It was getting all confusing again. The images. The sound. The sensation. Everything was like a vision - a faded memory. But it had all been so real at the time. She could feel the sweat going down her forehead. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, her ears were ringing, and it was becoming so hard to breathe, so hard to think. It was all coming back to her...
Maria woke up with a gasp, fighting her covers and completely disoriented. She could feel the beat of her heart in her ears, and she sat up and tried to catch her breath. The heat was spreading across her cheek, and for a second, she thought it was happening to her. It had felt like it was happening again. Seated at the edge of her bed, and trying to gather her thoughts, she rubbed her eyes and breathed deeply, inhaling as much as she could.
No, she decided, she couldn't sleep again, there was no way she could. Taking another deep breath, trying to stop the chill that was going through her, she grabbed her robe. With her trembling hand she wrapped it around her, holding it as tight as she could, as to protect her. The dream has been too real. Why was it still so strong, even after all these years? Couldn't she let go for a minute? She shut her eyes tightly, trying to recompose herself. It had just been a nightmare, it was behind her. Maybe a nice cup of tea wouldn't do any harm and would rather calm her down. Slowly, she put one foot after the other and she went out of her room, making her way toward the grand staircase.
The coldness of the marble under her feet only increased her feeling of uneasiness and anxiety. There were huge shadows all over the foyer, shades of pale blue and black in the moonlight, making the whole scene look like a horror story she had caught Friedrich reading one night after bedtime. She shook her head, trying to remember that she was an adult and not a five-year-old scared of some shadows on the wall. Reaching the end of the stairs, she made her way to the kitchen, increasing her pace as she was walked through the large house.
Eventually, she made it to the kitchen and let out a breath of relief as she finally turned on the lights. Reaching for the cupboard, she pulled out a teacup and boiled some water. When it was done, she let the water spill over the tea, added two spoonfuls of honey, and quietly started to move her teaspoon around her cup.
Maria leant absent-mildly against the work surface, carefully sipping the hot brewage as she tried to ignore the chill of the tiles beneath her feet and the really heavy silence around her. Sometimes, things were so quiet that it scared her. That sound, the sound of nothing. She despised it, it was making her feel like her head was going to explode, and it was the mark of something she detested: loneliness. There was nothing worse than loneliness to her. Being all alone was so hard, it was hard not to have anybody to talk to. She'd never found anybody to understand her in the right way, and that's why she had always so dearly wished to become a nun. God had been there for her since the very beginning, and she was so grateful that He had listened to her prayers in her darkest moments. But there were moments like this, where she felt all alone and abandoned. The nightmares were so vivid: there was her uncle, beating her with whatever he had at hand. And she could always hear the screams, that were in fact hers, it was so terrifying. It was so hard to go through these memories at night, but she couldn't help it. Deep inside, she wished she had somebody to comfort her on nights like these. She couldn't even talk about it to the Reverend Mother! It was too rooted in her, the scars still felt too fresh, and the injuries were still there under her skin. Maybe it was shame? She must have done something to deserve such things. It was so easy to put a smile on all day, and she was endlessly grateful for the children and the sound of music. But when the sun was gone and the moon was shining, she would find herself all alone once again, with nothing but the silence and the memories. Memories that were painful, that reminded her of a part of her life she wished she could forget…
"What are you doing here?"
Maria instantly snapped out of her reverie and let out a cry of surprise. Before she knew it, her cup of tea had slipped out of her hands before shattering into a million pieces on the floor. She could feel the spilled hot tea seeping onto her frozen bare feet, and for a short amount of time, she couldn't see anything, her vision became a blur as her eyes filled with tears.
"Oh my God, Fraulein, let me help you!"
The Captain rushed to her, or at least she assumed it was him as she could barely see anything, but she guessed from the sound of his deep baritone voice.
She wanted to tell him she was fine, but the words were stuck in her throat, making it harder for her to breathe. Her chin was trembling traitorously, and her eyes were being transformed into a sea, but she was still fighting the tears back.
"Here, we're going to wipe this off. Come over here…"
She did as he told, trying to think of something else to do, something else to say, but she couldn't.
"Fraulein, are you alright?" she heard his concerned voice ask as she moved away from the mess she had created.
That was it. She couldn't take it anymore, and she had to breathe anyway. She burst into tears, and started to sob like a small child, trying to look away to save herself from the obvious humiliation; but the more she tried to stop herself, the bigger the tears got.
"I- I'm… I'm so so-sorry…"
She felt a soft material brushing her hand, and gladly took the white handkerchief the Captain was handing her, and hastily blew her nose in it.
"I- I'm afraid it's not v-very lady-like," she started, afraid of what he would think of her, acting like some rustic, "but I can barely c-control myself."
"It's alright," the Captain mumbled, visibly very ill-at-ease and uncomfortable as he scratched nervously just above his eyebrow.
She sobbed for a little while longer, because there was no point in trying to stop at this point, and when she was finally done hiccupping, she tried to sound as natural as possible, very aware of the streams of tears still going down her red cheeks.
"I'm sorry… You must think that I'm a little girl," she said, forcing a small laugh.
"Oh no, not at all!" he answered hastily. "It's just that… I'm not very good at comforting people when they cry."
She risked a glance at him, still wiping the tears with the handkerchief he had handed her. Much to her surprise, he was wearing navy pyjamas but she couldn't see much of them as he was also wearing a long robe. It was so strange, seeing him like this, she who was used to the impeccable suits buttoned to the collar. Looking at his feet, she noticed that they were safely protected by a pair of black slippers. Seeing his feet made her wince immediately, as she was suddenly reminded about her own bare feet.
"What the-" the Captain started before lowering his eyes as well. "Fraulein, your feet!"
With all the emotions that had gone through her in less than five minutes, she hadn't even felt the tiny slice of physical pain. But now that she was aware of it, it was obvious that her feet were burning due to the tea that was spilled over them; they were all red and hurt badly. And also, the shattered teacup had made a small cut on her left foot, which was bleeding slowly.
"Do you think you can walk?" the Captain asked softly.
Maria nodded in response, and with the tilt of his head, motioned towards a chair in the corner of the room. Slowly, she walked towards it, trying to ignore the hot pain. She sat down, still silently crying, praying for whatever miracle to happen to save her from the embarrassment of the situation. Honestly, she felt like she was dying inside; finding herself with her employer in the middle of the night, crying like a baby, with her feet burnt, and the terrible images of a bad dream still in her mind… It couldn't possibly get any worse.
She was trying to figure out a way of escaping the whole ordeal when she suddenly felt a cool touch on her ankle. She immediately froze as her body tensed in response.
"Did I hurt you?"
She lowered her gaze, and there was the Captain on his knees; his eyes locked on her, a hand wrapped around her left ankle, while he was holding a damp cloth in the other.
"No- no. It's just that… I don't like it when people- when people touch me suddenly."
She turned her head as soon as she had spoken, looking away from his stormy eyes. Inside, she prayed that he didn't ask any questions. Could she tell him about her childhood, full a violence and abuse? The simple thought of it made her eyes watering again and her throat tightened. She swallowed hard, trying to contain herself again, but it was no use; she was sobbing again.
"Fraulein, listen…" the Captain said, desperately wanting to do something, anything, that would calm her down.
But Maria wasn't listening. She couldn't think straight, the memories were all coming back to her, in a weird mix of images going through her mind. But then, she felt a tender, more tentative touch on her hand. The sob that was in her throat instantly died, and she looked at her right hand, which was now covered with a much bigger one. Carefully, she dared to meet the Captain's eyes again. He didn't look uncomfortable anymore, but his eyes were full of compassion and concern.
"Now, Fraulein," he started slowly, the sound of his voice like music to her ears, "I want you to take deep breaths. Can you do that for me, please?"
She did as he told, once again, and started to inhale as much as she could. Though the first breaths were quite shaky, from the third one, it was getting better. After a few seconds, the Captain spoke softly again.
"Alright, now, do you think you could tell what happened for me to find you in such a state?"
She looked at him directly, thinking as fast as she could. What was the point in lying anyway? She couldn't do it. Furthermore, there was another part of her that knew she could trust this man. There was just something about him that was different.
"I was asleep and… and I had a dream," she started, her voice like a whisper. "A bad dream."
"A bad dream? How so?"
"Please, don't ask," she pleaded quietly. "Anyway, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep so I thought it might be a good idea to make myself a cup of tea. That's when you came in, and you just startled me a little."
"That's the least we can say," he replied, an eyebrow rising. Maria would swear that she could see a smirk at the corner of his mouth. "Is that all? I must say that I am really surprised to see you like this."
"Yes, that's all." She hadn't lied, only she hadn't told him the whole story. "And what were you doing here?" She asked.
To her surprise, she saw what looked like a blush on the Captain's face.
"Well… I have trouble falling asleep these days."
"Really?" She asked in disbelief, as the blush on his cheeks reddened a little.
"Yes. But we're not there to talk about me, are we?"
She didn't dare to ask any more questions. After all, she didn't want to say much herself, it would be unfair to be so intrusive. But it was strange, really. Thinking that the strong, the amazing, Captain von Trapp was struggling to fall asleep. In fact, she was surprised how little she knew about him: there was something she couldn't quite name that made her feel like she understood him. But there was so much more to explore behind his stoic façade, and she knew it. The past few weeks he had already shown another side of him she couldn't have guessed he had on her first day at the villa. And as the days passed, she would find herself more excited to meet him after the children were in bed; he had always something to say that would amaze her. He really was a peculiar man, and she was sort of… attracted to him? Well, she knew she definitely shouldn't think such things, as he was her employer, he was soon to be engaged to Baroness Schrader and she was, of course, meant to be a nun, but daydreaming a little bit wouldn't do any harm, would it?
"I'm sorry for being intrusive," Maria apologized, suddenly feeling ungrateful for the kindness he had shown her just minutes before. She almost immediately regretted saying those words, as she felt his hand, much to her chagrin, flying away from hers.
"Not at all, Fraulein," he said with a small smile, "but we all have our little secrets, haven't we?"
She raised her head and returned his smile. "I suppose we do."
"Are you feeling better?"
She glanced at her feet, which were still crimson. "Not that much," she sighed, "but I'm sure it will feel better in the next few days."
"Hmm… Do you mind if I clean the cut on your foot?" He was scratching just above his eyebrow once again, feeling uneasy. "It doesn't look that nasty, but I wouldn't want it to get any worse."
"Oh, no, it's alright," she whispered quickly, feeling her face turning red once more.
There was an awkward silence as he proceeded to wipe the blood off her foot.
"And I'm sorry, about the teacup," she said, desperately wanting to say something to break the silence and to turn her attention away from his hands delicately taking care of her scrape.
"It doesn't matter," he chuckled, "somebody will have cleaned it up by the time you wake up tomorrow morning. Besides, I have a tone of these." He added as he was done with her cut. He got on his feet, and extended his hand to her. "Come on, I think you need to sleep after everything that has happened."
Blushing slightly, she took his hand and let him help her. Strangely, she didn't want to let go of his hand. The simplest contact with him made her feel safe, and good. Oh, she wished he could be the one to hold her at night, in moments like this. Blushing even deeper, she teared her gaze from his: she was being far too obvious, she realized.
"Well," he said, clearing his throat, "Good night, Fraulein. I might stay in here a little longer, just to clean this up."
"But you said somebody will do it!" she protested, embarrassed by the idea that he would have to clean her mess up.
He offered her another small smile. "I've changed my mind. Besides, it's my turn to make myself a cup of tea."
She smiled back at him. "Goodnight, Captain." Turning on her heels, she started to head for the door.
"And, Fraulein?"
Surprised, she turned back to him. "Yes, Captain?"
He was scratching above his eyebrow once again. "Uh, next time something like that happens, or if you feel like you need to talk to somebody, just remember that, uh, I will gladly listen to you."
Completely taken aback by his sudden statement, all she could do was breaking into a wide smile.
"I will," she said with a nod.
With a last glance, she turned over and walked back all alone through the immense foyer, feeling her heart beating in her chest as her mind kept on replaying his last words. Maybe she wouldn't be all alone her whole life.
If only she knew…
Author's note:This was the most random thing I've ever done! Not such a happy one-shot, but I had this idea and couldn't let go. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks to INeverExplainAnything, as always.