The Great Deku Stripper
Timeline: None of them; it's not necessary. Just roll with it and all the ham and cheese.
Link treks back to the Kokiri Forest, still the ripe age of seventeen going on eighteen. It had been some few weeks since peace had been restored to Hyrule, and Link had realized quickly that now the world was not in need of his services, and he would need to make some kind of living. Or a purpose in life, perhaps in both. He had slept for seven years, but never had the proper schooling so there was not much he could do. He also didn't feel like going to school.
The idea of being a farm hand wasn't really appealing either. Not that there was anything wrong with farm handling; Link was a clearly capable individual of farm-handling. He could have worked alongside Malon and her family, and Malon was really nice to talk to. It was just the idea of a lot of work, something that sounded so bitter in sound after fighting one of the greatest threats Hyrule had ever seen. He decided to go back to the Kokiri Forest, for some ease and quiet. Perhap a little time in his childhood home would give some peace of mind.
When he arrived to his old home, he noticed a series of flickering colorful rainbow lights and intrigued at this unusual sight. He decided to follow it, and when he got there, he could not believe the sight. The Great Deku Tree had strobing rainbow lights coming from the inside, with the faint sound of wild and upbeat music coming from the inside. In the scrawl of some forest-juice stoned Kokiri who decided it was a good idea to name a strip club while on said high, said "FAIRY BOYS" in the juice of berries.
People were lined up to enter inside. Link screamed, because that was all he knew how to do.
He hesitantly moves toward the front of the line. Mido was the bouncer.
"Oh hey bub, glad to see you here. One of our people couldn't make it, and you look...adult enough? I don't know. I don't need any evil spirits or the Hyrulean Police force coming down here. Would you like to work here as a stripper?"
Link stared blankly, giving some thought. He never heard of this "stripper" job. He wondered if it had anything to do with smashing pots open. There was something very soothing about the shattering of dry clay, especially if there were rupees inside that he could take to satisfy the inner klepto within. He looked at Mido and nodded. Mido in return, whistled for two Kokiri, a male and a female to sneak Link inside. They led him to the very back of the tree, which was very different from what he remembered. It certainly didn't have the creepy monsters and everything, which he felt glad about because he hated them.
They came into a large room in the very end, where Saria sat in a giant polished chair, decked out in garb that Link noticed was not of Kokiri garb. She was dressed in some kind of glittery dress with many different kinds of bracelets and necklaces. The most significant one was one that was the word, "Princess", and was made of gold. Her majestic emerald green hair was curled up and primped. It was a far cry from the Saria that Link knew and loved.
"Linkie, darling. Glad to see you help us." Saria said. "Hyrule has been saved, and I am going to do the thing that will help us in the event of another attack! It's the perfect job for you. We can't have us real Kokiri strip because it would violate SOOO many laws. But you, you are Hyrulian, pure and true."
Link nods.
"Okay, so what you got to do is this: We will make you a sexy outfit, and you will need to dance and get naked. By dance, I mean dance on the pole somehow. Like, wiggle those thighs and shake your hips. Slowly remove your clothes, one piece at a time. You understand?"
Link nods again.
Saria snaps her fingers, and the Kokiri left and came back with a various array of clothes hanging on a rack: some are sparkly with sequins and rhinestones, some were pure black and had some lace of them, others that were very short that Link wonders why in the world would he ever wear such clothes. The female Kokiri left and returned carrying boxes standing high, which fell to the ground once she was settled in. Shoes flew out everywhere, and Link noticed they were much different to the boots he wore, or the fancy shoes that Princess Zelda kept hidden under dress.
"We need to find the perfect outfit for you, Linky Darlin'." Saria laughs a little as she stands up and drops down from her chair. "Aww, I kind of like that name for you! Linky Darlin'! I need you to remove your clothes for me. I need to have a good look at your body!"
Link blushes a little shyly as he undresses, and watches as the two Kokiri look through the clothes, deciding what would be the best choice. Saria walks up and feels Link's body up, careful not touch the more erogenous parts of his body. She felt the tone of his body, and the size of whatever muscle the young man had.
"Hmmm, you've got some. You are a bit on the...I guess kind of lanky side? Young, have no little to no hair, blond with blue eyes. A beauty by...I guess Hyrulean standards. Hmmm. I think the fishnets would be in order...maybe a shiny gold thong too..." Saria rambles on, with her Kokiri workers looking around for such items. Before Link knew it, he was dressed in a giant robe that would make the last King of Hyrule look small and insignificant, a short crop top, forest green fishnets, and a golden thong with golden stilettos.
The male Kokiri has Link sit down to apply a bit of forest make-up onto the Hylian hero's face. Saria paces back and forth, waiting. She mumbles about the wonderful opportunity, and how Link would be bring the money needed to expand. After all, if the hero of time became a hit then the others on the outside would surely want to join in. She wonders briefly what it would be like the lovely Princess Zelda, in the frilliest of frills, the laciest of lace, moving and dancing in her heavenly sway…or Ruto emerging from water or Nabooru's sensual cu-
Saria snaps out of her trance. "Oh uh, Linkie Darlin'. You need to know how to dance. Could you show me some dance moves?"
Link raises a hand as his makeup is done, and points to his pile of clothes, weapons and other items. Once the Kokiri finishes, keeping his whole body swallowed in robe, he digs around and finds the Kamaro Mask. He places it on his face, and suddenly the flow of the dance he learned on his previous adventure. His body sways to the nostalgic music from his previous teacher, and it was so beautiful that Saria was moved to tears.
"Good, good. A good dance to start them off, and then YOU THROW OFF THAT ROBE LIKE THE ROOM GETS ALL HOT AND YOU GET BOTHERED!" Saria screams dramatically. Link is startled, but he nods. He can't help but feel a little excited. Saria explains the rest of the steps as they walk through the back so that Link is behind the stage. Link takes a quick glance to get a look of the audience as Saria steps out.
"Ladies, gents and everyone all around. Thank you for coming out tonight and seeing some of our lovely dancers tonight, tipping them well..." Saria announces with a smile. "And tonight, you are rewarded with a special treat. You may know him as the Hero of Time, but tonight and hopefully more...here comes…LINKIE DARLING!" Saria jumps off the stage, and Link takes this as the cue to strut his stuff down the fancy wooden walkway in his shiny gold stilettos. He stumbles a little, and walks very slowly, the robe concealing his body and the Kamaro Mask concealing his face. He tries not to move to the beat, not until he reaches the stripper pole.
The dance continues as he remembers it, and the crowd looks confused at first. Then, in the heat of the moment, Link tossed off his robe with much grace, showing off the rest of his costume. Some people lean their heads forward as Link unmasked himself and prepared to dance around the pole, swiveling his hips in a way that made everyone scream. All the training he did in his adventure made his calves and thighs look strong and delectable, and when he tossed off his crop top, someone swooned.
Link continues on with his dance, spinning around the pole using the leg muscle he developed on his adventures. Walking and running along Hyrule Field can do that to a person! Especially if being chased by Stalfos!
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees an individual whose entire head was covered with ropes and ropes of bandages, save for some blond hair and one bright red eye, looking at him with curious intent. Unlike Link up on that stage right now, this individual was practically covered from head to toe. The individual sat up from their chair a little, as if intent to come over to Link.
With one last in-the-air-splits on the pole, the audience roared with sexual excitement at the young blond Hyrulean. Some of the audience members went to stuff some Rupees into the only piece of clothing Link could wear without stripping off: his golden thong.
"Thank you everyone for Linkie Darling's Dazzling, Daring Debut!" Saria says, walking on stage and handing Link a bottle of Fresh Lake Hylia Water to drink. She also subtly spanked his ass, making several of the Rupees slip out of the thong and into her hand. "And now, for one of our veterans, Twinkling Tinglee's Topsy Twirlaround Show!"
As Link walked of the stage and counted over the Rupees he was able to keep, a certain thirty-five year old fairy-obsessed man skipped and pranced onto the stage with a hearty chuckle. He was pudgy, wearing a trashy shirt that read "Bad Bitches Are The Only Things I Like" that also had frayed edges, a glittery bright green thong that made his ass cheeks prominent, a bright red feather boa, and stilettos that looked almost impossible to wear. He rocked them anyway. Because he's Tingle, suck it. Once he skipped about for the crowd to cheer, he pressed his cheeks to the pole for all to see and twerked around the stage.
"Hey there." The bandaged-cover individual walks over to Link, handing him a red rupee. "I saw you on stage, and let me say this: if that was literally your first time dancing on the pole, that was like amazing. Your real name I heard was like, Link or something? Oh yeah, Link! My name is Sheik." And Sheik removed some of the bandages so Link could get a good look at them.
Link blushed a little, a little...happy to hear such a compliment. He tried to get a good look at this individual named Sheik. The pale blond hair contrasted with the darker skin, and Link thought that looked very VERY attractive.
While Tingle was shaking his moneymaker, a brown haired woman noticed Link and squealed. "EEEE OMFG LINK! I'M JENNA MARRY ME!" the woman, who was completely batshit tried to jump Link so she could perform the mating ritual of the Great Lebian Coast, a rare and often apparently forbidden ritual. However, Sheik having set their sites on Link first (because to Sheik despite only knowing Link a few minutes plus adventure time, found him to be the finest bitch he's seen in years), did a backflip and kicked Jenna in the stomach, so hard that her uterus exploded from the inside. Jenna crashed in the pole and turned to glittery dust, which sprinkled onto Tingle's asscheeks like powdered sugar. This wowed the crowd even more, because Kokiris have a fetish for sparkly ass cheeks. They were going to get their trashy vampire romance novels in a few weeks to satisfy this only a little next week at the Deku Reading Club.
Link couldn't help but feel extra warm inside, warm at how insanely strong a person was to fight off the rabidness of strangers who wanted to use him for reproductive needs! He kicked a person and turned them to dust in a matter of seconds!
Sheik let out a sigh. "Sorry about that. People are very quick to jump their favorites apparently." Sheik turns to Link. "Are you blushing?"
Link turns his face away meekly. What was happening?
"Tell me, Linkie. Has your adventures make you tired?"
Link nods.
"Are you in need some kind of relief?" Sheik brings himself closer. "Because let me tell you, I am more than capable. Only if you let me."
Link bit his lip nervously. He couldn't help but feel excited, like this was some gigantic present for doing good. He couldn't help but want to reap such kind of benefits for saving the world. If he could have some fun after all the world saving, then why not? He nods a little shyly, and in return Sheik gave a soft smile. The Sheikah leans in a little and plants his lips against Link's.
Although he was startled, Link welcomed the kiss with calm. He couldn't help but like it; the way it made his cheeks warm up, the way that the stranger decided to hold him in the arm by the small of his back. Everyone was too busy with the next act with some Zora to notice them kissing, so no one made the moment embarrassing.
After minutes of long-passionate lip-locking, Sheik opens his eyes. "Would Saria be okay with us going out back? She'll be okay with us going out back." If Link had a tie, he'd string Link along with it. Link grinned cheekily, and hooks Sheik's arm in his.
"Wait, wait. I left something on the table." Sheik goes back to the table. "I take it this will be your first time, and I am not a selfish lover that I will leave all the pressure on me. Okay, now I'm ready."
Hand in hand, Link blindly wanders in the back of the strip club, which was really the deep cavern of the tree's insides. It had been a few months (and an additional seven years) since he had been inside and had long thought that the tree had been dead. But no, it was still the same. Only hollowed out and the like. Maybe they were going to use this for beds, but since Link didn't hear anything he assumed nobody was there.
Sheik places a hand on the floor. "Hmm, it's actually smoothed out. I think it'd be pretty safe. But then again...hmm..." The Sheikah rubbed their chin with thought. "We could get caught here."
Link had an idea when he saw a door. He moved over to it, and motioned Sheik to follow.
Link tested the door, and what he saw shocked him.
Tingle was there, chained and riding the Gerudo's secret crop which Ganondorf wielded like if he were getting lessons from Lon Lon Ranch. The King of the Gerudos himself only moved his hips upward if necessary, as if being careful not to break the small chubby man who was too obsessed with fairies.
"O-Oh yes, yes! Ganon! Goddesses, YES!" Tingle moaned, his saggy manboobs bouncing with him. It's very pleasurable, to ride such a magnificent, brave warrior of distant hills. He can't move much but his own pudgy hips, but he's ecstatic as Ganondorf pumps a few times and stills, filling him with the lovely goo of carnal lust and binding love.
If a boner could get even more prominent, Link's certainly was. Was this truly the thing he was going to with Sheik? To be like Tingle was? He wasn't too keen on the chains, but just the look on Tingle's face lit a burning desire in his heart. Any fear felt quenched.
Ganondorf, who was not very happy to have an actual audience watching him indulge in his much more kinky fantasies, poofed him and Tingle away. Sheik came into the closet. He did see and he found quite hot, but not like hot as Link moaning underneath him would be. They both entered the roomy closet. This is then that Sheik moves closer to Link.
"May I...touch you?"
Link nods, admittedly a bit nervously but he felt courageous.
And so Sheik begins to touch Link with sturdy yet delicate hands. Slow and careful so he can examine Link's reactions under a watchful eye, to find those most sensitive parts that made Link close his eyes and let out shuddering a few more careful moments, Sheik gingerly pulled down Link's golden thong and then Link's erect love muscle revealed itself on all of its glory. A delicate, reasonably sized shaft that was a nice shade of pink. Pre was beginning to show at the tip, which Shiek was nice enough to lick before getting to running his tongue around the rest of it.
Link nearly let out one of his famous screams. How could he not, with Sheik giving his wand such royal treatment, pumping and licking!? He had never felt such excitement before, and his toes wriggled inside his stilettos.
Suddenly, Shiek stopped what he was doing before giving Link one last kiss. The saliva and the air of the closet made him shudder, a little eager for more. Sheik began to remove all his clothes and his trouser snake eventually poked out, equally as hard as Link's but with more girth and a vein or two. Link couldn't help but find it beautiful in an odd way.
"Um, could you remove the fishnets and what not? I do not want you to get in trouble for ruining such fine clothes." Sheik says. Link began to do so, comfortable with the politeness. He was glad things were being taken slow. Soon both of them were naked.
It is here where Sheik pulls Link close, kissing him and rubbing their pricks together. That one spark of passion flowed between them, like universes coming together and the planets aligning and all that beautiful shit. You know it's so beautiful! They continued to frot and kiss each other. Link couldn't believe he was experiencing this. Sheik was certainly skilled, certainly not a first-timer at this. Maybe the Sheikah were skilled in these things. Who knows? Link wasn't about to complain.
He felt fingers trace across the small of his back, down to his butt. Then a finger found its way to the pucker that people all call the asshole. Sheik's fingers were wet, probably from the spit from his mouth. Link didn't find he was repulsed by this at all. If anything, it felt...well, good. Well, it was good to hom at least. But Link was rather a man of warrior cries than a man of words, so he let out a good moan letting the Sheikah know he was enjoying the wonders of being fingered.
Sheik goes at it for a bit, delicate and gentle like a good lover. Link was bucking his hips, so their members were rubbing against each other. There was something sharp yet good about it, soon becoming a bit more slippery that the two were both so frantic to hump against each other for more. The closet soon began to fill with moans that one could clearly hear if they themselves tried to come to the very back of the tree for a quickie. Shiek learned that Link was certainly not a quiet lover; the Hero of Time was moments away from going from sexual moan to sexual-he's-going-to-swing-his-sword-at-
A-foe type of scream. His ass was being prodded steadily, the feeling which went to his cock to pulse with need.
"I think you're ready, Linkie dear." Shiek whispered, leaning Link against a closet wall. Link held himself up by his elbows, not really wanting to cramp out his neck. "Relax now, you will be in that position for a moment."
It is then that Sheik positions his glossy rod of muscle and blood into Link's rusty bucket hole. This sent Link to cry out, not so much like a little bitch but as someone is desperate need. It didn't take as long as Shiek expected for Link to grow accustomed to the intrusion to the latter's anal fortress. The hard, tight sensation around his pointed prick meant that he was welcome, and he enjoyed that Link's catacombs of honey did such.
It felt like the time he met up with his friends-with-benefits side girl Saria and they essentially stole from dead people out in Hyrule Field. Sheik found something potent as Saria got into some undead mischief. On top of watching, he had found some magic beans and squished them with his teeth. It was like some sense of the heavenly realm by the goddesses held him up daintily, smacked his ass like one would a newborn baby to cause it breath and instilled him with a sense of purpose.
Sheik's throbbing accumulation of rigid masculinity was, how you say, destined for conquering Link's anal fortress, to make the delicate love one can only dream of. Link would only know pleasure and happiness. Sheik, now acquainted with Link's warm tunnel began the slow process of thrusting in and out.
Link, once again, was not a quiet lover. His hands fumbled against the wooden walls, only slightly wary of the splinters he might get because his back and ass rubbed against wood. But the more the movement persisted from Sheik's throbbing purple spear of destiny ramming into the soft pucker of his (Link's) sweetness, the more he'd feel splintery in the morning. Perhaps Shiek would provide some comfort. He wonders briefly if he can sit up. He indeed does make that attempt, pushing himself up. He assumes quickly now, that he has more weight to him than Shiek.
Sheik smirks. "Feeling bold, aren't you?" He assists into pulling Link onto his lap, pushing his fuck stem even deeper into Link's assular regions. This evoked a sharper cry from the Hero of Time, not like a tiger but...okay, it actually kind of sounded like a tiger. Sheik moved his hips upward into Link, not caring for the wood below. Sheik has had worse things happen and a few potential splinters wouldn't be the worst thing. He focused now, on Link in all that silky Hero of Time glory that glossed his skin within a thin sheen of light.
Eventually the slow and sensual movements that began to the prelude of the one night stand began to transform in the utmost magic that not even one night stands could even imagine. Shiek began to further smash his mystical pocket rocket up Link, guaranteeing that Link would feel what the actions of his wrecked-um for the days to come and then some. Link bounced atop of Shiek and rode him like a horse in the surf, thinking of the cool waters of Lake Hylia.
Somehow, thinking of nature caused Link–—whether out of pure animal instincts that lingered deep within or just some deep desire to get more than ever of out need or selfishness–—Link struggled one arm with one hand and one finger near his rosy red soft pucker of utter sweetness. He worked his finger around the area where his heroic pucker met up with Sheik's organic crotch gun. Not only did it create pleasure where he wanted, his finger helped pump Shiek to further excitement. They moaned and screeched as if the unicorns of life jousted against each other and speared each other at odd angles, ready to show the world that two people were virgins no more. As such, another unicorn dies. Or two. Link could slowly feel everything of his manhood churn for release.
"A-ah! O-oh OH NAYRU!" Sheik moans at the extra stimulation. Normally, in his conquests that were far and few in between, Shiek would boast of the stamina they possessed being able to go on for almost an hour on two compared to those who were quick to finish in minutes. However, between the hot squeezing sensation around his organ and the added tickle time with those magic Hylian fingers were too much to bear almost. It was almost embarrassing in a way, but at the same time he is proud of stamina of the first-timer Hero of Time that it wasn't really anything to be ashamed of. "OH OH OH LINK! I'M–—"
In those sudden moments, Sheik's wondrous pleasure pivot began to shoot liquid love in Link's cavern and out as Link hoisted his hips up so some of the platter feel right on his buttocks. It's sharp and hot and almost kind of stinging. He shuddered but at the same time, the pleasure came full force as the Shiekah's hot princely milk made the event more wet and quick.
Link let out a loud tigerous warrior's cry as his own throbbing member shot up into the air like the fountains of Hyrule Castle. It smacked itself onto Sheik's chin and chest, a little on his face even. Link shudders as his first ever release left him and felt like floating. The cry died down as Link slunk into Sheik's arms. Shiek still thrusts up into him, but it's slow and kind of sloppy. Sleep wants to claim him like it did for seven years. Shiek and him flopped to the wooden floor, atop their crumpled and rumpled clothes.
As Link curled against the Sheikah, said Sheikah despite being tired, laid awake. He didn't get to tell Link what he suddenly remembered, that he must part to worlds unknown. His sexual appetite was too powerful for all of Hyrule to handle, but there was said to be another place that could handle it much better. His experience with Link had proven in his mind to be full of love that he almost didn't want to leave. However, the libido was strong and almost a curse. So he had to go.
Link didn't deserve to live lonely however. He was good and that talent shouldn't go unwasted and solely for stripping purposes.
There were certainly much letters to write tonight.
–—
Link awakes the next morning on top of his clothes with a curtain draped over him. He tries to sit but his ass is sore and kind of leaky. He wonders if Saria will be upset he left; she did get her share of the pay so things should be okay. But this sexual endeavor probably disturbed the structure of the strip club.
Shiek was nowhere to be found.
In the haze of his sleep, he heard slapping sounds but no one was slapping him.
Ganondorf and Tingle were at it again. However, unlike the shackled display Link could vaguely recall the night before, Ganondorf was showing the stamina to stand upright. His giant hands were working Tingle's fairy ass up and down. Tingle himself wriggled and cried out with joyful gasped. His moobs bounced about up and down. "OH GOD GANNONDORF." Tingle's middle aged fairy member leaked precum by the drips.
Seeing this made Link uncomfortable; voyeurism isn't his kind of kink. He stands up and walks with his clothes out. He manages to at least put on the tunic. It was when it finally came on that he noticed the magic note tucked in his pocket. Opening it up, it read
Linkie Darling,
Our time together was truly, TRULY magnificent. I cannot lie when I say it was one of the best nights of my life. Alas, my time in Hyrule I wasn't able to say, was about to run out. I have to travel far and wide and it's not known when I'll be back. If I come back.
Don't shed tears, Linkie. Now that your own adventures have come to a close, don't waste away pining for me. Embrace the stripper lifestyle and work with Saria, dance with Tingle. And if you have a need for intimacy, Zelda and Saria will hook you up with whatever you need. Trust me, they know what to do. It would be a honor on your part, to ask them for needs.
With Love, Sheik.
"Oh, there you are Linkie Darling! Mido couldn't find you–—woah! I guess you had a rocking good night." Saria walked up to Link in her many necklaces.
Link pointed to the paper, letting Saria take it.
"Aww man, he's leaving. Damn, he really brought the goods. I've never had great experiences with him. Have you ever had Magic Beans while in the Lost Woods? A good experience, I'll tell you!" Saria rambles on, and soon her brain takes the same route. "We musn't mourn Linkie Darling. We need to start the next sexual revolution here in Hyrule! First, the Great Deku Tree Strip Club. Tomorrow, Gerudo Valleys. In months, the world."
Link nodded. It would be a great honor to take a part. Shiek would surely be proud.
"We need to go into Castle Town and get some good grub. How about it? My treat." Link nods. As they walk, Link turns to Saria and gestures.
"Oh, so you want it like that? I see. Well that's not MY thing, per say. But Zelda. ZELDA. Oh she's a fan of pegging. We'll have to get in touch."
–—
In months, the Hylian Sexual Era had begun to take form. People openly loved and loved, groping and touching, thrusting and releasing. It was a happy time, so much so that greedy wanters of the Triforce would distracted by all the orgies that went about. Peace ruled eternal and when Zelda took the throne as Queen with Link by her side and plastic in her hands, nobody in Hyrule was sad.
It was a happy golden time. And it's all thanks to Sheik, the Hero of Time.
And stripping. Definitely the stripping.