Author's Note: I don't know, honestly this is word vomit. You know when your brain just won't shut up. Everything belongs to Rodenberry except the space sick ensign. Have fun with it I do. Reviews let me know that I'm not just another speck on the internet highway.

Of Turbo Lifts

Vulcan felt like an extension of my psyche, I was as familiar with its hellish landscape as I was with the scars on my own fingers. The Vulcan's and their planet fascinated me to a level unbecoming in an officer. I had dreams about a planet I had never stepped on. My mind took me on nightly jaunts through dim canyons, deadly cliffs and arching skies of blue and orange. I dared not speak of it, much less to Commander Spock, he already thought me a loon and a nuisance. It didn't help that the ever logical and rational Mr. Spock could give no explanation to my appearance 200 years in the future or the fact that I was one of the few humans who could irritate him.

But the dreams. . . . . My only other option was McCoy. I loved McCoy as one would a favorite uncle, but he had a tendency to let things slip around the Captain and Commander. It was never with malice it was just that all three men had an innate ability to read another without much effort due to the years of close friendship. This meant keeping secrets was slightly problematic. But the dreams needed to stop; they were frightening in their detail and depth, perhaps a symptom of something else. Dreams were rarely just dreams.

I donned a clean uniform and forced myself to sickbay. I knew the way well, I was a bit "sensitive" to space travel, I had adapted like any good organism, but occasionally had bouts of "space sickness" as the doctor generously called it. I nodded my greetings to fellow shipmates and marveled at their capacity to accept me as one of their so quickly. As I entered the lift who else should be there but the Captain and Spock in deep conversation about God only knows what. I tried to back out with some dignity, it would not do for them to know I was heeding to sickbay once again. I was a bit ashamed of my weaknesses and didn't like to advertise them more than I had to my superiors. But the Captain looked up. Damn it.

"Ahhhhhhh Ms. Katona! Where are you off to? I don't recall seeing you at Mess." Shit. Shit. Shit. The man wasn't supposed to be that observant. I put on my best smile while Spock, looking a bit agitated at the interruption, narrowed his eyes in question.

"Why Captain I didn't realize my habits were such a concern to you sir. I was merely reading and forgot the time." I lied easily. I had in actually blacked out after my shift and dreamt again. Kirk stiffened slightly and ignored the unintentional insubordination then tried another tactic.

"Where are you off to, perhaps we can escort you?" Spock visibly tried to restrain his surprise. I was thinking the same thing, 'what the hell?'

"No need sir, I'll catch the next lift, you and the Commander are busy." The doors started to close. A hand caught them.

"Nonsense!" he waved me in. I was stuck. "You are no less entitled to this lift than we are. Certainly we can peacefully coexist for a few moments." 'Tell that to your First Officer.' I thought. There was no backing out and Spock was still staring at me. I felt a slight prod in my thoughts. I couldn't block him out but I could misdirect him. I immediately started on a long internal monologue about cantaloupes. I was a spur of the moment kind of a thing.

"Thank you sir." I cautiously stepped around Spock, careful not to touch him and accidently give him more of an "impression".

"What deck?" Kirk inquired a little too casually. 'Why were they always watching me?!' Somewhere in my mind my rational kicked in, I knew Kirk was only acting in the best interest of his crew. For all he knew I was a spy for some unfriendly race or some such and faking my memory loss and displacement. It was a perfect alibi, no way to prove it or disprove my situation or story. According to the Federation I didn't "exist". I understood his reasoning and even sympathized with the man, but it sure made daily living annoying. I did a mental sigh I forgot to block. Spock only stared ahead.

"E deck sir." The doors swished closed with a sigh of finality. For the millionth time I wondered 'what the hell was I doing here?'

'Indeed' came a calm reply in my mind. Spock was still staring straight ahead.

'Cheeky, damn that slipped to!' I mentally shook myself. 'Spock: 2 Me:0'

'I didn't realize we were keeping count'. Came another reply. Anger started to brew in me, steeped in frustration and lack of sleep. I numbed my mind; I had learned this trick in high school. I could still feel his presence in my mind, 'so he was playing for keeps?'

"Deck E" announced the sterilized female voice. I cleared my throat.

"Thank you Captain, Commander." As I made my way out the sound of boots followed me. 'Why me?' I stepped to the side and let them pass into McCoy's office. I could wait. Kirk's voice reached me.

"Come in Ensign." It wasn't a request.

"Yes sir." My voice cracked. McCoy looked a tad bit startled at his desk probably wondering why his friend was choosing his office to stage an interrogation. When he saw me his face cleared into a smile.

"Why Katona come in!" I idly thought this was the only smile I was likely to get during this conversation.