Letter of desperation
I am sorry, I know I should have seek help but, as it is often said: "my arrogance will be the death of me." I never was a people person and I always did alright by myself, why break a winning combo? Even here I still have to make a joke. Sorry, it makes me tense to stay serious all the time.
I also do know that I can never be forgiven for what I did but it was the only solution I could both think of and agree on. It is selfish and I know that but that's still the way I am.
There are a lot of people that, at times made me feel as free as a bird and as happy as one can be. For that I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. To those I was rude, violent or hateful against, I'm sorry, I could never be the bigger man.
It is not easy to write this nor shall it be for you to read it because when you do I will no longer be here. I am in no way religious but if there is a hell it is where I shall go because I will have done the gravest sin there is, taking a life. My life.
They say God has a plan. I guess I didn't play a big part in it. I don't mind, I never was one for big roles anyway.
Funny isn't? When life is good you don't really ask yourself if there is something more but when it takes a turn for the worst you're on your knees hoping that he could just come down and save you. I have no delusion, I know that no one will save me. Even if there was, I never would let them.
You know, for the first time in my life I am truly afraid. Its probably the reason I'm still writing but I know that I can't prolong the inevitable. Still, I had figured I would still have a few years before that. Once again I was wrong.
I don't know how long it took me to write this nor how many times I stopped because I could barely see because of my tears or just to blow my nose but it doesn't matter.
The time has come.
Goodbye.
Ulrich Stern