turn on any lights because she knows the house well enough that it's pointless. As she steps into her room, Aria can clearly see her desk in the half-glow that lights up her window and walks towards it rather than her bed, sitting down heavily in a chair there. After a moment, she digs through one of the drawers and finds a box of matches, one of which she lights and uses to light a candle on the desk. Now with a new light source, she draws out the letter of Gauche's dismissal out of her pocket and unfolds it to read the paper again—or at least try.
"Gauche Suede has been absent without leave from the Capital Beehive in Akatsuki. He has failed to appear at his disciplinary hearing, and furthermore, he appears to have abandoned his registered domicile, and his current whereabouts are unknown. A. G. Internal Affairs deems the he is no longer of sound mind, having lost all reason and competence. He is hereby divested of his A.G. Capital Crossing Pass, his spirit amber, and his weapon. His address is once more relegated to Yuusari and he is hereby relieved of his position as a Capital Service Letter Bee."
Words. They're just words, but why do they hurt so much? Aria was crying again, only barely being able to read by the end, fighting those hot little salty droplets tooth and nail to the last period. This time, she finishes before the tears pour down and block her vision, reducing it to nothing but blurry shapes and colors. At some point Bolt comes in and tries to lick the tears off her face, Aria responds with shrieking laughter and tries to shove the dog away—not that it helps. When Bolt finally stops, Aria feels slightly better, but the tears come flooding straight back the moment she sees the paper on her desk. Her dingo noses her leg, prompting Aria to reach out to pat his head. "Go to bed, Bolt. I'll be fine, but you get some sleep, okay?"
As the dog lurches onto the bed, Aria looks back to the letter. Tomorrow, she promises herself. Tomorrow she will get up early and go see Sylvette about the letter. She hopes that maybe Gauche will come back soon, but she knows it's a futile hope. She sits at her desk, staring at the piece of paper until the candle flickers out, all the while the words of a song drift through her head. Particularly one verse:
"Kiss me goodbye, love's memory
Follow your heart and find your destiny
Won't shed a tear, for love's mortality
For you put the dream in my reality…"
Aria thinks of the song, how Gauche probably won't ever come back, and how she's going to tell Sylvette about it. She thinks about the last time she saw him, and how she promised him a party to celebrate his promotion at one time, but never got to throw that party. She cries for him, for Sylvette, for herself, and dreams of a love she lost along with Gauche to a harsh reality. Eventually, she finally falls asleep at the desk, song still running through her head.
"Kiss me goodbye, love's memory
You put the dream in my reality…"
Final A/N: And that's it! Hope you guys liked it, and if so, please review! Thanks for reading!