Warning: copious amounts of a very cheesy german accent... I'm sorry OTL
Oh, and vee is we because ve made me think of Italy (Hetalia) Pastaaaa!
A short one shot I did for Blitzwing (all three)x Blackarachnia... :3 If you're confused, don't worry, so is Blitzwing. XD
I used normal, bold, and italic font to differentiate between Icy, Random, and Hothead.
It was a boring and lonesome day on the decepticon warship, as boring and lonesome as one could get when always surrounded by two others. Blitzwing laughed at this inner thought. Rather, it was boring and impossibly loud in his head, with no other outside stimuli that could break his mind numbing existence.
Would it kill a bot to walk onto the bridge and hold a small conversation? He promised not to bite, hard. The mech again laughed, absolutely without regard for what another would think should somebot actually bother to come. It wasn't like anybot was oblivious to their insanity, so why even bother? Still, Blitzwing tried to remind themselves that there was always a chance, very slim, but still a chance that she would come. They needed to play it cool.
Blitzwing eagerly shot their surrounding with their freezing gun, only realizing afterwards that he'd shot their feet. "Oops, hahaha, zat'll wear off-"
"Now!" He continued as he furiously yanked their feet out of the ice, only to slip and fall in the attempt. Was there any wonder as to why they were so lonesome? Everything in their lives turned into an event with the complete lack of coordination between themselves. The bot couldn't help laugh again, only stopping as she entered the room. "Uh oh, vat bad timing."
Blitzwing hurriedly got to their feet and tried to come up with an excuse as he saw Balckarachnia looking around with an obviously displeased expression. "I-It vas dat dummkopf!"
"Ja, Vat my lesser intelligent part is trying to zay, is Random is at fault-"
"I'm not interested," Blackarachnia hissed. "Just take care of the mess! If lord Megatron was to see this, I'd be in so much over my head-"
"Vee vill have it done in no time." He quickly began chipping at the ice, cursing out the other halves of him. There are three parts of us, that means that we cannot be halves. Thirds would be more appropriate if you wish to be more exact than 'part' of us- Did the icy half want to lose his face? Blitzwing was perfectly able to make them only two!
"Blackarachnia! I vas vondering! Vould you consida'-"
"Silence you fool!" Blitzwing yelled as he hit himself over the head. Now wasn't exactly the best time to ask the femme out; she was angry with them. But when wasn't she angry or at least annoyed with them?
It was a bad sign when Blitzwing was able to make the most sense, and Blitzwing thought over this proposition. Blackarachnia stood there, hands on hips and foot tapping impatiently. "Was there something you wanted? Or do you just enjoy wasting my time?"
"Nein, vee don't vant to vaste your time. Has anybot recently told you how aesthetically pleasing you are?"
"Oh, so now you're going to mock me?"
"Nein! Aesthetically pleasing, beautiful," Blitzwing quickly expounded. Way to blow it! We might as well just ask if she would please hate us!
"With a body like this?" Blackarachnia asked with a sneer, sauntering forward to the triple changer.
"Ja, do you zee any otta' bot around? Vee vant to dance vith you, cha cha cha," Blitzwing said buoyantly, swinging his hips in an imagined dance. He could just picture them dancing with the spider and how wonderful they would all feel if-
"Like I would dance with any of you!"
"Vee don't have du dance. I like many otta'-"
"I don't care what you like. You're too hotheaded. It's like hanging out with a never ending siren with you."
Blitzwing stepped forward once and protested," Vat about me? I do not yell often at alles."
Blackarachnia turned her head and said," You're so boring. I'm amazed I don't fall into recharge just standing in your presence." She didn't give the other another chance as she saw Random Blitzwing about to give his two cents. "And you? You're just insane. Enough said."
Blitzwing let out a loud cackle as he asked," Ja, but you're in du dat, nicht wahr?"
"Not at all. Now get this mess cleaned up." She turned to leave, sighing at how annoying her fellow crew members were. Lugnut was impeccably dense, and Blitzwing. Just Blitzwing. She didn't need to explain how he was a constant trial in her everyday life.
"Vat? Nein! Vait!" He held out a hand as he rushed forward, trying to catch up with the femme he just failed to pick up. Instead of following, he slipped on the ice he had created, and face planted. Blackarachnia looked back and laughed, and Blitzwing joined her, not stopping until Blitzwing took over.
"Dis is no time du laugh," He angrily spat out.
"Indeed. I veel like mein spark vas just ripped out."
"Zen let's smile," Blitzwing shouted. He got to their feet and started to walk to their quarters, throwing all the ice they'd collected up into the air in a triumphant manner. "Let us smile if vee are zo sad...!" He laughed again, but neither of his other parts bothered to shut him up.
"Blitzwing," A very familiar, femme voice called, rapping her knuckles against the door again. The moron was late for the meeting they were all supposed to attend, and Megatron was not happy. Blitzwing had already blown off his last three shifts on the bridge, and now he dared to skip a meeting? Blackarachnia almost pitied the triple changer for how much Megatron would punish them. Knowing their leader, he'd probably give three times the punishment, just because the opportunity presented itself.
"Blitzwing, open up, or I'm just coming in anyways! This is ridiculous!" Why did Megatron have to send her to check on Blitzwing?
"Oh ja, you kan come in. Please come in!"
She heard his high pitched laughter and sighed. Great, she got to deal with Random Blitzwing. Though, at least if she didn't like his company, she'd be talking to someone entirely different in no time at all. She entered the room and had to place a servo over her mouth from immediately voicing her thoughts. "Wh-what is all of this?"
Blitzwing looked over and giggled. "You like it, nicht wahr?" He twirled with his arms extended to point to all of the lines he'd drawn on all the walls.
"It's just zat all zee voices in me head are zo sad! Zo very sad, und I'm miserable!" He said this in the most upbeat voice one could imagine, and he laughed afterwards. "Vee are all zooo sad, und I make this! Oh ho ho hooo... I am jus' zo lonely 'cause zey von't shut up in my head! Lonely~! 'Cause zey von't leave me alone!"
On every square centimeter of the wall a thin blue line was swirled, every one curling into others and creating a bizarre pattern. The ceiling was covered in thicker, straight lines and created a checker pattern. Blackarachnia looked around at the floor as she approached the mech, intrigued by the countless images of jets and tanks blowing up. It was certainly... morbid.
"Zie organics call it ART! It expresses mood, und I do art everyvere!"
"S-so I see..." Blackarachnia's composure was broken and she gasped at the central image. A large spider drawn in great detail, one that looked a great deal like her alt mode, spinning a web that sparkled. It almost glorified organics, and Blackarachnia was confused. Why would a cybertronian draw something like this?
Blitzwing broke her out of her stupor as he joyously skipped up to her and grasped her servos. "Vill you laugh vit me? Zee otta's don't understand. Ven you lament, you should laugh! Und laugh, und laugh!" He started spinning around her, dragging her into an unwilling ring around the rosy, and started laughing.
"Why are you all so sad?"
"'Cause I'm CRAZY!" Blitzwing let go her and continued spinning in a voluted path around Blackarachnia. "Und it's all mein fault zat vee are zo sad! Zo sad~!"
"You're not making any sense!" Blackarachnia growled.
"Do I eva'?" He flopped onto the ground, looking straight up at the ceiling. "Aber zat is vhy dey are zooo sad und mad. Mad at me~! It vas me to zay 'vee should ask our vone true love out'! Und you hate me, und me, und me!" He laughed even louder. "Und now vee lament in our pain. Verzeihen Sie, Blitzwing likes jeremiad betta'... He sinks zat I'm moaning on und on, aber you should hear him. Vee are all zo sad. Von't you laugh vit me?"
Blitzwing had shut himself in his room for the past three days all because she had turned him... them... down? She hadn't even thought they were being all that serious. Straining herself in the gloom of his 'art', Blackarachnia forced out a chuckle. He wanted her to laugh? She gave it her best.
Blitzwing looked up at her in surprise. "You do it in jest ad our pasetic and dreary state? Or zimply zo Blitzwing vill stop talking?" Blitzwing asked. His expression was of pure desolation, and he couldn't bare to hold his optics on her longer than a second.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize-"
"Zat us crazy mechs have veelings. Vee know. It is vine, zo leave us. Bitte."
"I'm offering an apology and you have to be rude about it?" She kicked him in the head roughly.
"Aaa hahahahaaaah! Und zey sought I vas CRAZY! I zaid zat you care, und I vas right~!"
Pulling her expression into a flustered frown, Blackarachnia averted her gaze. "Maybe you piston heads aren't so bad after all..." Making her way to the door, she asked in a short tone," Now are you coming? Or do you wish to be Megatron's chew toy? The meeting started fourteen mega-cycles ago!"
"Vee are coming! Don't leave us!" Blitzwing quickly leapt to their feet and followed her.
"Vee wish to express our gratitude zat you vould come retrieve us to spare Megatron's wrat-"
"Ha haa! She likes me more zen you!" Blitzwing interrupted, earning him a smack from both Blackarachnia and himself.
Poor Random getting stuck as the dominant one when they're all so sad... zoooo sad... (that's why the room gets trashed. Leaving the insane one in control when everyone is emotionally damaged is just CRAZY)