An attempt at an angsty RoyEd story.
Disclaimer: After the author disappears for a short while she is found in some strange unknown place with 'I shall not tell lies' being embedded painfully into her skin.
The piece of paper slips through his fingers and lands on the floor with a soft sound, but Roy keeps staring at the empty space between in his hands where it used to be, fingers twitching ever so slightly but not moving much more than that.
"Major," he finally whispers, voice shaky and to Riza it appears that her superior is scared. But when he looks at her she understands, he's terrified and worried and t's clear from who when he utters the next words, "Where, where is FullMetal?"
She senses the urgency and in a beat the blond supplies, "Library sir."
The general stands hastily, chair falling off and connecting to the ground in pieces. Hawkeye almost flinches, because the Roy Mustang she's known is not this, the desperate, vulnerable man that's just stumbled past her, only mumbling a word of gratitude before bursting out the door, clearly breaking down for all to see.
But then again, he is, Hawkeye muses, he's only human, after all.
.
.
He hadn't cried. The tears won't come.
His heart just hurt. The empty sort of pain, that he couldn't even begin to put into words.
Roy just left. And starting now, he wouldn't smell that spicy sort of cologne anymore, and not get a whiff of the musky shaving cream in the bathroom. He wouldn't cook breakfast for him anymore, not brew coffee for him just to see that pleased, satisfied look on his face. Wouldn't get to tease him, or laugh with him, or bicker with him, or bury his face in Roy's chest, or run his hands through that silky black hair and immaculate skin. Or kiss him. Or touch him. Or love him.
Edward sobbed into his pillow, dryly.
Where had the tears gone?
.
Everything and anything between them was strictly professional now.
Nothing happened.
As it should be.
As Roy wanted t.
(Damn him, and his damn reputation, and his damn ego and his damn face and body and kindness and perfection)
And Ed went along. .Called him 'sir'. Just like a perfect subordinate.
And Ed went along.
Because it was what Roy wanted.
And Ed was okay with that.
.
.
Roy catapults through the library door, earning a a gasp and a lengthy lecture courtesy of the librarian, but he tunes that out. Memories replay in an endless loop in his mind, guilt wrenches at him and regret implants their annoying little seeds at the depths of his soul.
Right now something big and ugly and not-so-alien is eating him alive, killing him by inches and he recognized it as self-hate, just like how t had bee in Ishval.
Yeah, he really hates himself right now.
Roy spots Edward at the back part of the library where he was alone, random books and papers scattered around him and coughing violently into a white handkerchief and Roy can catch a glimpse of the red stain that imprints o the pure white of the cloth. Ed sees him when he glances up, eyes widening and he quickly dives back to whatever he was reading and wipes his mouth, and Roy sees the scarlet smudge it leaves behind. The tears sting but nothing comes out, as every wall of denial he's built crumbles alongside his resolve as he runs forward to crush the younger in an embrace.
"You idiot!" Roy chokes out, and finally, much to his relief, fresh warm droplets are running down his cheeks. "You could have told someone!"
Ed stiffens in guilt, maybe, and replies with a muffled, "Sorry sir,"
Dear Roy,
Yeah, this is a really cheesy letter. But hey, I needed to do this..you're probably sick of me, but just.. read it.
well.. where to start.. oh yeah. I'll start with this.
Roy, I'm sorry. or a lot of us. Like, because I feel like this partially my fault.
"You don't have anything to apologize for, you little idiot," Edward bristles at the 'little', but Roy ignores him. "It's me dammit, I'm sorry."
"Sir-"
"Roy," he interrupts, "ROY, Edward. I take.. I take everything back."
I'm also really really sorry for not telling you this, but.. I didn't want you just to forgive me for it but.. I need to tell you. Now.
I'm dying Roy.
"Why didn't you say someting!" Roy lashes, angry at Edward for being so damn confusing, angry at God for taking away such a beautiful, perfect thing at such a young age, and furious at himself. For being an idiot, and a coward. Such a fucking coward.
"Dammit, why didn't you say anything?! You're such a stubborn idiot! Answer me Edward!"
You're shocked right now, also angry I guess.
I don't blame you.
"..it wouldn't have made a difference.."
"Yes it would have!"
"No it won't!" Edward screamed, having broken free of his hold and standing over him, golden eyes smoldering and scared and shining with unshed tears. "I still DIE, don't I?! Goddammit Mustang, do you think I want to die!? I'm just 20, I have so much to do! Al.. Al's just got his body back, too! And.. what could he do without me? I wouldn't be able to look after him, see him grow older! I'll miss so much! What about Al's marriage, his kids! What about the day Winry finally stops throwing wrenches at me? What about the day Havoc and Lt. Catalina would get married? What about-" his voice cracks and he wipes tears away, collapsing back into Roy's arms and finishes, softly, voice raw from his crying and screaming, "What about your promise?"
Roy stiffens, and in an attempt to steer the conversation away from the touchy subject he tries, "at least the part about Winry would come true.."
Ed punches him, "Not funny, bastard."
I guess the only good thing is that I can finally see mom again, that no good excuse of a father, Uncle and Auntie Rockbell.. Nina, Hughes, old man Fu, heck, even Captain Buccaneer, the list goes on. I'll say hi in behalf of everyone, promise.
They sit still in silence in the comfort of each other's hold, and Edward breaks apart, looking up a the older with a sad look of submission in his eyes.
"You'll take care of Al, right?"
"Ed, don't talk like that-"
"Try not to let him fall into the pits of depression?" Ed asks, "Give him as much cats as he wants?"
Roy sighs, purses his lips, and nods. "I promise."
"Try to keep it, this time."
"I will."
Dear Roy, I may sound like a sap in this.. but I love you. So much.
i'm wasting paper. It cannot be described in words.
"I love you Edward," he exhales, shakily, "never forget that,"
Ed smiles into his chest and tilts his head up to catch Roy's lips in the softest and sweetest of kisses.
"Love you too, bastard."
.
.
Edward settles back into the warmth of Mustang's embrace, ad after a while Roy knows Ed's not simply just asleep anymore.
(At least he's peaceful, like he deserves.)
But whatever, the point is, I love you.
NEVER FORGET THAT.
Signed,
Edward Elric
.
.
.
.
"Hey Roy?"
"Yeah?"
Ed's cheeks color a light pink,"nevermind. Love you."
As Roy turns to leave the room, Edward catches hold of the older man's slender wrist, "I was wondering, uhh, you know, if we could have a, uh.. a vacation?" his face turns a shade darker, "..just the two of us? mean, I'm not forcing you or anything-"
There's suddenly a finger to his lips and as Roy smiles at him, ruffles his hair affectionately his eyes say everything.
Ed smirks back.
"I'll hold you to that."
Owari
FINALLY! THIS STORY IS DONE!
Even though I spent how long writing this, why do I still get the feeling it's too rushed? Or cliche? Or cheesy? I don't know! (Pulls hair in frustration)
This was really fun to write, burnt time in boring classes. it's pathetic it's only, like, 1418 words though.
... right. I know nobody asked.
Feedbacking be appreciated! Me needing helping in Englishing class! liek.. you know?
seriously doe.. so come on *hushed whisper* review. I'll give you a-
(police sirens in the distance) Gotta split!
...OK. I have seriously NO idea where that came from but whatever. Me being leave now!