Envy and Heartbreak
A Percy Jackson and the Olympians fanfic by Miss-Li-ding
DISCLAIMER: I don't own PJO.
They're siblings. Or at least really close cousins. One won't go without the other, if either can help it.
Like them.
They come, together, to Camp Half-Blood every single summer, his arm around her waist, her head resting on his shoulder. And, she supposes, if she was in l- if she liked someone else, she'd think it was almost cute, the way they gravitate towards dark corners, hoping no-one will notice.
They huddle together, talking softly, laughing quietly, maybe even, well, kissing, but of course, Chiron notices and calls them out for it. They always blush… and sneak away the next opportunity they get. The half of you that wants to be happy for them laughs and sighs at Chiron's prudishness (they're pretty much adults, you can't tell them when to not make out) but the other half of you, that side, gives you tremors all over and snickers spitefully to itself (got caught again, huh? What a fail. I could do much better...).
You join in the teasing, the laughing, the playful yells of 'Get a room!'. It's expected of you. And you do it only somewhat grudgingly…but only ever somewhat. Never entirely playful. And sometimes, your teasing is a little sharp, a little too spiteful, to be honest. But somewhere, in the back of your mind, a vindictive little man with a shrivelled raisin for a heart is whispering to you. What if… he says. What if you did something… changed yourself… What if you had done something differently?
And the little man whispers and murmurs until you're pretty much convinced by him. Then your questions swallow you up, and you're drowning, drowning in a sea of your own 'what ifs'. The only thing that saves you is a full-out session of painting, music turned up high and blasting into your eardrums, but it's only ever temporary.
What really hurts is when Annabeth comes over, fuming and angry and hurt because of him. And inside your own heart is leaping (maybe they're over for good) but you feel terrible. Gods, you're meant to be friends and how could you do that to Annabeth (how Annabeth could do that to you…that's different) so you feel somewhat obliged to comfort her, offer advice, tell her everything's going to work out between them (but secretly in your heart you wish this time they stay apart). And when she leaves and comes back a few days later looking radiant and happy with him and thanks you for your advice, a small part of you dies and shrivels away. You think it's called 'hope'.
They invite you out to dinner and it's all you can do to stay in control, decline regretfully (you've never really been into self-inflicted torture), close the door gently…then run to your bed and hug your pillow to yourself because it hurts so badly. You build yourself back up, layer by layer, but it always (every time) comes crumbling back down whenever you see them. You thought maybe being the Oracle would help stop the pain and the emotions but it doesn't.
It.
Doesn't
Help.
At.
All.
Envy is seeing a blonde-haired girl kiss a green-eyed boy. Heartbreak is seeing him kiss her back.
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