Rain In January

by Alex Beckett

Here is the sequel to "If It's Not About the Books," as asked for by TangoMikeCharlie. It's set at the end of Knockdown when Kate comes out of the prison. She needs someone to talk to, but who does she choose?

Once I left the prison after visiting Pulgatti, I had scarcely made it into my car out in the parking lot, I started to cry because I was so overwhelmed by all the emotion that this case had brought, and at the same time, I was very happy that it was all done. I couldn't bring myself to cry as much as I would've wanted to, but it made me feel a little bit better. As I headed home, I realized that I had no desire to be alone for so many reasons, especially since Josh wasn't even in the country at the moment.

There was no way that I could go to Castle's, given that he is one of the biggest reasons that my heart has been feeling so confused and broken lately. He means so much to me, but everything has changed because of our kiss. I'm still the detective and his muse, and he's still the writer and my closest friend, among other things, but somewhere along the way, he became my partner, and a piece of my heart belongs to him. Nothing can change that at all, so there's no going back anymore.

Why did all of the majorly confusing events of my life happen in January?

I had to take a few deep breaths before turning down a different road.

Fifteen minutes later, I found myself standing in Lanie's apartment building, particularly on her floor. I was almost to her door when it opened and Lanie herself walked out with none other than my detective, Javier Esposito, on her arm. Neither one of them noticed me, so Esposito pulled her close to him and placed a searing kiss of passion on her lips. I had to wipe my tears to make sure that this wasn't a dream, and I was glad I did because as if one of my detectives kissing my best friend wasn't weird enough, my mouth dropped open when Lanie kissed him back.

Okay, wait. First I kissed Castle and we both liked it, but now these two were kissing? What the hell?

Lanie and Esposito were both still in La La Land, so I decided to make my presence known by clearing my throat. The couple jumped apart guiltily when they saw me standing there, behaving just like two love struck teenagers.

"Hey, Beckett." Esposito was a little too enthusiastic. "What brings you here?"

Sadness temporarily forgotten, I looked at them the way a mother would look at two of her children caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

I looked at Lanie. "How long has this been going on?"

She looked at Esposito, and the two of them had a conversation with their eyes before turning back to me.

"Six months?" she answered timidly.

"Lanie!" I cried. "I'm happy for you two, but why didn't you say anything?"

"We wanted to keep it a secret."

"But I'm your best friend!"

Esposito chimed in. "And my boss. This is a conversation that I do not need to be here for, so…I think I'll go."

He tried to move away, but Lanie and I both let out a resounding "No!" before she had his arm in a vice grip and I had a hold on one of his ears.

"Don't you dare go anywhere." Lanie growled at him. "You're part of this, too, Javi."

"Okay, chica!" he threw his hands up in surrender and looked at both of us. "But will you two please let go of me? This is a very uncomfortable position to be in. Literally."

We quickly let go of him because our holds on him and our different heights had him bent at an awkward angle. He straightened up and rubbed his ear.

"We haven't said anything because we didn't know how to." He explained. "Our relationship isn't against the rules because only one of us is a detective, but we're both new at this. We don't want anything to ruin it because neither of us has ever been so happy before."

As he and Lanie looked at each other, I saw nothing but love and adoration there. Right in that moment, I saw that they are made for each other—him with his background in the Special Forces, and her with a past that she refuses to talk about. People normally look for the happy things, but it seems these two picked each other because the darker sides and everything they've been through in their lives before meeting each other has made them strong people. Lanie and Esposito will probably come off as a weird couple to the rest of the world, but they'll make perfect sense to everybody who knows them.

"Please don't tell anybody yet." Lanie begged. "We're not ready for the world to know yet."

"I won't." I promised. "My lips are sealed."

Lanie was about to say something else, but a look of concern graced her features.

"You've been crying." She observed. "Is everything okay with you and Castle?"

The smile that I'd had on my face promptly slid off at her words.

"N-no." Huge tears slid down my face, and they felt like they were moving in slow motion. "They're not okay at all." I turned bright red with shame at crying in front of her and Esposito. "I really need to talk to you, Lanie."

My best friend pulled me close to her and wrapped an arm around my waist in comfort while wiping away my tears with her free hand. She turned to Esposito, who nodded understandingly.

"Adios, chica." He kissed Lanie on the cheek and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I hope everything works out, Kate."

Lanie and I watched him go before going into her apartment. It's a nice place with very modern furnishings, and it's just around the corner from the precinct. Due to its location, the parties that we didn't have at Castle's loft were always here.

After I put my things down, I turned to see Lanie was watching me, as if sizing me up.

"Quit staring at me like that." I told her with a shudder. "It's creepy."

"Are you pregnant?"

I was taken aback by the abruptness of the question and shook my head to rid myself of the memories of my daydreams. I've always had daydreams about Castle—not that I'd ever tell him—but it's been an alarmingly increasing amount of them that have involved the two of us happily married and me when I'm heavily pregnant.

"No." I answered quickly. "Are you?"

"Not yet…"

An absent sigh escaped her lips and a far away look appeared in her eyes. I raised an eyebrow at her, not even bothering to ask the question that was in my mind. Lanie realized what I was thinking and her eyes widened in shock.

"Was that out loud?"

"Yes, it was." I nodded. "If it makes you feel better, I'll pretend that I never herd it."

"That does make me feel better." She walked toward the kitchen and I followed. Lanie pulled out two glasses and a bottle of her good wine from her liquor cabinet and set them on the counter next to the sink. "However, it would make me feel even better if we sit here," she tapped the counter bar "And eat the ice cream that's in my freezer and drink wine while we have the nice long talk you wanted. Understand?"

I nodded and sat down at the bar obediently while she got everything ready. After five minutes, half a bowl of Chunky Monkey ice cream and a few sips of wine, I was crying again. Lanie offered me a tissue from the box that she had on hand and let me clean myself up before speaking.

"Well, this must really be something if it involves Castle, it has you in tears, and you're the strongest person I know.

I decided to just tell Lanie at point blank since she made me tell her about mine and Castle's kiss, and I knew about her and Esposito now.

"I love him, Lanie."

Much to my surprise, she let out a sigh of relief.

"Finally!"

"I-I beg your pardon?" I had not been expecting that answer at all.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Don't you play dumb with me, Katherine Joy." I sat straight up. The fact that she had used my whole name and my middle name let me know that she was serious. "You and Castle have been beating about the bush and dancing around your emotions for three years now! Don't think I haven't noticed the little looks between you two—"

"But—" I tried to interrupt, but was rewarding with a withering stare.

"Uh-uh! Don't interrupt me." Lanie waved her finger at me as she spoke. "Eat your ice cream!"

I tried to speak again, but she glared at me and wouldn't stop until I had a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth and swallowed.

"Where was I?" she paused to recollect her thoughts. "Ah, yes. It's not like I haven't noticed the cute little looks you and Writer Boy have been giving each other almost since Day One, so don't insult me by saying that they've never happened. And don't even get me started on all the times he's saved your life. It does my heart good to finally hear you say what everyone has known all along."

"R-really, Lanie?" I was surprised by her words.

"Yes, really." She poured herself another glass of wine. "I can see that you and Castle are clearly made for each other, and you always have been. Your hearts are bound to each other. It's your fate."

"You really believe in stuff like that?"

"Always, girl." She patted my hand gently. "I still think it was fate that brought us together when it did."

"Hell, yeah." I raised my glass and she raised her glass to clink with mine. "I'll drink to that."

I met Lanie a week after my mom died. We were both attending the same night class at school, and she and I were the last ones out of the room during a downpour. (I remember finding it ironic that it was raining so hard that soon after the funeral, even though it was January, and it should've been snowing. It was as if God had been weeping with me) Lanie was the new transfer student—and my new roommate—and was grieving the recent loss of her fifteen-year-old sister, Jenner. The day of the downpour had been Lanie's first day of school and I'd been showing her the ropes. We were lucky to make it to our room without getting too wet and without having any major slipping accidents.

When I was getting ready for bed that night, I was distracted the sound of Lanie's sobs. I found her sitting in the corner, hugging her knees to her chest. I held her in my arms and as she told me that Jenner had died in a coma she slipped into on Thanksgiving after being involved in cab accident. Lanie told me that she was the only family member in the room because their mom, Eloise—the only other surviving member of the family—couldn't be in the same room as either of her daughters, since she thought of them as Black Sheep.

Even though I was in my own dark place, I promised her right then and there that I'd be her friend and help her through her own grief, no matter what.

Neither one of us wanted to be alone that night, so even though we were two perfect strangers, we curled up together under my covers and I sang us a lullaby that my mother used to sing to me. We fell asleep to the sound of the rain against the windows.

Lanie and I have been as close as sisters ever since.

Lanie sat her cup down on the counter a little more forcefully than I would've liked and I jumped at the noise. When I looked at her, I saw that she was giving me one of her signature Lanie looks.

I sighed. "What did I do now?"

"It's what you haven't done, Kate." She put heavy emphasis on my name and shook her head. "You're just now saying we've all known pretty much since yours and Castle's first case together. Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

I was getting slightly cross now and pushed away my wine and ice cream. "I can think of at least three reasons that are my fault. Their names are Will Sorenson, Tom Demming, and Josh Davidson." I wanted to get through this part of the conversation as quickly as possible. "What Will and I had three years ago was what had been in days past, but what could never be in the present, so long as I stayed here in New York. Tom came out of nowhere and swept me off my feet. He made for a good sparring partner and he was an excellent kisser, but there was no spark… and he and Castle were very jealous of each other. I didn't want to be in the middle of that forever. I couldn'tve spent the rest of my life with someone who was jealous of one of my best friends."

"What about Josh?" Her question was innocent enough, but I could feel tears start to well up in my eyes. "Could you spend the rest of your life with him?"

The floodgates opened up.

"N-no, Lanie!" I sobbed. "I can't spend the rest of my life with someone who's always gone traveling. I don't mind that he's s-saving the world, but I need someone to come home to at night." I wiped my tears, but they kept coming. "I would talk to Castle, but when he isn't trying to sort out Meredith's mess, there's some sort of drama with Gina. There's just never any time! And if I ever do get into a relationship with Castle, I refuse to be one of his conquests." I calmed down a little bit and blew my nose. "With Josh, I know I'm not a conquest, but there's no spark with him, either. At least not like the one between Castle and me…"

"So you admit there's a spark between you and Castle?" My friend asked.

"I do." I answered honestly. Lanie wouldn't believe me if I said no because she can read me like a book. "I do."

"Answer me this, straight up, Kate: what would you say if Josh proposed to you tonight and asked you to travel the world with him?"

I didn't have to think about that at all.

"I'd say no." I answered simply.

To her credit, Lanie didn't react to how fast I answered. "Okay," she swilled the remaining wine in her glass thoughtfully. "Tell me why."

"Because I'm happy here, in New York. My life is here and always has been. My job that I love is here, and I couldn't imagine not being a detective. I want to get married to my one-and-done and raise our babies here." I rubbed my belly as I thought of my daydreams for a brief moment. "I'm in love with Josh, but my heart belongs to Castle. It always has. There's a difference." I sighed wistfully. "But I can't ever tell Castle, not as long as Josh sees me in his future."

"Do you want to be in Josh's future?"

I shook my head. "Not if it means raising our babies on the road. The constant traveling that Josh's job requires would drive me insane if I was his wife, and after the way I grew up—with my dad working long hours in his workshop, and mom working long hours in her office—a stable family life is my number one priority, especially since I want more than one baby." She arched a questioning eyebrow at me. "Do not look at me like that, Helene." I used her full name since she had used mine earlier. "I want to be married to Mr Right and have lots of babies. All though," I added with a smirk. "You and Esposito will probably beat me to that…"

This remark earned me a playful swat. "I won't even say anything to that one." She drained the last little bit of her wine. "All of those things you mentioned just now—love, marriage, stability, the future itself, your future children… Do you see these things with Castle?"

"I do." I answered seriously. "Every time I think about the future, all I can see is he and I…happy together."

"Even though he already has Alexis?"

Tears of fondness fell from my eyes as I thought of that precious girl.

"I do." I repeated. "The subject of family came up in one of our conversations awhile ago. Alexis told me that she talks to me more than she talks to her own mother, and feels more comfortable with me." I absently traced a pattern on the counter with my finger. "She also told me that she still wants a little brother or sister, even though she's a teenager."

Lanie's voice was full of admiration. "That girl is something else."

"'Extraordinary' is the word I'd use, but that's what her father calls me…"

Neither one of us had anything to say to that, so Lanie busied herself with the dishes while I wandered over to the big picture window to look out. Lanie joined me when she was done, and we both looked out at the traffic and people a few stories below us at the street level. When I spoke again, I looked my friend straight in the eyes.

"I'm going to break up with Josh, Lanie."

"Excuse me?" She was clearly surprised.

"Yes." I nodded. "I'm going to break up with him."

"What?" Lanie protested. "How did you make up your mind that quickly?"

"Because my heart isn't in it with Josh all the way anymore."

"But didn't you tell me a little while ago that you're in love with him…?"

"I did." I admitted. "But my heart isn't in it all the way anymore. Not with him. Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm still him. Castle is my knight in shining armor. He's loved me forever, and I've only just begun to figure that out. And of course, there's the kiss we shared the other day and the whole 'Alexander' thing…"

"That's true…" Lanie agreed. She knew full well about the kiss and the prophecy. "But when would you break up with Josh?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure yet. Soon, though." I shivered and she put an arm around my shoulder. "I have this feeling that I can't shake…like there's something big coming. I don't know what that event will be, but I'll break up with Josh after that."

"And what about Castle?" She wanted to know. "When are you going to tell him that you love him?"

I shook my head and sighed a shaky sigh. My voice was too thick with emotion to speak properly.

"I have no idea, Lanie."

She leaned her head on my shoulder briefly and I rested my head on top of hers. We both drifted off into the land of our daydreams, but only for a minute before I was brought back to reality by a soft tapping noise on the window. It was raining.

"Hm…" Lanie mused as we stood against the window to watch the raindrops. "After all these years together, it seems like we've come full circle."

I shook my head in disagreement. "No. We'll have come full circle only if it's pouring buckets—"

WOOSH!

The words were barely out of my mouth when it started pouring buckets of rain out of nowhere. I looked at Lanie and there was an amused grin on her face.

She bumped her shoulder against mine. "You were saying?"

I bumped her back. "Okay: you win."

A sudden wave of sleepiness hit me and I turned away to rub my eyes and yawn. Lanie rubbed calming circles on my back and gave a sigh of sympathy.

"Are you tired, Kate?"

"Very. I am feeling better, though." I smiled weakly.

"All right, then. Come on."

She began to lead me toward the bedrooms, but I stopped her. "Where are we going?"

"I'm going to show you to the guest room so you can sleep."

I shook my head. "Lanie, I can't. I'm going home."

She let go of me and placed her hands on her hips, and an 'As if!' look was on her face.

"You can and you will." She sighed exasperatedly. "What kind of friend would I be if I sent you out in this weather? What kind of friend would I be if I let you spend tonight alone, especially since this last case has last case did such a number on your head?"

"Lanie…"

"Katherine Joy!"

I giggled. "Middle naming me twice in one night? You're going to make a great mom some day."

Despite herself, Lanie cracked a smile. "That's because I have you to practice on, especially if I have a daughter."

"Would you name her after me?"

"I always planned on it."

My question had been meant as a joke, but her answer was completely serious, and my mouth dropped slightly in surprise. Lanie gave me a swat on the back of the head of the head.

"Ow!" I rubbed the spot. "What was that for?"

"Girl, if you don't turn around toward the bedrooms right now, Imma smack you!"

"All right…" I didn't even try to hide my wicked smile. "Mom."

Ducking another swat from Lanie, I scuttled away to the bedrooms. When I was settled down and in a pair of borrowed pajamas, Lanie and I were both stretched out on the bed. She was holding me close and stroking my hair because I had let my guard down and cried yet again after being assured that it was perfectly okay to. We listened to the rain when my tears subsided.

"Lanie," I asked, breaking the spell. "Why do you think its pouring rain tonight, of all nights? Is God weeping with me again?"

"No, baby girl." She cooed, tucking a stray lock of my hair behind my ear. "God isn't weeping about that. Not tonight, and he isn't alone."

"Well, what is it, then?" I wanted to know, feeling like I was a little kid cuddled up with my mom again. "Who's with him, and what are they weeping about?"

Lanie pulled the blanket a little higher before resumed stroking my hair. She only lets her maternal side show for me.

"Jenner and Johanna are with him, and they're looking down on us right now and weeping with joy."

"'Weeping with joy'?" I echoed.

"They're weeping with joy because you've finally realized where you're supposed to be."

Even tough my back was to Lanie, I smiled. "Thanks. I needed to hear those words tonight."

"You're welcome." She rubbed my shoulder lovingly and moved closer to me to whisper into my ear. "We're going to be okay."

My eyelids were getting heavier, but I managed to get one last thing out.

"Sing the lullaby for me, Lanie? You know the one…"

I heard the smile in her voice. "Of course, Kate."

The last words I herd before sleep completely conquered my body were the same words that I sang to my best friend all those years ago one rainy night in January.

Be not dismayed what e'er be tide
God will take care of you
Beneath His wings of love abide
God will take care of you
God will take care of you
Through every day, o'er all the way
He will care for you
God will take care of you
Through days of toil when heart doth fail
God will take care of you
When dangers fierce your path assail
God will take care of you
God will take care of you
Through every day, o'er all the way
He will care for you
God will take care of you
God will take care of you
Through every day, o'er all the way
He will care for you
God will take care of you

Done