A.N. This story was inspired off of an awesome kid in my advanced reading class. We were working on partner speeches (rehearsed debates) and he told me that he was choosing the topic of "should America legalize the consumption of marijuana?" I told him that nothing good could possibly come from that and that "Congress had made enough stupid decisions already." He looked at me funny and then told me "Our country was founded off of stupid decisions, and due to the fact that we're yet to be communists, I see no harm in making a few more." I had no good argument for that. So this is for him.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or Harry Potter Puppet Pals. I do, however, own the amazing image of a high Alfred which I am forever grateful for. I do not support, nor do I condone the use of illegal substances. If you decide to consume or inject any form of illegal drug, I am not to be held responsible for your idiocy.
As usually, the conference room was in a state of utter chaos. The cream-colored walls were stained with splotches of red from Romano throwing an endless cycle of spawned tomatoes at Spain. Russia was sitting on Canada. Prussia and Austria were having a spirited debate on the level of Prussia awesomeness. Italy was sitting on Germany's lap. France was attempting to molest Sealand while Sweden was trying to scare him off with Finland hiding behind him.
England stepped up to the podium. "Alright you gits! Settle down! Due to last month's macaroni incident," Everyone glared at Prussia. "We now have been issued a new standard of procedures we have to follow, so nothing like what happened to Canada will ever happen again…" England glances confusedly at his paper. "Who the bloody hell is Canada?"
"Me! I'm Canada!" mumbled Canada under Russia. No one listened.
"Alright! So apparently I have to start by taking attendance. France?"
"Here!" he said giving England a wink. England glared at him.
"China?"
"Present."
"North Italy?"
"Ve~"
"South Italy?"
Romano flipped him off.
"Spain?"
"HERE!~"
"Prussia?"
"The awesome me is here! Be thankful I am choosing to grace you with my awesomeness! I am so aweso-"
"America?"
…
"AMERICA? … Does anyone know where America is?"
"I AM HERE!"
America came running in wearing an old worn out wife-beater and a pair of old sweatpants. England eyed his outfit critically. "Then just sit down and-"
"I HAVE A QUESTION!"
"Sigh… yes America?"
"It's for Turkey!"
Turkey smiled maniacally at him. "Go on."
"ALRIGHT! Now are the people of your country called Turkeys?"
"What…?"
"During Thanksgiving does your country have a civil war? And do like mashed potatoes, too, because I want to have Thanksgiving at my house this year and- OH! We'll need balloons! A red balloon and a blue balloon and a green balloon! Romano are you bringing the mafia because I need a body count… oh that reminds me is any one here available to assassinate Japan for me because I can't do it my self since Obama thinks we need to take out Cuba first…"
Japan sweat dropped.
England gave him a look. "Are you okay?"
"Never better! Congress granted me unlimited access to pot!"
"So let me get this straight mon ami." said France. "You're high? So that means…"
France moved over to start molesting America. "WOAH…" said America. "France your thumb is growing… and now it looks like a dinosaur!"
England rubbed his temples. "All you gits, sit-"
"I know!" cried America. "Let's all sing!"
"America I don't think-"
"SNAPE! SNAPE! SEVERUS SNAPE!"
"AMERICA!" Yelled England absolutely losing it.
"SNAPE! SNAPE! SEVERUS SNAPE!"
"DUMBLEDORE!" exclaimed Sealand!
"RON! RON! RON WEASLY!" yelled Italy.
"HERMIONE! HERMIONE!" yelled Spain.
"HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER! MMM! HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER! YEAH!" Prussia joined in.
"SNAPE!" "HARRY!" "SNAPE!" "HARRY!" "SNAPE!" "HARRY!" Prussia and America seemed to be fighting over who could be the loudest.
"DUMBLEDORE!" "HERMIONE!"
"Everyone! Please be-"
"Singing our song! All day long at HOOOOGGGGWARTS!"
"ENOUGH!" England screamed. "AMERICA WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON? HOW THE HELL DO YOU ALL KNOW THIS SONG?"
"… Voldemort, Voldemort, ooh Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, VOLDEMORT!"
"Turkey you're not helping…" whispered Greece.
"England!" cried America. "You're beautiful! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! And… OOH RAINBOWS!"
"Are you sure he's not just drunk?" asked Prussia obviously amused.
"Either way, this is better than TV!" said Sealand.
"This is America we're talking about. Obviously his body is messed up, but I say we should just go with! I might get a few nice pictures if France has his way with him…"
Suddenly America jumped on England's back. "Carry me home, lover!" he commanded!
Hungary gasped. "Meeting adjourned! England you'd better take him home!" England left, grumbling something about anarchy.
"Well that was different." said Finland.
"Who cares!" squealed Hungary. "I have both of their houses bugged! If England doesn't take advantage of America, America will most likely jump him! It's a win-win!"
"So," said Prussia turning to Germany. "20 Euros says Congress will change the law in the next week."
This was totally irrational and pointless. I kind of only wrote it so the countries could sing "The mysterious ticking noise." So yeah if you didn't completely get this, don't worry, neither did I.
-Ciao! Liana