It's been a long time, hasn't it? Of course you are mad at me. I want you to be. I want to feel the pain. It's a reminder that I'm stupid, yet it also lets me know I haven't lost myself. I've come so close. It wasn't her that kept me going in Soul Society. She was a newcomer, a pain, and so damn useless. It wasn't my friends. They joined me, not the other way around. Only you. You and your desperate need to kick the crap out of any injustice, especially if you had a cause in the original problem. You are actually the reason I kept you in the dark. If you had come, well it wouldn't be pretty. And if it's true that dying in soul society sends you to reincarnation, I wouldn't have wanted you to singlehandedly cause the world's largest baby boom in history.
I put your ward in danger. She was kidnapped because she got too close. She fell for me, I let it happen. That was my mistake. I'm sorry I failed you again. You never do let me live those things down. You shouldn't. I can't for give myself for that. You shouldn't either.
Idiots. That's all they are. They never realize that it's you. Your voice I hear at night, telling me that I just need to get up one more time. That you need me up so you can wipe that stupid scowl off my face. Funny how you used to want to kick the smile off. Your voice telling me that I should stop being a crybaby and do something. Your voice inside that acts as both compliment and antithesis to the hollow inside. You fill the void that sits there. It's you that keeps me going.
I'm smiling again, you know. I'm actually inside your apartment. Funny it should end here. I hear your brothers and sisters running around inside. I want you to be the one to find me. I think it's fitting. You were the one who came to find me after Mom died. Your dad will recognize the wounds, you know. And not just because he's a cop. Your dad played to many games in his own youth, I did a little research. That and he's helped me out of one too many spats that you would beat me up for later. He never told you, did he? Just like I had to find out on my own that you had that stash of makeup and your tea ceremony set. He actually stopped me from coming after you when I made the mistake of confronting you about it. I wouldn't trade the old goat for anyone, but I had actually dreamed of one day calling your Chichi, Shuuto-san.
Please hurry. I know, I said please. The world's going to end. But I don't want to die yet. I'm giving up the Shinigami business till I'm dead. But that will be soon, won't it. I can feel myself slipping away slowly. I just want to see you one more time. I want to say good-bye. Sorry about the mess. I know you hate blood on the carpets, but I can't help it. Your room is almost as familiar as my own, and this might be my last chance. I want to see you face again, even if it's only once more. Your pillow is so nice.
No. I have to stay awake. I haven't told you yet. I need to tell you. Please come.
Oops, I was talking out loud, wasn't I? Wait, you're here? But you don't come back until 8 on Friday nights. Except for when…heh heh. I really am an idiot, aren't I? Ow. That hurt. Wait. What are you doing? You know what. I think I can hold on for a bit longer. Your mom works at Ishida Hospital, doesn't she? Stupid me, I forgot. Tatsuki, why is your dad at the door? And why does he look like he is going to make me into jam? And why is your mother smirking? And why the hell are those kids looking like we are doing something inappropriate. And why does Ryuuji look like your dad? And why is my kimono open. This isn't going to end well. Tatsuki, as much as I'd say yes later (as in much much later, from the looks I'm getting). IT CAN WAIT! I am sooooo dead. I'll see you on the other side. I am so not looking forward to seeing Seireitei after this. I just got rid of them. I don't want to go back.
I'll visit. Every chance I can. What a lousy way to go though. This is even worse than what I thought. Wait. Why are you laughing? This SUCKS.
Oh. You were bandaging me up. Still doesn't explain the laughter. Do you want your dad to kill me?