The Rum Tum Tugger strutted around the yard in his typical fashion. I squealed in delight as he shoved his bum in my face, I let my brother Plato catch me. All the other kittens in Tugger's fan club think he is utterly the greatest thing to ever inhabit the earth but I am different...

...much, much different.

He tickled Jemima's chin with his spotted paw. She melted in front of him and it made me sick to watch. I can't STAND him. Tugger is a total pedophile, and makes every queen swoon just because he can shake his hips and over-sized mane around. I personally think he is revolting! I grooved to his music with Victoria, Jemima and Electra ... how foolish they were ... so foolish to be obsessed with him. I suppose at fist glance I look like his greatest fan? Well, you obviously don't know me, no one does. I act obsessed and stupid around him so nobody would suspect me. Nobody would suspect it to be the doing of his greatest fan ... a little, cute, adorable girl kitten at that. No one would suspect...

Victoria ran up to him and hugged his leg. Electra got jealous and pushed her way to his other leg. I saw the opportunity and scuttled between his legs before Jemima, who tried to squeeze in beside me but I wouldn't let her. She grabbed onto his tail. Tugger loves it when we are all over him, it makes him feel like he is Heavyside's gift to us all. We all swooned as he wiggled his mighty pelvis. When he hit a high note I screamed idiotically until he hushed me. After he managed to free himself of us Electra stalked up to me and said

"If you think your his greatest fan, I dare you to go up and squeeze his bum" and she put on the most pompous look I'd ever seen her do.

"Yeah! If you think your so obsessed!" Jemi chimed in and copied her face.

"OK!" I squealed. His bum? Great... but I would do more than just squeeze it, I always go over the expectations in dares. I ran up behind him and yanked his tail so he stumbled backwards, and in full view of the others I grabbed his leg and ran my tongue up the back of his thigh and his rear. Vicky and Jemi were giggling.

Tugger turned around and stared at me like What the hell? I don't think a kitten had licked his ass before. I smiled cutely at him, grabbed his paw and jumped up and down as if I was on a high. He smiled and gave me a small kiss on the cheek with those ghastly lips. I pretended to faint dramatically and they certainly bought it. Jemima slapped me trying to wake me up, Victoria poked my tongue back in my mouth and Electra tried to scoop his cooties off my cheek and dab them on her lips – Ew! I slowly brought my self around from fake unconsciousness and blinked. Even if I do say so myself, I can be a remarkable actor.

"Cety! He kissed you!" Jemi shook me with wide eyes

"I know" I said weakly

"What did it feel like?" Vicky tugged on my paw

"It felt like Christmas!" I grinned at them wide awake now. "You should have seen his face! Priceless!" I squealed in amusement. I can't wait for the day he realizes what I really want to do. That face will be priceless too...

The other kittens giggled and helped me up to my feet. I went home with Electra for the rest of the night and I squealed about it to mum. Electra and I were half sisters, our dad is Asparagus and we have different mums. Jennyanydots is her mum and Jellylorum is mine. Plato is my older brother, I think he's a jerk. All toms my age are jerks actually ... all except Admetus, he is the only gentle-tom kit in the yard. I have a giant crush on him and sadly for me just about everyone knows it. He is so funny and sweet, but he thinks I like that Tugger, and hangs out with Exotica. I wish I could tell him that he is first on my tom-list but that could blow my cover ... then I am doomed. I have to though, what if he became mates with Exotica? Then I would be left with the jerks...