An Israeli, an Italian, and an Irishman walk into a bar.
Anthony DiNozzo grimaces, a bad joke indeed.
Somewhere to his right, the Irishman groans.
"McGee?" Tony can only manage a hoarse whisper, but it still seems to echo loudly in the endless darkness. A shiver runs down his spin and even though it's the middle of winter, he feels like he's burning up.
McGee doesn't respond and Tony assumes either he can't or he's still out.
DiNozzo leans his head back against the wall, wincing at the change in his position. "Ziva?" he murmurs hopefully. No response from the Israeli, the Italian remains alone.
It started off the same as any other day: verbal sparring, dead petty officer, smack, and a crime scene, Ducky's rambling, teasing, photos, and smack. Then comes the interviews and everything goes to hell.
An Israeli, an Italian, and an Irishman walk into a bar.
They never go in threes. Always in pairs, or one by themselves. But the bar their dead petty officer was last seen in is pretty busy and Gibbs wants those interviews done fast, so all three go, and Tony decides that's where they went wrong.
One agent can be stealthy, two agents can be discreet, but three agents and you might as well bring a banner that says 'you're all suspects in a murder investigation'.
It doesn't help that the bar was a front for some drug operation.
On the plus side, Tony has a pretty good idea of why their petty officer is dead.
On the down side, he seriously doubts he'll be the one telling Gibbs.
They came from all sides and all angles. Ziva took down maybe ten, Tony was pretty sure he got at least five, and McGee definitely had two. But they were outnumbered.
He remembers seeing McGee going down, some guy hit him with a pipe, and Ziva being choked, caught off guard by a big brute. Tony remembers running towards her, and then…
A sharp pain in his side reminds him of the gunshot that took him down. A sticky pool of blood is seeping slowly through his suit. Why does he wear these clothes to work when all he does is get dirty? Why is he still conscious? How long has it been? How long until it's over?
They dragged McGee and Ziva into some room, beat him up more and then threw him in there too. Still conscious, still alive, the room spins and Tony smiles at nothing and everything. He wonders if McGee and Ziva are still alive and why has he almost died more times than them and why he always ends up in dark rooms beat up by gangsters or terrorists or drug lords and what the punch line is for a joke starting with an Israeli, an Italian, and an Irishman walking into a bar.
A cold dark room, half-alive, and all he can think about is how many times this job has tried to kill him and the worst joke in the world.
Tony hears faint popping noises somewhere in the distance. Definitely outside the room. Voices float towards him as well. McGee groans again and Tony's head spins. The noises get louder and fainter at the same time and Tony's not sure if his eyes are open or closed, the darkness is the same.
A bright burst of light answers his question and his eyes squeeze tightly closed on a reflex. Footsteps race towards him, echoing in the room, shaking the floor. Someone warm is close to him now, shaking him, lightly, but shaking him all the same.
"DiNozzo. DiNozzo. Tony!" Tony squints, a face swims above him.
"Hey Boss," he mumbles, "I got a joke for you. An Israeli, an Italian, and an Irishman walk into a bar…"
He receives a light smack on the back of his head and the Italian smiles, there was the punchline.
A/N- Takes place somewhere in the 7th or 8th season I guess. Mostly inspired by Malloy's comments in Royals & Loyals.
...Also I just like writing introspective Tony-angst.